Stranger tried to punch me while holding my little girl!

[SomebodysSome1]

Hey guys, ok this is really difficult for me to process. I am so traumatised I literally am struggling with the idea of leaving my home.

First of all, I am a professional, I have a hella lot of confidence, stand in front of classes of kids (who are the worst critics) and have worked in Pupil referral units which basically are for students who have been kicked out of mainstream- none of the behaviour management Stuff phases me.

What happened to me on Tuesday has shook me to the core.
I have two small babies, one that is 19 months old, one that is 3.5 years old, potty training. I was with my husband in a Pizza Express in a known area of Town that is usually quite nice. A place I visit, I am local to, and a place I frequent with my children and other mums from school at least once a month.

I took my little girl to the little girls room in between starters and mains. I got to the loo, took her to an open cubicle and let her do her very quick wee. Was super happy she was having a dry day and told her so. got her gear on and walked out of the cubicle and bent down to pull her sleeves up. I put on the tap and a lady who was in the bathroom having just washed her hands and dried them came back to the sink, stood in front and started playing with her hair.
By this time I have picked up my 3 year old with sleeves up, tap still running from when I have turned it on and lady still standing in front (didn't even think anything of it, waited patiently and praised my childs effort for communicating with me for her need to go to the loo- we were having a full dry day!)
Now what happened next just plays over and over in my mind...

This lady, caucasian, relatively well dressed, looking at me intermittently through the mirror while playing with her hair and sighing a lot makes eye contact with me and says "Stop smiling at me you condescending B*", now I am totally taken a back, a little in denial and still holding an increasing heavy little girl I happened to respond right back with "Excuse me, what was that? What did you say" To which she.... turned completely and repeated herself louder and emphasised the swear word to my face... She has moved out the way of the sink, is clearly mega angry with me and I move over to wash my daughters hands while responding " Could you please not swear in front of my child"....

NOW THIS, this is what I cannot get my head around, kid in right hand wrapped around right hand side of my body as I am using left hand to bend down and wash her, glancing over at the woman intermittently.... this was her unbelievable response to a reasonable request....

"F off, You Fking shut your mouth" and then leaping for me, now my child is on my right hand side and she is standing by the door to the right of me, ergo, my fear is my child as she lunges over. briefly by a hair misses my face which she had a fist ready for!!! I must have gone into fight or flight, I was yelling at her to get away from me as I made a b-line for the door, ran out the corridor to my husband and was yelling "Theres a woman in the toilet who tried to punch me while I have a child in hand, for smiling!!" I must have yelled it over and over and begged the working personnel to raise the alarm and call the police.

Thing is... police eventually came when my husband rang them and the staff were good to keep her away from us. I was scared and shaking!
I don't know if it was adrenaline! I just don't know. the staff asked the lady to leave- she didn't. The staff refused to serve her and the whole while I just wanted the police to come asap. I was literally in shock.

Now police came and split up and one came to take my story and one hers. Now when they both came back to me, it seemed that the other lady has no priors (my husband, a surgeon was sure she must be on the mental health spectrum, was expecting the police to manage the situation). Turned out according to officers she has no priors so theres not much they can do. Erm.... what? My husband asked she be escorted to leave and they were making a case that its a waste of police time to log anything. WHAT?

Then after more confusion and conversation between officers, the officer who spoke to her seemed more empathetic to her as "she is quite emotional and has said she's sorry" Erm..... what?

At the time I just couldn't think straight but at that time my officer asked me what I wanted the options being they could ask her to leave or just relay she's had a word with and won't be bothering me again.... My husband pushed for her to be asked to leave to which my response and understandably was, if she gets asked to leave and is disgruntled she will wait outside for us and with two babies she could follow us to the car or something. I was still scared, of a middle aged woman who attacked me with child in hand- for SMILING!!!!!!

Now sitting at home and gathering myself! I just can't get over the way everything happened, how it was dealt with.
in the end the lady was escorted home and I was to receive a crime report number via text message later in the evening, although I should expect that nothing would happen or be taken further...

Text message never arrived. I am not sure what exactly is the response to the fact she can do that in a public place with someone she doesn't know and is carrying a child. It doesn't bring me much comfort and I want advice on how to a) chase this up and b) to pursue a result from this. I literally keep reliving it and it is keeping me up, I just am struggling with the idea of grocery shopping now.

I have tried to find advice. Where is the legal standpoint here? I am a woman of light brown/olive colour and I cannot help but think that had it been the other way around I would have left in handcuffs. I am so scared to take my kids out now and I just cannot look at middle aged 'nice' ladies the same. I never thought a middle aged woman could be such a threat. I am really struggling with it all to be honest.

Please help! any advice please.
SG
Londoner in Birmingham

Can I just say that you sound awesome? 3 degrees! Fabulous experience! And under threat, weighed down by a child, you managed to avoid a punch, push her away, raise the alarm and get your daughter and yourself to safety. You rock!

Your feelings of vulnerability and anxiety at the moment are entirely normal responses. Just like the physical responses to Adrenalin, there’s a period of psychological readjustment. It will get better in time, and some counselling can be very helpful.

@mathanxiety has excellent suggestions for your dd. She may feel compelled to repeat her story for months, and play it out with toys or on in drawings. Remember that her story isn’t the same as yours: mommy kept her safe from the scary lady and daddy kept you both safe. She has a story of villains and heroes.

I’m not in the UK so can’t advise on the police situation - can you press charges? Can you complain about the handling of the situation? Can you ask to view her statement? Can you take a civil case? I’ve no idea.

Try not to talk about the inadequacies of the police in front of the dc if possible. And be super kind to yourself for a while.

OP, I am so sorry this happened to you. The woman assaulted you and your DD, obviously mentally ill but that’s no help to you. Police should be dealing with her, getting specialist MH help but importantly they should record the offence. Otherwise every time she attacks someone is supposedly the first time. As your DH said, an apology is an admission of guilt!

I can hardly believe how feeble the police have become. They’ll do anything to avoid having to investigate real crime. But put up a feminist sticker and you’ll be charged with committing hate crime.

I hope you and family are recovering, OP. And if you feel able, do press on with this. If the police refuse, I would make a complaint against them.

I was thinking also, in light of the tragic CF case, that if the lady did have mental health issues as your husband diagnosed (but was not sectioned by the police), then also pursuing the case could end in tragedy for her. Of you are perfectly entitled to pursue this, it's just that we now have to be careful around the fact that the person involved has MH issues (allegedly, of course). Hope you get some peace today and can move forward.

@KatherineJaneway the posts were still incredibly insensitive considering her child was present

Just to add to my post - you never know, the police may try to be being extra cautious now in light of the tragic Caroline Flack case. Good luck chasing the info etc today. They may have just had a busy night.

I don’t understand what all the unnecessary details about your degrees and yours and your husband’s jobs have got to do with anything. This is a very odd post from a first time poster .

Yes @izzywizzygood because the entire country’s police forces have the non-suspicious death of a person in London at the top of their agenda 🤦‍♀️

I was just wondering as well: was it the same lady who was praising your child who then got angry? I couldn't tell from the way you wrote it whether it was two different women, or the same one. If it was two women, did the one who was complimenting your child witness anything? That may be worth chasing with the police. If it was the same woman who was extremely nice and then horrid... hard to tell what happened in between to make her like that!

No - @gingersausage - they may be cautious in the way they handle people with mental health issues, which the OP's husband who is a surgeon said the other woman had. Stop making light of a nasty incident.

@gingersausage I thought the same myself!

I agree with the common assault it was an attempt to hit you as well as verbal abuse and threatening behaviour.

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/law-and-courts/discrimination/taking-action-about-discrimination/taking-action-about-harassment/

I have experience of the above and the police were very good. Perhaps visit a citizens advice centre.

I also had a complete stranger shout and threaten me in London just walking down the street. I had never seen them before but, people were looking at me as if I did.

The disturbed man kept shouting threats at me until I ducked into a store and hid. Words can be scary and I say that as a person who has experienced more serious crimes.

Oh come on - mental health isn’t a free pass for criminal activity . Nor does aggressive in your face behaviour merit an immediate section

Something very similar happened to my dd. She got attacked whilst waiting for a bus after finishing work, The police were useless and said there was no point in taking it further because the woman denied being the cause of it. So sorry for what’s happened to you op. ]

Is there any chance that this woman is connected to a child in the pupil referral unit? I am assuming you have to very strict in that role and I suspect pupils do not like that! At first i wondered if a former pupil but realised the age group is wrong.

Obviously outrageous behaviour and if she touched you at all it is assault.

That she was brazen enough to stay/talk to police - sounds like mental health issue.

Don't let the police fob you off.

Take back control and take it further.

Lazy sods.

Having the police come out and talk to her is quite a big thing in itself. (Think how you would feel if the police visited to speak to you about something you'd done).

The police do not deal in 'what ifs', only with what has actually happened.

This sounds horrible for you and a completely disproportionate and worrying response from her. But, she's been spoken to by police and might now think twice about reacting the same way again.

From her pov, it sounds as though she washed her hands, turned to dry them, turned back to adjust her hair and, for some reason, a woman and child were hovering behind her staring at her and making faces which she took as mocking, for an extended period (rather than waiting to one side for the (only?) sink, as might have been normal). This freaked her out.

Her reaction was extraordinary, there's no excuse for it. But I suspect she believed your behaviour to be very strange and, to be focused on her and did not perceve you as just 'waiting' or notice that you'd turned on that tap (she wouldn't have heard, as she had the drier on).

Was there another sink? A more obvious 'at one side' position you could have waited in? Not suggesting you did anything wrong, just trying to understand her point of view. The incident reads as two people oblivious to the others' actions, until she noticed you staring (and madly overreacted).

I don't know why the fact you have worked in TV or whatever else is relevant really, are you saying that the less educated or accomplished would have found it okay? Or deserved it more than you? It was horrible what happened, I think you need to try and come to terms with it and move forward for your own sake. The woman possibly had mental health issues, maybe not; maybe she was just looking for a fight. Either way, I am not sure what you really want. This line is odd too: "The officer also praised my husband on holding himself together during it all because with the situation he felt he understood how hard it must have been to resist." What was the officer expecting him to do? Go and punch the woman, or walk around f'ing and blinding? I've been mugged at knifepoint and the police weren't arsed because I didn't have any physical injuries, so I do empathise but come on.

I suspect this isn't her first time. Seems almost like she knew police wouldn't actually do anything?

Have contact with victim support. When my ds had a knife pulled on him in a classroom at school they were brilliant. I spoke to someone weekly for a period of time.

You can contact the station and ask for an update of the case.

It's occasions like this that make you realise how useless the police are when it comes to crimes that aren't on their current focussed agenda! Years ago I was like you OP and would expect the police to come charging in to rescue me from anything illegal. However, in the real world, they don't.

This is a terrible thing to happen and I can quite understand your feelings about it all.

Any normal person who is assaulted will have these but its worse for you as you had your children with you and it was all out of the blue.

Many of us, like you, who have to deal with people in stressful situations as part of our job are good at explaining, helping, defusing, sorting out others.
But we are still normal vulnerable people outside our jobs, when we are in our own clothes.

Now that some of the dust has settled, it may be time to plan how to look after yourself, both for the now and the longer term.

I was assaulted some years ago, long before the term road rage had been invented. I wasn’t physically hurt as such but it left an internal scar. I went to the police, they were polite but said that it’d be my word against his. They were right but gave the impression that they weren't that bothered either. I took the pragmatic view, 21 year old on his bike vs established man in new/decent car. I wasn't going to get a result.

Later I found out that I could have pushed the issue and that at least they’d have been round to see him and have words. I suppose I was a bit annoyed but by then it was water under the bridge.

No victim support then. (I’m retired now) Not sure if I’d have needed it anyway.

So please consider what it on offer/available to help heal the wounds of upset and anger.

Push the police. There may never be a conviction but the event shouldn't be considered as closed and over.

Your mention of skin colour makes me think there may be a racist basis to the event?

All the best.

That's horrific, OP. Please chase up with police and please press charges. Maybe seek legal advice on how to do this.is police are being unhelpful.

I hope you and your daughter are feeling better soon x

I remember a news article about a women eating smelling egg on a train and another women complaining about it. Well ,the egg lady took the complainer to court for intimidation.
If she can do this for that then I dont see why you cant take this women to court.

All your 'book smarts vs street smarts' musings are normal enough in this situation. Have a read about the unreliability of eye-witness accounts. Look up the 'basketball gorilla' clip on Youtube. Most people are pretty oblivious to what is going on around them, especially when they are focusing on something. Soldiers etc really have to train to enable themselves to be vigilant.

OP, that’s awful. You sound like you are in shock and that is to be expected. Do try and get some help, Victim Support is a good place to start. If race is a factor here it absolutely matters and I would be pursuing it through the police hate crime unit. Yes, assault is assault, yes we all have the same fears and hurt the same way but our race/sex/religion/sexuality might be the reason we are targeted for assault in the first place. Wishing you well.

Very upsetting horrid. A woman abused dh at a bus stop shouting “you should be ashamed” at him not nearly as bad as what happened to you and he was shaken too.

Parents car recently vandalised to the extent it was written off the police were hopeless totally disinterested 🙄🙄 my mother kept at them eventually they deigned from investigate...

Agree with others though keep your complaint simple and clear if you pursue it which I would