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Original poster

Grandparents looking for access

113 replies

Isitjustus · 19/05/2022 19:02

Hi there,

I am not sure if there is anyone out there who has experienced this. Wasn’t sure where else to turn so really hoping someone can offer advice.

we have a turbulent relationship with our in laws. It got worse after our child was born. They never made an effort it was always us doing the chasing. Over the years they have liked to be controlling to my partner and when my partner has decided to do things they didn’t agree with it would all start again. There has been threats and name calling on their part. When we say something they don’t like the abuse starts.

My partner and I decided it would be better for our child if rather than permanently chase our in laws and then have a inconsistent relationship with our child we wouldn’t bother with them anymore.

our child has all the love and support they need and attends a childcare setting too.

Issue is our in laws are now making demands and threatening to take us to court to get access to our child. We have had numerous solicitors letters and they continue to make false allegations about my partner and I.

Has anyone else ever been in this situation where there in laws want to try and get some form of custody?

Thank you if you made it this far :)

OP posts:
Steelesauce · 19/05/2022 19:06

Unless they were looking after them multiple times a week before the fall out, they won't stand a chance. They have to apply for permission to even apply to court, very rarely are grandparents given any form of access.

nellytheelephant1980 · 19/05/2022 19:32

They won't stand a chance, please do not worry. As the poster says above, they have no automatic right and the onus is on them to prove they had a meaningful relationship with the child before contact was stopped. They also take into account any acrimonious relationships with the parents as they know this is not good for the children.

And that is all if they even managed to get it to court, which they wouldn't.
Easier said than done, but please don't worry at all. I don't know how to pm you but I can speak to you in more detail privately if it would help. I've been there, got the t-shirt and I promise you that you don't need to worry.

Original poster
Isitjustus · 19/05/2022 19:53

Thank you so much for your responses. I’m not too sure how to pm. We really tried to build a relationship but it just didn’t happen. Our child stayed with them on 2 occasions overnight when we didn’t have childcare and they left our child with someone who we do not trust.

The Solicitor keep saying we need to get our own solicitor but we simply cannot afford it especially with the cost of living at the moment :(.

We tried to meet with them and our child a couple of times since this all started but as soon as we said they couldn’t have our child alone all the abuse starts again, our parenting choices are questioned and it gets nasty.

They are using this as a way to get control of us and take the one thing that means the most to us in the world. I just hope if it goes to an initial hearing the judge sees this.

OP posts:
nellytheelephant1980 · 20/05/2022 22:25

It won't get to any hearing. Cut all contact, change your number and don't engage. You don't need a solicitor or to throw any money at this. Please trust me xx

Holidayroundthecorner · 20/05/2022 22:36

Grandparents have no legal rights... A judge wouldn't entertain a hearing unless.....
Unless they had had a long term unsupervised relationship with the dc. As in years of either living with them or they were main child care providers.. A court would have to declare the dc's lives would be negatively affected not to continue to a relationship with those persons for them to gain access. . Ignore any letters op.

Borisblondboufant · 20/05/2022 23:25

Unless they have an established relationship they are wasting their time.I wouldn’t worry at all.

Thepossibility · 20/05/2022 23:29

My psychotic step mother and father tried this shit. I got a call from a court mediator (?) I told them that they are abusive and it would be putting my child in danger allowing them to have access to her, so I am doing my duty as a mother protecting her from them. The only thing I heard after that was an abusive text from my parents so I imagine they were told they have no chance.

PersonaNonGarter · 20/05/2022 23:32

Stop responding.

Steamoutmyears · 20/05/2022 23:35

There was a thread about this a while back. Lots of posters said exactly what has been said here. It sounds so reassuring. Then a couple of lawyers came on and explained the full process and how unlikely it was due a judge to say no, I won't help you see your grandchild. Although I don't personally understand the process, having read that thread, I would do what you can to stay out of court.

TomatoorChips · 20/05/2022 23:55

Steamoutmyears · 20/05/2022 23:35

There was a thread about this a while back. Lots of posters said exactly what has been said here. It sounds so reassuring. Then a couple of lawyers came on and explained the full process and how unlikely it was due a judge to say no, I won't help you see your grandchild. Although I don't personally understand the process, having read that thread, I would do what you can to stay out of court.

I know grandparents who went to court and got rights
yet MN claims it never happens

They didnt have a pre-existing relationship with the child- although the child was very young.

Steamoutmyears · 21/05/2022 00:29

Yes MN can be an echo chamber where posters post what they have read without anyone who actually knows correcting the bias.

Original poster
Isitjustus · 21/05/2022 12:04

Thank you again for all your responses. I have already replied to their solicitor they continue to make false allegations against us, they are just controlling narcissistic people and I hope the judge sees that :(

OP posts:
Isaidnoalready · 21/05/2022 12:11

What allegation? Is is social services worthy? Or are they just blowing off steam?

Original poster
Isitjustus · 21/05/2022 13:25

They have said that we stated they will never see her again, not true. They have said we created an active barrier at our last meet but I had pictures of them with our little one. My partner and I were nowhere near. They have also said our parenting skills are unhealthy as we don’t leave our little one with anyone else for long periods of times I.e. full days apart from childminder. They have said we are unhealthy for her as my partner argued with his mother on the phone whilst our little one was asleep, but the last time we met them a few weeks ago and I said they couldn’t have our little one on their own. They started shouting at us in public and now our little one is scared and keeps mentioning it. We have said we are happy for them to have contact but we have to be there but they won’t have it so are pushing to court.

OP posts:
Isaidnoalready · 21/05/2022 14:02

Honestly you can refute there allegations send the evidence to the solicitor and state you consider this matter closed also due to their lies and abusive nature you will be protecting your child and refusing access at this time you expect them to respect your decision or you will see them in court

Unless they have money you won't see them in court

Original poster
Isitjustus · 21/05/2022 14:05

Thanks for the reply, we have images and also copies of toxic text messages and Facebook statuses that they have sent. They do have money, we don’t this is the issue :(.

OP posts:
Notbluepeter · 21/05/2022 14:21

Stop responding. Ignore all communication. Shut it down. Surely you don't really believe yourself when you say you'd be happy for your children to spend time with these narcissistic liars?!

Mamette · 21/05/2022 14:26

We have said we are happy for them to have contact but we have to be there but they won’t have it

You sound very reasonable and they sound completely unreasonable.

Original poster
Isitjustus · 21/05/2022 14:32

In an ideal world we would never have to see them again. They are doing it purely to have control as our little one is all they can target. They have already tried to put us down in ever other way they can including telling everyone I lie about my job. We tried to sort it between us as the last thing I want is for them to have a court order stating one day a month they have access to our little one like they have stated. They also want Sundays, that’s my partners only day off. This is why we met with them on 2 Sundays after hearing from their solicitor.

OP posts:
Notbluepeter · 21/05/2022 14:48

They are emotionally bullying you by using a solicitor. The letter is just a big stick design to scare you into complying which is exactly what you've done, when they have no grounds. Ignore!!!

diddl · 21/05/2022 15:04

Our child stayed with them on 2 occasions overnight when we didn’t have childcare and they left our child with someone who we do not trust.

What was their reason for this & can you prove it?

Surely if they were supposed to look after their GC but then didn't bother no one will be interested in anything they have to say?

Would they ever be given unsupervised contact does anyone know?

I mean it's not like parents splitting & deciding who has the child when is it?

Holidayroundthecorner · 21/05/2022 16:19

Op you must ignore the threats. A solicitor will write anything.. I had a letter off one saying I must remove the new blinds from my windows as exh could no longer see into my house.. Obviously I didn't. And obviously no judge ordered me to. They have no rights. The lack of any relationship would not interest a judge into giving them one.

Block. Ignore. Or see your own solicitor and tell them you will get a restraining order should they continue to harass you. Do not under any circumstances offer up any time with your precious dc to these batshit people..

Original poster
Isitjustus · 21/05/2022 16:23

My partners mother went to do the school run and left her with his grandmother who has always been a toxic controlling figure in our little ones life. My partners family showed no interest in our little one for 2 years we permanently asked them to see her, invited them for days out on holidays but the relationship has now completely broken down and there’s no way past this. I have messages from my partners mother saying she hopes our little one doesn’t turn out like me. we have even contemplated selling up and moving far away. After the last bowt of abuse I said that I think it’s best we cut ties until our little one is old enough to decide and then a week later, the day before Mother’s Day I get a solicitors letter. We just wanted to move on with our lives and cut the toxic abuse out. We both work full time and have 1 day off a week together which they are now trying to take away from us. I just don’t know what to do for the best anymore. We met with them for 2 occasions to try and stop the solicitor but they have now confirmed they were only doing this to build a relationship with our little one. This is them admitting they haven’t had a relationship with our little one for the 2 and a half years before this.

OP posts:
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 21/05/2022 16:31

You don't have to reply to solicitors letters. Just ignore them.

Isaidnoalready · 21/05/2022 16:44

Sell up move