Estranged husband life instance (family pocketing it)

[LooUpdate]

I separated from my husband about 3 years ago. We have 2 young children. Sadly he passed away in the spring.

He had life insurance through his employers. His family are "managing it". I've asked if I will have access to this money and they say no, it's not for daily living. They said they will spend it on things like the children's schooling and holidays. (That's great but daily living is surely even more important?) I even said I was willing to provide receipts to prove I was spending the money on the kids.

I am now the sole parent with 90% of the overnights (grandparents do the 10%). I never divorced my husband.

My question is: even if my husband has specified that he wanted his family to handle the life insurance money, do I have any rights to it as his wife (and mother to his children).

As wibble and prh47 have said, no crime has been committed yet.

You need to talk to his sister to find out what is happening with the sale of the house and the proceeds from that.

You inherit if he died intestate. But you need to know what is going on. The cheapest way to find that out is to talk to his sister. It seems she will communicate with you, and she is following his "wishes" for your children, so no reason to suspect anything dodgy at the moment.

So you need to communicate. Fast.

Earlier in the thread you were asked: Do you know if anyone has applied to be in charge of probate and been sorting the estate out?

And replied: His sister I believe.

And you knew they were intending to sell the flat. So I really don't think you can say at the moment that there's anything dodgy going on.

But you can insist on being involved and informed about probate etc because you are next of kin.

See a solicitor.

She won't tell me any details including what debt he had. She literally won't tell me anything. So all I can do is go to the police, right? I can't afford a solicitor

The police will tell you this is a civil matter.

You don't seem to have either taken on board or understood the advice you've been given here.

You must concentrate on the estate, because the life policy is quite properly and legally controlled by the sister.

You say the sister got probate, but the estate had nothing in it. You can do a search at the probate registry to find out if probate has been granted. If it has, you'll discover whether he'd left will or not.

Assuming there is no probate, apply for it yourself.

Assuming there is, and I'm guessing there is because the house is on the market, you should really see a solicitor about wresting control of the administration of the estate from whoever has it (if there is no will).

If there is probate and there is a will then you'll just have to see what it is you get under the will. If it's nothing, or not very much, you can apply for reasonable provision from the estate, but you must make that court application within 6 months of probate or else you'll be barred from applying.

Your sense of entiltement to a man you've been separated from for 3 years is quite shocking. Yes legally you were still married but clearly had broken off all emotional ties.

The way you seem to want to grab everything of his, I'm not surprised his family want as little to do with as possible.

I assume you are recieving widow benefits which again, you wouldn't be entitled if the divorce had happened quicker.

Police won’t help with this - no crime has been committed.

Go to Citizen’s Advice?

Look into your home insurance policy - often there is a legal helpline as part of what you pay.

Write the sister an email/letter advising her that as you were still married you are next of kin and therefore inherit any money in the estate, so you would appreciate the opportunity to discuss?

The police will tell you this is a civil matter.

Putting the property om the market without even telling next on kin is perfectly okay?

Your sense of entiltement to a man you've been separated from for 3 years is quite shocking. Yes legally you were still married but clearly had broken off all emotional ties

Wow. Me and him co-parented our children fantastically and chatted every day. To say there were no emotional ties is bonkers. But more importantly, a situation has been created whereby he is not providing for the children. His family are happy to sit on all the money and watch me struggle with 100% custody of the kids. Even single mothers would get child maintenance.

assume you are recieving widow benefits

They are for 3 years. These are young children.

Putting the property om the market without even telling next on kin is perfectly okay?

Gosh no, I never said or implied that?

My husband held my hand 2 days before he died and said he wanted the property rented out to provide an income for the kids. Yet here it is on the market.

As I am next of kin, should I not have been required to SIGN something before the property could go on sale? Was she required to inform the mortgage property of my existence?

Fraud is:
“Any intentional false representation, including failure to declare information or abuse of position that is carried out to make gain, cause loss or expose another to the risk of loss”
In the UK, the term fraud is used to describe many acts such as deception, bribery, forgery, extortion, corruption, theft, conspiracy, embezzlement, misappropriation, false representation, concealment of material facts and collusion.

I am legally classed as a vulnerable person due to diagnosed mental health issues (not just depression & anxiety) which I know is factored into situations such as this.

Citizens advice is a good idea. Thanks.

Gosh no, I never said or implied that?

Perfectly ok in the eyes of the law?

Am I missing something? If you are still married is the house not a marital asset, and does it not pass directly to you?

OP, I sympathise with what must be a very difficult time for you. I think you should follow other posters' wisdom and get legal advice as soon as you possibly can.

Whether that be via a home insurance policy you might have which includes legal cover, or via CAB. You need to do this urgently, to give you a clear path of action and a pin understanding of what is and is not something that you can have control over.

Gosh no, I never said or implied that?

Perfectly ok in the eyes of the law?

OP, i absolutely did not say or imply anything of the sort. I understand this is a stressful situation but please do not make out I said anything other than....

the police will tell you this is a civil matter

Which they will. What you need is a solicitor, not a PC.

@LooUpdate i might be completely over invested here, but I can't believe you haven't seen a solicitor yet!

Putting the property om the market without even telling next on kin is perfectly okay

If, as you said in an earlier post, she is administering the estate, yes it is. What your husband said to you before he died is irrelevant. What matters is what his will says or, if there is no will, the intestacy rules.

The property belongs to the estate. It does not belong to you. Your sister, as the administrator of the estate. does not need your signature before selling the property. She does not need to inform the mortgage lender of your existence. She does need to pay off his debts. She is entitled to dispose of the property in order to do that. Indeed, if the property is all he left as you suggested in previous posts, she has no choice in the matter as she has to pay off the mortgage.

You told us up thread that his sister had told you she was going to have to sell the property to pay off the mortgage. So she did tell you what was happening, despite what you are saying now. However, she was not required to do so. She has to sell the property and pay your husband's debts. She also has to pay for your husband's funeral and any expenses (solicitor's fees, estate agents fees, etc.). Anything left over after that should come to you if he died intestate. From what you have said that is unlikely to be very much, if anything.

Am I missing something? If you are still married is the house not a marital asset, and does it not pass directly to you?

That's exactly what I thought. How she's managed to put it on sale despite me still being married to him?

i might be completely over invested here, but I can't believe you haven't seen a solicitor yet!

I live on benefits. One of my children is just a toddler. I'm a part-time student. How do I afford a solicitor?

What you need is a solicitor, not a PC.

Do they offer no win no fee for something like this? She knows I have limited income so is probably banking on my inability to afford a solicitor.

What matters is what his will says or, if there is no will, the intestacy rules.

There is no will. Intestacy rules put me at top.

So she did tell you what was happening, despite what you are saying now.

I have not formally agreed to anything. Also (and this is very important) when I asked her for the mortgage company she would not give details. When I asked what debts he had, she would not give details. Something is very wrong here.

When this happens all debts have to be settled by the estate. If there is a mortgage on the flat then there is a debt. This can be settled by selling assets ie the flat. You could also choose to settle the debt yourself in order to keep the flat, if you were handling the estate. I'm assuming you don't have the money to pay off the mortgage though, and there isn't enough spare money in the estate to pay it off without selling the flat. Technically it is yours, but you can't just inherit another persons mortgage (debt), this absolutely has to be settled

Op, you seem to be missing the fact that when somebody dies, the things (belongings, property etc but also their debts - mortgage, credit card bills etc) they leave behind form their estate. In order for somebody to benefit from the estate, it needs to be sorted out so that it can all be wrapped up.

If the deceased had left a Will, they would have left instructions as to how they wanted the sorting out to be done and who they wanted to do it - those people are called executors.

When no Will has been left, there are no Executors to sort everything out. Therefore a friend or relative needs to formally volunteer to do it - they apply and if accepted, they become the Administrator of the estate. And they have to sort everything out. They have to pay all the bills, gather in all the money and then distribute the remainder to the people that inherit it.

It sounds like your sil has stepped up and become the administrator so that means she is the one that gets to make all the decisions about how the estate gets wrapped up. - including decisions about what happens to the house.

Although the administrator has to distribute the money according to the laws of intestacy, so sil couldn’t pay the money to herself, but she could potentially choose the estate agent that is her friend who gets a high fee and puts it on the market at a low price to some developer friends who get a great deal and who build her a conservatory as a thank you. Or maybe she does do it all properly. But if she has volunteered to be the administrator and you haven’t, then she is the one that gets to make that choice, not you.

If you want to be the one that makes the choice you need to be administrator so you need to try to apply or take over from your sil.

You still haven’t said how you expected the process to happen between your ex dying and you getting money - or as you’ve now said the house getting rented out so you could have rent money to look after the kids - somebody needs to make these things happen. How were you expecting them to happen? You need to tell us so we can help you understand what is happening.

In a separate note - if you’re a student it would be asking the Student’s Union if they can provide any access to legal support...

How she's managed to put it on sale despite me still being married to him?

He has died. The house belonged to him. You were not joint owners. It is therefore part of his estate. It does not automatically pass to you. It is not your property. The only asset is the equity in the house (if any). His debts (the mortgage and anything else), the funeral and any expenses (solicitors fees, estate agents fees, etc.) have to be paid before anyone (including you) gets anything.

I have not formally agreed to anything. Also (and this is very important) when I asked her for the mortgage company she would not give details. When I asked what debts he had, she would not give details. Something is very wrong here.

Your agreement, formal or otherwise, is not necessary. She is administering the estate. She is entitled to sell the property. She does not need anyone else's consent to do so. Indeed, with a mortgage to pay off, she has no choice in the matter. You are not entitled to details of the mortgage provider (and I don't know what difference you think it would make if she did tell you). You are not, at this stage, entitled to know the details of his debts. You could have administered the estate yourself, in which case you would have been entitled to this information. As you are not doing so, all you are entitled to is a copy of the estate accounts which will show his assets and where they have gone.

As justchecking1 says, if you were administering the estate yourself you could settle the existing mortgage, pay for the funeral and any other debts or expenses and keep the property. However, if you don't have the money to pay for these things and don't have enough income to take out a mortgage, the result would be exactly the same. The property would have to be sold.

Guys, please be nice if you can. I'm struggling emotionally with this.

It was his sister's continued refusal to give me any details (outstanding mortgage, debt) that has triggered alarm bells for me. Why would she do that if something dodgy were not going on?

It was his sister's continued refusal to give me any details (outstanding mortgage, debt) that has triggered alarm bells for me.

Honestly? You have been separated for 3 years, it's no surprise that she doesn't want to share every detail with you. She has however said the money will be managed for the children. Your OP suggested you wanted to manage the money for them because 'daily living is more important'. I suspect the sisters own alarm bells have been triggered.

Please find a no win no fee solicitor. This is so wrong of his family to do this to his kids.

Go to citizens advice as soon as possible.

Obviously communication with your late husband’s family is difficult. I think you said the children see their grandparents (your husband’s parents)? Can you speak with them about your confusion/worries about what is happening?

prh47bridge has explained in some detail why she doesn't have to - and since you were separated, I can understand why she doesn't want to.