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Original poster

Ex and Police

42 replies

FelineFlick · 31/01/2021 14:04

Hello,

Sorry to post again & apologies for yesterday post, however misguided it was just an attempt to keep some anonymity at at a time I already feel violated, googling for information is how I came across mumsnet in the first place & realised how open my situation may be to google searches.

Thank u for those who told me its Ok to return home to York, I have contacted friends who are willing to come and get me once we confirm its OK for him to travel back & forth. (lots of stuff and I can't drive) or will pay for a van, if those services are allowed at the mo.

My situation = 3 potential dads. 1 is an controlling ex. Other two not interested, which is their right. They all know about each other.

Booked future appointments & informed the ex (was ignored) and then realised, what am I doing....3 potential dads.

Ended up in such a terrible space in my mind, & said so. Decided 2 abort which I'm sorting privately now. Informed him about 2 wks ago, and told him its not anything to do with him anymore.

Basically now ex is now threatenin 2 use the police to satisfy his demands of proof of pregnancy & abortion and that if I don't he will tell the police I'm lying about it all & emotionally abusin him as apparently this is making him ill! (try being me, I've not eaten properly for over a week due to stress)

I feel so violated,

I can't eat or sleep.
What are my rights now and after abortion?
What can the police ask of me, and what do I have to show?
How is this OK - how can one potential father demand info while the others can ignore?
Do all the 3 potential fathers have equal rights for info while I'm pregnant or after abortion?
Will police take him seriously and help him? From experience I know some officers are very 'pro mens rights'!
Will police see this as a violation of my rights?

I feel so violated

As someone who was in an emotionally abusive relationship for four years (not this one), involving criminal and civil courts, to have someone accuse me of this feels horrible.

OP posts:
anotherlongwalk · 31/01/2021 15:00

Hi op, I didn't see your previous post so I may be missing something, but I don't understand why he thinks the police will help him? Is he suggesting you've committed an offence? From what you've written in this post the police would not have any involvement, they would consider it a civil matter. Hope you're ok Thanks

lyingwanker · 31/01/2021 15:06

He could possibly call the police and falsely report that you are harassing him or something which might generate a visit from them. You do not have to tell them anything and if I were you, I purposely wouldn't tell them anything. Your ex is doing this to retain some control over you, take the power back. Your ex has no rights over this child, or info regarding the child, whilst it is inside your body.

Original poster
FelineFlick · 31/01/2021 15:14

Thank you for your reply ❤️

Yes the post yesterday was written rather oddly (in text form) as there were a lot of private details and wanted to preserve some anonymity, but it got flagged because the details seemed ridiculous as did the way I had typed it.

He is suggesting because I no longer want to share this information I therefore have been purposely misleading him and therefore lying about everything and he will have to report me to the police . It's so very scary to be backed into a corner like this.

OP posts:
beelola · 31/01/2021 16:50

There is no offence here so I'm not sure what he'd report to the police. There are no laws that would help him and you are under no legal obligation to tell anybody anything.

Original poster
FelineFlick · 31/01/2021 17:09

I got a list in a message of all the health issues I'm apparently causing him, anxiety, lack of sleep, etc and then accused my of purposely causing these by lying and withholding documents, and if I don't prove Im not lying he will go to the police.

He is making me count down the days till my appointment!

OP posts:
ChancesWhatChances · 31/01/2021 17:11
Hmm
hellasciously · 31/01/2021 17:12

What is he on about reporting you to the police for what lol. They'd laugh at him. Block his number and anything on social media. Once you had the abortion, if you decide to go through with it contact him then to say it's done.

beelola · 31/01/2021 17:26

Ignore and be glad he's an ex.

prh47bridge · 31/01/2021 18:30

The police won't be interested. You haven't committed any crime.

FrostyGotFurloughed · 31/01/2021 18:34

I didn't see the other post.... please block him have no contact with him!!!

Santaiscovidfree · 31/01/2021 18:37

He has no rights to the baby as yet. So no rights to know about your body and it's contents.
Block him in all ways op.
Seriously you have enough to deal with. Do not send him anything at all. No details /info /naff all.

3JsMa · 31/01/2021 18:39

In regards to your ex requesting an info about your current situation,he must be dreaming that the police will even listen to him.It is civil matter,not a criminal one so they will ignore him.
With his accusations regarding your alleged abuse,again they will be only interested if there is concrete proof (text messages,recordings etc).
Please,don't worry,there is nothing he can do, and is probably trying his tactics to remain in control and add to the abuse he already subjected you to.
Do you have any proof of abuse yourself?Are you in touch with Women's Aid ?That will be extremely helpful if the police will be persuaded by him to investigate.Other than that,please ignore him.

Theunamedcat · 31/01/2021 18:46

An abortion is a medical matter that is private nothing to do with any man even if you were married its none of his business

Block him and ignore him never get in touch with him again

Perpetualheadache · 31/01/2021 18:51

Having an abortion isn't a crime and you don't need the sperm donors permission. He's being a dick of the highest order. You do what you want to.

LaurieFairyCake · 31/01/2021 19:00

Block all of them

Never tell them anything unless you decide to have the baby and the baby needs child support

Original poster
FelineFlick · 31/01/2021 19:32

Thank you so much everyone that's taken the time to reply -

Hi @Perpetualheadache he is saying I'm lying abot the pregnancy because I won't show him proof and that he will have to go to the police because this is emotional abuse and then told me all the ways it's made him ill. 😔 Its just a ploy to get information, I've never been abusive and all the messages show that.

That's why I was trying to work out what the police are allowed to ask me and know what my rights as I know some police officers can be a little tricky and can sometimes cross boundaries because they think they are helping.

Imagine what he would

OP posts:
Original poster
FelineFlick · 31/01/2021 19:38

*imagine what he would do to me if it was actually his child!

OP posts:
Perpetualheadache · 31/01/2021 19:43

He's making shit up - nothing will come of it it he does go to the police. He's trying to manipulate you and that's all it is. I can't even think of what kind of shitty human does that to another. You don't need the stress Flowers

anotherlongwalk · 31/01/2021 19:57

Out of curiosity OP, does he know that you're having a termination, and if you've told him that you're pregnant and he doesn't believe you and wants to see proof, why not just show him the proof you have?

Theunamedcat · 31/01/2021 21:14

So imagine this police show up on your doorstep tell you that you must stop contacting him as he is claiming your harassing him

Don't sign anything admitting your harassing him

Tell them you were in a relationship its over and you have blocked him they might persist asking about a pregnancy you tell them its nothing to do with him

Change your number and be able to prove this (ask your provider to change your number that way you can provide proof in the way of messages from them they tend to text they are changing your number)

You can move during lockdown can you get public transport towards your home and your friend pick you up closer? Some moving companies are still working

Original poster
FelineFlick · 31/01/2021 21:29

Hey guys thank you so much,

I haven't spoken to him for nearly 3 wks, since informing him that I'lll be aborting, I have a msg from him just over a week ago stating that my silence is emotional abuse. So if he does claim harassment, hopefully that will be enough to show that I can't be harassing him if he is saying my silence is abuse, he is so saying me not showing him anything is also abuse and the fact I'm lying is abuse, so I've realised this isnt about actually caring, it's all about control because I'm just the bad guy no matter what I do or don't do.

I have a lot of stuff that I can't leave behind, but I will most likely get a moving service if its too far for them travel.

OP posts:
Original poster
FelineFlick · 31/01/2021 21:31

*In my msg nearly 3 weeks ago, when informing him of abortion, I also stated that it's nothing 2 do with him anymore so he would leave me alone.

OP posts:
Skeptadad · 31/01/2021 21:40

He sounds like a fruit cake!

There is no winning with these kinds of people. If you provide him with the evidence he will say you are emotionally abusing him by having an abortion. Whatever you do will end up with him alleging emotional abuse. I would terminate him indefinitely!

whydoyouhateclocks · 31/01/2021 21:43

I think you might be the one being abused tbh.

I have a pretty low opinion of the police (based on experience) but even I would be shocked if they tried to invent powers enabling them to demand proof you'd had an abortion.

Skeptadad · 31/01/2021 21:49

I also have a very low opinion of the police. I think if you drew them a map with coloured highlighter pens, gave them words of support and encouragement and had a big yellow, flashing sign pointing to the crime they would struggle.

They will not be interested whatsoever in this (either way around). The conviction rates for emotional and psychological abuse are stunning low and this wouldn't even be a blip on the radar.

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