What would happen to me or ExH if he did this?

[NeglectChargePossibly]

CAO in place for 6 year old DD to stay with ExH EOW for 1 night.

Arrangements have changed slightly since the order was made due to DD wanting to take up an activity on Saturday morning. I have ExHs agreement for the change in a text message.

For arguments sake lets say the order says he has her EOW from Saturday 9am to Sunday 3pm, but we agreed he’d have her from Saturday 11am until Sunday 5pm.

He often brings DD back early. Earlier than the original time stated on the order. I’ve been dropping everything to make sure I’m home when I get the inevitable text to say they’re on the way back but it’s becoming a bit impossible.

Sometimes I work on the Sunday and don’t finish until 1.30pm and would be home by 2pm, or I babysit my friends DC Saturday night and sleep over so won’t be back until 1.30-2pmish.

Sometimes I’m home.

Without fail I’ll get the text at 1pm to say they’re on their way back, he lives at most a 10 minute drive from me (often quicker) so if I’m working I have to get my boss to agree for me to go home, or I have to make sure my friends back so she can take over with her children.

I’ve started saying that I’m not home and asking him to keep her for an hour or so longer so I can make arrangements, but he threatens to leave her on my doorstep and tells me he’ll call the police and I’ll get done for neglect so I’ve always just done it.

But I can’t keep doing it if I want to keep my job. I like helping my friend out (she doesn’t pay me, but the DC are lovely and polite and I just like looking after them).

I feel like I’m still under his control, I daren’t go and stay at family further away for the night because I’m worried he’ll just drop her off and I won’t get back for hours.

So what would happen if I was working/babysitting/staying with family and just didn’t go to him? Would I really be done for neglect?

I obviously don’t want to upset DD, but I feel like I should be able to do normal things with my friends/cousins/work while my DD is supposedly seeing her other parent.

He's doing it because it makes you dance to his tune and you're letting him. If he threatens to leave her on the doorstep, you can tell him that he's the one who will be in trouble as she's in his care, not yours. Stick to the court agreement, stop pandering to his little games.

Not mutation but mutual

By sending an email you are covering your back
If he then leave her you have outlined it’s cruel and unlawful, you have also stated it has to be by mural agreement, so he can’t pull the I told you I was doing it - as there was no agreement

@ivykaty44

Send an email regarding this matter

Unfortunately you returning D.C. early and threatening to leave her in the doorstep alone is not helpful & is unlawful, apart from cruel to D.C.. I work and am not available before 5pm.

Where we can have flexibility it is good.
I suggest mediation over this matter if you are constantly unable to have D.C. after 2pm on a Sunday.

I await your reply on this matter by email only, otherwise I assume you will return D.C. at around 5pm each Sunday unless by mutation pre arrangement.

I agree with getting a paper trail of his threats to abandon his daughter. Even go back to your solicitor with it if it continues. Stop accommodating him.

Dont be available / in until 5pm until he gets it. I assume he cant be arsed to feed her dinner.

I think the point of speaking to the neighbour is that if he does act the idiot and leave dd outside the flat and drives off then OP has cover in that the neighbour will take in the bybthen scared 6 yr old till she can get home.... the neighbour can then call the police if they are willing which will add to OPs case.

The kids father needs to be broken of this habit as OP is going to loose her job otherwise. Which will not help anyone. I'd say he is doing it for 1 of 2 reasons either as other suggest he has somewhere else to be / can't be bothered to parent anymore OR it is to control OP, scare her with the police, get her I to trouble with work so she looses her job then money becomes an issue etc.

I’ve started saying that I’m not home and asking him to keep her for an hour or so longer so I can make arrangements, but he threatens to leave her on my doorstep and tells me he’ll call the police and I’ll get done for neglect so I’ve always just done it.

Absolute BS call his bluff. He is the father, the child is in his care and he neglected her. Honestly the paper trail would do you wonders.

If in retaliation he wants his D.C. to stop her Saturday activity then it needs to be firm outlined on text that it’s his child access to parent and it’s an activity she wants to Do, so it’s going to continue on your weekends

A court would be seriously unlikely to stop the activity. It's supposed to be the best interests of the child.
And you are not denying him a full day but a few hours Which are made up.

Seriously he has made you think he holds all the cards when you could quite easily wipe the floor with him.

Tell him writing now that he needs to keep DD until at least 3pm every time as you will be at work and not home.

Start with that for now.

You need to stand up to him, if he did leave her then report him.

If he responds to the letter saying he won't abide it then tackle that issue then.

Do not ask the neighbour otherwise he will just drop her off early every time to the neighbour.

It is not your neighbour's responsibility, it is his. I think ivy's email is great but I would maybe add that if he abandons DD then you will be contacting the police over the matter.

Stop leaving work early, you keep accommodating him when he is making it difficult for you. Stop letting him have this control. He is using your fear of your DD being upset to manipulate you. She is in his care, not yours. If he leaves her (which I doubt very much that he would) then it is solely on him.

Make sure you communicate in writing so you have a paper trail. Screen shot stuff too, whatsapp messages can be deleted etc.

It wouldn’t be you that gets into any trouble.

@NeglectChargePossibly

I live in a block of flats, he can't see if I'm in or not, not allowed CCTV on the outside of the building or outside my actual flat. None of my windows give a clear enough view of the entrances to be of any use CCTV wise.

Will have a chat with my neighbour, she has a similar aged grandson who she has most weekends so she might even be happy to help. If she says no though I'll accept that and come up with another solution - which will probably be me coming out of work early as usual.

You said you would stop leaving work early but now you're going to again.

Personally I'd refuse to have DD back early at all, then there is no "confusion" or danger of DD being left.

Also if his contact time was from the morning, why did it change due to the activity? He can facilitate getting her there and back.

Think you need to toughen up and stop letting him walk all over you.

You have a CAO. Personally with arseholes like him, I'd be sticking to it 100%

@CanIPleaseHaveOne I'm not going to tell him to leave DD with the neighbour, I'm going to ask the neighbour to keep a look out and see if he leaves DD and step in if he does so DD is safe. I will also be asking to call the police and/or SS if he does leave DD

Also if his contact time was from the morning, why did it change due to the activity? He can facilitate getting her there and back.

@iRun2eatCake The activity is easier to get to from my house, so I drop her off at the activity with all her stuff and ExH picks her up when it's finished.

My neighbour has agreed to keep a look out and see if ExH leaves DD and will take into her house if he does (once he's out of eyesight).

So at least DD will be safe.

How did it go OP?