Money claims from ex partner

[Toadcatcher]

After a long relationship and 2 now almost grown up children and many incidents of domestic abuse and violence, the children and I moved out mid last year. We have not heard from him at all and I thought he did not have our address. Three weeks ago a letter from a solicitor, representing my former partner, arrived with demands for money. He claims that I owe him a large sum comprised of individual items, such as an alleged loan (which was a gift 5 years ago and not mentioned since) and payment for my engagement ring and other demands. I can piece evidence together that these demands are unfounded. However, they threaten with litigation.
I tried to get advice from a solicitor who told me that they could help. After almost three weeks during which I received holding messages from the solicitor, they have now told me that we are now in a rush, the deadline for a response is next week and I need to prepay them £1500 for a response letter. I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. I don’t have much time left now. Should I pay up or should I represent myself?

I’ve been following your thread for a while as I’m going through something very similar, although mine has actually got to the point of going to court.

I agree with other posters who tell you not to respond to any more letters unless you receive something from court. I understand how very difficult this is emotionally (believe me I have had some dark moments with it) but as a pp said the best thing you can do is start laughing at what a sad, pathetic prick he is and try to put it out your mind as much as possible. He wants to be in your head so don’t let him succeed. How miserable must his sad little life be to put you through this?

Right now there isn’t anything you need to do so try to put it into a mental box, label it shithead and stuff it in a cupboard in the back of your mind. There’s a good chance it’s a bluff and you’ll never need to open it.

My experience from my daughter's situation with an abusive ex is that some solicitors will indeed write anything on behalf of their client for a fee. I've no idea if some of the stuff he wanted to say fell by the wayside, but what was written was emotive and just plain silly.

Honestly the only way do deal with it is to see him as the pathetic loser that he really is. If anything those ridiculous claims work massively in your favour. These men can't help themselves and their true colours are easy to see. The sillier he is, the better for you.

Hope this is soon sorted op.

This is good advice, OP.

If he wants to write something to you, his solicitor will gladly oblige as he is paying them a fee. The contents doesn't really matter as they could just try not to submit it to court anyway if it damages their case or appears inconsistent with later evidence. I don't think they filter at this point very much.

Easy for me to say, but in my case all the stupid letters and accusations turned out to be a good thing and this is exactly what tripped up the other side.

It was impossible for them to remember all the stupid things that had been said and they tried really hard to omit things from later court documents once they realised it was total bollox. I could remember it all though.

The sheer volume of stuff they sent me was impossible for the solicitors to keep on top of and the best moment of the case was me dragging everyone through 10 separate witness statements of his, all saying different things. When the judge branded all his testimony unreliable and inconsistent I felt immensely proud.

The more elaborate and ridiculous the better I say! It gives a judge a really clear view of what type of person they are dealing with and what you had to suffer.

Measured, calm and consistent always wins.

@NoPrivateSpy @PissOffBoris what happens if I don’t respond to any more of all this? Would this not mean that I do not dispute what he has accused me off?

if I am silent now, would this be an admission of accepting the accusations?

Not responding to a solicitor’s letter isn’t the same thing as accepting the accusations. Not responding to court documents would be however.

One of two things will happen: he will either give up or take you to court, which you’ll know about because you’ll receive a letter from the court containing his claim.

You have no legal obligation to respond to them. Not responding to them may make him more likely to give up as it will become boring for him.

I think you previously mentioned that you’ve responded to at least one to set out your position? Responding to any further letters will achieve nothing more than providing him with entertainment and fuel to his fire. It’s a waste of your time and money. As many pp have said, stop responding. Keep the letters but don’t open them. Put them in a folder somewhere out of sight and try to put it out your mind until you receive a letter from the court, which may well never happen.

You have no legal obligation to respond to the solicitors letters that should say. But you do have to reply to court letters.

Thank you @NoPrivateSpy @PissOffBoris
I will keep my response brief and polite and refer to my previous response already provided. I will however attach a copy of the previous orders (his solicitor alleged they did not exist) and also state that I never received his emails / letters and point out that these do not include any proof that they were sent, received and responded to. I will also point out the new chess game logo did not exist in the emails from him that I submitted as evidence (where I have time and date of receipt with link to url)

I would reply anything at all. If you really must send copies of the orders against him.

With a "see attached and a refer you back to my initial response"

By continuing to engage your ex is literally getting off on how it's getting to you.

Block the email address and don't open any letters. A court summons would be from the court.

You need to not engage with him directly on any level, and to keep replies to his solicitor minimal. Send them the evidence of the orders and advise them that you will be reporting him to the police for harassment and that their letters to you will be provided to the police as evidence of that harassment along with anything you received directly from him.

Honestly don’t reply at all. It’s not worth it. You are just keeping the communications open with him and it doesn’t matter what you say, his solicitor isn’t there to mediate he will just get his solicitor to write another letter back to you not acknowledging anything you have said. You’ll just go round in circles and it’s pointless. If he gets to the stage where he wants to take you to court then save all of your evidence for that but until that just ignore whatever his solicitor sends and don’t react by responding.

OP - as has been said repeatedly, he is messing with you. Just reply that you dispute everything, attach the order and that you will be waiting to hear from the court and will not respond further. Then your dispute is on record as tht worries you so much and you can legitimately ignore everything else.

No, not responding to him or his solicitor it is not an admission or anything. You don't need to respond at all unless and until he starts court proceedings. Even a brief, polite response invites further accusations and harassment.

This is right. Please just ignore these letter and let him find any proof he needs.

Ok then. I will save my evidence for court.
I responded once. If that’s sufficient, that’s fine. I have not changed my position.

Thank you all for your support. I can’t think straight when it comes to him.

Your reaction and fear is totally understandable you have been deeply traumatised be him.

He is an utter nasty prick and that is all this is about, punishing you for escaping.

Keep on keeping on.

Next letter received from his solicitor with threat of imminent court action.

I did not respond to the previous letter.

This letter also includes an outline of what will happen to me if I don’t pay up.

And what will happen to you?

The absolute audacity of toss man is breathtaking

He really is a desperate piece of shite.

I really do Hope he's got hold of a piece of headed paper from a solicitor which he is photo coping and using to send these letters...
Or there's a very odd solicitor out there that's as bad as him when it comes to extracting money out of people.

I did learn the other day that a solicitor's letter isn't necessarily legally binding only a letter from the courts is....so carry on ignoring the twat and wait for the 'threatened' court letter to turn up.

A solicitor's letter is never legally binding.

The worst that can happen is that the courts order you to pay up. Is the solicitor threatening more than that?

They threaten with the impact on my future if I don’t pay up, they would inform my employer I would get fired etc I would get money taken off my income etc …

They also sent an ‘offer letter’ basically with the same content to show that they offered to settle outside court. However this is exactly the same as the claim.

I am not qualified to advise you but this sounds like harassment from the solicitors. Even if a court deemed you was liable to pay which I'm sure they won't... noone will be chasing anyone's employer unless you fail to pay. Certainly the solicitors have no right to contact your employer! Nor do they have any jurisdiction to deduct from your wages, that would be up to the court surely!

Can the solicitor contact my employer and let them know that my ex partner is demanding money from me? Can my ex go to my boss? He threatened to do this in the past and he would encourage them to fire me.

I'm surprised the solicitor didn't include a picture from Oliver Twist with the words 'this will be you, this will'.

Save your energy for any court action he chooses to take. At that point will you need a good solicitor (i.e. not the sharks who were advising you previously), preferably one used to seeing abusive men trying to manipulate the court system. Until then, I would continue to ignore.