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Original poster

ExH contesting the will

147 replies

DDsInheritenceFromTheFamily · 15/01/2023 12:42

Family Member of ExHs died last year.

She left money to DD, ExH, me, and Ex-SIL. There where others left money but these are the ones ExH is contesting.

Basically I and ExH got half of what Ex-SIL did (makes sense right?) and then DDs money was left in a trust with me. The solicitor handling the estate said that it was because the Family Member didn’t trust ExH to use any of his money sensibly so gave him enough to blow but not harm himself in anyway or trust that he wouldn’t spend DDs money – given that when we split up he closed DDs bank accounts in joint names and never reopened them in his name only that doesn’t surprise me.

ExH is saying that my share of the will was intended for him proved by Ex-SIL getting double the amount ExH and I got and because other members of his family are trusted to look after their own DCs money he should be the trustee for DDs money.

This family member had no contact with ExH after we split (they chose to believe me over ExH and ExH cut them off) but would contact me several times a year to ask after DD, and DD liked to write to them which I obviously facilitated. They often wrote back as well - they lived too far away for regular face to face contact although if I was ever near to them I'd obviously pop in with DD.

The amount left to me isn’t a huge amount (under £10k) but it will make a massive difference to mine and DDs quality of life as I can pay off my debts and maybe get us a dog which will help DD with a physical health condition she has. DDs money I want to combine with another trust I have for her from a family member of mine and give her when she reaches 21 (the one from my family said 21, the one from ExHs family member said when I felt DD could most use it).

Whats likely to happen? I will give up my share if it means ExH doesn’t get anywhere near DDs money.

OP posts:
TheaBrandt · 17/01/2023 09:51

Ha nice try sonny. He can whistle for it.

ozoruk · 17/01/2023 09:52

Why would you even contemplate giving him your share! He hasn't got a leg to stand on legally or morally!

IVbumble · 17/01/2023 09:55

You can't just contest a will because you feel like it or you feel that it is unfair. There has to be specific grounds to do this. See link below.

www.wrighthassall.co.uk/expertise/contesting-a-will

ItsRainingPens · 17/01/2023 09:59

Let him contest it if that makes him happy (I expect he'll lose, if he doesn't pull out[, but don't give him anything of the money that was left to you. It was left to you for a reason.

Duckingella · 17/01/2023 10:00

StopGo · 15/01/2023 13:41

The relative has played an absolute blinder. They haven't left ExH out of the will so any challenge will evidence what a greedy man he is.

I can't I'd have blamed the family if they had though;what a bellend this man is.I can imagine there was a degree of financial abuse within the marriage from this man to the OP.

It also sounds as though he stole his DD's money from her savings account when he and dd broke up.

HazelBite · 17/01/2023 10:05

For years I worked in the Chancery division of the High Court very few contested will claims never made it into Court and I never saw a sucessful one. (You read about sucessful ones because they are so rare they get reported in the press!)
People make wills because they want their assets to go to those that matter to them for whatever reason, their choices.
Don't be bullied by him OP hang onto what the deceased wanted you and your DD to have.

MourningTea · 17/01/2023 10:05

Don't give him anything, that's implicating that he is owed the money and he will have more of a leg to stand on.
It won't stop him being able to go after dds share.
Just ignore.

FerretInAFrock · 17/01/2023 10:17

I would keep in my mind that he stole the money from DD’s account, and the good things your and RD’s legacy could be used for.

He’s just bullying you into giving him money to burn through. Please don’t cave in to his demands for an easy life.

Iamnotalemming · 17/01/2023 10:21

OP I know this must be unpleasant and stressful but please listen to the comments here. Respect the wishes of the deceased. Be a role model for your DD. Pay your debts off. Get your DD a dog. Look after her inheritance for her.

Your ex's complaints are for the estate and executors, not you or your DD. Tell them what he is saying and ask them to respond. Tell him it's nothing to do with you, legally he has to speak to them. If he continues to harass you speak to a solicitor yourself or contact the solicitor administering the estate, if there is one.

If you are in the UK your horrible ex only has 6 months from probate to make a claim (if he is stupid enough to try) and after that he loses the right to claim. So once that date has passed you can stop worrying.

Be strong for your DD!

GasPanic · 17/01/2023 10:23

So basically he wants to contest a will over 10K left to you and responsibility for his daughters trust fund ?

The amounts of money involved here sound quite small in comparison to the potential legal fees. Unless the trust fund is some sort of massive amount of money.

Once he starts seeing the fees for contesting my guess is he may change his mind.

Panama2 · 17/01/2023 10:31

All he can try

is to lodge an objection to the will. It sounds as if the solicitor acting for the estate already knows what type of person he is. Providing the will was correctly drawn up and witnessed he doesn’t have a chance. He either has to prove that they were of unsound mind or coerced and he is effectively saying the solicitor who drew up the will was negligent.

please do not give in to him if he is so sure of himself why is he not speaking to a solicitor he is trying to bully you just ignore him.

Puckthemagicdragon · 17/01/2023 10:33

You don't need to give up your portion to protect your daughter's. That is very wrong-headed thinking. You were left the money and he must contest it. He is unlikely to succeed and has no more right to it than you just because it was his family member, though you must be prepared defend it robustly. Are you not outraged that he effectively wants to threaten and bully you into giving up a life changing sum?!

FictionalCharacter · 17/01/2023 10:35

DDsInheritenceFromTheFamily · 15/01/2023 13:47

It wasn't either of his parents, they're both very much alive.

He has never been finanically dependent on this family member either. They never even lent him money from what I can tell.

If it comes to it and a challenge lodged against me, I will just let him have my portion to protect DDs amount.

No, don’t even think of voluntarily giving him your share. That’s madness. You’d be depriving yourself and your daughter of your rightful inheritance to appease a greedy, reckless man, and that’s not what the relative wanted. Your ex is trying to scare you. Everyone is telling you his challenge won’t succeed. Let the solicitor handle it. You don’t have to do anything- a challenge by him isn’t something for you to get involved in, because you are not challenging anything. Sit tight and stop listening to him.

Milkand2sugarsplease · 17/01/2023 10:41

Don't discuss it with him. Just tell him if he wants to contest the will he'll have to do it using the right channels.

He's either 1. Hoping by telling you about it you'll roll over and hand it over. 2. Not had any legal advice and honestly believes he'll get somewhere with it, which he won't or 3. Sought legal advice, been told he won't stand a chance and is trying his luck with you.

Ginmonkeyagain · 17/01/2023 10:55

This reminds me a bit of my grandmother's will. My mum was one of four - three sisters and one brother. Their brother inherited the family business and all the assets of that as well as his savings when my grandfather died in the early eighties. My grandfather was apparently a massive sexists and refused to support his daughters to remain in education beyond 16 (my mum had dreams of being a vet that were quashed by this).

When my grandmother died in the early 2000s her will left her modest house and all savings to her three daughters (on the understanding their brother already received a substantial inheritance from his father). My mum had died a few years beforehand but the will was not updated, if I recall my aunts asked for a deed of variation to give my mother's share to us three children.

My uncle argued that as my mother had predeceased my grandmother her share should go not to us children but to him as he was family. It was all of £30k - he was prepared to say his sisters children were no longer part of the family as their mother had died for the sake of £30k. Luckily he was persuaded not to contest it legally but the relationship between the siblings never recovered.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 17/01/2023 11:22

OP, don't forget that one day your DD will be an adult, in charge of her own life and finances. You need to model keeping strong boundaries with your ex now, because if she thinks that the best way to deal with him is to give in to his demands then he'll be taking what's hers for the rest of his life.

FeinCuroxiVooz · 17/01/2023 11:23

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 17/01/2023 11:22

OP, don't forget that one day your DD will be an adult, in charge of her own life and finances. You need to model keeping strong boundaries with your ex now, because if she thinks that the best way to deal with him is to give in to his demands then he'll be taking what's hers for the rest of his life.

I wish there was a ❤button to upvote wise words like this

SafferUpNorth · 17/01/2023 11:30

@DDsInheritenceFromTheFamily Please listen to the advice everyone is giving you here!! DO NOT ENGAGE with him about this. Next time he mentions it, simply say "If you have an issue with the will, please use the correct channels and discuss with your soliticitor / executor of the estate". END OF.

Dixiechickonhols · 17/01/2023 11:43

You’ve had good advice op please don’t engage with him or contemplate giving him money. I suspect he’s all hot air (bully used to getting own way)
It’s a relatively small sum, legal fees contesting would be more. I can’t see he has any grounds whatsoever.

GasPanic · 17/01/2023 11:46

Ginmonkeyagain · 17/01/2023 10:55

This reminds me a bit of my grandmother's will. My mum was one of four - three sisters and one brother. Their brother inherited the family business and all the assets of that as well as his savings when my grandfather died in the early eighties. My grandfather was apparently a massive sexists and refused to support his daughters to remain in education beyond 16 (my mum had dreams of being a vet that were quashed by this).

When my grandmother died in the early 2000s her will left her modest house and all savings to her three daughters (on the understanding their brother already received a substantial inheritance from his father). My mum had died a few years beforehand but the will was not updated, if I recall my aunts asked for a deed of variation to give my mother's share to us three children.

My uncle argued that as my mother had predeceased my grandmother her share should go not to us children but to him as he was family. It was all of £30k - he was prepared to say his sisters children were no longer part of the family as their mother had died for the sake of £30k. Luckily he was persuaded not to contest it legally but the relationship between the siblings never recovered.

People will say and claim a lot because they know it might scare/intimidate people into making an offer.

When it comes to taking action though its a whole new ball game.

I don't know what figure solicitors would normally recommend is worthwhile contesting - I suppose it depends on how clear cut the case was.

But I certainly wouldn't bother contesting a will for 30K unless there was some very very clear evidence of wrongdoing.

longtompot · 17/01/2023 12:08

I think the only way he would be successful in contesting the will is of the person making it was coerced into removing him, it wasn't signed by the person, or by him being removed has deprived him of assets (ie he was receiving money from the deceased in order to live and he now no longer will)
Some useful info here and after a skim I think your ex has no leg to stand on.
www.thegazette.co.uk/wills-and-probate/content/100023

My dh went through this threat a while ago, a sibling was removed and they accused him of doing this. They even got a family friend, a retired solicitor, to send letters pretty much trying to guilt him into giving up some money. We waited with bated (baited?) breath for the date to pass that the will could be legally contested and funnily enough they didn't do it.

Don't offer him your portion, let him waste his own money trying to get it from you. I think it will not go anywhere after he has spoken to a solicitor tbh

AdoraBell · 17/01/2023 12:20

Definitely leave it to him to contest it, be polite to anyone asking and say - Deceased wrote the will, I’m complying with their wishes.

I had similar when my father died, I wasn’t in the will and my mother set her solicitor on me demanding money. I wrote back saying I’m not an executor, I suggest you contact the executor. Never heard from either of them again.

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