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Original poster

Money claims from ex partner

502 replies

Toadcatcher · 09/08/2022 20:18

After a long relationship and 2 now almost grown up children and many incidents of domestic abuse and violence, the children and I moved out mid last year. We have not heard from him at all and I thought he did not have our address. Three weeks ago a letter from a solicitor, representing my former partner, arrived with demands for money. He claims that I owe him a large sum comprised of individual items, such as an alleged loan (which was a gift 5 years ago and not mentioned since) and payment for my engagement ring and other demands. I can piece evidence together that these demands are unfounded. However, they threaten with litigation.
I tried to get advice from a solicitor who told me that they could help. After almost three weeks during which I received holding messages from the solicitor, they have now told me that we are now in a rush, the deadline for a response is next week and I need to prepay them £1500 for a response letter. I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. I don’t have much time left now. Should I pay up or should I represent myself?

OP posts:
AmIbeingTreasonable · 07/10/2022 06:34

Those are not emails, it's just rubbish.
Just continue to ignore all of this, complete radio silence is your best bet.

weathervane1 · 07/10/2022 06:55

With such obviously fake emails, it is likely that a judge will instruct his email provider for evidence that such emails really exist and indeed were sent / received. If it turns out that your ex has falsified evidence, he'll be charged with fraud as well as contempt of court. The earlier posters are all correct in stating that such letters from solicitors are commonplace and intended to sound intimidating - which they can be - but they are in fact meaningless drivel. It's hard to be strong in the face of such nastiness but please try to be. There is no legal substance to them and in fact if it continues to stress you, you have a right to seek redress for unwarranted harassment. You can also complain to the Solicitors Regulatory Authority.

prh47bridge · 07/10/2022 07:25

weathervane1 · 07/10/2022 06:55

With such obviously fake emails, it is likely that a judge will instruct his email provider for evidence that such emails really exist and indeed were sent / received. If it turns out that your ex has falsified evidence, he'll be charged with fraud as well as contempt of court. The earlier posters are all correct in stating that such letters from solicitors are commonplace and intended to sound intimidating - which they can be - but they are in fact meaningless drivel. It's hard to be strong in the face of such nastiness but please try to be. There is no legal substance to them and in fact if it continues to stress you, you have a right to seek redress for unwarranted harassment. You can also complain to the Solicitors Regulatory Authority.

No, the judge won't instruct his email provider. Judges don't investigate. They deal with the evidence presented.

Original poster
Toadcatcher · 07/10/2022 08:11

They are scanned word / photoshop documents. It is clear that these are not saved or pdf’d emails. Typically there is a link to the original doc at the bottom of the page and time and date stamp at the top for iCloud emails when they are saved as pdf. There is nothing in those ‘emails’ that he provided.
Would the court simply accept his emails or would they have doubt? There is no response from me in any of those.
There are also transcripts of alleged texts I sent, but no screenshots.

OP posts:
Original poster
Toadcatcher · 07/10/2022 08:13

He even asks to see my bank statements? Why should he be entitled to this?

OP posts:
Pashazade · 07/10/2022 08:14

With no proof of time and date for anything I can't see it being considered as evidence, plus the utter lack of responses from you is indicative of it being made up too.

Rocketclub · 07/10/2022 08:42

Toadcatcher · 07/10/2022 08:13

He even asks to see my bank statements? Why should he be entitled to this?

No not unless the court orders it or that it supports your evidence - no

if a court orders it - ask for him to be done too

my ex did the same the judge dismissed it all - good luck

Original poster
Toadcatcher · 07/10/2022 08:56

This is not a divorce case nor a separation case. Why should my ex be entitled to my bank statements? He is trying to extract money from me.
He has also added a logo to his evidence emails in the shape of a chess game. It’s all so bizarre.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 07/10/2022 09:10

Just ignore completely. He's taking up your brain space.

If he's stupid enough to take it to small claims/court then deal with it then.

Stand firm knowing that he is lying and has no right.

On the plus side you ignoring will drive him crazy as it's the ultimate grey rock.

prh47bridge · 07/10/2022 09:18

Toadcatcher · 07/10/2022 08:11

They are scanned word / photoshop documents. It is clear that these are not saved or pdf’d emails. Typically there is a link to the original doc at the bottom of the page and time and date stamp at the top for iCloud emails when they are saved as pdf. There is nothing in those ‘emails’ that he provided.
Would the court simply accept his emails or would they have doubt? There is no response from me in any of those.
There are also transcripts of alleged texts I sent, but no screenshots.

The court won't simply accept any evidence, his or yours. They will decide on the balance of probabilities.

You can ignore his request to see your bank statements.

Cloverforever · 07/10/2022 09:56

The chess game logo really gives away what he's doing. He's playing a game with you, winding you up, creating stress and havoc. What a stupid, nasty piece of shit!

Can you get someone else to read these letters/emails before you do? If it's anything other than a court date (which I very much doubt) then they should be deleted without further thought.

Triffid1 · 07/10/2022 09:58

hahaha. I think you need to start trying to see the funny side here. This man is completely crazy.

So, he has a bunch of "emails" in which he apparently asked you for the money.

  1. The emails are obviously fake.
  2. Even if the emails aren't fake, him sending you emails asking for money is not evidence that he deserves/is owed the money. If that was true, I could send 30 emails demanding cash over the next two years to the my next door neighbour and then, when he didn't give me money, take him to court.

He needs to produce proof that whatever it is he wants money for, was genuinely given to you on the basis of a loan or whatever. And he doesn't have that.

  1. An engagement ring is, pretty much by definition, a gift. So that one is a hard no
  2. you have evidence that the money he gave you 5 years ago was not a loan, so again, hard no.

As we have all said before, remember that he is an abusive wanker who has spent years controlling you and attempting to destroy you. This is just more in that vein. He knows this stresses you out, so that's a bonus for him. Also, assuming he's a narcissist or some such thing, he probably genuinely thinks he's in the right. The self delusion is kind of astonishing with these people. So really, laughing is the only way forward.

tribpot · 07/10/2022 11:22

It would be hilarious (but obvs don't really do this) to concoct a set of fake emails of your own in which he explicitly states that each amount was a gift or whatever, acknowledges he has no further demands on the money and also apologises to you for his many failings as a partner. If you think you would find it cathartic, I would write some of these for your own amusement. Clearly do not submit them as evidence, however!

However, as with his first letter, there's nothing in this one which requires any type of response from you. If you wanted to, you could get your solicitor to re-send the previous letter but I would simply not engage with this at all.

And I agree with @Cloverforever , can you get someone else to read any future letters and only extract anything which refers to a court date? There is no benefit to you in having to read this meaningless, but hurtful, chuff.

Original poster
Toadcatcher · 07/10/2022 11:38

@tribpot i actually have a real text message from him that I screenshot in which he apologises for his many failings as a partner and promises to do better in the future. At the time I thought this was a nice gesture and therefore I saved it. This was a few years ago. I have a lot of texts and emails where he acknowledges gifts etc too. He is now denying all this.

OP posts:
TiredButDancing · 07/10/2022 12:02

OP - BIL once told me that he was not complaining about SIL - when I literally had 5 text messages immediately prior to that in which he was doing exactly that.

These men are completely and totally delusional. The trick, which is difficult, is to realise that you will never convince them that they are wrong. So don't try. Until it actually gets to court, where someone else is probably going to just laugh at him based on everything you've posted, nothing you say to him will have an effect. So don't bother.

PS DS' BF's mum was taken to court by her ex for not letting him take the DC away on a 2 week holiday.... the judge laughed in his face and pointed out that perhaps he should turn up for his Wednesday evenings and EOW before he plans 2 week international holidays with a 1 year old and a 4 year old!

Pumpkinpatchlookinggood · 07/10/2022 13:58

My ex turned up at court with a holdall large enough to house a body. Told the judge he had printed off text messages loaded with abuse from me.
Judge wasn't interested ime bit..

skeemee · 07/10/2022 18:14

@Toadcatcher lots of pp predicted that if you replied to his last demand, he would just continue in the same vein. Drop the rope.

YOU DO NOT NEED TO REPLY. YOU DO NOT NEED TO SEND BANK STATEMENTS.

IGNORE unless you are ordered to do so by a court. Please please listen to all the great (free) advice you are receiving.

🌼🌼🌼 for you!

NoPrivateSpy · 07/10/2022 18:16

Disengage, OP. You have made your position clear.

You need only state in court that you never received these emails and believe them to be fabricated.

Judges, in my experience, aren't interested in the 'he said, she said' stuff because it is rarely clear cut. They'll just look at the facts as to whether he is owed any money. From what you have said, the answer is very much a no but he is unlikely to reach that conclusion on his own.

I would ignore and force him to take you to court because answering now will have the same outcome most likely. Might as well accept it and crack on!

Sorry he is such a horrible specimen Flowers

Original poster
Toadcatcher · 08/10/2022 09:23

He is again demanding payment within 2 weeks and is threatening to add even more claims if I don’t pay. In the meantime he added separate claims that he sent fir other amounts too that he thinks he can ask me to refund, related to the children. The thing is that he spent more than me while I did not earn a lot of money and could not match what he was spending and I also could not afford this. He booked holidays and then asked me to pay towards them. I did not even want to go on these, but he told me to, because the children would not want to go with him if I was no there. He said this was my fault and I had to pay and come along. He was always arranging things and then telling me to pay for it. I am so confused. He is producing these very long convoluted letters that no one can make any sense of. I am worried that the judge will simply believe him because he is a man, he is English (I am not) and because he speaks with authority.

OP posts:
SquishyGloopyBum · 08/10/2022 09:33

Toadcatcher · 08/10/2022 09:23

He is again demanding payment within 2 weeks and is threatening to add even more claims if I don’t pay. In the meantime he added separate claims that he sent fir other amounts too that he thinks he can ask me to refund, related to the children. The thing is that he spent more than me while I did not earn a lot of money and could not match what he was spending and I also could not afford this. He booked holidays and then asked me to pay towards them. I did not even want to go on these, but he told me to, because the children would not want to go with him if I was no there. He said this was my fault and I had to pay and come along. He was always arranging things and then telling me to pay for it. I am so confused. He is producing these very long convoluted letters that no one can make any sense of. I am worried that the judge will simply believe him because he is a man, he is English (I am not) and because he speaks with authority.

Honestly op, ignore. They have no grounds.

So what if he spent more in the relationship. It doesn't matter. He's still abusing you here.

I think you may need some help with this, could you speak to womens aid?

Isaidnoalready · 08/10/2022 09:39

Womans aid is a good shout

What have the police said?

Contact paladin about the stalking do you have a ring doorbell or a camera set up?

Crumpleton · 08/10/2022 09:42

If he's trying to obtain money from you by deception isn't that a police matter?

Pashazade · 08/10/2022 09:47

Pretty sure any judge would see this for bullying that it is, also he won't have time for convoluted anything! (By the way you express yourself well so don't worry about not being English being an issue). However that said I don't think this would even make it to court, he really has no grounds for demanding rebates for money spent on your children whilst in a relationship. Just ignore him. (Appreciate this is easier said than done, but if he tries to take this to court it will likely go nowhere and take months, ignore, ignore, ignore), remember you do not owe him anything.

RandomMess · 08/10/2022 10:41

Speak to Rights of Women and Woman's Aid.

Do not respond at all.

He is bullying and has no claim at all.

There was no money loaned to you and no loan agreement he is full of shit and relying on your fear to handover money to him. This is about controlling and abusing you not the money.

Flowers
NoPrivateSpy · 08/10/2022 11:04

He can't just keep adding new things to his claim. That's not really how it works.

No judge is going to agree that you owe him money for a family holiday. That's ridiculous.

Please don't answer. If you give in now, he'll keep coming back to hurt you because he knows he can.