Ex taking me to court over 4 month old

[namechanger247334]

Has anyone been in a similar situation, I'm so scared, my ex is threatening to take me to court over our 4 month old, need a hand hold

Please correct me if I'm wrong, I'm aware it's still an incredibly long message

Take out the maybes

Also don't say please. And be more firm about if he needs to change the facetime, then you will do your best to accommodate him if possible as long as you have enough notice. What you said gives him too much leeway to mess you around with last minute changes, and stops you going out on Saturdays once lockdown eases.

And don't do that first bit justifying yourself.

Still sounds too apologetic Op!

[quote namechanger247334]@Nat6999

If he took me to court would he need a solicitor?
Or could he go without one if he didn't want to pay for it

(I have no idea how it works and have no idea how much it costs) [/quote]

In short yes he can.

This may help:

leedslawsociety.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/litigants-in-person-guidance-family-law-v1-010914.pdf

However again it's not something you should necessarily feel afraid of.

At this point in time even if he went to court he's not going to get extended access.

What you need to demonstrate is willingness for him to have contact.

What you don't have to do is bend over backwards to provide it. In other words he needs to travel to you. He needs to suggest how contact could be provided etc

The best approach when he threatens you is to ask him a question. So for example "what's your suggestion on how to facilitate xyz?"

Then when he says something unworkable don't say "no".

Say "given baby is EBF I can't see how that would work. Can you think of an alternative that would allow me to be available to feed her?"

In other words keep putting the onus back on him.

Also, you need to take out the bit about daddy cuddles etc as that's justifying yourself, and don't say you're doing your best. Of course you are, it doesn't need to be said, and sounds like you're trying to convince him of something that isn't true. And don't say about trying to get on, as he won't like it and will likely blame you in his reply.

Give him nothing he an use to argue against you or make you look bad

Better??

I am not withholding contact. You said you couldn’t FaceTime on Sunday and I accepted that and said ‘ok let’s do it next week’. You cancelled contact first because you were busy
In future you should let me know if you’re unable to FaceTime at a specific time in advance.
Please do not threaten me in turning up to my house, that is not ok.
FaceTiming everyday wouldn’t work for (baby), you said she doesn’t need to be settled, you just need to see her, I’m not going to let (baby) sit and stare at a screen whilst she is crying, that’s not fair on her, so she does need to be settled when we FaceTime.
I’m trying to get her into a bedtime routine so it would be great if you could record a video of you reading a story that I could show her regularly, or even just a video of you talking?
That way I can regularly show her the videos of you so throughout covid she will still know who you are.
I hope you stay safe and perhaps you could record those stories soon as I’m sure (baby) will love listening to them.
Lets try to get on instead of argue.

Minus the last sentence about getting on

Minus
'Please'
In
Please do not threaten me

Much better, with those other changes you just said

OP the message is still far to long and passive.

You need to cut it right down.

You have 3 key points to make.

• You are happy to do the FT calls and will re-schedule if he lets you know he's busy. In addition your happy to play the baby videos of him if he chooses to make them.

• Your baby is EBF/bottle refuser and feeds hourly.

• you are not standing in the way of contact, you simply want him to suggest how this can be facilitated safely given the above.

That's it.

Don't get drawn into long emails/texts. The shorter the better.

The cuddles bit is also rather galling and goady tbh, given that he doesn't get any cuddles. It would really antagonise me if I were told that, if direct access had been withheld.

What is the reason why for your daughter direct contact is thought risky? Young babies are at low risk for Covid, and the law allows you to continue access.

@Babyboomtastic
I've removed that bit now

I've already spoken with her consultant and health visitor on that matter

Why is she under consultant care?
Does your ex agree with no direct contact?

Is this any better?
Ive removed the bits about daily farms times so he can't argue with what I say:

I am not withholding contact. You said you couldn’t FaceTime on Sunday and I accepted that and said ‘ok let’s do it next week’. You cancelled contact first because you were busy
In future you should let me know if you’re unable to FaceTime at a specific time in advance.
Do not threaten me in turning up to my house, that is not ok.
I’m trying to get her into a bedtime routine so it would be great if you could record a video of you reading a story that I could show her regularly, or even just a video of you talking?
That way I can regularly show her the videos of you so throughout covid she will still know who you are.
I hope you stay safe and perhaps you could record those stories soon as I’m sure (baby) will love listening to them.

Much better.

I'm concerned that he could misread the last sentence and think that you want him back or similar. Plus it's a bit pleading/submissive and repeats asking him for the video

Ok...

I am not withholding contact. You said you couldn’t FaceTime on Sunday and I accepted that and said ‘ok let’s do it next week’. You cancelled contact first because you were busy
In future you should let me know if you’re unable to FaceTime at a specific time in advance.
Please do not threaten me in turning up to my house, that is not ok.
FaceTiming everyday wouldn’t work for (baby), you said she doesn’t need to be settled, you just need to see her, I’m not going to let (baby) sit and stare at a screen whilst she is crying, that’s not fair on her, so she does need to be settled when we FaceTime.
I’m trying to get her into a bedtime routine so it would be great if you could record a video of you reading a story that I could show her regularly, or even just a video of you talking?
That way I can regularly show her the videos of you so throughout covid she will still know who you are.

@Boonlark
You're right with what you said

You've added a please back in

Jesus I'm destined to fail aren't I 😂😂

Nope, you're just sleep deprived

And you've put back in the bit about daily facetiming. Maybe just copy the previous one and take out the last sentence?

Right I think I've cracked it...

I am not withholding contact. You said you couldn’t FaceTime on Sunday and I accepted that and said ‘ok let’s do it next week’. You cancelled contact first because you were busy
In future you should let me know if you’re unable to FaceTime at a specific time in advance.
Do not threaten me in turning up to my house, that is not ok.
I’m trying to get her into a bedtime routine so it would be great if you could record a video of you reading a story that I could show her regularly, or even just a video of you talking?
That way I can regularly show her the videos of you so throughout covid she will still know who you are.

That looks much better