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Original poster

ExH contesting the will

147 replies

DDsInheritenceFromTheFamily · 15/01/2023 12:42

Family Member of ExHs died last year.

She left money to DD, ExH, me, and Ex-SIL. There where others left money but these are the ones ExH is contesting.

Basically I and ExH got half of what Ex-SIL did (makes sense right?) and then DDs money was left in a trust with me. The solicitor handling the estate said that it was because the Family Member didn’t trust ExH to use any of his money sensibly so gave him enough to blow but not harm himself in anyway or trust that he wouldn’t spend DDs money – given that when we split up he closed DDs bank accounts in joint names and never reopened them in his name only that doesn’t surprise me.

ExH is saying that my share of the will was intended for him proved by Ex-SIL getting double the amount ExH and I got and because other members of his family are trusted to look after their own DCs money he should be the trustee for DDs money.

This family member had no contact with ExH after we split (they chose to believe me over ExH and ExH cut them off) but would contact me several times a year to ask after DD, and DD liked to write to them which I obviously facilitated. They often wrote back as well - they lived too far away for regular face to face contact although if I was ever near to them I'd obviously pop in with DD.

The amount left to me isn’t a huge amount (under £10k) but it will make a massive difference to mine and DDs quality of life as I can pay off my debts and maybe get us a dog which will help DD with a physical health condition she has. DDs money I want to combine with another trust I have for her from a family member of mine and give her when she reaches 21 (the one from my family said 21, the one from ExHs family member said when I felt DD could most use it).

Whats likely to happen? I will give up my share if it means ExH doesn’t get anywhere near DDs money.

OP posts:
littlelid · 17/01/2023 07:03

He needs to talk to the executors not you.

You need to not insult the gift by giving it up.

FlowersLucy · 17/01/2023 07:13

pursudebyablackdog · 15/01/2023 12:54

Let your ex contest the will, if you are in England I think he's very unlikely to win. Your ex is a fool as his legal fees are likely to wipe out the monies he's just inherited. It will also take a massive amount of time. Are you sure he's instructed a solicitor already? Or is he just blustering? Contesting a will isn't for the faint hearted…and pretty pointless for anything under 50k.

Correct advice.

SnowAndIceLobelia · 17/01/2023 07:14

deeperthanallroses · 16/01/2023 21:58

If it comes to it and he lodges a challenge, you say that’s nice dear and do nothing!

This. Let him go to am solicitor (even if he does). let him waste his money. He is going to get nowhere and it will amount to nothing. Why should you give up what the testator gifted freely? Don't roll over to placate this bullying dickhead.

ShandaLear · 17/01/2023 07:24

Just keep telling him, ‘Take it up with the executors, not me’. Over and over. Do not relinquish your portion and do not engage with him over this. You are absolutely entitled to the money. The relative knew exactly what they were doing and would likely have been upset if they’d known you would give your portion to him.

Eastereggsboxedupready · 17/01/2023 07:27

See this as a chance for A BIG WIN against your ex. Unless a judge orders it you keep all monies left to you. And your dd. Expect threatening lettered from his solicitor.. Remember they will write whatever they are paid to send.

ZekeZeke · 17/01/2023 07:28

NoSquirrels · 16/01/2023 22:20

Please listen to this.

Show quote history

100% THIS!

3luckystars · 17/01/2023 07:32

Hold tight and let him dance a jig if he wants to, he won’t get anywhere. Keep what you were given (as was wished by the deceased) and do not give him anything.
Enjoy watching the bonfire as my sister would say.

Flatandhappy · 17/01/2023 07:34

Scare tactics. Please don’t hand over your share, there is no guarantee he will stop there. Let him do what he needs to, nasty, petty little man.

DinDjarin · 17/01/2023 07:39

You were left the money because the relative knew your DD would benefit from you being able to spend it now. Else they may well have left it all in trust for your DD and not given it to you.

Ignore him. Refuse to discuss it. (And why would you think "giving it up" would be a good idea? Giving it to him? Why would you even consider this? Adding it to DD's trust would make more sense, even if that wouldn't benefit her now.)

Newnamefor2021 · 17/01/2023 07:46

Scare tactics. He doesn't seem to have a reason to be able to contest. Additionally contesting is hugely expensive and he'd be an absolute idiot to try over trying to control the money your daughter will get.

Do you have any legal cover with your home insurance? Don't use it yet but it's useful if it's there if he does prove himself to be idiotic. Just wait it out.

Where are they with probate etc? Had he formally contested it?

I honestly think it's just bullying and nothing concrete behind it.

Goodread1 · 17/01/2023 07:49

Hi Op
Your ex husband is obviously a bully using classic intimidating tactics to get his own way,
You are being extremely foolish by even thinking that even offering to give him any amount of your financial side of the will, let alone of it,
Please 🙏 put you and your daughter financial interests first allways ,
Don't pander to your Arsehole ex husband who obviously done such a massive Number, on you that he knows what he can do, that you will roll over like a 🚪 doormat, for him to get his own way,

Your sadly deceased relative was obviously a shrew intelligent woman of your ex husband character, (had measure of him

can totally See Why he is now your ex,
He is and allways was a Arsehole, who you obviously wised up to,

ApathyMartha · 17/01/2023 07:51

when writing our will the solicitor asked for people who may try to make a claim. We named them and made it clear that they we did not want them to have anything. I wonder if that’s what has happened being as the solicitor talked about the circumstances as to why ExH didn’t get what he was expecting.

NeedToChangeName · 17/01/2023 07:51

Deceased knew what they were doing. You should respect their wishes, as should exDH

As an aside, I think it would be a pity to combine this £ for your DD into an existing trust. I would keep it separate, if possible. My grandfather left some money to my son, and I'm keen to keep that separate from any other £. I want DS to know where that sum of money came from

maryofthevirginkind · 17/01/2023 07:53

It's very costly to contest a Will and from what you have described he has no grounds to.

Wheresthebeach · 17/01/2023 07:53

pocketvenuss · 16/01/2023 22:30

Stop fascinating his entitled behaviour. He needs to take this up with the executors not you. Just refuse to engage with him. You giving up what is your will impact your DD. For her sake if not yours, woman up and stop pandering to this bully. Set the right example for your girl

This - in spades!

Do not let him bully you. He’s not going to get anywhere with this.

SomethingOriginal2 · 17/01/2023 07:54

DDsInheritenceFromTheFamily · 15/01/2023 13:47

It wasn't either of his parents, they're both very much alive.

He has never been finanically dependent on this family member either. They never even lent him money from what I can tell.

If it comes to it and a challenge lodged against me, I will just let him have my portion to protect DDs amount.

I really don't think you should. Gather together all evidence of your continued relationship with the relative. Letters between her and DD to show that despite your divorce you still had a relationship with them to justify the inheritance, and that they relied on you to support their relationship with your daughter rather than him. Also gather any evidence you can of her previous bank accounts that he closed (and presumable stole the money from?) To show that he has proven himself untrustworthy.

He has zero chance. Do not give him your money.

Patineur · 17/01/2023 07:54

If it comes to it and a challenge lodged against me, I will just let him have my portion to protect DDs amount.

Don't contemplate it. If he does challenge, the main evidence will come from the solicitor who drew up the will, and it sounds as if they can give evidence that your relative was in perfectly sound mind and had sensible reasons for all the bequests made. It doesn't sound like he has a hope in hell, and offering him anything will only encourage him to go for more.

Shoogly · 17/01/2023 07:55

DDsInheritenceFromTheFamily · 15/01/2023 13:47

It wasn't either of his parents, they're both very much alive.

He has never been finanically dependent on this family member either. They never even lent him money from what I can tell.

If it comes to it and a challenge lodged against me, I will just let him have my portion to protect DDs amount.

Please don't do that. Don't give up security for you and your daughter for no reason. He's trying to make you do that but I would be extremely surprised if he has a case at all.

SomethingOriginal2 · 17/01/2023 07:56

I also reckon, since relative made such clear division between the two of you that the will was written AFTER your divorce, which makes it clear that his version that is was "meant for him" is bull. He has no chance of getting your money op. Do not give him the money that relative so clearly did not want him to have

Walkaround · 17/01/2023 07:59

Giving him your share when you have not been legally directed to would be idiotic, contrary to the wishes of the donor, and harmful to your dd. Just leave it to the executors, don’t interfere with the proper process to the detriment of 100% of the people involved. The deceased relative did not want him to get all the money and you can guarantee that if you stupidly give him your share he’ll then start arguing over control of your dd’s share anyway, because he will perceive you as weak.

MeridianB · 17/01/2023 07:59

Let him spin his wheels. I'd disengage from any more conversation.

Goodread1 · 17/01/2023 08:05

Hi Op

I can tell 100 per cent, your ex husband will definitely think that you offering any amount of your financial side of the will given rightfully to you,

It will validate his warped selfish greedy Nasty way of thinking, that he in the right,

Essentially you are enabling (embolden him and given him the confidence boost to bully harras you even more,
Which is Crazy(Madness ,Bonkers

He will then come after your daughter next then in regard of her will money too as he that type of character.

Your deceased relative knew exactly what would happen, she didn't need a Crystal ball to forsee what totally Prick your ex husband is did she..

By even just thinking about even offering any financial aspect of your will to your ex husband your 100 per cent. Being Disrespectful of your deceased relatives wishes in. Regard of Will..

Stravaig · 17/01/2023 08:07

If it comes to it and a challenge lodged against me, I will just let him have my portion to protect DDs amount.

Please listen to the advice on this thread and stop being a martyr. Offering up an inheritance you are entitled to receive does not make you a good parent. Modelling for your daughter how to stand up to abusive, entitled, ignorant men - now that is good parenting. You know this, you already left him, now keep following through!

ThreeRingCircus · 17/01/2023 08:09

Don't be silly OP, I know it must be horrible and a worry if he keeps sounding off but listen to the advice you've been given here......he has no chance. Do not let his bullying behaviour deprive you of money that will benefit your daughter, do not agree to hand anything over to him.

If he mentions it again I'd just tell him that if he believes he has a legal case that is between him and the executors and nothing to do with you so you will not be discussing it with him and he should only contact you if you need to discuss DD for any reason. Then ignore this bellend!

vix3rd · 17/01/2023 08:09

Tell him to speak to the executors if he has a problem.

He's saying this to you in the hope that you'll go "OK Here you are" and hand over the money. - DO NOT DARE !

You've said this money will make a big difference to you & your child. Do NOT let him take that away from you.