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Legal matters

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Original poster

ExH contesting the will

147 replies

DDsInheritenceFromTheFamily · 15/01/2023 12:42

Family Member of ExHs died last year.

She left money to DD, ExH, me, and Ex-SIL. There where others left money but these are the ones ExH is contesting.

Basically I and ExH got half of what Ex-SIL did (makes sense right?) and then DDs money was left in a trust with me. The solicitor handling the estate said that it was because the Family Member didn’t trust ExH to use any of his money sensibly so gave him enough to blow but not harm himself in anyway or trust that he wouldn’t spend DDs money – given that when we split up he closed DDs bank accounts in joint names and never reopened them in his name only that doesn’t surprise me.

ExH is saying that my share of the will was intended for him proved by Ex-SIL getting double the amount ExH and I got and because other members of his family are trusted to look after their own DCs money he should be the trustee for DDs money.

This family member had no contact with ExH after we split (they chose to believe me over ExH and ExH cut them off) but would contact me several times a year to ask after DD, and DD liked to write to them which I obviously facilitated. They often wrote back as well - they lived too far away for regular face to face contact although if I was ever near to them I'd obviously pop in with DD.

The amount left to me isn’t a huge amount (under £10k) but it will make a massive difference to mine and DDs quality of life as I can pay off my debts and maybe get us a dog which will help DD with a physical health condition she has. DDs money I want to combine with another trust I have for her from a family member of mine and give her when she reaches 21 (the one from my family said 21, the one from ExHs family member said when I felt DD could most use it).

Whats likely to happen? I will give up my share if it means ExH doesn’t get anywhere near DDs money.

OP posts:

Almostwelsh · 17/01/2023 08:09

If you give him anything at all, it will just encourage him to try harder to access your DDs money. It will do the exact opposite of protecting it. Give him nothing. Refuse to discuss it.

Quitelikeacatslife · 17/01/2023 08:15

I just love the deceased person , they sound amazing and I'm sure would be absolutely sure of the arrangement they had taken all that trouble to arrange and specify in their will. It would be rude by you to just give him your share, dig your heels in and think of them. He can tie himself up in knots and blow his share.

BirmaBrite · 17/01/2023 08:19

Sounds as though the relative had the full measure of your silly manchild exH.

If he wants to waste his inheritance trying to get hold of yours, more fool him. He is trying to bully you into handing over what is legally and morally yours.

'You need to contact the Executors' and 'Any correspondence regarding this subject will be passed to the executors' , on repeat, every time the subject is raised.

Silly man, the more he tries to throw a spanner in the works, the longer it will be before he see's any money !

Remona · 17/01/2023 08:22

If it comes to it and a challenge lodged against me, I will just let him have my portion to protect DDs amount.

For the love of God, don’t do that!

Bottom line: He’s jealous and wants that money and thinks he can bully you into handing it over. Sounds like he’s succeeding too. Do you always roll over at the first sign of trouble? Stand up to him and he’ll back down I bet.

That’s money that they wanted YOU to have OP, not him. Please do not give him the money.

You should laugh in his face, the cheeky, money grabbing bastard. Let him crack on. Let him waste money on legal fees when he hasn’t a leg to stand on. I bet it doesn’t even come to that once he realises you aren’t going to give in.

IncompleteSenten · 17/01/2023 08:23

DDsInheritenceFromTheFamily · 15/01/2023 13:47

It wasn't either of his parents, they're both very much alive.

He has never been finanically dependent on this family member either. They never even lent him money from what I can tell.

If it comes to it and a challenge lodged against me, I will just let him have my portion to protect DDs amount.

That would be a monumentally stupid thing to do.

ImBlueDab · 17/01/2023 08:25

Unless your ex was financially dependent on his aunt he's got no chance of getting anything from the will. You can leave your money to who ever you want, the local cats home or Bob down the road.

Don't, ffs, give him your share! She obviously didn't want him to have anything, and you'll be going against her wishes, that's not fair on her or you!

TizerorFizz · 17/01/2023 08:26

She should not discuss it with him. All discussion to go through executor. Don’t laugh in his face. Maintain professionalism! There is no need to engage with him. Do t give your money away either! That’s not the wishes of the relative. You should respect that.

BirmaBrite · 17/01/2023 08:28

If you were feeling particularly mischievous, I would be tempted to send correspondence to the executor asking if DD would have any claim on her Fathers share, to compensate for the money he took from her savings account ?

euff · 17/01/2023 08:33

This person clearly wanted you and your DD to benefit from their estate and didn't trust your ex. The deceased clearly knew that providing something for you was beneficial to your DD. He should be happy for his DD but is the kind of father that stole from her. What happened to the money in the accounts he closed? I hope the people dealing with the estate know this history.

HowcanIhelp123 · 17/01/2023 08:38

DDsInheritenceFromTheFamily · 15/01/2023 13:47

It wasn't either of his parents, they're both very much alive.

He has never been finanically dependent on this family member either. They never even lent him money from what I can tell.

If it comes to it and a challenge lodged against me, I will just let him have my portion to protect DDs amount.

Why? You think that will appease him? Might for now, but he'll be after more when he blows it all. That money left you to will also be for DD! You're going to use it to pay off debts and help her condition. He has no leg to stand on.

Plus I think he has to challenge the whole will and can't just challenge you.

Wibbly1008 · 17/01/2023 08:46

user1498572889 · 15/01/2023 12:50

ExH is pushing his luck. Let him spend his money contesting the will. He wont get anywhere.

This. They had mental capacity so he will just wrack up a legal bill the greedy snake

ChampagneLassie · 17/01/2023 08:52

DDsInheritenceFromTheFamily · 15/01/2023 13:47

It wasn't either of his parents, they're both very much alive.

He has never been finanically dependent on this family member either. They never even lent him money from what I can tell.

If it comes to it and a challenge lodged against me, I will just let him have my portion to protect DDs amount.

Don't you've no need and that's not how law works. (you giving up your share doesn't stop him contesting DD) As others have said he would be very unlikely to get anywhere, the costs, of contesting it would likely eat up his whole share and any decent solicitor would tell him its a waste of time. Just tell him you won't discuss.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 17/01/2023 09:07

If it comes to it and a challenge lodged against me, I will just let him have my portion to protect DDs amount

Why would you do that unless a challenge was actually successful (it won't be)?

Had to laugh at why he "thinks" he should get more though ... yeah, right

ancientgran · 17/01/2023 09:13

If his share is under £10k i.e. the same as yours, he will soon burn through that and end up with nothing. I know someone who contested a will for a far bigger sum and he ended up with nothing and stressed out. He's mad to push this. He might feel it is unfair but that's tough.

user1496262496 · 17/01/2023 09:13

Don’t give him anything! He has the right to challenge it, and lots of solicitors will take his money all day long to do so. Hopefully he will listen to his solicitor when they tell him that there isn’t a cat in hells chance of a judge amending the will. This doesn’t mean that he won’t instruct a solicitor to write letters to you. Ignore these letters.

This is exactly why people make wills in the first place.

Don’t offer him anything, don’t give him anything. Only communicate via the executor or his solicitor.

PeekAtYou · 17/01/2023 09:14

If you make the mistake of giving him your share, he could use it on legal fees to go after your daughter's money. You can't guarantee that he will leave your dd's money alone.

Keep the money and get the dog for dd. You were given money because person knew that dd would also get to enjoy it.

Emotionalsupportviper · 17/01/2023 09:20

PeekAtYou · 17/01/2023 09:14

If you make the mistake of giving him your share, he could use it on legal fees to go after your daughter's money. You can't guarantee that he will leave your dd's money alone.

Keep the money and get the dog for dd. You were given money because person knew that dd would also get to enjoy it.

THIS!

Don't give him your share. I agree with others that he has no chance of success. If necessary consult a solicitor if it will set your mind at rest.

Have you tried posting on Legal here? They will be better able to advise and it might help you stop worrying.

Your ex will do everything he can to get the cash from both of you - don't facilitate this. Fight him tooth and nail at every step. Even if you end up spending your share (you won't), he will also have had to spend his. The thought of this will make him think twice.

The legal system doesn't like messing about with people's wills unless there is obviously incapacity or coercion. These don't apply in your case.

Steviebrown · 17/01/2023 09:30

This is between him and the executor. STOP talking about giving him your money. If he talks about this to you just cut him off (he's your EX after all!) and tell him you won't discuss it any more and he needs to do what he wants. Just keep walking away, shutting doors, refusing to engage with him. I think he's hoping to intimidate you into giving him money. Respect the wishes of the person who made the will.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 17/01/2023 09:32

If the person gave a valid reason why X was either left out, or was left less than others, then AFAIK the chances of contesting a will are pretty much zero.

That is why (so I’ve read) reasons for what could be claimed as unfair treatment should be written into the will.

Xoxoxoxoxoxox · 17/01/2023 09:33

If it comes to it and a challenge lodged against me, I will just let him have my portion to protect DDs amount.

So if he asks for the money you're just going to give it to him because he might be a bit angry with you and it might be a bit of hassle?
Work out how many hours you would have to work to earn this money, you can put a bit of effort into keeping it.
The relative put a lot of effort into planning this as a thought out wish for you to have the money, not him.

Knotaknitter · 17/01/2023 09:35

He knows you well enough to guilt you into handing over your share. "Give me yours or I'll take our daughters". Why should he contest the will (which will cost him money) when you'll just hand your share over with a bit of pestering.

Every time he brings this up all you have to say is "Why are you saying this to me, you need to talk to the executors". No discussion, optional eye roll. This is between him and the executor, you don't get involved with it at all. Even if he did proceed the claim is not against you but against the estate.

Ignore him, direct him to the executor and get back to enjoying your life without him.

emptythelitterbox · 17/01/2023 09:40

Ignore him and stop discussing anything with him.

He hasn't filed anything and he wont so stop talking about it with him.

He's just trying to manipulate you into giving him money.

OfCourseDimSum · 17/01/2023 09:41

We had a situation and I took advice on behalf of my relatives and myself about contesting a will, it was extremely complicated circumstance. It is incredibly hard to contest a will and I had never wanted to but my siblings did. After speaking to two solicitors I managed to persuade them to not contest. Winning had almost zero chance and it would have cost a huge amount.

Just ignore your ex.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 17/01/2023 09:43

He's just trying to manipulate you into giving him money.

because he knows that this works ...

honestly.

TonTonMacoute · 17/01/2023 09:45

OP, pleeeease stop saying you will give up your share. You will not need to do this, please shake yourself out of this idea that this will make him go away.

Stand up to the chiselling bastard, abide by the wishes of the person who has left you this money.

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