Stranger tried to punch me while holding my little girl!

[SomebodysSome1]

Hey guys, ok this is really difficult for me to process. I am so traumatised I literally am struggling with the idea of leaving my home.

First of all, I am a professional, I have a hella lot of confidence, stand in front of classes of kids (who are the worst critics) and have worked in Pupil referral units which basically are for students who have been kicked out of mainstream- none of the behaviour management Stuff phases me.

What happened to me on Tuesday has shook me to the core.
I have two small babies, one that is 19 months old, one that is 3.5 years old, potty training. I was with my husband in a Pizza Express in a known area of Town that is usually quite nice. A place I visit, I am local to, and a place I frequent with my children and other mums from school at least once a month.

I took my little girl to the little girls room in between starters and mains. I got to the loo, took her to an open cubicle and let her do her very quick wee. Was super happy she was having a dry day and told her so. got her gear on and walked out of the cubicle and bent down to pull her sleeves up. I put on the tap and a lady who was in the bathroom having just washed her hands and dried them came back to the sink, stood in front and started playing with her hair.
By this time I have picked up my 3 year old with sleeves up, tap still running from when I have turned it on and lady still standing in front (didn't even think anything of it, waited patiently and praised my childs effort for communicating with me for her need to go to the loo- we were having a full dry day!)
Now what happened next just plays over and over in my mind...

This lady, caucasian, relatively well dressed, looking at me intermittently through the mirror while playing with her hair and sighing a lot makes eye contact with me and says "Stop smiling at me you condescending B*", now I am totally taken a back, a little in denial and still holding an increasing heavy little girl I happened to respond right back with "Excuse me, what was that? What did you say" To which she.... turned completely and repeated herself louder and emphasised the swear word to my face... She has moved out the way of the sink, is clearly mega angry with me and I move over to wash my daughters hands while responding " Could you please not swear in front of my child"....

NOW THIS, this is what I cannot get my head around, kid in right hand wrapped around right hand side of my body as I am using left hand to bend down and wash her, glancing over at the woman intermittently.... this was her unbelievable response to a reasonable request....

"F off, You Fking shut your mouth" and then leaping for me, now my child is on my right hand side and she is standing by the door to the right of me, ergo, my fear is my child as she lunges over. briefly by a hair misses my face which she had a fist ready for!!! I must have gone into fight or flight, I was yelling at her to get away from me as I made a b-line for the door, ran out the corridor to my husband and was yelling "Theres a woman in the toilet who tried to punch me while I have a child in hand, for smiling!!" I must have yelled it over and over and begged the working personnel to raise the alarm and call the police.

Thing is... police eventually came when my husband rang them and the staff were good to keep her away from us. I was scared and shaking!
I don't know if it was adrenaline! I just don't know. the staff asked the lady to leave- she didn't. The staff refused to serve her and the whole while I just wanted the police to come asap. I was literally in shock.

Now police came and split up and one came to take my story and one hers. Now when they both came back to me, it seemed that the other lady has no priors (my husband, a surgeon was sure she must be on the mental health spectrum, was expecting the police to manage the situation). Turned out according to officers she has no priors so theres not much they can do. Erm.... what? My husband asked she be escorted to leave and they were making a case that its a waste of police time to log anything. WHAT?

Then after more confusion and conversation between officers, the officer who spoke to her seemed more empathetic to her as "she is quite emotional and has said she's sorry" Erm..... what?

At the time I just couldn't think straight but at that time my officer asked me what I wanted the options being they could ask her to leave or just relay she's had a word with and won't be bothering me again.... My husband pushed for her to be asked to leave to which my response and understandably was, if she gets asked to leave and is disgruntled she will wait outside for us and with two babies she could follow us to the car or something. I was still scared, of a middle aged woman who attacked me with child in hand- for SMILING!!!!!!

Now sitting at home and gathering myself! I just can't get over the way everything happened, how it was dealt with.
in the end the lady was escorted home and I was to receive a crime report number via text message later in the evening, although I should expect that nothing would happen or be taken further...

Text message never arrived. I am not sure what exactly is the response to the fact she can do that in a public place with someone she doesn't know and is carrying a child. It doesn't bring me much comfort and I want advice on how to a) chase this up and b) to pursue a result from this. I literally keep reliving it and it is keeping me up, I just am struggling with the idea of grocery shopping now.

I have tried to find advice. Where is the legal standpoint here? I am a woman of light brown/olive colour and I cannot help but think that had it been the other way around I would have left in handcuffs. I am so scared to take my kids out now and I just cannot look at middle aged 'nice' ladies the same. I never thought a middle aged woman could be such a threat. I am really struggling with it all to be honest.

Please help! any advice please.
SG
Londoner in Birmingham

I want advice on how to a) chase this up and b) to pursue a result from this.

There is nothing you can pursue. You had an altercation with someone in a bathroom with no other witnesses. While it sounds scary, the Police can't do anything for harsh words spoken. She didn't actually hit you, just swore at you.

I don’t have any legal advice for your OP but I do think you’re doing the right thing in trying to pursue it. What if she has no previous because previous victims haven’t followed it up and other police officers have taken a similar stance.

It does sound to me that she has mental health issues, but that is obviously highly presumptuous.

You have to be strong and not live your life in fear.

Correction, I should have clarified while she lunged for me and missed my face her whole body weight was making contact on me and part of my child, I had to literally push her off me and run for the door with child in hand. It’s not that she just swore and missed me. Her body made contact with mine even though her fist missed my actual face.
I am just seeing it in my mind again and again. I just dread to think how she could have hit my little girl in the face. Or shoulder.

I am so shaken up by it. It’s shocking it happened and it’s a shock to me that i cannot move passed this. I’m learning from these responses. I just feel, I guess just violated. I don’t want to be looking over my shoulder every moment. From 0-500 she went from swearing to coming at me. I don’t understand how you can be so angry with a stranger who has done nothing to you and then politely asked you not to swear and then you feel to punch them. I just cannot get my head around it.

The Police asked you what you wanted to do, your husband told them to escort off the premises, which they did, so I see no point in pursuing this as it is your word against hers's, no witnesses and no actual assault took place.

Shocked at the lack of supportive replies tbh.

Sounds like a traumatic experience, I'd be feeling the exact same way and would of wanted her arrested.

OP, I am so sorry this happened to you! Your little girl must have been terrified also.

But, she DID touch you.. her hand missed you, but you remember her body crashing into you...that's assault. You could have fallen from the force of her and you and your little girl could have been injured. Thankful that didn't happen though.

Idk if she is racist or has mental health issues. The police were ridiculous, their response unacceptable and I would be following this up. Assault doesn’t actually mean you had to be hit and therefore she should have been arrested on assault charges. I totally get your fright. Most women as you know aren’t like that and you’ve got to a good age before it happened and just once. I get the fright. It took a long time to get over the burglary in my house, where the guy came into the room while I was asleep. Dd in her bedroom and no one else in the house. The what ifs.

Shocked at the lack of supportive replies tbh.*

OP didn't ask for support, she asked for advice on how to pursue ths matter. Hence the replies.

This is awful. I'm guessing from the attackers apology that she admitted it? Surely you can insist the police charge her if she has admitted assault? It's disgusting and I don't blame you for being so upset. I totally get the thing about your daughter being there and I'm sure if you were alone and this happened you may have brushed it off more.

Hope you're okay op.

It sounds horrid but some people are just like that. It wasn't anything you did. She was clearly triggered by something in her misfiring brain.

Police aren't interested in these issues while they're minor. When she stabs someone, maybe then.

This probably isn't the first time she's done it but I bet she normally cries and says sorry and she's not an ethnic minority so th
she's let are off.

Very disrespectful for the police to make it seem like it was an equal fight or alteration when you were clearly there with your vulnerable child. Not surprising though.

If it had been the other way around, they would have dragged you out by your hair.

I understand that it's not just the incident, but the injustice. Anything could have happened to you or daughter but the police were no help or support.

Maybe some counselling would help?

OP I've sent you a PM

To help put this in perspective, do you know what her side of the story was? You mentioned she spoke to the police also.

She perhaps was not under the impression she was in the wrong - as you mention she tried to order food after the conflict (otherwise she would have fled!).

Rest assured, the police do take assault seriously, so they will act according to what happened. Might be worth a follow up phone call to them.

That sounds horrifying. And made worse by the way it was handled. I hope you find the strength to come away from this determined not to let it stop you going out and about with your dc.

You don't have much control over what the police do so I would for now concentrate on what you can control. I would try contacting Victim Support and seeing what their advice is. In the longer term EMDR therapy can be really useful if your reaction persists, however if you can get out and about now either with friends or your dh then it will help to reassure you. Talking about it here and with friends (though maybe not in front of your dd) will also help. You did the right thing calling the police.

If she has no previous record then maybe she has other things going on in her life and maybe this experience will shock her into getting help. It in no way justified her attack on you but I like to think positively when the situation is beyond my control because it helps me to think some good can come of it.

If you feel that you were treated differently due to your race you could also either threaten (to see if it prompts action) or actually report to the independent police complaints commission.

Op what a horrific experience, I would definitely follow this up and make a formal complaint with the police.
Clearly this woman was either a person with mental health difficulties and requires immediate help, possibly sectioning-as she is a danger to others, if she attempting to attack people.
Or she is a massive bigot/racist and thought it was ok to do this to you, even though you had a small child with you. Unfortunately Brexit has emboldened these types of people, so if you feel there was a racist undertow, again follow that up with the police.
One thing for sure do not leave this matter, follow it up and make the police do their job.
So sorry you are having to go through this and hope your child is ok.

Yes. Ok. So when the police first arrived they said the fact she didn’t actually hit you , it is still classed as assault. Now when she followed me and Lo out of bathroom my husband kept her away from me to which she kept saying “I haven’t done anything, I haven’t hit her” ... now when the second officer (the one who spoke to her) came back to my table to tell us she is emotional and has apologised, my husband who is much more together than I was at that point responded by saying “an apology is an admission of guilt” to which the officers agreed which is when they said they will remove her and escort her home so that my husband can be sure she won’t be hanging around. The officer also praised my husband on holding himself together during it all because with the situation he felt he understood how hard it must have been to resist.

Now looking back and thinking over it all I’m only now seeing what and how. But at the time to be honest I just felt sick and was holding both my babies very close. I just wanted to disappear and just be as far away from there as possible. I just couldn’t believe it happened. I can’t tell you enough, some people’s responses on here seem to really understand but it’s the questions; the what ifs as someone mentioned, it’s the why? What did I do? What could I have done differently to have that happen to us? My little girl doesn’t want to leave my side. She sleeps alone in her own room with the lights off and has always been a good sleeper but wakes a few times a night now. I have worked on tv before, I’ve run campaigns for education establishments, I’ve just completed my third degree (one of the reasons we went out that day - to celebrate the arrival of the certificate) and I am just so taken aback. It’s just really shaken me. I honestly feel a failure to have had my daughter in that situation and not been able to guarantee her safety. To up-until-that-point assumed we are safe: I can’t sleep thinking about these things. I’m worried the lady might see me or something again when I’m shopping or something, what if she recognises me? The level of instant hatred. I just clearly, am not very good at dealing with this.

I think I just felt so desperate for the police to arrive because they can fix it. But I think, to be honest it’s just broken all these once safe ideas I had. What if there was something on the table she could have picked up to throw at me? What if she missed me but hurt my child? What if my child never forgets? What are the effects upon my child long-term?

As the dust settles it just makes things much more uneasy. I just want to say I really appreciate everyone taking the time out to respond even if you feel I mustn’t chase up or whatever. I just appreciate all advice and support so thank you, honestly thank you everyone.

Assault needs to go in her record otherwise every time she does this again in future it'll be her 'first time' and the police will be pathetic again as they were with your incident.
I'd be the same as you, totally shocked and puzzled how someone would react like that under the circumstances - very weird behaviour. I'd be thinking drugs, personality disorder of some kind - that's not normal behaviour

I think at your daughter's age she will take her cues from you, which is why as terrifying as it is for you, you need to diminish it for her. She lives in a world where her peers probably do still hit, and sees parents/ nursery workers take action. I would just emphasise that the police took her away and told her off as if that is normal. At 3 she is unlikely to remember it if it is minimised. I am not minimising it for you but suggesting it as a strategy around her.

This was horrible to read. I really am so sorry this has happened to you. Unfortunately the world is a dark and nasty place and there's an infinite number of what ifs that would keep is all awake at night. But you cannot live your life worrying about the what ifs and you shouldn't have to be made to feel like this. I understand that your first instinct was to get your child away from the mad woman. I do believe this woman needs to be given as much agro as possible for the poor decision she made. You should 100% not drop this and follow it up. At least you then know you've done everything you could.

Some people (mostly woman I’m sad to say) hate to see happy mothers enjoying their children. I’m so sorry this happened to you. You might benefit from chatting through the incident with someone at victim support or something as you’ve obviously been really upset by this - understandably.