Money claims from ex partner

[Toadcatcher]

After a long relationship and 2 now almost grown up children and many incidents of domestic abuse and violence, the children and I moved out mid last year. We have not heard from him at all and I thought he did not have our address. Three weeks ago a letter from a solicitor, representing my former partner, arrived with demands for money. He claims that I owe him a large sum comprised of individual items, such as an alleged loan (which was a gift 5 years ago and not mentioned since) and payment for my engagement ring and other demands. I can piece evidence together that these demands are unfounded. However, they threaten with litigation.
I tried to get advice from a solicitor who told me that they could help. After almost three weeks during which I received holding messages from the solicitor, they have now told me that we are now in a rush, the deadline for a response is next week and I need to prepay them £1500 for a response letter. I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. I don’t have much time left now. Should I pay up or should I represent myself?

I do think it's worth re-engaging with the Freedom Programme or similar counselling for people recovering from domestic abuse. The fact you keep referring to the 'deadline' as if that was an actual thing shows how much power he still has over you. Clearly he is backing that up with physical intimidation as well, but evicting him from your head will make it easier to see his legal threats for what they are. A solicitor who knows about domestic abuse would be helpful too, are Women's Aid/Rights of Women able to recommend anyone?

I haven't read all the thread so apologies if asked/replied before.

You really don't sound as though you have done anything wrong and I think he's just pissed off that you are getting on with your life so popped up and wants to control you.
As said you don't have to reply but what if you didn't and he did take you to court, which is highly unlikely as he sounds like a maniputive prick...you have evidence to prove you're in the right and he's just trying it on.

I've read that you have visited a solicitor, if it settles your mind I'd get them to write one letter denying all allegations and if he persists in threatening you you'll be taking him to court for harassment,
threating behaviour and trying to get money out of you not owed.
Also you will be asking the court for all out of pocket costs involved to be paid by him.

Surely either way it will get him off your back for good.

I'd ignore it completely or send a letter from yourself without involving a solicitor saying you don't accept any responsibility for paying back what we're gifts.

Whose name is on the log book? That's all that matters. My name was but my abusive etc had taken out an unsecured loan to pay for it so I just kept my car. Had the great pleasure of buying him a car cleaning kit for his nonexistent car from the DC for Father's Day knowing he was still shelling out for it each month. Beep beep.

@tribpot the threat of legal action can be really stressful even without the OP's relationship history. Solicitor letters are deliberately worded to intimidate you into paying up. It's only natural to feel anxious and stressed when you receive one.

I get why legal advice feels like the safest course of action. OP, I used justanswer to help with my case. They have some really experienced lawyers on there and the cost is a lot less prohibitive. I got good advice and help writing forms - it was £50 a month and you can cancel and restart your membership at anytime. So if there is a hearing but it's not for 6 months, you cancel the payments in between.

@NoPrivateSpy i didn’t think just answer would be dealing with things like this. Good idea. I also got some free advice from legal service coming with contents insurance, but it’s very high level.

I think I have a good and detailed assessment regarding each of the demands from the current solicitor so at least I know where I stand with the evidence I provided, should I need this for court.
i will go with the short response and throw in the counterclaim for CM which is a real claim and I am really owed this money.

Please just stop. You do not have to respond. Radio silence is the way to deal with this.

Good plan @Toadcatcher

Be prepared for the court claim though. Unfortunately I don't think solicitors ever seem to tell their clients they have no hope of success. It doesn't seem to be in the playbook.

Honestly, in these cases (where DV is involved and there is a history of sustained control and intimidation), I really struggle not to hate anyone in the legal profession who would take on his case and deliberately cause you and your children more pain and stress. I really don't understand how these people justify their jobs. Rant over.

@NoPrivateSpy I completely expect court. I know that this is just the start of a long and agonising process. I agree that solicitors put their billable hours first and the interests of the client last. They do everything to be opaque and instilling fear even in their own clients so they pay them for the illusion of being protected which is of course not the case.

Solicitors do tell clients they have no hope of success. Some clients ignore that advice and insist on carrying on.

I am glad you're just doing a basic reply, that's good. But this is totally not true. A good lawyer absolutely will tell your client chances of success and would not attempt to increase billable hours for no reason. In his case, his solicitor may have told him but he's not listening. More likely, he's lying to the solicitor and as such, the solicitor is therefore unable to give good advice.

In your case, your first solicitor was cleary bad and simply interested in your money. It sounds like your new solicitor is a bit bette.r

Out of interest, how does the submission of evidence work? Is it like a game of cards, where each party discloses evidence as they go along?

If it goes to court, the court will issue directions. The judge will set a date by which copies of all documents that either party wishes to rely on must be delivered to the other party and to the court.

Thank you @prh47bridge therefore there is no point in providing any evidence ahead of proceedings?
would the court wish to see any attempts between the parties to settle outside of court or is this irrelevant? Such as mediation?

Listen to prh47bridge do not engage
o ly give evidence to a court if asked
i know it’s hard not acting on the fear of him but believe me it will get better the less you engage with him
o need whatsoever to reply to that letter or anything g unless it’s for a court case

There is no requirement to provide evidence in advance of proceedings. Whether there is any point depends on the situation. Sometimes, showing the other party your evidence is enough to get them to back off.

You and your ex will be encouraged to mediate/settle, but it is not compulsory.

Triffid1 the fact your post contradicts itself speaks volumes.

Am sure there are lots of good solicitors out there. Finding them seems to be the struggle!

No, Triffid1's post does not contradict itself. It states that a good lawyer will tell their client the chances of success, but clients ignore advice and/or lie to their lawyer. It also states the OP's first solicitor was not a good lawyer. Where is the contradiction in that?

How am I contradicting myself? Op said all lawyers are bad. I disagreed. I think there are plenty of good news honest lawyers. Op had a bad one. Now has a better one. Which just proves my point.

OP said IHE lawyers put billable hours above all else. Triffid1 stated that opinion was 'totally not true.' Very unequivocal.

Then goes on to say that OP must have come across a bad solicitor first but seems to have a better one now.

Yes a solicitor will write pretty much what you ask my ex husbands first ex wife wrote via her solicitor she wanted the opportunity in the future to have a child with him and expected him to provide the sperm she also requested child support for her child (not his) and expected him to come back to complete the garden

Honestly, you make no sense. It is "unequivablely" not true that lawyers put billable hours above all else. Yes, Absolutely that what was what I said. And my proof is that her first lawyer was bad and her second lawyer is better.

I really don't understand why you seem to find this so hard. You and op both think all lawyers are bad. I don't. But you seem to think my arguments suggest they are? It's very confusing.

Agreed, I'm confused! Sounds like we both think that there are good and bad members of the legal profession. Sounds like OP and me haven't encountered many of the good ones.

That's not to say there aren't good ones out there of course (and would hope some of my friends are the good ones).

Hopefully that clears it up and we can go back to helpful advice for OP.

Hi All :-)
I did send a response back using free legal advice provided through my insurance and a solicitor. After over one month, I now got a response back which is really the same as the initial letter, backed up with ´evidence’. He produced a number of ‘emails’ that were just word documents with no proof of ever being sent. These emails were unilateral from him with no response from me. They are all containing requests for money over 7 years. There is never a response from me. I am sure that these have just been written, as they are all in the same style and directly referencing the claims he is making. In addition there was another very long letter with more insults and character assassinations. I was feeling quite sick reading it all.

I am still in my mind projecting his view of me onto myself. 25 years of brainwashing does that to you.

Will he be successful with faked emails in court?

No because he can't evidence they were sent and he has no response from you.

You say they are word documents??