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Original poster

Domestic abuse/ child contact arrangements . Help!

50 replies

Nivealove · 02/01/2022 14:29

Hello all,

I am feeling a little bit stressed as I have a deadline and hadn't had the time to obtain a solicitor due to unavailability over the festive period.

I was wondering if I could request for my ex to have supervised contact agreed so that it does not end up in court ifyswim.

To give a background. My ex assaulted me three years ago. Went to court, he received a probation (has to attend some DV courses, counselling) a no mol was put in place and he hasn't seen DC for three years. A family solicitor contacted me on behalf of my ex and said that he is requesting for unsupervised contact for once a week. I was going to put in a counter offer of supervised visits leading to unsupervised after reviews/assessments.
Can this all be agreed before a Court order is put in place- if ex agrees. Would Cafcass have to be involved in the interim?

Any advice welcome.

OP posts:

Original poster

Nivealove · 02/01/2022 18:31

@Fluffyunicorn1

If it goes to court, it goes to court. The safeguarding of my children is important but I currently do not have the mental, financial and emotional strength to go through another court case. I've said below that I have two court cases that I'm already dealing with. If all fails and it goes to court so be it. But I will seek legal advice and explore all avenues/risks of not taking it to court and vice versa.

OP posts:

Original poster

Nivealove · 02/01/2022 18:32

You don’t just get to say supervised contact that’s not up to you and he can turn around and tell you to sod off and take it to court anyway

What happens if he agrees?

OP posts:

BitcherOfBlakiven · 02/01/2022 18:33

Get a direct access Barrister if you can afford it.

Fuck him and his solicitor. I question why you weren’t advised to get a “Lives With” order whilst he wasn’t around, tbh. This would have prevented him being able to rock up and collect DC.

How old is DC? Did they witness the violence? Were SS involved?

BitcherOfBlakiven · 02/01/2022 18:35

@Nivealove

You don’t just get to say supervised contact that’s not up to you and he can turn around and tell you to sod off and take it to court anyway

What happens if he agrees?

If he agrees then you crack on, but honestly OP you need to talk to SS first. They don’t like children being around DV perps and can lend a hand to some extent.

Original poster

Nivealove · 02/01/2022 18:46

@BitcherOfBlakiven

Get a direct access Barrister if you can afford it.

Fuck him and his solicitor. I question why you weren’t advised to get a “Lives With” order whilst he wasn’t around, tbh. This would have prevented him being able to rock up and collect DC.

How old is DC? Did they witness the violence? Were SS involved?

Ohno, now I am stressed. But DC live with me, would this come up in court? Looks like I have to involve SS (sigh).

DC is 12 and I am 100% sure he would say he wants to be with his far. Currently dealing with "I hate you", "It's not fair" when I don't allow him to play on is consoles all the time.

OP posts:

Original poster

Nivealove · 02/01/2022 18:51

@BitcherOfBlakiven

Oh wait. This is prevented as it was stated in the non mol that he was not allowed to attend DC's school etc etc.

OP posts:

BitcherOfBlakiven · 02/01/2022 18:53

DC do live with you, but there’s no Court Order that says so. Has the Non Mol expired?

And yes it’s usually Lives With, Contact With.

SS will advise and if he’s a danger, which tbh, a 3 year Non Mol and Probation, he seems to be - they can do a report for court.

DC always take their shit out on the parent they can rely the most on. I’ve got a 13YO and 11YO DDs, both have periods, both are not a constant fucking delight

Original poster

Nivealove · 02/01/2022 18:56

@BitcherOfBlakiven

DC do live with you, but there’s no Court Order that says so. Has the Non Mol expired?

And yes it’s usually Lives With, Contact With.

SS will advise and if he’s a danger, which tbh, a 3 year Non Mol and Probation, he seems to be - they can do a report for court.

DC always take their shit out on the parent they can rely the most on. I’ve got a 13YO and 11YO DDs, both have periods, both are not a constant fucking delight

The non mol is indefinite thankfully.

OP posts:

Fluffyunicorn1 · 02/01/2022 19:01

Is it a non mol or a restraining order? I had a non mol against my ex and as my understanding goes it is 12 months and you have to reapply for a new one.

Original poster

Nivealove · 02/01/2022 19:06

@Fluffyunicorn1

Is it a non mol or a restraining order? I had a non mol against my ex and as my understanding goes it is 12 months and you have to reapply for a new one.

I need to have a dig but I'm sure it's a non mol. The court and the police office who assisted in my case said it was an indefinite non mol as it concluded details about child contact (having to go through a solicitor about child contact).

OP posts:

BitcherOfBlakiven · 02/01/2022 19:07

You have an indefinite Nol Mol?

Then he is breaking it by sending a letter via a solicitor, and the solicitor is also breaking it by sending it on his behalf. Forward a copy to the solicitor and don’t respond again.

Original poster

Nivealove · 02/01/2022 19:09

@BitcherOfBlakiven

You have an indefinite Nol Mol?

Then he is breaking it by sending a letter via a solicitor, and the solicitor is also breaking it by sending it on his behalf. Forward a copy to the solicitor and don’t respond again.

The indefinite non mol said he should arrange child contact via a third party and it lists the following people (e.g. solicitor/social services, Cafcass.

OP posts:

BitcherOfBlakiven · 02/01/2022 19:10

I can see why he hasn’t gone via SS or Cafcass. Because they’d tell him to get to fuck. Please call them.

Original poster

Nivealove · 02/01/2022 19:10

I had a read of the solicitor's original letter. She is applying for a consent order, where a Judge will have a look (reading online). I am so pleased that a Judge will take a look at the case and then will decide the next step going forward.

OP posts:

Original poster

Nivealove · 02/01/2022 19:11

@BitcherOfBlakiven

I can see why he hasn’t gone via SS or Cafcass. Because they’d tell him to get to fuck. Please call them.

Thanks. Yes I'll contact Cafcass.

OP posts:

Nat6999 · 02/01/2022 19:13

If he wants contact he will have to jump through whatever hoops the court state, they won't just expect dc to go from no contact for 3 years to full contact, they will most definite be some supervised contact with observation from Caffcass. This doesn't have to be in a contact centre, my late dp did 13 sessions at a surestart playgroup & 13 sessions where he chose the venue which as it was summer was in the local park & there was no dv involved.

Original poster

Nivealove · 02/01/2022 19:17

@Nat6999

Thank you. I am happy to hear that. I did have a read about supervised contact out in the community as DC is nearing his teens and would rather be out somewhere than stay indoors but it depends on what comes out of this.

OP posts:

BitcherOfBlakiven · 02/01/2022 19:20

His age makes it tricky - obviously he wants to know his father, but what sort of role model will he be? He’s applied before he’s even finished the courses ffs.

Original poster

Nivealove · 02/01/2022 20:10

@BitcherOfBlakiven

His age makes it tricky - obviously he wants to know his father, but what sort of role model will he be? He’s applied before he’s even finished the courses ffs.

I agree too. He is finished all courses pending one. I suspect his solicitor told him that this would be a long process and that he should apply now to nitigate any delays so by then when he reaches the hearing, he would have completed the last course.

But I have just got off the phone to Women's Aid who have given me places where I can seek legally. It mostly likely will end up in court but I'll see what comes out of it. Thank you all for your help.

OP posts:

DebbieHarrysCheekbones · 02/01/2022 20:29

@BitcherOfBlakiven

You have an indefinite Nol Mol?

Then he is breaking it by sending a letter via a solicitor, and the solicitor is also breaking it by sending it on his behalf. Forward a copy to the solicitor and don’t respond again.

It is not a breach of a no Mike station order to send communication about your children via an appointed solicitor.

Harassment via other third period is but this do not necessarily include a solicitor and it would be a foolish one whose conduct risked colouring outside those lines furthermore a NMO does not generally prevent contact with any shared chase e that is dealt with separately. A NMO might include specifics relating to school etc but that would more likely be dealt with via a NMO orPSO should it not be clear in a final CAO

DebbieHarrysCheekbones · 02/01/2022 20:33

Sorry I am sat typing with an overtired child on my lap and apologies for the litany of typos my posts contain tonight

A NMO is also not indefinite
BReaching it is potentially going to involved criminal behaviour which mgt result in police pursuing a restraining order through criminal channels. There are temporary and permanent retraining orders hit generally I believe the latter don’t last beyond two years

Fluffyunicorn1 · 02/01/2022 21:01

I think it’s probably a restraining order. Was it given as part of his sentence? A non mol you have to go to court for yourself.

My restraining order that was part of exs sentence said he couldn’t contact me or come to my address and he could only contact ss Cafcass or solicitor in regards to child contact and nothing else.

BitcherOfBlakiven · 02/01/2022 21:38

Yes I posted before the thread had updated where OP stated the specifics. With it being a life long one, they are usually extended to include DC.

DebbieHarrysCheekbones · 02/01/2022 22:31

@BitcherOfBlakiven

Yes I posted before the thread had updated where OP stated the specifics. With it being a life long one, they are usually extended to include DC.

I think these tend to be known as protective orders but might be wrong

Nat6999 · 03/01/2022 00:36

Nivealove yes he could choose to go to an activity, late dp used to go to soft play when it was raining. It isn't only to see how he behaves but to see he can meet dc needs like food, drinks, supervising safety, things like hand washing, making sure they are dressed for the conditions, can manage tantrums etc without kicking off.

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