Any solicitors in family law here to help re DA?

[Tryingtokeepsafe]

I don’t want to put too much info on here for obvious reasons and I have name changed. A few years back I went to court to stop my ex being able to have contact with my dc due to domestic abuse. Thankfully I won but he was allowed to send letters once a month to dc, but never bothered to. I had maybe annual texts of abuse but ignored. He’s recently decided to write to them. I have them the choice if they wanted to and they did. They were pissed off by the content as he speaks to them like they are 5. They are early teens. They binned the letters and said they never ever want a letter again. To complicate dc have SN and mental health issues that have been caused by him. Eldest tried to kill him self because of him.

Ex has changed tact in his texts, all polite and using ‘correct terminology’ and someone is clearly advising him. I told him to stop and told him to stop adding to the anxiety and stress he has caused dc. He has ignored this and continues to write. I am now not responding to texts. I’m fed up of having to keep looking over my shoulder and be scared every time the door goes. I want to move but then I’m not ‘making the dc available’ to the said letters court granted. Dc are petrified. I have sent application off for legal aid....

Cafcass obv were involved last time and agreed he should’nt have direct contact. What are the chances of me winning in court so that he can’t write to them? I want to move house so the dc finally see safe and won’t know where we are... please don’t tell me to just ignore the letters. I can’t. He is sending them bang on monthly and when the date comes round I feel sick waiting for post. Then the text the next day about me making the dc engage with him.... I want to feel safe in my own home, I want my dc to feel safe in their own home.

What are the chances of me winning in court to stop all indirect contact too??

Change your phone number ?

www.royalmail.com/receiving/po-box

They do delivery or collection for mail.

He would be the only one with the P O Box address

I don’t know... he forced me to go to the mediator last time.... who obv said there was no mediation due To DA and has a go at me for ‘lying’ and being obstructive. I don’t want to go through court again but if I won and he wasn’t allowed to write to dc... I think all of us will finally be able to get on with our lives.... they are destroyed. Their mental health is through the floor. No kid should feel unsafe in their own home or waiting for mail that they don’t want. Eldest got so upset when they read the letter as they thought he was coming for them for not writing back....

How does a po box addresA work? How do the Royal Mail know letters are from him and not letters from their banks that I get with statements etc?

@Tryingtokeepsafe

I don’t know... he forced me to go to the mediator last time.... who obv said there was no mediation due To DA and has a go at me for ‘lying’ and being obstructive. I don’t want to go through court again but if I won and he wasn’t allowed to write to dc... I think all of us will finally be able to get on with our lives.... they are destroyed. Their mental health is through the floor. No kid should feel unsafe in their own home or waiting for mail that they don’t want. Eldest got so upset when they read the letter as they thought he was coming for them for not writing back....

How does a po box addresA work? How do the Royal Mail know letters are from him and not letters from their banks that I get with statements etc?

Because they’ll have different addresses on? You only give the po address to you ex so it’ll go to you P.O. Box. All the other letters to your children will have your actual address on so will go to your house

So he would know it’s a P.O. Box address then as it wouldn’t look like a normal residential address?

@Tryingtokeepsafe

So he would know it’s a P.O. Box address then as it wouldn’t look like a normal residential address?

Yes, he’d know it was a P.O. Box. It shouldn’t make a difference though, he can still send you letters there

If you move and set up a royal mail redirection, someone in the sorting office shacks a sticker with your new address on over the old address and sticks the letter back in the post. Who ever sent it would not know you had moved. Sometimes they put a whole bunch of letters in another envelope - either way it would make it harder for your DC to see any letter that came from him.

Change your number, he has no reason to have it. Move if you really need too and set up a POBox address for his letters to be delivered too.

A PO Box set up is more than adequate in this case and you are not blocking contact.

So you would have your address for friends family and dressed bills.

He would have a PO Box a dress so he could write but not know your address.

Or you could suggest less letters and move to an email address - a new one. He can write to them using that.

Or you could get a cheap phone, stick your SIM in it and leave it in. drawer. Get a new number and Sim for everything else.
Do you have a trusted friend/family member who you could redirect your post to? They could simply remove that letter before giving you your post? Almost everything I have is online anyway so if you set up online banking, utilities etc. post would be minimal.

Op.
Can I ask why you were awarded indirect contact because this is what I want for DD. My ExP, her father is a deranged, violent, psychotic abuser and has abused DD. Can you tell me why CAFCASS recommended indirect contact?
Thanks x

@Puppy72 because he was abusive to me and to them. Because dc said they wanted nothing to do with him. My case was quite unique though, camhs were heavily involved at the time and said he shouldn’t see them as detrimental to their mental health and so did their head teacher at the time...... I was surprised as they usually give contact centre visits even to abusive parents........ so I was convinced that was what they would need up with but thankfully not. I’m sorry you are going through similar. No one can understand how awful it is unless you have lived it.

*end up with

@Tryingtokeepsafe thank you.. My ExP was violent and abusive to me and mentally and physically abusive to DD, SW who was involved as a result of a MARAC referral helped us flee. Has been four months now and he's finally instructed a solicitor. He's first of all trying to get a non molestation order discharged and so far have received two threatening letters from solicitors bullying me to agree to his outside contact requests. He's dangerous and a bully. He was the non molestation order discharged so he can find where we live and harass us. I literally had to pack my stuff and flee and leave the awful life we knew. We're both so much happier now. Our case was heard at MARAC four times and every time we came out extremely high risk. He's deranged. He abused DD, force fed her, tried starving her, tried choking her with water, regularly told her he hates her, is a mistake.. He's just an awful awful excuse of a man.. SW involved even said he's too dangerous to have contact with and he has to apply to the courts, she thinks at the very most he'll be given one hour in contact centre. I've told my solicitor I don't even want that. Indirect contact is enough.. DD is only 2 and cannot voice opinion but I know she's scared of him and cried and cried whenever he picked her up.. Just hope I stand a chance of indirect contact. His solicitor is really trying to bully me but I will not accept and comply to what he wants. DD is safe with me x

SW has also called him mentally unstable.

One thing I will say, keep firm. I was weak and scared back then, would’ve agreed to anything just to stop him harassing me. I’m much stronger now and would not stand for ANYTHING should I physically face him again.

If you have other agencies backing you up that really helps. I don’t agree with contact centres but sadly they do get given. I’m told they are safe though in terms of people ‘watching’ what goes on but I did not want my kids going plus one of them was a flight risk which added to my case. At the end of the day the court generally go with what cafcass think should happen.

I left four months ago now and haven't seen or spoken to him straight away. Got a non molestation order as soon as I left because he was harassing me at work and my number and email. He's a dangerous risk to DD, even his own mother hates him and is terrified of him and said he should be allowed near DD. He doesn't know how to be any kind of father. X