Money claims from ex partner

[Toadcatcher]

After a long relationship and 2 now almost grown up children and many incidents of domestic abuse and violence, the children and I moved out mid last year. We have not heard from him at all and I thought he did not have our address. Three weeks ago a letter from a solicitor, representing my former partner, arrived with demands for money. He claims that I owe him a large sum comprised of individual items, such as an alleged loan (which was a gift 5 years ago and not mentioned since) and payment for my engagement ring and other demands. I can piece evidence together that these demands are unfounded. However, they threaten with litigation.
I tried to get advice from a solicitor who told me that they could help. After almost three weeks during which I received holding messages from the solicitor, they have now told me that we are now in a rush, the deadline for a response is next week and I need to prepay them £1500 for a response letter. I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. I don’t have much time left now. Should I pay up or should I represent myself?

They even insisted that the non Molestation Order was cancelled - I sent a copy attached to my email and they still insisted it never happened!
This is a local firm and I looked the solicitor up on LI. She’s for real.

You hadn't previously mentioned that there is a non-molestation order in place. What he is doing sounds like it may be a breach of that order which is a criminal offence which could result in him being sent to prison. Report him to the police.

This non molestation order is from a few years ago. It is no longer in place. I referenced it in my response to let the solicitor know that there is a back history of violence and abuse with multiple arrests.
However, if he continues these letters without any official action and purely for his own entertainment, I believe this is also harassment and I will apply for a new non molestation order.

He does not have to add insults and character assassinations to his demands for money. This as such is really quite offensive and upsetting. I am not even sure how this contributes to his case?
In one of these alleged emails that he provided as evidence, he is complaining that

• I was unhappy that I had to do all the holiday prep for a cottage stay including shopping, washing, packing the car whilst still not on AL. I should have done this with a smile
• That I did not fill up the car the night before and he had to wait in the car for the time it took to get fuel
• That he expected me to drive all the way to Cornwall and back and that I asked him to drive on one occasion because I had a glass of wine
• that I should have driven regardless as apparently I was not over the limit
• that I drove slowly and did not speed
• that we would have to drive faster to get to the tunnel - this is where he made a mistake : no tunnel between Gloucestershire and Cornwall.

i am really not sure what this email evidencing except that he is a complete ****

It's all just aimed to destabilise, upset and harass you and to provoke a reaction.

You need to ignore everything bar a court summons.

Speak to rights of women now and ask what steps to take to apply for a non-molestation order as this isn't going to stop. It may be that you need to send a cease and desist letter and speak to the police or similar. Find out now what action you need to take on that front if (when) it continues.

OP, it's clear he's unhinged and it's clear that you have a difficult background with him. All those allegations mean nothing and contribute nothing to the facts about whether you owe him money.

I know it is so hard to see from another perspective but please try and see these comments for what they are. They are personal attacks that mean absolutely nothing and wouldn't even be mentioned in a court. Who cares about your driving? Who cares you were once annoyed about something?

The other posters' advice regarding involving a friend who can read subsequent letters for you is a good suggestion.

On the harassment side, I would seek advice. Now you have made your side clear, I can't imagine any professional would continue to send you unnecessary letters on behalf of a client with a previous non molestation order. The next court of action is court I imagine.

Good luck. Remember, you got this

I've been following along with this, no other advise to offer but...
He does sound like he's clutching at straws. I really can't understand why his solicitor hasn't told him to give it a rest, maybe they're on to a good earner with all his speal.

In all honesty if he's going to take you to court ask him to hurry up so that the judge can sling his sad sorry arse straight back out again.
I'd also have to wonder what type of solicitor would stand in court and read this shite out in his defence.
I really do hope this is all over for you soon it smacks of an incredibly desperate man trying his hardest to break you.

It's time to start laughing at him. He is actually writing solicitors letters complaining that you weren't smiling enough while doing all the work and that you didn't want to drive after drinking?!

Come on OP. This is actually quite entertaining now. Get a friend and a bottle of wine and give yourselves points for the most outrageous statements,

I'm trying to work out how his solicitor isn't mortally embarrassed.

It seems that solicitors write anything that their clients instruct them to write and definitely do not check the facts. There are threats, blatant lies with the evidence in black and white in front of them and they just make things up as they go along. It sounds as though he and his solicitor are sitting there with a bottle of wine.

I'm not a lawyer or solicitor, but is there a code of conduct or similar that they are in breach of or similar?

I mean this is clearly harassment enabled by them

Maybe move house again far far away and send the solicitor a pack of straws as a parting gift? (Joking)

Seriously I wish that they would end the whole write trash for your client crap 🙄 it looks unprofessional and its legal harassment in a lot of cases so much stupidity! There was one letter sent out asking the ex husband to donate sperm so she could have a future child by him they had no shared children a acrimonious break up why would she want a child by him? Why would he donate sperm to an ex? But the letter was sent!

I would write to the solicitor direct - I mean costa you nothing and state that if the solicitor does not stop sending these letters full of lies and abuse you will report them to their governing body/ombudsman as they are assuring your ex in harassing you which you have already told them.

Then do it.

Should I send them copies of the orders as an eye opener or would they just use this to write more abuse as a response?

And should I provide a timeline of his arrests etc with police reports attached?

@RandomMess they are members of Resolution whatever this means.

You are writing to the solicitor about their conduct in this.

I would attach a copy of the orders then you are in no doubt that you are being truthful.

It's not resolution that matters.

Read up on what to do on The Law Society "complain about a solicitor"

You can report a solicitor to the SRA for amongst other things "do not abuse your position by taking unfair advantage of clients or others"

Another one is 1.4 about being complicit in acts or omissions of others.

This is all from a quick Google.

You don’t have to reply at all to solicitor
you only need to reply to a court
you really need to talk to someone about how this is making you so anxious
you need to get him and thoughts of how to placate, correct, score points make him understand out of your head he will never act or react as a normal person so stop engaging and look after yourself

I have to say, I hadn't thought that there was any point in reporting his solicitor, but @RandomMess makes a good point - look through what the Law Society says etc. Because what I'm struggling to understand is how a genuine solicitor would send you a letter complaining that you weren't "happy enough" during the relationship.

I mean, sure, I imagine in the divorce equivalent of a witness statement or similar, there might well be a whole bit about how one person made the other person unhappy with their attitude/behaviour etc, but I really don't see how it's relevant in the slightest in the context of his claims for money.

So maybe it is time to write directly to the solicitor questioning their support of his harassment of you and requesting that they advise their client to only include details that are relevant to his claims for recompense. In addition, as you do not agree with any of his statements but it has been made clear that he will not listen/agree/negotiate in any way, there is no point sending any further communications and you will wait to hear from them regarding a court date. Then add anything that might be appropriate based on whatever you can find about reporting a solicitor.

Also, not to be too cynical but as he has form for faking documents, are you 100% certain this communication is coming from his lawyer and is not faked? One possible way to tell is to see if the letter is franked - most law firms would use franking rather than regular stamps. Or check exactly where it was posted.

If you do write directly to the solicitor, I would attach a copy of the letters they've sent you just in case....

I too wondered about him faking solicitor letters so by writing direct to the solicitor and attaching the copies they would know.

If he is I wonder if that then becomes a criminal offence?

You would certainly be able to apply for a non-mol over that? Report to the police?

The communication was sent by email from his solicitor to my solicitor who I instructed before I uninstructed them. They seemed to know each other. The email was forwarded to me with the attached letter and ‘evidence’. The solicitor’s letter is genuine, the evidence is not.
I am astonished that they simply take his word for things. This would make them look very bad in court imo.

This man has physically, emotionally, financially, abused me for 20 years. Now that I thought this was finally the end of it, he is setting his solicitor on me for further abuse.

@Triffid1 I was specifically not happy being treated like a slave and found it hard to smile while he forced me to work all the hours after the end of my professional working day.