Ex taking me to court over 4 month old

[namechanger247334]

Has anyone been in a similar situation, I'm so scared, my ex is threatening to take me to court over our 4 month old, need a hand hold

He is still controlling me :/

The thing is, she only will contact nap (sleeps on me) so if I were to move her or leave the room she would wake up.
I can't leave the room when he's FaceTiming normally because she's a baby that requires constant movement or attention (like you literally can't leave her for 5 minutes alone, believe me I've tried haha)

I guess where is the line between it being ok for UK to want to see his child, and him being controlling?

It's good if he wants a relationship with his child. You may dislike him, but your child has a right to know her father and I don't see how wishing to have frequent face time, when you aren't even letting him see his child, is unreasonable. Little and often is often suggested for young babies for contact.

People with ex partners that were physically horribly abusive often have to find a way to make direct contact work, whilst you say there were control/emotional abuse issues, I can't see why you are so obstructive to him having involvement now. Every day is perhaps too much, but I can see why a video call once a week is pitifully deficient.

You did the right thing @namechanger247334 in leaving him off the birth certificate. He is clearly an extremely manipulative character, and is still trying to control you eg demands for daily FaceTime sessions with a tiny baby.

Contact with the father should be in the best interest of the baby and for their benefit, not as he seems to think, for the entertainment of the father.

The father does not need to be on the birth certificate in order to claim maintenance payments from him. The Courts are not involved in claiming maintenance, it is dealt with by CMS, mainly on line.
Is the father working or self employed?
I can understand your reluctance in claiming from him @namechanger247334, as he will see it as another way to manipulate you.

The father will be able to take his own photos of baby when he has contact visits, so no need for you to get involved with that at the moment @namechanger247334.

If you are doing face time, at least just angle the camera onto the baby, not your own face. If he is talking to you don't engage more than is absolutely necessary. He is not entitled to any information except your baby's welfare which can be limited more or less just to how baby is eating and sleeping and developmental progress. Make sure you are sitting against a blank wall.

If you post on relationships your will get lots of helpful advice on how to communicate with him and how to protect yourself from his bullying. You are not alone and many posters on the relationships board have been exactly where you are.

The father will be able to take his own photos of baby when he has contact visits, so no need for you to get involved with that at the moment

There are no contact visits. The OP won't allow them due to Covid. It's unclear whether that is due to the baby being clinically vulnerable, or the OPs worries about Covid, but regardless, the dad isn't able to see the baby in person at all, at the moment.

@Babyboomtastic

The father will be able to take his own photos of baby when he has contact visits, so no need for you to get involved with that at the moment

There are no contact visits. The OP won't allow them due to Covid. It's unclear whether that is due to the baby being clinically vulnerable, or the OPs worries about Covid, but regardless, the dad isn't able to see the baby in person at all, at the moment.

They agreed after speaking to the babys consultant that it was a better idea to facetime due to covid she is a tiny baby and he catches the train down she isnt withholding contact it was an agreement jointly made

@Theunamedcat

No, the op has never said it was a joint decision. She mentioned the consultant advised it, but has not said that the baby has any extra vulnerability (babies are not vulnerable by virtue of being babies, and the guidance allows contact to continue as normal), or the context.

It may be that the baby had respiratory issues, and is under consultant care, and that's how it came up.

It may have been an offhand chat with the doctor signing off the baby at birth, with asking 'do you think it's a good idea for baby to see relatives that have travelled by train' without specifying that it's the babies own father.

The OP has not elaborated, and if there were a specific reason why fade to fade would be dangerous for THIS baby, then I'm sure she would have mentioned it.

That she has been asked more than once and has still not said whether the baby is ECV, for example, or that it is agreed, makes me think there isn't a real reason, and it's the OPs anxiety over Covid, or her not wanting direct contact.

Up and down the country, seperated parents are seeing their small babies. Unless there is a medical reason why not, I don't see what is so different here.

@namechanger247334

His mother has got 8 children by 3 different men and has gone to court for all of them so his family knows exactly how it works, so I reckon he will take me to court, although I'm not sure exactly what he was, he's seen her twice and then lockdown happened and gaining advice from the hospital, she's a small baby so we agreed to FaceTime

^ we decided on facetime

I don't think he's being unreasonable wanting to facetime the baby everyday if he isn't seeing the baby because of your agreement.
I do think you were being unreasonable telling him you will facetime next week.

I also think he should be able to see the baby though and not just facetime.
Babies change really quickly he needs to create a bond with the baby as much as you do.

@endofthelinefinally
I don't show my face on FaceTime, I do angle it down at baby

There is a medical reason, I don't wish to elaborate but I'm not with holding contact for no good reason

Thank you to everyone that's been helpful

You're doing really well. You're doing the best you can. I know by how intrusive it is to have his voice in your house and not be able to move away from it. It's really hard to heal and move on too.

But you're only offering a facetime once a week.
It's not sufficient contact for a parent.
I am sure you would feel the same if he had primary care for your baby?
I don't think it will make you look very good if it goes to court either OP.

OP, you say you don't need money, I would assume it means you can afford a legal advice. Get yourself a proper lawyer and see what you can do in terms of the contact with the father. It would be more efficient than asking a bunch of strangers who don't have all the information. I think there must be incredibly strong reasons not to mention a father on a birth certificate

@doctorhamster

No judge in the land will make you hand over a 4 month old op. Get some proper legal advice

No remotely competent family lawyer would advise this.

She can't stop him getting access, including overnight if he is not a registered danger to children. Whatever went on between the adults means absolutely nothing to a judge.

It's not about her. The baby matters, she has no right to try and deny both the ex AND the baby the right to know each other

He is not his mother. A judge will say that too

Reported. Don’t think it’s in the spirit of the site to resurrect an old thread to abuse the OP.

100% to go for child support. If he has money for court he has money for that.
I’d just mention in passing you were doing that ‘seeing as we are going to court I think it’s a good idea for CS to be sorted so the court can see that’. Might put him off completely.

@Bobbers49

I am sorry for the death of your nephew. I know how hard it is to lose someone through suicide. But coming onto a 5 month old post and writing nasty comments like that is not on. You don’t know enough about the situation to align it with your brother and nephews. Suggesting the OPs behaviours will cause the death of her baby is not on.