Estranged husband life instance (family pocketing it)

[LooUpdate]

I separated from my husband about 3 years ago. We have 2 young children. Sadly he passed away in the spring.

He had life insurance through his employers. His family are "managing it". I've asked if I will have access to this money and they say no, it's not for daily living. They said they will spend it on things like the children's schooling and holidays. (That's great but daily living is surely even more important?) I even said I was willing to provide receipts to prove I was spending the money on the kids.

I am now the sole parent with 90% of the overnights (grandparents do the 10%). I never divorced my husband.

My question is: even if my husband has specified that he wanted his family to handle the life insurance money, do I have any rights to it as his wife (and mother to his children).

Please find a no win no fee solicitor. This is so wrong of his family to do this to his kids.

It absolutely is not. Regarding the life insurance they are following the OP's husband's wishes and holding the money in trust for the benefit of his children. And they appear to be administering the estate correctly based on the information the OP has given.

It was his sister's continued refusal to give me any details (outstanding mortgage, debt) that has triggered alarm bells for me. Why would she do that if something dodgy were not going on?

Because executors have enough to do without answering lots of questions from beneficiaries at every step. If she refuses to give you estate accounts you can reasonably believe that something dodgy is going on. If you think the figures on the estate accounts are incorrect you can push for more details. But at this stage, unless you want to administer the estate yourself, you should leave her to get on with it.

If he died in the spring it might be worth your while applying for probate yourself. Then you can take control of things. It is also quite possible that probate hasn't been granted yet.

If he died in the spring it might be worth your while applying for probate yourself. Then you can take control of things

Taking control of things won't change anything as far as the life insurance goes. You can't do anything about that.

However, applying for probate will mean that you will find out the outstanding mortgage, any other debts, etc. These will still have to be settled from the estate along with any funeral expenses, so it is likely that the house will still have to be sold. Unless your husband's sister plans to be dishonest it won't make any difference to the final outcome. But it will mean that you are in charge of the process.

personal representatives of an estate are the people with the legal authority and responsibility to deal with administering the estate. If the deceased left a Will, then the personal representatives would be the Executors who have been appointed. Where the deceased did not leave a Will, then the intestacy laws will determine who is entitled to act as a personal representative.

From solicitor.

Intestacy puts me before his sister in handling his estate.

For those who think I'm a money grabbing greedy person, if he was alive he would be paying child maintenance. If we had divorced I would have got a settlement. As it stands I'm doing 100% childcare and not receiving a paternal bean. One of our children is disabled. Wanting a father to provide for his children WHEN THE MONEY IS THERE is being greedy???

OP did you apply for administrator role or has your SIL stepped into the breach?

if he was alive he would be paying child maintenance. If we had divorced I would have got a settlement. As it stands I'm doing 100% childcare and not receiving a paternal bean.

I think this is where your problem lies OP.

The man is dead, dead people don't pay maintenance or settlements. I'm sorry to be blunt but you seem to be muddling payments to you from him with your children's inheritance. It's not the same.

The money for the children would be an inheritance for THEM. Not money for you in lieu of maintenance.

You've had some really good advice on this thread about what to do and who to speak to OP, but no-one can do it for you.

If we had divorced I would have got a settlement

If the only asset he had is the property, the settlement you received would have been some of the equity in the property. As he has died without a will you are entitled to all of the equity in the property. If there is no equity in the property after the debts are paid you wouldn't have received anything on divorce either.

Yes, you can administer the estate. You do take priority over his sister in that respect. But that isn't going to make any more money available. It is likely that you will still have to sell the property to pay the mortgage and any other debts. And it makes no difference at all to the life insurance.

So many solicitors will do a free half hour or even longer, appointment. I expect thy will probably then tell you what you need to know.
You can very often pay legal fees at the end, it would come out of the inheritance/house sale or whatever.

"Wanting a father to provide for his children WHEN THE MONEY IS THERE is being greedy???

What money?

You can't do anything about the life insurance.

You have stated yourself that the house needs to be sold and that after the mortgage there will be little left. That needs to happen regardless of who is administering the estate. Yes there may be some funds left over at the end of that of course but the house isn't sold yet.

Are you actually prepared to take over the administration of the estate yourself?

Me and him co-parented our children fantastically and chatted every day

But earlier you say he hated you and even though you were co parenting he didn't leave the insurance to you.

What did you do on his death to sort his estate? Anything? You say he was shit with money and there is none, and now you're trying to bring criminal action against his sister who hasn't done anything wrong.

I'd suspect she will clear the estate and hold any remaining funds for the kids.

Speak to citizens advice bureau, they can provide free legal advice. But you do need legal advice. For whatever reason they are holding the money for the kids additional needs and not giving it to you for day to day living, they expect you to provide for this.

The money for the children would be an inheritance for THEM

Absolutely, and they have not seen a penny of it.

The government civil law helpline has put me in touch with a local solicitor that deals with these cases and they reckon I should get legal aid. Action Fraud (arm of the police) told me to go back to them once the civil side has been worked out.

you're trying to bring criminal action against his sister who hasn't done anything wrong.

Why won't she give me the details of outstanding mortgage and debt? I'm entitled to know as next of kin. If she had been transparent I wouldn't suspect wrongdoing. She's been very cagey and dismissive. I still don't have the information. Why is she reluctant to share it?

But earlier you say he hated you

I was flippantly hypothesising as none of this makes sense. When he got his diagnosis I was the first person he told. He said he was relieved that we were still married and mentioned the life insurance. THEN he told his family of the diagnosis and it well and truly went tits up from that point.

Can me a cynic but that's fucked up.

OP- I asked up thread - why did you not step forward to be administrator, are you going to ask to be made administrator instead of SIL, what would you do differently regarding the property?

He could have changed the beneficiary when he got the diagnosis, but he did not. The only option you have now is to be on better footing with SIL and she might help out more with kids if she sees your struggle. The trustee account would have been set up by himself or SIL and I assume she is the only one that can give you details about this (works insurance has absolutely nothing to do with money as paid out in accordance to DH wishes - as PP have said the trustees of the insurance do not have to go by the beneficiary wishes but that would literally only happen if the beneficiary was someone really untoward. As it stands he has provided for the DC's future and that does not seem out of place. You said you are classed as a vulnerable person, could this be why you were not named as trustee? Also (and I'm just wondering) if he was aware that time was running out, did he not maybe make a will (and appoint sister as executor)? Think of it this way, the SIL is taking charge and the sooner everything is sold on and paid, the sooner the estate can pay out and hopefully it is positive for you and the kids.

Intestacy puts me before his sister in handling his estate.

This is correct. But did you want to/intend to/offer to be involved?
It sounds as if he died, and his family sorted stuff out - like the funeral etc - because it needed sorting out.

I have no idea if his sister is up to no good. Probably there is no money "in the estate" as you said right at the beginning of the thread.

The life insurance stuff I see is frustrating for you, but no one has acted improperly and the money is still for the benefit of your children. They may not have yet "seen a penny of it" but his sister has told you how it will be spent on them, and why (she believes they are following your husband's wishes). You believe this isn't what your husband intended but unfortunately he should have sorted this shit out. He was irresponsible not to, quite frankly, when he knew he was ill.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you, and it is a very stressful situation and I can see why it would feel unfair. But you do need to be really clear on what outcome you think you will achieve by not trying to resolve this amicably with his family, rather than accusing them of fraud.

I'm worried you will make your long-term situation worse not better. Proceed with caution. I don't mean you should not get what you are entitled to, but just be careful in how you go about getting the right outcome.

Try to remember, if you can, that his family have lost a son, a brother - they are grieving too. Your children are quite rightly a priority in this, but other people are only human too and going through a bereavement.

You do come across as abit full on abit grabby, first with the life insurance and now the flat. The life insurance is for the DC future not to help with you're daily living expenses, you keep mentioning maintenance but you can't get maintenance from someone who is no longer with us. Please remember his family have lost a son and brother and a grieving. You were split for 3 years, described you're relationship that he hated you and weren't on the best of terms but them back tracked later on the thread. I have life insurance my dh is nominated if we split up I 100 percent would nominate my dbro to be a trustee for my dcs so I dont blame and I think he was completely right to do so, he wanted to secure their future.

As for the flat as someone stated and you said he had alot of debts and a large mortgage likely no funeral plan so this will all have to be paid via the sale of his house and part of his life insurance depending of the instructions stated, the likelihood there maybe no or very little money left on the property. Please remember his sister is trying to deal with all this plus the loss of her dbro and yourself consistently in contact asking personal questions about her dbro who you weren't with for the last 3 years.

Absolutely, and they have not seen a penny of it

But it is far too early to be accusing your husband's sister of wrongdoing. By your own admission there will be very little left after the mortgage is paid off. She has to sell your husband's property to pay the mortgage. She also has to pay for the funeral and any other debts, along with the expenses of administering the estate. If there is anything left after she has done that it should come to you. If there is money left over and it doesn't come to you then she has done something wrong. But right now nothing you have said indicates any wrongdoing.

Why won't she give me the details of outstanding mortgage and debt? I'm entitled to know as next of kin.

To say yet again, NO YOU ARE NOT. If you were administering the estate you would need this information. You still have the option of administering the estate yourself. However, if you leave administration of the estate to her you are not entitled to that information at this stage. You are only entitled to the estate accounts when everything has been settled. I suspect the reason she is reluctant to share it is that she has enough on her plate administering the estate and at this stage she won't have final figures. So anything she tells you now may well change before the estate is finalised.

It's unfair to call her "grabby" when she is facing a lifetime of being the only person there for her children financially, as well as in every other way. And her ex's assets are being dealt with now by a woman who doesn't want to communicate with her. It's not surprising that she is agitated.

OP, could you borrow from your parents to get some legal advice? In this case I think it really would be worth it. At the least go to the CAB and see what they say, maybe they have the services of a legal expert. And though it's hard, try to give his sister as much space and civility as you can muster. Going to the police won't help anything.

If it was his wish that his life insurance is to be spent on his dc's, does that mean it must be? Or would it be legal for his sister to siphon cash off for herself, anyone know?

I agree it’s totally unfair to call OP grabby.

She is entitled to the estate if there is no will. The only problem is she’s standing by while others take control, then complaining about that.

For deaths that took place on or after 1 October 2014
In England and Wales, when someone dies intestate, leaving a spouse or civil partner and surviving children or other descendants:

the spouse or civil partner inherits the personal effects or chattels of the deceased, the first £250,000 of the estate and half of the remaining estate. This means that in cases where the estate is less than £250,000 the spouse or civil partner will inherit the whole of the estate;
the children inherit the other half of the remaining estate. In cases where a son or daughter has died, their share of the inheritance will be divided among their children.

Op, if there is less that £250k left after his debts have been paid off then that money should come to you directly. His life insurance will go to whomever he nominated but if he didn't nominate anyone will go into his estate.
I doubt very much there will be any equity left when his house isn't sold, which has to be done as there is an outstanding mortgage on it. The solicitor being used to sell his house will ensure the mortgage company get their money, the rest will be used to pay debts including funeral expenses, car loans etc. Unless he was loaded, you'll probably get nothing.
You state you have the children 100% of the time, but you don't, as they are with grandparents 2/7 nights. You will get £350 a month for 3 years, which is £12500, a not inconsiderable sum. Plus you received the death grant. You're trying to get your hands on something that will probably not exist. This attitude towards your SIL isn't going to get you anywhere. She needs to be your BFF as she is in charge of his life insurance for your children. Piss her off and you'll never see any of it, it will be handed over to them when they are 18.

You're not being grabby at all. You're fighting for what belongs to your children, and will make a massive difference to their quality of life. It's not grabby. Your SIL sounds like a real piece of work. You're doing absolutely the right things, and I'm so glad you've got legal aid. Good luck

Your SIL sounds like a real piece of work

Why? So far everything the OP has said simply shows the SIL administering the estate correctly.

As an aside, don't most mortgages insist on life insurance (not the separate insurance that's already been discussed) to pay it off when someone dies? It seems quite likely to me that the property is mortgage-free.