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Original poster

ExH contesting the will

147 replies

DDsInheritenceFromTheFamily · 15/01/2023 12:42

Family Member of ExHs died last year.

She left money to DD, ExH, me, and Ex-SIL. There where others left money but these are the ones ExH is contesting.

Basically I and ExH got half of what Ex-SIL did (makes sense right?) and then DDs money was left in a trust with me. The solicitor handling the estate said that it was because the Family Member didn’t trust ExH to use any of his money sensibly so gave him enough to blow but not harm himself in anyway or trust that he wouldn’t spend DDs money – given that when we split up he closed DDs bank accounts in joint names and never reopened them in his name only that doesn’t surprise me.

ExH is saying that my share of the will was intended for him proved by Ex-SIL getting double the amount ExH and I got and because other members of his family are trusted to look after their own DCs money he should be the trustee for DDs money.

This family member had no contact with ExH after we split (they chose to believe me over ExH and ExH cut them off) but would contact me several times a year to ask after DD, and DD liked to write to them which I obviously facilitated. They often wrote back as well - they lived too far away for regular face to face contact although if I was ever near to them I'd obviously pop in with DD.

The amount left to me isn’t a huge amount (under £10k) but it will make a massive difference to mine and DDs quality of life as I can pay off my debts and maybe get us a dog which will help DD with a physical health condition she has. DDs money I want to combine with another trust I have for her from a family member of mine and give her when she reaches 21 (the one from my family said 21, the one from ExHs family member said when I felt DD could most use it).

Whats likely to happen? I will give up my share if it means ExH doesn’t get anywhere near DDs money.

OP posts:
BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 15/01/2023 13:42

I'm pretty sure that any attempt to challenge the will is between him and the executors, and not anything to do with you at this stage. So just let him get on with it. Either he'll contest or he won't. If he does then your inheritance will probably be delayed, but he'll lose so you will get it eventually. I imagine costs will be awarded against him when he loses, and if it's a solicitor dealing with it they will probably take the costs owed out of his share of the inheritance and give him what's left.

If he doesn't contest then you'll probably have to ignore a lot of bitching and moaning about how unfair things are and how his rightful inheritance has been stolen from him. But I imagine you are already well practised in ignoring his whinging.

prh47bridge · 15/01/2023 13:43

There are two ways he could challenge the will.

He could challenge the validity of the will. Provided the family member had capacity, understood the effect of the will, the will reflects their true intentions, there was no undue pressure, and the will was properly executed, a challenge will fail. It sounds like he may try to argue that the will did not reflect the deceased's intentions. However, his argument that your share of the will is intended for him and that he should be your daughter's trustee is unlikely to succeed based on the information you have given.

He could also argue that the will has not made adequate financial provision for him. Contrary to what at least one poster thinks, the fact he was not financially dependent on this family member does not rule out such a challenge. If he is seriously short of money and unable to earn an adequate income, a challenge may succeed.

What is most likely to happen is that he either won't take it to court or that the courts will rule against him. However, it is impossible to guarantee that.

If he wants to challenge the will, he needs to take it up with the executors. It is nothing to do with you. A claim against you or your daughter will definitely fail. Tell him to talk to the executors then ignore him and let them handle it.

Original poster
DDsInheritenceFromTheFamily · 15/01/2023 13:47

It wasn't either of his parents, they're both very much alive.

He has never been finanically dependent on this family member either. They never even lent him money from what I can tell.

If it comes to it and a challenge lodged against me, I will just let him have my portion to protect DDs amount.

OP posts:
forrestgreen · 15/01/2023 13:49

I would tell her to crack on, sound very confident that he'll get nowhere, that you and dd are fine and can await any verdict.

He's trying to bamboozle you out of the gift that relative wants you to have. Don't give it away and make it easy for him

forrestgreen · 15/01/2023 13:49

Him, sorry

RandomMess · 15/01/2023 13:50

Do not give him your share, you can evidence that you and DD had an ongoing relationship with this person whilst he didn't.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 15/01/2023 13:50

DO NOT offer to give him anything at all, don't even hint that it's a possibility. Keep quiet and let the executors deal with it. Your share is also for your DD given that you have said that you will use it to pay off debts and buy a pet for your DD. If you don't pay off the debts that would be less money available for both you and your DD.

It's not even as though giving him some money is going to shut him up, by the sound of him anything offered will just confirm to him that he should have it all.

brandonflowersmushtash · 15/01/2023 13:58

Why would you give him your share if he challenges you?!
You are then rewarding his bad behaviour... or am I missing something?

DomPom47 · 15/01/2023 13:59

He can’t do anything if the person who wrote the will was of sound mind. Do not give up what was given to you!

BigglyBee · 15/01/2023 13:59

His relative really has the measure of him, by the sounds of it! Remember that the Will sets out what she wanted. Let her wishes be honoured and give your ex no part of the gift she intended for you and your daughter.

If this lady had given you a gift while living, and your ex complained, you wouldn't have insulted her by handing it over to him, would you? She has made it clear what she wanted, and she explained why. She was obviously a shrewd judge of character.

Pinkyandtwerky · 15/01/2023 14:04

Please don’t give your share up OP.
It will benefit your DD now if you are in a better position whereas her potion is likely to help her future more.

He doesn’t sound a very decent bloke. Just ignore him as best you can and let him burn himself out.

skyeisthelimit · 15/01/2023 14:05

Don't let him have anything. His relative made their choices, they had ongoing contact with you and DD and not with him, so they chose to leave money to you both. They had good reasons for doing so and were of sound mind.

He probably won't contest it when he realises how much it is going to cost him.

Just ignore all conversation on the subject from now on, don't engage or argue with him about it.

FlowerArranger · 15/01/2023 14:06

If it comes to it and a challenge lodged against me, I will just let him have my portion to protect DDs amount.

Why on earth would you want to do this??!!!!

Don't.

He doesn't have a leg to stand on.

TrodOnLegoAgain · 15/01/2023 14:12

Do not give up your share. He doesn't have a leg to stand on, he is simply trying to bully and trick you and, if you give up your share, he will have succeeded.

Was there any abuse in the relationship, op? The fact that you're even entertaining this makes me worry that he is in your head somehow.

Bonbon21 · 15/01/2023 14:26

Was he a bully when you were married too?
This lady obviously knew what he was/is like.. which is probably why she left him SOME money.. acknowledging his existence and moving on...
He hasnt a leg to stand on legally but if this is how he wants to blow the money then that is his choice... let him.
You obviously cared for the lady and I imagine will want to respect her wishes... so do that.. keep your inheritance and tell him to bu..er off!

Namechangingagain111 · 15/01/2023 14:54

Why give him your share until a court decides you have to ?
Just wait and see what happens as it doesn't sound like he has any real legal grounds to get it changed

prh47bridge · 15/01/2023 15:42

DDsInheritenceFromTheFamily · 15/01/2023 13:47

It wasn't either of his parents, they're both very much alive.

He has never been finanically dependent on this family member either. They never even lent him money from what I can tell.

If it comes to it and a challenge lodged against me, I will just let him have my portion to protect DDs amount.

If the deceased was not one of his parents, he was never treated by the deceased as their child and he was never financially dependent on them, he can't claim under the Inheritance Act. His only possible claim is a challenge to the validity of the will.

As per my previous post, he cannot challenge you. If he wants to challenge the will, he needs to take it up with the executors. It is nothing to do with you. Tell him to talk to the executors then ignore him and let them handle it.

DO NOT offer him your inheritance. He has no entitlement to it, and you don't want to do anything that may make it look like you think he has a valid claim.

RudsyFarmer · 15/01/2023 15:47

Don’t let him have anything. This family member has written a will. It is reasonable. He is welcome to contest it (he won’t) but what he’s not allowed to do is intimidate and harass you.

Im going to assume this man has done addiction issues and was abusive towards you whilst married?

deeperthanallroses · 16/01/2023 21:58

If it comes to it and he lodges a challenge, you say that’s nice dear and do nothing!

Awrite · 16/01/2023 22:08

Why would you give him your share? I thought you said this money would positively impact dd's life (eg dog).

Capitulate when he stands no chance is utter madness and, like a pp said - is rewarding bad behaviour.

NoSquirrels · 16/01/2023 22:20

prh47bridge · 15/01/2023 15:42

If the deceased was not one of his parents, he was never treated by the deceased as their child and he was never financially dependent on them, he can't claim under the Inheritance Act. His only possible claim is a challenge to the validity of the will.

As per my previous post, he cannot challenge you. If he wants to challenge the will, he needs to take it up with the executors. It is nothing to do with you. Tell him to talk to the executors then ignore him and let them handle it.

DO NOT offer him your inheritance. He has no entitlement to it, and you don't want to do anything that may make it look like you think he has a valid claim.

Show quote history

Please listen to this.

pocketvenuss · 16/01/2023 22:30

Stop fascinating his entitled behaviour. He needs to take this up with the executors not you. Just refuse to engage with him. You giving up what is your will impact your DD. For her sake if not yours, woman up and stop pandering to this bully. Set the right example for your girl

Changechangychange · 16/01/2023 22:36

He won’t contest it as it will cost him a fortune and he has no case.

However he knows very well that if he keeps on harassing you, you might well just give him your share, so that is what he is doing. I bet you did this a lot during your marriage as well, so he knows what buttons to press with you. Tell him to piss off, and don’t give him a penny.

rogueone · 16/01/2023 22:41

Ignore him- he is trying to scare you into handing over the money. I can only assume your relationship with him was abusive as you simply handing over the money if he challenges you seems very bizarre. Ignore him and leave him to pay for legal advice - I would also tell the lawyer dealing with the will and executor

Starlightstarbright1 · 16/01/2023 22:49

I would stop listening to him..

Tell him you aren't going to discuss it