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Original poster

Paternity - UPDATE what now?

60 replies

tiger14 · 01/02/2017 08:30

Hi, I posted recently on here about getting a dna test done as a woman had (completely out of the blue) contacted my husband and said he was the father to her 11 year old daughter. If you remember she was blackmailed him and stuff and then sent me a nasty message. Anyway in the email I sent requesting a dna test and saying she had to find money for it, I told her he doesn't remember being with her (he was drunk but has blocked a lot out from this time due to quite severe depression) this morning I've received the following email from her.

Well, if he doesn't remember then I must have mistaken him with somebody else. I'm terribly sorry for my mistake and will not bother you or your family again. Please accept my sincere apologies.

I will be deleting this email account so can assure you that you will receive no further correspondence from me. I hope you and your family enjoy a long and delightful life.

Goodbye.

I just want to know what people think I should do? Leave it, answer it and if so what do I say? I just feel she's just 'throwing her toys out of the pram' as she hasn't got the response she wanted.

OP posts:
Chinnygirl · 04/02/2017 11:55

I would actually give her these options. She quits the email blahblah and produces kid for the dna test that you will pay for directly or you go to the police with her emails because if she refuses to do the dna test then she is scamming you. Tell her this. Exactly.

Original poster
tiger14 · 04/02/2017 12:06

We are dealing with it together, we both read the emails and respond but it is my account and I send them. This is because he suffers depression and is finding this very hard to deal with, I don't want her to contact him direct again. He hasn't seen this one yet a's he is out at the moment. I will be broaching it with him when he returns. She is saying he messaged her when the child was 4 not met up. She is definitely English and real and did work for him. But a bit of research on Facebook has found her ex and she was awful with him Inc slashing his tyres.... we really can't afford to pay for dna test, can't even afford to live at the moment, most months I'm having to pay for food on the credit card. But we will find the money because we need to, even if we have to sell stuff to get it. This is what I don't understand, why wouldn't she find the money.... all the way through this my dh has seemed genuine, his 'story' has never changed, never faltered etc. I don't understand why one minute she's like forget it and stop harassing me and then the next all this......

OP posts:
MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 04/02/2017 12:16

To be scrupulously fair, if I had a child and has taken financial responsibility for it from birth I certainly would not be eager to pay for a DNA test too. After all she is not the one who requires the proof.

Surely if she is claiming he is the father and you (plural you) have decided to take responsibility the CSA (or whoever they are now and I'm ignorant on this point) would have a process for DNA testing? It may even be that the cost is less or spread over a period of time??

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 04/02/2017 12:25

To be scrupulously fair, if I had a child and has taken financial responsibility for it from birth I certainly would not be eager to pay for a DNA test too. After all she is not the one who requires the proof.

I wouldn't however be blackmailing the OP and her DH either.

Original poster
tiger14 · 04/02/2017 12:26

You can go through csa I think but it's a lot more expensive for test. And I assume she would have to instigate this not us.

OP posts:
InfinityPlusOne · 04/02/2017 12:26

Reply simply saying to her that you will pay for the DNA test (directly to the company) but ignore everything else she has written and don't engage with her again until she agrees.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 04/02/2017 12:32

I wouldn't however be blackmailing the OP and her DH either

Did I even say or imply that? Of course I didn't Hmm It is possible to think about each bit on its own merits.

Isn't the good in a way op? If she is lying she's not going to instigate it is she?

VocalDuck · 04/02/2017 13:13

I know there is a fee but please do order a copy of the birth certificate. The child in question might already have a father on there (and possibly a different mother to the woman messaging you). I would bet that she wants you to send her money for the DNA test and she will then provide results that say your DH is the father (although you will have no guarantee whose swab was used for the test if it one you can post off). Then your DH will pay maintenance. In the meantime, she (or maybe it is a he behind the emails, who knows!) is probably getting enjoyment from how upset you are.

OVienna · 04/02/2017 17:00

I thought if you weren't married, you had to register the birth together for the father's name to be on the BC? So it wouldn't be there.

OP this woman is a chancer. Please, please just go broken record. "DNA test, then we discuss." Etc. Don''t reply to any other messages which sidestep this and talk nonsense.

OVienna · 04/02/2017 17:00

Yes - what Vocal says too - there could be another father there.

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