Money claims from ex partner

[Toadcatcher]

After a long relationship and 2 now almost grown up children and many incidents of domestic abuse and violence, the children and I moved out mid last year. We have not heard from him at all and I thought he did not have our address. Three weeks ago a letter from a solicitor, representing my former partner, arrived with demands for money. He claims that I owe him a large sum comprised of individual items, such as an alleged loan (which was a gift 5 years ago and not mentioned since) and payment for my engagement ring and other demands. I can piece evidence together that these demands are unfounded. However, they threaten with litigation.
I tried to get advice from a solicitor who told me that they could help. After almost three weeks during which I received holding messages from the solicitor, they have now told me that we are now in a rush, the deadline for a response is next week and I need to prepay them £1500 for a response letter. I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. I don’t have much time left now. Should I pay up or should I represent myself?

That sounds borderline blackmail

Don't know what your relationship is like with your employer but it might be worth mentioning to them that you're being blackmailed by your ex via his solicitor. That way, their "threat" loses any impact.

I agree that a solicitor's letter is not legally binding - only formal communication from the court is.

It may be time to apply for a new non molestation order. He's harassing you via a solicitor.

Have you contacted the police about the harassment yet?

If I instruct a solicitor I may as well pay up. The total claim amount is 30k and looking at what I already spent for I letter only this is quickly reached up for prep and time in court. I can’t afford a solicitor.

The police are not interested. It’s a civil matter.

I will always get hunted by him no matter what I do. There will be no escape, ever. Nor for me, not for the children.

I need to find a way to completely shield the children from him. This should be my priority.

The police aren't interested in the money claim, that's a civil matter. But the harassment of you is not.

Please keep in mind as well that if you somehow paid up 30K - 30K! - he would only come after you for more.

That’s what I just explained to the kids! This would not end here. He would keep asking for money.

I’ve PM’d you OP.

If you are overly concered I'd send a letter from yourself to his solicitor stating that you don't owe him any money and if they intend on court action to hurry up and get the ball rolling as you've had enough of their empty threats.

Maybe contact the legal Ombudsman if you feel that the
Solicitor themselves are sending out letters of harassment.
Info is easy to find via Google.

It sounds so bizarre to me that a solicitor would send the type of correspondence you're receiving. Not just the recent ones with threats to contact your employer but earlier ones too insinuating you only slept with him for an engagement ring.
I think I'd still ignore it and see if he goes full hog and takes you to court. In the meantime though I'd report him (to the police) and the solicitor (ombudsman or law society idk but someone else might advise) for harassment. It's madness!

Reporting a solicitor: www.sra.org.uk

I've commented on your thread before, OP, and stand by what I said. Abusive men will use anything to continue to abuse you. Mine used the whole divorce process.

Women's Aid and the Freedom Programme will help you.

And please, just try to ignore it all, unless he takes you to court, you don't have to do anything

Hasn't he threatened "imminent court action" in every single letter?

It's harassment. I honestly don't know what you can do about it but as has been said before, you have to ignore it. don't read them. Get a friend or trusted person to read them if necessary so that you can continue to ignore them.

As for employer etc - no, I don't think they solicitor can do that. He has form for harassing you so it's entirely possible he might start sending them letters and calls about you and bad mouthing you. If you have a good relationship with your employer, I'd consider giving them a heads up.

It's just more of the same how tedious.

That's how you need to view it, tedious threads odious threats.

They shouldn't be threatening to inform your employer. They cannot say you will get fired. If they proved that you owe this money, they could get an attachment of earnings, which means your employer would have to deduct money from your wages to pay off the debt, but you won't get fired for this. And, of course, if you are fired, they can't take money from your income as you won't have any.

You should continue to ignore these letters until they start court action. If they continue to send threatening letters, report them to the SRA. It is, of course, possible that he is faking these letters, so report the harrassment to the police as well.

I can't spell harassment!

I was told that harassment was more than 2 pieces of unwanted contact. So if he has sent you letters even via solicitor, and emails and turned up on your doorstep etc then it is very much harassment. I would contact the police again and ask them to escalate it to somebody higher if they are refusing to take it seriously.

Maybe quote their own guidelines to them:

www.police.uk/advice/advice-and-information/sh/stalking-harassment/what-is-stalking-harassment/

The sooner he takes it through court, the sooner it will be over. It's obvious he is like a dog with a bone now.

Personally I'd keep reiterating that my position has not changed and make it clear you do wish yo receive any more correspondence on the matter unless it's through small claims.

You then have then made it clear more communication is unwarranted and therefore more likely to be harassment.

I agree with another posters's comment about seeking help from a women's charity. I can tell this is causing you distress and preventing you from thinking objectively (understandably). There are people who can advise you who have seen this a million times before.

I would make a complaint to the firm that they are acting as a “hired gun” for your ex, and should not be abusing the litigation process to allow your ex to harass you:

www.lawgazette.co.uk/news/solicitors-warned-about-acting-as-hired-guns-for-dubious-clients/5068469.article

If they don’t stop, report them to the SRA.

Today four large letters came in the post from his solicitor. Special delivery. I put them into a box unopened. I have a lot of stress at work and I just can’t go on like this anymore. I have been controlled by him now for the best part of my adult life, the children are grown up and he is still not leaving me alone.

Well done.

Only if it's from a court do you open them.

Yes! Well done, OP. Don't open them for now. There is nothing new for them to tell you, surely. Have you got a friend or family member who can read them for you?

Well done! File them away and have a giggle to yourself about how much money and effort he has wasted on letters you haven't read!