Interpretation of Court Order - Ex pushing at every opportunity

[FieldofDreams1]

New Court order in place for contact.

Brief history for context: ex and I split many years ago (very controlling, affairs, moods etc etc.), 2 lovely DC now early teens

Control ramped up a couple of years ago when I met new partner. ExH started using the kids to arrange contact that wasn't agreed, dropped them off days later than arranged etc etc. so went to court to get an agreement sorted. This is now in place but how I wish I had specified every detail, down to the minute they should be dropped off etc. He is now interpreting vague parts of the order and this is where I'd like legal advice please.

We have agreed to split holidays 50/50, and this Easter the arrangements are to be 'For half this holiday to alternate each year between the first and the second half. The handover will be at 10am on the mid point day'. It's his turn second half of the Easter hols this year.

He has already tried to argue that the mid-point day of this 17 day holiday isn't the 9th day, and that it is the 8th day because their last day of school counts as the first day of the holiday. We have finally agreed on the 9th day as the mid point day. However, I also requested the children were dropped back on the last day of the holidays at 5pm. He has fought against this and said he would drop the children at school on the Tuesday (they are due back to school on Mon), then when I said that this wasn't in the agreement he said OK then he'll drop them to sch Monday as this is still part of their holiday. He then blocked me ..

It's so exhausting. I have sent them without their school things as I still think that they should return here with their holidays clothes and things etc at the end of Sunday. He has since sent me a text saying that I am in breach of the court order, and demanding I courier their school clothes over.

There is part of me that just thinks jeez, it's only a day why make such a fuss but even my solicitor said that I am too reasonable, and I think that if I give in then he will continue push other things too. But what if he doesn't drop them back on Sun? What can I do about it if the wording is so vague on the order? How would you interpret when the kids should be dropped back? IS the Monday the norm, or the Sunday?

Thank you!

If the order splits term vs holiday then what time / weekend is his should be clear, so just point it out to him in writing, rinse / repeat every time he challenges it. In the end, if he breaches the order your only option is to return to court. The police sadly won't get involved, which I think is pretty awful.

Can you not just agree this once and see what happens? Have you actually got firm plans for those two days?

He's doing it to control you obviously.

If he doesn't get the response from you that he is expecting, it takes the power away from him.

It must be exhausting for you dealing with this.

Why not just stop.

My ex is makes makes Annie Wilkes from Stephen King's Misery look like Mary Poppins.

Last thing I want to do it get in an argument that is in the grand scheme of things a nothing burger.

Go and live your live and be free. Don't get trapped in this.

he's breaching the Order.. if you let him breach it.. he will take carte blanche ignoring all if it and use the fact you agreed to allow the breach against you..

beware 🌸

Alternatively as @Skeptadad says..

let him do as he pleases and you get to live your life .. he'll perhaps drop the control when you show him he has no control..

only you know him though.. and how this would pan out 🌸

I would say fine because I want to go to x for that last weekend / book a full week in Y. Don’t book because he will want to spoil it and return the kids. Greet him at the door with a happy yet fuck you smile 😁

This is a clear breach of the court order is it? I see his logic. The half term week has one weekend in it. The weekend before/after (depending how you see it) is not half term weekend but an ordinary weekend. If it so falls that his weekend is immediately prior to/after half term, then I can see why he's added his normal 2 days to the 7 days he's entitled to in half term under the order.

“Actually that would be excellent if you could have the kids for an extra two days. I’m going on a romantic holiday with DP.”

I understand that it's not these specific incidents, which is why it's frustrating when people say but why not just let this one go- it's the ongoing continual changes to keep control and these are just a no doubt few examples. For me, I've always dealt with it by asking myself if I really feel this is worth fighting/ disagreeing over it and if not send back a short message saying no problem thanks- knowing the rise isn't going to happen. It can be seen both days regarding the 7 or 9 days. If you have nothing planned I would say no problem, thanks. You know that will infuriate him- he's looking for the drama. Chances are he'll change it and you know that. Minimising the contact and the responses does eventually work. Did the rugby continue?

OP I would go back to court and ask him to sign up to 'Our family Wizard" its court approved, can be court ordered and can be monitored by a professional to help iron out these issues. It means you dont have to have any messages to your mobile phone as all messages are logged and time stamped on the app and can be used in court. It has a calendar on it it which sets out clear time tables of when you both have the kids/drop off/pick ups ect

All this is about control, you need to cut that direct contact link.

In regards to finding loop holes, I would literally stick to the letter of the court agreement. The minute you relax on it he will push harder and further.

Fighting him about every element of the court order is not bringing you peace.
Therefore you need to change tact.
Let him have the two extra days instead of fighting about it and just say thanks.
And I say this as someone who had to go to court and get a Prohibited Steps Order to take my son on holiday.
I then got a Child Arrangement Order saying that the kids live with me. This also means I can go on holiday without my ex's permission so takes all the control on this issue away from him.

Thanks everyone, I really appreciate all the advice. The court order does say that the weekend pattern is suspended in school holiday time. I really should have nailed it down to times when we were in court, regretting that now.
The mediation I arranged (to agree the times) was a farce as he railroaded it, then we agreed to meet to discuss which he then decided to use to demand he have the kids 50/50, again railroading it. Another thing to add to the mix is that I believe he is trying to stretch the number of nights he has the kids so he pays less CMS.

Evesgarden that’s a brilliant idea re communication.

The rugby is continuing, he’s really enjoying it so that’s fab! He’s now saying they want to do tennis and unless I organise this, then he will … and so it goes on and on.

You’re right, he gets off on the drama. The more, the better. He’s now accusing me of being manipulative because I give the kids pocket money when they are with me and not when they are at his. I mean, it must take him quite some time to even think this stuff up!! Luckily my partner helps me see the funny side 😂

@FieldofDreams1

Thanks everyone, I really appreciate all the advice. The court order does say that the weekend pattern is suspended in school holiday time. I really should have nailed it down to times when we were in court, regretting that now. The mediation I arranged (to agree the times) was a farce as he railroaded it, then we agreed to meet to discuss which he then decided to use to demand he have the kids 50/50, again railroading it. Another thing to add to the mix is that I believe he is trying to stretch the number of nights he has the kids so he pays less CMS.

Evesgarden that’s a brilliant idea re communication.

The rugby is continuing, he’s really enjoying it so that’s fab! He’s now saying they want to do tennis and unless I organise this, then he will … and so it goes on and on.

You’re right, he gets off on the drama. The more, the better. He’s now accusing me of being manipulative because I give the kids pocket money when they are with me and not when they are at his. I mean, it must take him quite some time to even think this stuff up!! Luckily my partner helps me see the funny side 😂

I would seriously stand firm ... he's still railroading you sadly