Stranger tried to punch me while holding my little girl!

[SomebodysSome1]

Hey guys, ok this is really difficult for me to process. I am so traumatised I literally am struggling with the idea of leaving my home.

First of all, I am a professional, I have a hella lot of confidence, stand in front of classes of kids (who are the worst critics) and have worked in Pupil referral units which basically are for students who have been kicked out of mainstream- none of the behaviour management Stuff phases me.

What happened to me on Tuesday has shook me to the core.
I have two small babies, one that is 19 months old, one that is 3.5 years old, potty training. I was with my husband in a Pizza Express in a known area of Town that is usually quite nice. A place I visit, I am local to, and a place I frequent with my children and other mums from school at least once a month.

I took my little girl to the little girls room in between starters and mains. I got to the loo, took her to an open cubicle and let her do her very quick wee. Was super happy she was having a dry day and told her so. got her gear on and walked out of the cubicle and bent down to pull her sleeves up. I put on the tap and a lady who was in the bathroom having just washed her hands and dried them came back to the sink, stood in front and started playing with her hair.
By this time I have picked up my 3 year old with sleeves up, tap still running from when I have turned it on and lady still standing in front (didn't even think anything of it, waited patiently and praised my childs effort for communicating with me for her need to go to the loo- we were having a full dry day!)
Now what happened next just plays over and over in my mind...

This lady, caucasian, relatively well dressed, looking at me intermittently through the mirror while playing with her hair and sighing a lot makes eye contact with me and says "Stop smiling at me you condescending B*", now I am totally taken a back, a little in denial and still holding an increasing heavy little girl I happened to respond right back with "Excuse me, what was that? What did you say" To which she.... turned completely and repeated herself louder and emphasised the swear word to my face... She has moved out the way of the sink, is clearly mega angry with me and I move over to wash my daughters hands while responding " Could you please not swear in front of my child"....

NOW THIS, this is what I cannot get my head around, kid in right hand wrapped around right hand side of my body as I am using left hand to bend down and wash her, glancing over at the woman intermittently.... this was her unbelievable response to a reasonable request....

"F off, You Fking shut your mouth" and then leaping for me, now my child is on my right hand side and she is standing by the door to the right of me, ergo, my fear is my child as she lunges over. briefly by a hair misses my face which she had a fist ready for!!! I must have gone into fight or flight, I was yelling at her to get away from me as I made a b-line for the door, ran out the corridor to my husband and was yelling "Theres a woman in the toilet who tried to punch me while I have a child in hand, for smiling!!" I must have yelled it over and over and begged the working personnel to raise the alarm and call the police.

Thing is... police eventually came when my husband rang them and the staff were good to keep her away from us. I was scared and shaking!
I don't know if it was adrenaline! I just don't know. the staff asked the lady to leave- she didn't. The staff refused to serve her and the whole while I just wanted the police to come asap. I was literally in shock.

Now police came and split up and one came to take my story and one hers. Now when they both came back to me, it seemed that the other lady has no priors (my husband, a surgeon was sure she must be on the mental health spectrum, was expecting the police to manage the situation). Turned out according to officers she has no priors so theres not much they can do. Erm.... what? My husband asked she be escorted to leave and they were making a case that its a waste of police time to log anything. WHAT?

Then after more confusion and conversation between officers, the officer who spoke to her seemed more empathetic to her as "she is quite emotional and has said she's sorry" Erm..... what?

At the time I just couldn't think straight but at that time my officer asked me what I wanted the options being they could ask her to leave or just relay she's had a word with and won't be bothering me again.... My husband pushed for her to be asked to leave to which my response and understandably was, if she gets asked to leave and is disgruntled she will wait outside for us and with two babies she could follow us to the car or something. I was still scared, of a middle aged woman who attacked me with child in hand- for SMILING!!!!!!

Now sitting at home and gathering myself! I just can't get over the way everything happened, how it was dealt with.
in the end the lady was escorted home and I was to receive a crime report number via text message later in the evening, although I should expect that nothing would happen or be taken further...

Text message never arrived. I am not sure what exactly is the response to the fact she can do that in a public place with someone she doesn't know and is carrying a child. It doesn't bring me much comfort and I want advice on how to a) chase this up and b) to pursue a result from this. I literally keep reliving it and it is keeping me up, I just am struggling with the idea of grocery shopping now.

I have tried to find advice. Where is the legal standpoint here? I am a woman of light brown/olive colour and I cannot help but think that had it been the other way around I would have left in handcuffs. I am so scared to take my kids out now and I just cannot look at middle aged 'nice' ladies the same. I never thought a middle aged woman could be such a threat. I am really struggling with it all to be honest.

Please help! any advice please.
SG
Londoner in Birmingham

OP, I'm really sorry this happened to you. I second the call to talk this over with a professional, either from victim support or a private counselor.

@Thesuzle I'm gender critical as you get, but that's naked transphobia and just grim.

@SomebodysSome1 that sounds such a scary and distressing experience, and I'm so sorry the police were so unhelpful. No advice, but I wanted to say that your reaction is absolutely understandable, and it's such a vulnerable feeling when you have a small child with you and someone gets aggressive, even just around you. Aggressive TO you must have been so much worse. I hope you are able to relax a little this weekend, and recover from such an unpleasant experience. Do whatever would help, whether that's chasing it up with the police, or letting it go.

@KatherineJaneway There is nothing you can pursue. You had an altercation with someone in a bathroom with no other witnesses. While it sounds scary, the Police can't do anything for harsh words spoken. She didn't actually hit you, just swore at you.

That's not correct. Common assault is legally defined as putting someone in apprehension of immediate violence. You don't need to touch them for the offence to be committed.

I have been randomly assaults by a complete stranger. It's horrible and I didn't have a child with me so my heart really goes out to you.

In my experience, the police won't do much so I would focus on your own healing. You will get over it but expect to feel really anxious out and about for a while. Be kind to yourself

to you @SomebodysSome1.

I was mugged many years ago by a youth who implied he had a gun and threatened to 'hurt the baby girl' (my DD then aged 2).

One big difference between your case and mine is that the police were brilliant, caught the guy, I pressed charges, and he was put away.

The pathetic response of the police has to be adding to your trauma here. Can you find a solicitor to help you and your DH address this further with the police?

You should also seek therapy because this was a terrifying thing to happen. If you get therapy, please ask about your DD too, how to help her relax about it all.

Maybe some good news I can tell you about the incident I was involved in so many years ago is that DD was able to put it behind her (but then she was a year younger than your DD). She remembered some aspects of it (riding in the back of the police car with me with no seatbelts on) and a trip to the station later that evening to claim my things that the mugger stole. She also remembered the court.

Let your child draw and engage in imaginative play with dolls, stuffed animals, etc. Sit with her and chat about what she is drawing, and join in the pretend play. See what direction she takes (don't make suggestions) and address any fears or other emotions she expresses.

For your DD:
Keep routines.
Tell caregivers what happened so they can monitor her and report anything she discloses, or unusual behaviour.
Don't turn on the news on TV or radio when DD is with you.
If you're talking on the phone about this, make sure she isn't in earshot.
Talk together as much as she is willing to about what happened.
Lots of cuddles.
Acknowledge her worries and fears, don't dismiss them.
It's ok to say to your DD that you don't know why this happened. Add that the woman was very unusual, and that that kind of thing rarely happens if you want to reassure.

This sounds so traumatic OP - sorry this happened to you.

What I’m thinking though is if this was taken further and she was charged would it ever even make it to court because it is just your word against hers and because she didn’t manage to punch you you have no injuries to even photograph. I don’t see them being able to take that further even if they wanted to? But I’m sure someone more knowledgeable will correct me!

I think it would be good to talk to someone about this event OP, to help you recognise how bizarre the other persons behaviour was and how you had no way of controlling that. Concentrate on the fact that you got you and DD to safety, which is all you could do in that situation.

It is very odd when a complete random acts aggressively and you have no idea why. Happened to me last November. I put it down to her having mental health issues as it came out the blue. I didn't want my DD scared so walked away from it quickly and said to DD she must have been feeling poorly. It does shake you up though.

I mean this in the nicest way OP but if you want to pursue this woman on an assault charge you need to be a bit less neurotic sounding. She absolutely did assault you but you are adding so much conjecture and unnecessary detail into your story to add meat to it that it could end up sounding like you’ve exaggerated the whole incident to the police and as there were no witnesses that can only be bad news for you.

Try to remain rational, factual and succinct. Focus only on the exact words that were spoken between you and the fact that she made aggressive and unprovoked body contact. She shoved/pushed you and tried to hit either you or your child. Tell the police that in simple straightforward sentences and don’t add anything that isn’t relevant.

Unless she actually referenced your skin colour then leave that out of it and don’t reference hers.

This is horrible. I once had a man shout similar words into my face when we almost bumped into each other. I was left feeling angry and shaken. There are some nasty people in this world.

That must have been terrifying. Especially as you were with your little girl. I wonder what would have happened if your husband wasn't there, It seems (to me) that they only seemed to take note when he intervened. It does seem that she had mental health issues but othe quite sane peole can have an off moment I suppose.

I was in a public loo washing my hands and a woman was spraying her hair black by the mirror (you would look, wouldn't you?) She caught another woman looking at her and said "Stop looking at me, you cunt". I was really hoping it was rainy when she got out the shopping centre and had black streaks all over her face and clothes!

So sorry OP, what a dreadful thing to happen . Sounds like you and your little girl have loads of support. Use it and be kind to yourself. Suspect that woman was on drugs. Yes, press charges if you can but please don't let it put you off going out and enjoying life. Well done on your latest degree.

*In the end the lady was escorted home and I was to receive a crime report number via text message later in the evening, although I should expect that nothing would happen or be taken further...

Text message never arrived.*

I would follow up the text message from the police and getting a crime number. Good luck.

It's horrifying when you suddenly realise that the services you think you can rely on arent what you thought they were. Had she been male I do wonder if the police response would have been different.

'No priors ' is laughable.

I’m sorry you had such a distressing experience. However, I can almost guarantee you the police will do nothing about this, sadly.

A few years ago I hired a guy to remove some big furniture and other stuff from my flat, some to charity and some to the tip.

Once the van was loaded he started trying to extort several hundred pounds more from me. When I refused, he threw the van load of stuff from the height of the van at me and into the road. I was trying to hide up the side of the building but he was still throwing stuff at me and screaming about how he was going to smash it all over my fucking head. I was heavily pregnant with twins and it was horrendous.

Several people in nearby flats saw what happened and called the police. By the time they arrived he had gone but they took his number and called him to come back. The police relayed his offer to me - he would clean up all the broken glass and furniture in the road for an extra £100. I still can’t believe the police said this to me with a straight face

By this point DH had arrived and he urged me to give a statement. Which I did. As we were cleaning up I realised he’d stolen a few valuable items - clearly he wasn’t in too much of a rage as he carefully avoided breaking those things!

All the police did was invite him to an interview at a time convenient to him, and made him write me a letter of apology. That was it.

Apparently he was very remorseful because he was worried about getting a record because (get this) he volunteers with kids. They told me he had a “colourful past” but hadn’t had anything new on his record in years... err, not really surprising when you have an incident like this with multiple witnesses and you charge them with nothing!

I have no doubt that guy is still working and pulling the same shit. It enrages me.

I wouldn’t hold out any hope of the police doing any more than they’ve done.

Had she been male I do wonder if the police response would have been different.

Sadly no.

The police won't pursue it as it's essentially your word against hers. She could easily say something like you were giving her funny looks and were rude to her and she yes she swore at you and told you to stop, but she certainly didn't hit you. And that could just have easily have been what happened. Her apology was probably something like "I'm sorry if I upset her" which is no admission of anything.

i would focus on yourself, your little girl and putting it behind you as a one off nasty incident.

The police do record and act upon cases of assault. They have to, and also, importantly, they want to as it's part of who they are as humans - it's their profession. I would get back in touch today and see what's going on with the text message etc. It may help to talk to someone at the station.

They do take incidents seriously and will do all they can. As I mentioned before, the other lady must have put forward her case for them to consider too, and I am guessing they judged her to be of sound character otherwise they would have sectioned her. Do have faith in the police - they will act as and when they can.

Just forget it. If that were her attitude, she would court trouble again. Perhaps, it's her or your period day! Don't over egg it, especially when you're local!

I have no advice but I hope your daughter and you feel abit more relaxed and its all soon forgotten.💐 Shes lucky she didn't come across someone like me or mines in those toilets😑.

She assaulted you. That’s even without making any physical contact. The issue you have is that there were no witnesses.

I had something extremely similar happen to me recently. Fortunately I had a witness. The police took it seriously until the witness said he would not be able to attend court because he is too busy. They let me know then that they couldn’t pursue it so the woman got away with it. They’ll keep it on file they said. You could ask that it is filed in case she does the same to someone else.

It seems a lot of people here are not aware that if a person puts you in fear of an attack that is an assault.

If they were to actually hit you that is a battery.

I know this because I consulted a solicitor after having a very similar incident to you OP.

I had also been of the belief that assault meant being hit.

I would follow it up with the police but try to be rational and calm as a previous poster said. Switch on your rational side and use the facts only.
Victim support could also be of help processing your feelings as they are a normal reaction to trauma.
I wonder if the woman had taken some drugs in the toilet prior to your arrival? Coke can make some people aggressive...
your little one will be fine but t try not to talk about this all in front of her.

Agree with @OrangeLindt . Do not play the race card. Assault is assault no matter what colour of your skin. If it was the other way around, it would have been dealt with the same way. I am a woman of colour (dark) and I was some what offended by your comment.

However, I feel sorry for what happened to you and your children. You must be traumatized understandably. Perhaps some talking therapy may help you get it off your chest.

Hope you all start to get back on your feet soon x

Oh and one more thing- the woman who assaulted me said exactly the same thing. She said sorry. She had had an emotional day. She also said I had assaulted her but fortunately there was an independent witness.

I am so sorry you experienced this

But I do agree with @FieldOfFlameAndHeather

[I mean this in the nicest way OP but if you want to pursue this woman on an assault charge you need to be a bit less neurotic sounding. She absolutely did assault you but you are adding so much conjecture and unnecessary detail into your story to add meat to it that it could end up sounding like you’ve exaggerated the whole incident to the police and as there were no witnesses that can only be bad news for you.^

Try to remain rational, factual and succinct. Focus only on the exact words that were spoken between you and the fact that she made aggressive and unprovoked body contact. She shoved/pushed you and tried to hit either you or your child. Tell the police that in simple straightforward sentences and don’t add anything that isn’t relevant.

Unless she actually referenced your skin colour then leave that out of it and don’t reference hers.