Estranged husband life instance (family pocketing it)

[LooUpdate]

I separated from my husband about 3 years ago. We have 2 young children. Sadly he passed away in the spring.

He had life insurance through his employers. His family are "managing it". I've asked if I will have access to this money and they say no, it's not for daily living. They said they will spend it on things like the children's schooling and holidays. (That's great but daily living is surely even more important?) I even said I was willing to provide receipts to prove I was spending the money on the kids.

I am now the sole parent with 90% of the overnights (grandparents do the 10%). I never divorced my husband.

My question is: even if my husband has specified that he wanted his family to handle the life insurance money, do I have any rights to it as his wife (and mother to his children).

The terms of the life insurance are that he named your sister-in-law as the trustee on behalf of his children. So they have paid out to the children into an account adminstered by your sister-in-law. I don't think there will be any more terms than that?

So you do now need a good dialogue with his family, if possible. Can you try to take emotion out of it and try again with them?

His sister: We want to be as supportive as possible but the money is for the children’s future as per Husband's wishes. The money is not for everyday living. If the children need anything specific i.e private assessment for daughter's autism.

So can you write an email with all the things you pay at the moment, and your income. Then work out what you need from them in financial terms. Find out how much the insurance pay out is and how much is in the trust for the children. Ask what written wishes your husband had made etc., and what transparency there will be over how it is handled - showing you the accounts every 6 months, or whatever.

You can't not talk to them, I'm afraid.

Basically, it is not that there is NO accountability. It is that YOU need to be the accountability.

If there is a trust then the trustees have certain duties. You really need to take some advice from a trust lawyer.

The trustee role has a set of duties associated with it to which they can be held accountable. I’m not quite clear what you want here. If you just want his sister to give you the money, that’s not going to happen. But it definitely should be there for school trips, essential school equipment you would struggle to buy etc I would think, and you have a legitimate reason to legally challenge the trustee role if she’s refusing all requests. All you can do as I’ve said upthread is start a steady pattern of listing key expenses and asking if the trust will assist with any. If you can’t pay them yourself I would add in the email that if funds can’t be found Xs daughter will no longer be attending ballet as I can’t afford it. Etc.
The other thing to look into is again as I’ve saud above getting information on who and when can request accounts from the trust. Can you as guardian? Can the dc at 18? And politely making sure sil is aware of this, so that she knows she will be found out taken to court for the funds if she uses any herself.
I’m sorry, it’s a shock, but this is how it is. At least the money will be there for necessary things for their health and development.

OP, it's been pointed out repeatedly on this thread that you have no claim or authority on any money that came after your former husband's death. You have no way of controlling that.

If you were still married and there was no will, then you do have control over the estate that was in existence before his death (property, savings). I can't understand why you are not asking about the flat, but focusing on the money in trust?

He has appointed his sister as the trustee of the children's money. That's not going to change. Focus on the flat.

Speak to a solicitor about having a regular amount paid out to you for the maintenance for the children.

Forget the money from his work policy.

He has done what he has done. I assume so that the money is there for the kids future and to remove you from any control of it. .

Not great but nothing you can do. Dont go war with his sister over this. It's not going to help you at all.

You need to look into what's outside that as he didnt have a will.

You need to establish if there is an official trust set up and ask to see proof of it. Did he make SIL the actual beneficiary and ask her to spend the money on DC, or did he leave it to the DC and make her a trustee on their behalf, because they are two entirely different things and if she is just the beneficiary then she doesn't have to give the money to the DC. If you could prove that his intention was for DC to benefit, then you could challenge it.

Also, if the DC were dependant on maintenance money from H, then you can ask the trust to amend the declaration. I know of a woman who did just that, in a reverse situation and actually took money from grownup DC that the life insurance had been left to, because she said she was dependant on the deceased.

Any update OP?

Sorry OP, but I think you are unreasonable. You were separated, not together any longer for 3 years, supposedly because you were not committed to each other any longer.

It is completely reasonable under these circumstances that he would want someone he trusted most to look after the money he was leaving for his children.

I think it is totally reasonable for her to agree to release money that benefits the children specifically, IE. School fees, potential medical care, school trips rather than things that would benefit you too or most, IE. a holiday or car.

Build bridges with the sister and agree on how best to spend the fund, maybe towards uni fees or a deposit on a house when they turn adult.

If his work are refusing to give you details that tells you all you need to know

You are not in any shape or formed mentioned in his policy

swingofthings if the children were grown up or at least older then I’d agree with you.

But his kids are still young which limits what the op can do to earn money and if her ex was still alive he would be having to pay a chunk of money every month in maintenance. He wouldn’t be able to say ‘I’m not giving you any money this month because instead I’m going to save it for the kids to go to uni and buy a car when they’re older’ which is effectively what he has done by saying the money should be for the children and then put in a trust looked after by the sil.

Given the way the family have jumped in to organise the funeral and money without involving the op knowing that she is his next of kin and given that they don’t seem to be very helpful or understanding, I too would be suspicious and worried in the circumstances.

My sis is the benificiary for my in work/death benefits. Mainly as I wanted to get exH off it as soon as he fucked off with the OW and I couldn't think of anyone else, and I like her. DP isn't, despite living together for 3 years, I may change it. Sis doesn't know, as other she would probably have pushedme down the stairs by now! (joke). HR said it was totally normal.

My will specifies that almost all I own would go to my kids but made it very clear that it would go in trust managed by my mother and my ex's mother for them to jointly agree on how it should be spent on my kids towards education or an essential large bill until they turn 21.

This is because even though I trusted my ex to look after them fine, I didn't trust at all how he would spend thecmoney which would just be diluted in a pot to benefit everyone in his new family justifying that it is OK because it also benefit our children.

OP will be receiving widow benefits since officially she was still married. Ultimately, her ex chose for his family to be the guardian of his insurance rather than OP for whatever reasons, this ought to be respected.

In the end, it will Grateley benefit the children to come to that money when they get to an age that OP might not be able to financially help them when all benefits associated with the children will be lost.

Wibbltooth
Your spouse is not automatically your NOK , he obviously specified otherwise as they were separated.
However I agree maybe a monthly sum should be agreed as he cannot pay maintenance.

Update: Looks like his sister has been naughty. She's put my husband's property on the market without contacting me. Fraud. I'm going to the police tomorrow.

There was no will. We were still married.

Forget the life assurance
If work only want to communicate with his sister - that means your ex updated his beneficiary to his sister.

As for the property - were you legally separated? Ie had a court order? If not, which I presume not as you would have mentioned, and there’s no will - then you are absolutely correct to instruct a solicitor and pursue

No court order.

Essentially, according to "his family" he left me and the kids high and dry. I'm taking his sister to the cleaners. I've had enough.

Guys, could I instruct the police for fraud?

For what it's worth- a friend of mine split from her husband after many years (teen and adult children) but never divorced.
After 6 or 7 years he passed away- no will.
My friend inherited the house (I think the mortgage was paid off by mortgage insurance which almost all providers ask for) and moved back in.

So go and talk to a solicitor-even if there is only a few thousand in equity it's worth pushing for.

Op if the sis has got herself signed off as executor (or whatever it’s called when someone dies intestate) then she might have the right to administer his estate.

You might need to apply to be the one to administer the estate really quickly to stop her. Definitely talk to a solicitor.

Do you have legal expenses on your house insurance/anything else? If so - get talking to them today.

Also talk to the estate agents and make them aware that they need to take the property off the market as it belongs to you now (and your ex’s mortgage company!) and follow it up in writing on email then ring to check they have it and follow that with another email where you can say ‘further to our discussion today about my email regarding taking the property off the market...’ to prove they have received it and read it and can’t plead ignorance. Might be they day can’t deal with you due to gdpr, might be they put it on pause or withdraw altogether. But they need to know they can’t sell it until this is sorted out.

I would also get a friend to call them and express interest in it and a couple like it to see how they are selling it - if they still are, if they are suggesting it needs to be sold quickly or if it’s a good deal etc which will give an indication of all sorts of things your ex sil has told them.

I know it will be a pain to do his probate but if you don’t want sil to do it then somebody needs to and it will probably be you (even if you pay solicitors or accountants to do it).

Otherwise sil will have got herself appointed and will screw you over.

@mrsw2 I realise that your wife is not automatically a NOK, particularly for life insurance policies but I thought that the instructions were a statement of wishes rather than had to be followed directions, and that the trustees were supposed to consider all factors, particularly when there were kids involved and when the other parent would have been receiving maintenance? And that they could override the wishes if it they felt the named individual would not take those kids into consideration - that it was reasonable for the remaining parent to receive some of the sum at least in lieu of maintenance, even if the person that gets it says they will keep it for the kids to have at 25 or whatever? I came across several articles about it when looking into stiluff when fil died so read because they were interesting (but obviously now I want to find them again I can’t!).

@LooUpdate
I don’t think you can instruct the police to do anything but you can report suspected fraud.

I don't think the Police can do anything, you need to contact the Probate Office.

I have not received a bean from his sister. Yet the children reside with me 100%. We are living off my benefits. Eldest child is disabled.

OP - given that you know your ex has a house and that you are still married to him, how were/are you expecting to get the value from the house (after the mortgage had been paid off and debts paid etc)?

Because on the one hand you are telling us that you feel the sister is defrauding you by putting it on the market and on the other hand you don’t seem to be doing anything to actively secure the sale of the house. Or even to rescue items from it as keepsakes for his children.

I can see why you think it should come to you, given that your ex died intestate so you should be NOK and get it (plus your dc etc following the rules of intestacy) and so do others on here.

But it seems that the only thing you have said about going forwards to ensure you get this money is complaining to the police about ex sil committing fraud by trying to sell it.

What I can’t see (and apologies if I have missed it) is how you were expecting the money due to you from the sale of the house to end up with you. Again apologies if wrong but it feels like you seem to expect it will magically appear in your bank account one day assuming the sil doesn’t do something on the mean time and that you’re just sitting back and waiting for it to magically sort itself out.

So maybe if you could say how you were expecting things to happen and who does what, who gets what and so on, what you’ve already done, who you’ve spoken to and what they’ve said; then we can start from the beginning again and make sure that nobody is talking at cross purposes...

I hope that makes sense.

And the other posters can see exactly the position you are now in and can advise on the actions you need to take going forwards.

Otherwise it feels like you could be sitting waiting for things to happen automatically somehow when his sister is being very proactive and might have already applied for and got the rights to administer the estate and there will be nothings you can do.

So please let us try to help you!

She's put my husband's property on the market without contacting me. Fraud

If she is administering his estate it is not fraud for her to market his property and she does not have to contact you about it. However, if there really is no will she must pay the proceeds of the sale to you. So far she has not done anything that would allow you to take her to the cleaners or report her to the police.