Coercive control. Police or lawyers?

[Zinus]

My ex is a study of coercive control and given the change in the law, post separation behaviour is now also a crime under SCA 2015

i have some evidence, and his behaviour continues - do I go to the police directly or do I instruct a solicitor specialising in this?

I just want him to stop.

Both, as your have a criminal and a civil matter to deal with. Police to report the crime. Solicitor to get an NMO.

Don’t need a NMO. This is all financial and messing me around with the kids and contact. We are very much divorced.

Police although if it is purely financial I don't think it is possible for him to commit a criminal offence unless you still share bank accounts?

Any kind of non-payment of maintenance for example is a civil matter.

Thanks - the financial abuse is done to keep me in his power. It’s all all all about controlling me.

The other stuff includes deliberately sabotaging my life, and placing our children at risk, to be degree that he tries to get me to stay in even when he has them, and if I go out he drops them off unsupervised. He waits till he knows I’m not in, to do it, as punishment for going out.

Sounds perhaps more like a children's services matter then - at least re children.

Sorry but how? And why rather than cocercive and controlling behaviour?

Are the arrangements for the children court ordered?

Sorry but how?

if they’re under his care and he knowingly leaves them unsupervised then he is deliberately putting them in a situation with the potential to cause harm.

for that I would absolutely ring MASH or Children’s Services and ask for their advice assuming that’s repeated behaviour and that it is clear and evidenced that the children are with him on X time and X date. If they do nothing I’d ask that it’s logged and then should you go to court it will be flagged.

I’m not sure you’ve given enough information on the coercive control front to advise.

"The behaviour has a serious effect on the victim"
This element can be proved in one of two ways. The prosecutor need only prove one or the other:

firstly, where the behaviour causes the victim to fear violence on at least two occasions (section76(4)(a) SCA 2015), or
secondly, the serious alarm and distress caused by the suspect’s behaviour has had a substantial adverse effect on the victim’s usual day to day activities (section 76(4)(b) SCA 2015)
For the purposes of this offence, the behaviour or the activities must be carried out “repeatedly” or “continuously”. There is no requirement, however, that the activity should be of the same nature.

Examples of substantial adverse effect on the victim could include:

physical or mental health deterioration
no longer socialising or withdrawing from activities such as physical exercise
needing to put in place measures at home to safeguard themselves or their children, including CCTV
self-harming
no longer eating properly
putting in place measures in their home to safeguard themselves or their children
changing working patterns, employment status or routes to work
Prosecutors should assess the impact on the victim by recognising the cumulative impact of a pattern of abuse.

The above is from the CPS website. A prosecutor would need to prove the effect the behaviour is having on you.

You need the access to be court ordered. You then go back to court every time he doesn't stick to the arrangements. The judge will soon see through him and his game-playing.

“A prosecutor would need to prove the effect the behaviour is having on you.”

I have to have CBT for anxiety, am on anxiety meds and have contacted support agencies with ways to cope with no respite from the kids. I’m tearful and exhausted. I feel like the very tiny amount of time I have spare, is taken because he may drop the kids here unsupervised and then leave “to teach me that I should be here.”

This sounds more complicated than I originally realised and the law in question is very new indeed. I would go to a specialist solicitor first. A solicitor will also be able to audit your situation; economic abuse is much broader in the new law than I realised and combined with the tendency of economic abusers to use the courts to perpetuate the abuse, I would recommend making sure your own affairs are pristine before beginning any criminal action.

The access isn’t court ordered but is in the consent order. He messes me about with it by saying things like he won’t have them unless I drive them to his place, a two hour round trip.

Make a referral for him to childrens services if he is putting the children at risk. They do take stuff like that seriously. You can also report that to the police and depending on the ages of the children they may take action.

The police are unlikely to do much about coercive control other than log it and give you advice about accessing your local DV provision / victim support for help with getting a non mol and getting the child maintenance taken directly.

Ok - when you say my own affairs are pristine, I think they are, but if you could expand on that, it would be helpful.

I think all that would happen is that he wouldn’t see them at all, probably. And then they’d be heartbroken and i wouldn’t get a break. He hates me more than he loves them. So I’m stuck, I can’t go anywhere even when he has them.

Horrible of him though that is, I fear this would be treated as a civil rather than a criminal matter. It would be very difficult for a prosecutor to be able to isolate his behaviour as the cause of your anxiety. I fear he might also use your anxiety against you in a further form of abuse so you would need to be sure of a successful prosecution.

But that's all probably going to happen anyway if you report him for coercive control.

A tap on the shoulder from the local Bobby isn't going to make him see the error of his ways and become a decent person.

The only way to reduce the abuse is if you reduce your exposure to him. He will continue to abuse you for as long as he has access to the children.

I think you would surprise yourself with how much more able to cope with the children you would feel if you weren't having to battle him constantly.

I would rather my children be 'heartbroken' than unsafe and used as pawns in ongoing abuse.

I can't think of one successful prosecution for coercive control. Police can't prosecute rape and violent crimes against women, there's no chance of them being able to prove coercive control retrospectively.

Social services is your best bet. I know it's frustrating and that means you then don't get a break, but he is putting the children at risk and you have to put them first.

Thanks but this isn’t about my ability to cope with the children - he has them for 2 nights a month so it’s all on me anyway.

This is about his deliberate sabotage. For example agreeing that he’s going to pay for stuff then when it happens, won’t pay. “Can’t afford it, you should have thought about this when you ruined me financially.” Goldigging whore etc etc. So I’m left out of pocket.

She's not trying to prove it retrospectively in the way you mean.

What would/could social services do?? Lean on him and tell him he’s a shit father?

I don’t anticipate a conviction. I know they happen but are vanishingly small. And this isn’t retrospective, it’s all since April 23 when the law changed - everything before then is inadmissible. But it is damaging, and he knows it, and it’s deliberate.

If you can OP you need to find a way to take back control and stop him from hurting you. What support do you have? You talk about getting respite from looking after the children and it's a couple of nights a month. I think you need to not rely on anything he says. Don't buy anything unless you can afford it on your own.

Thanks - I’m doing that - but why should he get away with it?

So my bastard ex was charged with coercive control

I went to police

They took my statement
Contacted witnesses

Went to cps
Came back for more info

Took a long long time.