My sons dad has blocked all contact and stopped me seeing my son

[Loochieee]

Hi guys, in desperate need of some advice if anyone had gone through or going through a similar situation to mine, so here goes.

My son is 3, he was unplanned and firstly I did not want to go ahead with the pregnancy, my ex persuaded me to carry on(it was quite a controlling relationship). Basically I got bad postnatal depression after I had my son, me and my sons dad split up when he was a few months old due to him not letting me see my family and his and his family's controlling ways with myself and my son. I had my son full time until I got to the point I could no longer cope, me and my sons dad made an agreement between ourselves that he would have my son full time and I would have him fortnightly. All was well until few months ago and he got a new girlfriend, on drop offs him and his girlfriend would hurl abuse at me calling me a crap mum etc. Went though third parties but no luck. I have been to citizens advice, the police and social services but no one seems to want to help. My sons dad has now blocked myself, my family and friends from contacting him, I have no clue how my son is or what school he will be going to. My solicitor says about court, but it is very pricey which I cannot afford and there is no legal aid. I am really at the end of it all as I don't know what to do and I want to see my son.

Any advice thankyou
X

Also you need to start keeping a diart of everything your ex does. Speak to your local DV service too as they are well aware some men use children in order to further emotionally harm an ex partner. This may well be classed as coercive control. The courts should also take this into account. In fact they (DV services) may be able to write you a letter to help with legal aid if you tell them everything.

You should be eligible for legal aid as this is a child arrangements matter

Sadly not. It's only available for victims of DV. Automatic legal aid isn't available in private family proceedings.

I thought she said she was a dv victim?

Going through this at the moment,

Make the application yourself to the court - if you are now stopped from seeing your son tick the urgent box and state reason is you are not allowed access.

The judge is highly likely to ask CAFCASS to become involved and you will be helped through the process.

Ironically i am paying a lawyer and now starting to wonder why i didnt' just do it myself...the first hearing was fine

put in the court application you want a say in the school he will be applying to etc.

@sadwithkiddies would it be possible if we could private message as your going through this, just would like to know more about the process. X

To get the DV exemption the latest incident must be in the last 6 months and you must have evidence in the form of a police report, social services report or DV support service report. Yes it's bullshit. Yes it's very hard to get, even with the above

Just done return ds after contact? Block him and let him take you to court for access, if you’re now recovered from pnd?

Dont*

@jaffacakebeast that's TERRIBLE advice
OP don't do that, please

I'm confused by your title. You still have the same amount of access to your son as was initially arranged- you see him every second weekend for the whole weekend. You're upset that you don't have details regarding where he's going to school, and no contact with him during the time he's with dad, but he's only three- would he be able to talk on the phone? You still have an abusive relationship with the father- who must be doing a decent job of being a father even if he's a shot human being to you. What do you want? The title is misleading. Are you now looking to try and increase the amount of time your son spends with you? How long is the current arrangement been in place for?

How is it terrible?

Because the child lives with his father. No matter what you think about that, that's his home. He's used to it. The mother taking him away from home then blocking the resident parent (wtf) will be viewed very dimly by court. He will go to court, get the child back and the OP would have to explain why she did something so out of the child's best interest and she would certainly not get increased contact after that - the father would even be able to say he didn't trust her to have unsupervised contact and may be able to force her to pay for a contact centre.

@Jaffacakebeast If the OP was a father I doubt you’d be advising them to “kidnap”/retain custody of the child.
All the dad has done is block OP from phoning the child during the week. The child is 3. My 4 year old wouldn’t want to talk on the phone. Dad is still allowing the same amount of contact as before.
Is this a case of the child growing up and the OP now deciding she wants the child and sulking because she can’t have everything her way?

Maybe the title is misleading, because he not only has blocked mine and all family members from contacting him, he also didn't turn up to drop my son to me yesterday as it's my weekend to have him. He is using my son as a weapon against me. So all of your shitty comments are not needed. Thankyou! But thanks to the people willing to give advice.

Then first thing Monday morning you should be at a solicitors to start getting court ordered contact with your son.
Just out of interest (nothing to do with contact, just my pure nosiness)...do you and have you always paid maintenance for your son?

Yes I would give that advice if the dad was in this situation, and you cannot kidnap your own child (if there’s no court order already in place) the dad is abusing the son by not giving access to the mum, he’s playing god, the court would look very badly on him

You're not trying everything though are you? Go to court, fight him. And as for it not being a 'suited time' surely any time is ok if it means you get to see your child? I understand that he is being as awkward as he can but you have to do whatever it takes at this point

Jaffa I don't think you have any idea what you are talking about. The court certainly wouldn't be supportive of OP if she didn't return the child. What they would do is put restrictions on her time with him instead (quite possibly supervised contact) in case she pulled the same stunt again. Why do people come on here and give such terrible and damaging advice?

@jaffacakebeast

My ex only threatened to not return my kids...and the court issued a prohibited steps order that now dictates he cannot remove the children from anyone I've left them with....and can only see them as the judge dictated.
It's really serious and silly advise 😕

Loochieee
Fill in form c100....tick the urgent hearing box and state ex has stopped contact.
Send it to court and wait for the hearing.
You will be fine yourself in court....so submit it now...about £250 I think.

You can keep you son after contact and not give him back, so can ex. If you have equal PR then either of you can play dirty like that, but it might be seen as you putting your needs ahead of his, or it might go in your favour. It's a gamble. Or you can go through the appropriate channels, either representing yourself or getting a solicitor (if you can find the money for one). You don't need to talk to each other or have each other's numbers though. That would be nice in an ideal world, but you could also use an intermediary or just not speak to each other at all outside drop off/ collection.

Going through this myself, my boy is 13,14 next month and was rebelling against everything with his dad just over indulging him. No rules over dads and claimed I was too strict. In the end I suggested he stayed with his dad for a few weeks as he could see 4 days a month with be different. His dad would not speak etc to make arrangements and would not discuss. His dad came and talk him the following day while I was in work and only seen my son once since, when he came to get his bike. I sent messages almost every day saying I love him and I was here for him. Still expected to see him 4 days a month but ex will not speak or communicate blocked me on everything and after dropping off Easter eggs my son has not done the same. Not happy to go down court route due to my sons age but so upset I do not see my son. I do not drink, take drugs etc and no logical reason for my son not to see me or his dad to say he does not want to see you. I have not seen him since the 20th Jan, and been heart broken ever since.