Estranged husband life instance (family pocketing it)

[LooUpdate]

I separated from my husband about 3 years ago. We have 2 young children. Sadly he passed away in the spring.

He had life insurance through his employers. His family are "managing it". I've asked if I will have access to this money and they say no, it's not for daily living. They said they will spend it on things like the children's schooling and holidays. (That's great but daily living is surely even more important?) I even said I was willing to provide receipts to prove I was spending the money on the kids.

I am now the sole parent with 90% of the overnights (grandparents do the 10%). I never divorced my husband.

My question is: even if my husband has specified that he wanted his family to handle the life insurance money, do I have any rights to it as his wife (and mother to his children).

Thanks everyone.

I feel really sick reading your responses.

My husband did not have a will. That much has been confirmed.

I have emailed the employer asking to be forwarded to their legal department (I know they have one).

If he had no will and you are not divorced then you are the next of kin and inherit any estate he has to leave. Find out who is dealing with his affairs.

I had a former colleague who separated from her husband shortly before his death.
The trustees retained control of the sum with the agreement it would go to the children when they were 25 But would release funds for specific things. These were driving lessons, cars etc.

It might be the Pension/Superannuation Department that is dealing with this, OP. It would be worth speaking to them.

I am no legal expert, one may come along shortly - but unfortunately no, I don't think you have any claim on any policies/pensions that pay out after death which is why the nomination forms are necessary. However, IIRC assets existing before death are different and form the estate - which you may have a claim on.

I'm wondering if he nominated his children to receive the death in service benefit and with them being too young to control it themselves he nominated his parents as trustees or guardians of the sum. I would check his pension as well.

I hope you get it sorted out, OP.

AJPTaylor I presume that your friends dh changed his nominee before his death to his children.

I think this might have happened with ops dh unless something else is going on.

Op if you know that your dh died without a Will, I hope it’s not too insensitive to ask but who organised the funeral? And did they take control of your ex’s bank accounts - were they used to pay for the funeral? And was there more in them that should be coming to you that (the ILs?) have taken it upon themselves to take?

Hopefully you have seen the following info:
www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/death-and-wills/who-can-inherit-if-there-is-no-will-the-rules-of-intestacy/

Well done on contacting your dh’s company. Hopefully the legal person there will be able to help you - certainly about money you are owed as a result of his employment but also in the wider picture. However please check your house insurance/etc to see if you have legal insurance that can help you. This is the sort of thing that service should be great for. Do you know if anyone has applied to be in charge of probate and been sorting the estate out? Because if they have they should definitely have been in contact with you - they can’t arbitarily decide not to give you your share of the money just because you were estranged.

His father and sister organised the funeral. I know they have also been to solicitors together (but excluded me).

That’s not good.

Sounds like it’s time to talk to the solicitors - particularly as you said that he died intestate and as such you are still legally his next of kin.

Might be worth ringing them up to ask to speak to the person that is dealing with the estate of your ex, without saying who you are initially, so that you get to talk to the right person and then once they have confirmed that they are dealing with the estate, you can then drop the bombshell on them that you are the next of kin and they shouldn’t be doing this for the ILs if that is the case.

Or even better maybe - ring them up, say that you’re a widow, your dh died intestate and you’d like to know their fees and services for helping to sort his estate out. Yards yadda yadda - drop into the conversation that you’d split up but weren’t divorced and you had children together; hopefully they will reassure you that absolutely this makes you the Next of Kin and the one to sort things out and that they can help you (and get nice juicy fees from you for doing so). Then say you have meddlesome ILs and you’re worried about them trying to take control. Finally start talking names and saying what would you have to do to engage them. They are either going to tell you or they will freak and start worrying about the clash/conflicting interests if they already are working for your IL - but after the point that they have just confirmed to you that you are the one that should be in control.

You don’t actually need to sign with them unless you want to but I’m sure that most people that don’t have a family solicitor would normally expect to talk to 2 or 3 people to get an idea of prices, services and whether or not they click.

Have you managed to speak to anyone at this work yet? Hope they were helpful.

I'm drumming up the confidence to phone the legal rep at his work. They have emailed me over their number. I have anxiety issues.

Can you guys recommend any questions in case I get tongue-tied?

certainly about money you are owed as a result of his employment

Just his pension?

Do you know if anyone has applied to be in charge of probate and been sorting the estate out?

His sister I believe.

This is a pensions question OP

Call and speak to the pensions advisory service on 0800 011 3797 and explain what you have told us they will help you in making your enquiry.

It's about his life insurance rather than his pension. I've already been contacted by his pension provider.

You said in your OP it was life insurance through work. In which case it is almost certainly provided through a life assurance scheme set up under trust which falls under pensions law and therefore TPAS can help you.

Ask if the children were the benefitorys of the money.
Also as said should be a pension.
Call everyone who he ever worked for, there could be other amounts.
You can call and get a copy of death cert his family can't stop you....

Don't worry about what you say/ how you sound.

You're coming from a perfectly reasonable position: your H died and you want to understand whether he made provision for your DC.

Just ask them who were the beneficiaries of the policy?

I agree with @ilovetolurk if its life assurance through work it's almost certainly covered by pension legislation.
You need to ask them if you and your children were considered as beneficiaries (were they aware of you) this should all be documented. You can complain formally and you can go to the regulator if you're unhappy with their response

It’s worth saying that as you are still your ex’s legal next of kin, you want to make sure that there are no other payments due to you - final salary, any other death in service benefits and so on.

They will know it is a difficult phone call - hopefully it’s something that will never happen to you again so they will know that you don’t know what to say, they probably don’t deal with it very often either and they will want to be nice and helpful.

You can ask if they have any additional advice or info for you. Also find out when is a good time to call back if you have other questions.

Ask how much comes directly to you and the dc (important to keep mentioning them!), how much goes into the estate.

Depending on the type of employer might be worth asking if ex had legal cover that could be used to get advice regarding his estate if appropriate.

You’ve done really well in contacting them to get a reply, it’s a good step forward.

Re the life assurance I would start by asking what cover he had through the company, the general way the scheme works, who had he nominated the money be left to.

If it was to his siblings/family/ie not you and the dc - it’s reasonable to ask when he made the decision - if he worked there before meeting you and having dc and didn’t update, very reasonable to ask trustees to take into account that he has young dependent dc that he would have supported if he was still alive and that could do with the money for their education and everyday needs.

If they released the money without taking them into account definitely worth questioning.

If he changed his info and the shareout after you split up - more difficult to argue with but certainly worth a try because they are supposed to do right by any dependents

Good luck.
(I wrote this last night and just realised it hasn’t posted so hopefully this hasn’t cross posted and isn’t too rambling!).

Hope you get some answers. It's not up to his family to manage the money, legally you where still married.

If you get nervous or anxious remember that you are fighting for your kids. That will give you the mama bear fighting spirit.
You are his legal wife raising his kids.

Forgot to ask begore - you say you think his sister has applied to sort out probate.

Given that you are legally still his wife would you have wanted to do this or are you happy that she is doing it?

Is it something that you were told by the family and assumed that they had the right to make that decision as you were separated? Or given the way they have dealt with sorting out the funeral and life assurance do you wish that you had done it?

I have no idea of the legalities of this but given that you have already said that your dh died intestate there are rules about where his money gets to go - you don’t want to discover they have extracted some of the money themselves because they feel that’s what their ds would have wanted or that they tie up money due to the dc in a trust that they control and take big ‘fees’ from it similar..,

Check your home insurance to see if you have legal cover and use it to get answers especially regarding ensuring you and your dc get your full entitlement.

If the hr person you’re speaking to is friendly and helpful (and even if they’re not) would be worth finding out what they told the company about you and your dc to see if they are trying to manipulate the system!

Are you divorced, OP?

OP, if this is a payout through a pension provider or insurance company, believe me they would not have paid out to anyone who was not entitled to it. My DS died suddenly. She had a works pension. They would only pay out to the executor (me) of her estate on proof of who the money was going to. As she was not married and hadn't nominated her partner, the money and pension went to her children. I had to open bank accounts in their name and the money went in directly. If they have his money, it may be that he nominated a family member to have the money. That is entirely possible. And as you were not together, completely plausible.

Its very sad they are doing this. You will never have your Ex's finacial suport for his children, you deserve this money to help raise the children. I hope you get it sorted soon.

With regards to the workplace insurance, call the person who's provided their name and number, advise them of your husband's death, and ask them whether there is any death-in-service payment to be made, who that would be made to, and whether there is any deferred pension, and again who that would be paid to. I wouldn't mention that you were separated, that is for them to ask (as someone else said, estrangement is not a declarable situation). They will let you know if your husband made any specific nominations.

With regards to the solicitor, I wouldn't do it by phone. I would write to the practice, the practice will ensure it reaches the correct solicitor based there. Explain that you are his wife, be open that you were separated but emphasised that you were not divorced, and that you are sole carer for the deceased's children. You need confirmation as to whether there was no will ; presuming there wasn't, confirmation as to who is acting as the administrator.; and confirmation as to the beneficiary/ies under current intestacy law. If you still have a copy of your marriage certificate, I would offer that in evidence. The solicitor may well be unaware of your existence or believes you to be divorced - give them the benefit of the doubt.

Agree with what Eggysmun says about the solicitor (and the life insurance!) - but I woul ring them up and find out the precise contact details for the solicitor you need to speak to, speak to them and say what eggysmum has suggested that you write and then follow it up with a letter as well. If timescales are such that the life insurance has paid out to the ILs without involving you, if you don’t know what they have told the solicitors it would be good to speak to them ASAP, then when you write you can do it to confirm ‘further to our conversation today...’ then they can’t say they didn’t know or didn’t know in time...

I can believe the solicitors may well have taken what the IL said as the truth and not asked to see a divorce certificate, especially if they were talking in disparaging terms and talking about you being divorced already. When fil died, his partner said she was his wife, she did use his name (changed by deed poll) but he was very definite that they weren’t married. The solicitors accepted her as his next of kin as his wife despite the fact he had several kids and wasnt married to her - likewise the funeral director did it on her say so and because she said she was his wife, said gdpr prevented us from saying otherwise (simplified slightly but that was their get out clause). There didn’t seem to be any check points in the system to deal with the fact that someone might deal less than honestly when a few lies nets them a large profit.,,