Husband bought a house/divorce.

[MinnieKat]

My ex husband started divorce proceedings against me (separated 6 years at that point) and I received the first papers in January. These got mislaid (extenuating circumstances) and I requested a second copy from the court in March. Obviously the papers were delayed by COVID and I received them a couple of weeks ago. Nothing has been signed.

I checked the land registry yesterday and found that the house XH and his partner moved into in May is owned by them as I suspected.

What is my position?

We have 3 children and 95% of childcare has been done by me since our split. Due to DC’s needs and his lack of input I’ve only had part time jobs or relied on benefits since then. I can prove he has had no responsibility for their educational/medical requirements and all decisions have been made by me.

He doesn't get to 'refuse'. If you know roughly what he earns, you can use the online calculator to work our roughly what minimum he is legally obliged to pay you for the children.

I know roughly what he was on back then, now he’s progressed so I honestly couldn’t even guess. I know his over time is frequent and he often has overnight stays at work but again couldn’t guess at how much it adds up to.

Be careful, your solictor will take every penny they can from you, and you might not end up with anything.

I’ve weighed up rough costs, including mediation which is the first step, and feel comfortable. I can always reevaluate later on.

My solicitor was very good and is including advice in my summary letter on how to proceed with minimal legal costs, though I will use them as much as I can or is necessary.

I know I can be too direct- my DH went through a similar court case as he has 1 child with SN and we had bought a house together once the financials were done. 10 years along and 20k in solicitors and barrister costs it has only been the legal profession that has won. And yes he pays for his child for the rest of his life which is right and proper but his ex w did not have any part of what we bought together.

That’s your opinion and I respect your right to have it. I don’t agree that I deserve nothing though for my part in things in my situation.

My parents split up over 30 years ago but never did a legal separation.
When they eventually did divorce 10 years ago, there was still the marital home that they both contributed to but my father had bought two (mortgage-free) properties with his partner & my mother had bought a (mortgage-free) property alone.
My Dad went after 50% of my Mum's property so she countered by going for 50% of his share of co-owned properties...
It got vicious & very costly, barristers were involved.
In the end they split the marital home 50-50 and my mother got a chunk of my Dad's pension for the period of time she was a SAHM Mum then working part time to fit around my school hours.
It might be possible to get some of his new house but it'll cost you both financially & emotionally.

I really don’t want anything to do with his house.

I only asked how it might change things for me in relation to the divorce because he had the means to build up assets while none of the responsibility of the commitment we both made by having a family to divert him or hold him back.

I wish him well in his new life but he seems to think he’s already living it and has forgotten that there are still things to sort out between us with wrapping up the marriage. That’s why he’s angry, because I have the audacity to not do as immediately told and sign the papers.

I’m certainly not going to waste thousands trying to get part of his house when I don’t even want it but I do feel I should fight for something.

It was not my choice for that equal parenting to expire along with the marriage, that was his choice alone
But it was always a risk. 50% of marriages end up in divorce. You made the choice to take that risk by having 3 children and not working, with a husband who then didn't earn massive and couldn't afford a house.

I know it's not directly related to the legal query but it doesn't help you move on putting all the blame of your current situation on him when although he took the easy way out, you also made decisions that was putting you at risk to be there you are now.

As above, those who are going to benefit from this are the lawyers. You'll both lose out financially and you'll also lose any amical relationship with him and making him even less likely to support you in the future. She will think you're a complete bitch and will make sure your ex does nothing to help you.

All this to prove yourself you can stand up to him when you are partly to the reasons why you are where you are.

You are doing the right thing
Good luck

So he also didn’t take the risk? And now shouldn’t have to reap what has been sown? He didn’t want me to work, I was 20 years old, he was older, far more confident in himself and I was very naive. We’d both make different choices now.

I’m happy with the outcome you describe. I’m not naive enough now to think we’ll all be amicable after this, but I also don’t think we need to be.

But the risks are clearly much lower for him and always were.

It was indeed quite naive to have children that young and stop tour studi4s/work experience but as you say, you can't go back and change it. You must still be quite young so plenty of opportunities to better your life for your future and that of your children. You need to gain your self esteem again and know you can do it, even with 3 children. You'll get much more satisfaction bettering your financial situation that way then taking him for all you can based on weak foundations and not so much to gain anyway.

You really can do it channeling your energy where you have much better chances of a good outcome that will make you feel better about yourself.

Well, they shouldn’t have been. It should have been an equal risk on both parts. He can’t choose to keep equal parental rights to the children and then choose not exercise them. Parenting is an absolute, you either are or you aren’t. You should not be able to cherry pick what bits you do or don’t do and then face no consequences to that. You wouldn’t engage a nanny to raise your children and expect her to cover the costs of doing so.

Honestly, I’m not sure why you’re posting. I quite clearly don’t agree with you.

I completely understand what you’re saying about rising above all this and making it on my own etc. You’re completely right that I can do that. This is a chapter that needs to be closed in both our lives and I’m happy with my decision to pursue this at this time. As I’ve said, I can always reevaluate at a later time if things change.

My parents no longer lived together for about 20-odd years but remained married. This happened after I was 18.
During that time my Dad was in the marital home however insurance & maintenance costs were shared 50/50 with my Mum.
Mum bought a property in London with an inheritance. This was 4 years after she moved out. That property increased almost 300% in value....
My Dad put 50% of his money in a property with his long term partner. This was about 15 years after Mum left.
He also bought a property abroad alone around the same time.
When divorce eventually happened, Dad went for 50% of Mum's property so she countered with 50% of the money he'd put into his partner's property plus 50% of the property abroad.
Both sides argued that they were still legally married & it didn't matter when the properties were bought, if my parents had wanted financial separation then they should've done it at the start so all the assets remained marital...
Eventually it was decided 50/50 on the marital home as planned & Mum got a hefty chunk of his pension for the child-bearing years. All other properties weren't touched.
It was a big squabble but there was a justified argument!

I don't agree with the posts on the first page of the thread. In English rather than Scottish law the court looks at all the assets even if acquired after the divoce but before final divorce consent order. The priority is provision of the children and if that means taking eg an inheritance or the equity he put into the new house as to his half then so be it. However make sure the sum you might recover is not less than the costs you might incur in recovering it.

One man an eco- millionaire found his ex could claim about 20 years after the divorce and claim on his later acquired millions! Here is is she got £500k even though when married they were both penniless www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3634949/Victory-hippy-millionaire-s-unemployed-ex-wife-wins-500-000-share-fortune-money-decade-broke-up.html Supreme court - our highest court.

But this case is extreme and as such cases that involve high amount of money usually are, they however rarely represent judgements in cases that don't involve millions.

Suggest put your time & energy into getting the divorce finalized, with a clean break for both of you asap

I completely understand you MinnieKat is is about justice. I know you aren't after his house as some seem to think. (As you have clearly stated god knows how many times) and I am also equally sure you will go on to 'live you best life' as the father trite saying goes. However you are quite right to Pursue this within the realms of the legal advice you have been given .. (and of course stop pursuing it if it is going to cost you too much financially or emotionally. )

You want justice for a decision you BOTH made to have children, and the subsequent work (in looking after his children) whilst he gained financially and you were disadvantaged when he completely reneged on his requirement to be equally responsible as a parent. You go for it. If nothing else you should be entitled to some of his pension which is bigger all for all the time you have put in raising the children alone.. while he prospers. Prospering that would not have been possible without your childcare input.

@MinnieKat another thing to bear in mind is that if you are claiming Universal Credit, then any savings over £6000 will reduce the money that you can claim, and anything over £16,000 would stop your benefits entirely. Apologies if this wouldn't affect you, but it would be awful to spend time and money going after more from him, only to lose out in the long term anyway.