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Original poster

ExH contesting the will

147 replies

DDsInheritenceFromTheFamily · 15/01/2023 12:42

Family Member of ExHs died last year.

She left money to DD, ExH, me, and Ex-SIL. There where others left money but these are the ones ExH is contesting.

Basically I and ExH got half of what Ex-SIL did (makes sense right?) and then DDs money was left in a trust with me. The solicitor handling the estate said that it was because the Family Member didn’t trust ExH to use any of his money sensibly so gave him enough to blow but not harm himself in anyway or trust that he wouldn’t spend DDs money – given that when we split up he closed DDs bank accounts in joint names and never reopened them in his name only that doesn’t surprise me.

ExH is saying that my share of the will was intended for him proved by Ex-SIL getting double the amount ExH and I got and because other members of his family are trusted to look after their own DCs money he should be the trustee for DDs money.

This family member had no contact with ExH after we split (they chose to believe me over ExH and ExH cut them off) but would contact me several times a year to ask after DD, and DD liked to write to them which I obviously facilitated. They often wrote back as well - they lived too far away for regular face to face contact although if I was ever near to them I'd obviously pop in with DD.

The amount left to me isn’t a huge amount (under £10k) but it will make a massive difference to mine and DDs quality of life as I can pay off my debts and maybe get us a dog which will help DD with a physical health condition she has. DDs money I want to combine with another trust I have for her from a family member of mine and give her when she reaches 21 (the one from my family said 21, the one from ExHs family member said when I felt DD could most use it).

Whats likely to happen? I will give up my share if it means ExH doesn’t get anywhere near DDs money.

OP posts:
Poppyblush · 17/01/2023 03:10

He’s not got a leg to stand in. Ignore. He’s just threatening you.

FurAndFeathers · 17/01/2023 03:20

DDsInheritenceFromTheFamily · 15/01/2023 13:47

It wasn't either of his parents, they're both very much alive.

He has never been finanically dependent on this family member either. They never even lent him money from what I can tell.

If it comes to it and a challenge lodged against me, I will just let him have my portion to protect DDs amount.

@DDsInheritenceFromTheFamily

please stop offering up your perfectly legal Inheritance and wait for legal contact.

your ex has no chance - please don’t offer him money he has no right to

kweeble · 17/01/2023 03:50

Refuse to engage with him over this - he certainly has no claim and as of yet has not contested the will. If he does see a solicitor he will soon back down.

autastic · 17/01/2023 04:10

Don't give him your money he will still come after your daughters. Oh and he will keep coming after money you haven't been given if you just hand him some money now. I am sure in some weird way you think you are the better person or parent but really by giving you ex the money you look foolish and weak from where I am, you have debts and your look after you daughter so presumably by not taking this money you are ultimately harming your daughter by being less financially well off and having debts hanging over you.
This sounds harsh and it's meant to be but you do this and he will continue to financially abuse you and he will move on to your daughter when she gets her money.
Stop enabling his abuse... also why are you even talking to him? If you need contact for DD then do it by email and ignore, don't even engage.
It stands little chance of winning and given the small amount it sound like he stands to gain it's just not worth the effort. He will realise if he does try that all he will be doing is delaying his amount, and he won't be able to use his inheritance to pay for any legal services as the executor will need to hold onto the money until the matter is sorted and he will be racking up further debt in the mean time
This is before you even get to whether legally he has a leg to stand on.
Let him huff and puff to the executor

rogueone · 17/01/2023 04:16

I meant to add , he isn’t contesting the will. He is trying to bully you into handing over money that was left to you. Stop engaging with him about it

Snarf23 · 17/01/2023 04:55

Do NOT just give up your share IF he makes a challenge. You won’t need to. He won’t get what your daughters who obviously had a long distance relationship with the relative. He is blustering. If he wants to waste what money he got challenging the will let him. I agree he is trying to guilt trip/scare you into giving up your share which will aid his daughters life too. Selfish fecker.

Only give the money up if court ordered. Why would they take your child’s money? It all sounds legit. Don’t spend your money just stick it in a interest account or premium bonds for a short while to see what happens with his threats but don’t just give it up!

ivykaty44 · 17/01/2023 05:02

Why would you offer him money over something he is 99.99999% not going to win?

just ignore him, if he asks say heard nothing yet. If he says he’s had his money then say, oh we haven’t had anything. Pay off your debts with it so it’s gone

Everyonehasavoice · 17/01/2023 05:08

I’ve done probate so so many relatives ( huge Irish family). There’s always problems
Its almost impossible to successfully contest a will unless the deceased wasn’t of sound mind.
And they would have to prove that with two medical doctors that saw them at the time of writing the will.
Also As long as the will has independent witnesses.

Bunnycat101 · 17/01/2023 05:47

As others have said do not engage with him directly and do not give up your share. He has to take this up with the executors and not you. Given everything you’ve said it’s unlikely he’ll follow through and take this to court even if he makes a lot of noise.

pilates · 17/01/2023 05:57

I can see why he is an ex - sounds like a right arsehole. I don’t think he has any grounds to contest but if he wants to waste his money let him.

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/01/2023 06:03

If it comes to it and a challenge lodged against me, I will just let him have my portion to protect DDs amount.

You think this is noble, or practical or something. It's not. It won't achieve what you hope and just rewards him for harassing you, making it more likely in future.

Hold your ground, don't blink, offer nothing. It's the only way to deal with bullies.

autienotnaughty · 17/01/2023 06:04

I have experience of this. He's not entitled to the money. The fact that he's related to the person and your not doesn't matter. If the will is legal there's nothing he can do.

Twiglets1 · 17/01/2023 06:05

As soon as he gets legal advice - or even a 5 minute chat with CAB - he will be told he has no chance of challenging this will. He may even just be hoping to scare you so you agree an unofficial redistribution. Just ignore him. This will represents the dead lady's wishes.

daisyjgrey · 17/01/2023 06:30

If it comes to it and a challenge lodged against me, I will just let him have my portion to protect DDs amount.

All of these replies and you've listened to none of them.

moose62 · 17/01/2023 06:33

He probably knows that he wouldn't win a challenge but it is also probably obvious to him that you will just roll over and hand it to him. Why ask for advice if you have already made a decision...

Eddielizzard · 17/01/2023 06:46

He won't win. Don't give it to him, think of your DD and make sure it benefits her. If you won't stand up to him for your sake, do it for hers.

Stunningscreamer · 17/01/2023 06:46

Are you scared of him? I understand that if he's bullied you in the past. But he can't do anything now. He's just trying to intimidate you. If you give in now, it'll encourage him to carry on. Anyone who tries to steal a child's money is not a good person and will use any advantage they can. Keeping your boundaries is essential with these types. You need to show your daughter as an example that it's possible to stand up to bullies.

SabbatWheel · 17/01/2023 06:51

Someone in my town died and left their house to a local cat charity. The family spent years contesting it but the will stood and the charity inherited about £250k.

He would be a foolish man to waste his time and money contesting it. This is the only thing you need to say to him, not ‘OK then you can have my bit’.

Apart from anything, you would be going against the wishes of the deceased and I always think this is disrespectful.

TheHauntedPencilCase · 17/01/2023 06:53

Don't offer up your share! He's trying to bully you into that, v unlikely he can successfully contest as others have said.

Tinysoxxx · 17/01/2023 06:55

This is the man who’s taken from his own daughters’ savings put aside for them. You owe him nothing.

Talia99 · 17/01/2023 06:56

DDsInheritenceFromTheFamily · 15/01/2023 13:47

It wasn't either of his parents, they're both very much alive.

He has never been finanically dependent on this family member either. They never even lent him money from what I can tell.

If it comes to it and a challenge lodged against me, I will just let him have my portion to protect DDs amount.

So what you are saying is you are prepared to hurt your daughter (since you won’t be able to provide for her financially as easily without your share of the money) to appease a bully you have been told multiple times doesn’t have a leg to stand on.

Why? You really need to think about why you are prepared to do this.

Butterfly44 · 17/01/2023 06:58

Ignore him. He has no chance. And the fact he's saying it to you rather than his solicitor first. He's bitter.

LlynTegid · 17/01/2023 07:00

Don't engage, the only people likely to gain from this are whoever gets the legal fees he has to pay. Hopefully one contact with a solicitor will persuade him of his folly.

Incidentally I think you have good plans for what to do with your inheritance.

Rainbowlights · 17/01/2023 07:00

DDsInheritenceFromTheFamily · 15/01/2023 13:47

It wasn't either of his parents, they're both very much alive.

He has never been finanically dependent on this family member either. They never even lent him money from what I can tell.

If it comes to it and a challenge lodged against me, I will just let him have my portion to protect DDs amount.

Why would you give up your share? The person left the money because THEY WANTED YOU TO HAVE IT.

Don’t be bullied by this man, he is trying it on.

ignore whim completely, tell him if he wishes to do that to speak to the executors and don’t have any more dealings with him.

PeppermintChoc · 17/01/2023 07:02

He hasn’t got by grounds to contest. He’s just being grabby.