Prohibited steps order hearing

[CustardCream1]

I have been asked to attend a court hearing as my ex wants a prohibited steps order to prevent me moving 150 miles away, and in fact to prevent me from moving out of the area at all. I got the letter about this today and the hearing is on Tuesday which is hardly any time to prepare. I am really confused and finding it hard to deal with as I'm so upset over it all. Does anyone if I can oppose the prohibited steps order? I've been told that Cafcass will have to do background checks on us both which could take around two months. I am meant to be moving house at the end of August and if I am prevented from moving, I will be homeless as I have already given notice on my current house and I would lose the house I was due to move into. I also have been asked to provide a report from my GP on my mental health (I raised my concerns about my ex's mental health and his ongoing emotional abuse towards me and I guess he wants to get back at me). I am going to try to find a solicitor tomorrow, but in the meantime, can anyone advise me? I am sick with worry. Thank you.

OP please don't let yourself get upset by comments from random strangers on an Internet forum. These posters are not legal experts, they have their own experiences and are commenting purely on that basis. Get some legal advice and don't be swayed by opinions on here. You sound like you're doing the best you can for your daughter and that's all anyone can ever do.

I just can't deal with it. If I try to move then I'll end up spending so much time and money driving my child to her dad's that it will be awful and not fair on my daughter. I realise I have to go to court and they have to investigate me as a parent. They will find nothing untoward there as I am a very good mum.

CustardCream1 Do you have documentation about your DD's father's abusive behaviour? It is specifically the mention of punching a wall that hit a nerve in me. In your circumstances, I would have thought that leaving a child that young overnight with such a person is not in the best interests of the child. I am not an expert, but I grew up in an abusive household and there is no way on earth I would leave a pre-verbal infant in the sole care of such a person, even if it meant that I had to delay a house move in order to be in accordance with a court order. I am sorry if this is not what you wanted to hear.

Custard Where have you got the idea that CAFCASS investigate you?

That's not their role. They act, on behalf of the court, to determine what would be best for the DC. They aren't looking to prove that you or your ex are bad parents. Or decide which of you is better.
They are there to make an objective assessment of what is best for the DC in situations like yours where parents can't agree.

If you feel that you just cannot deal with it, this is a time to pull in support. Who do you have who is supporting you, beyond MN? I agree with pp that it is the rights of your DD which are central here. As a parent, you have a responsibility to your DD to keep her safe and it sounds from what you have written as if leaving her in the sole care of her father for overnights is not going to do that. I have no experience of CAFCASS. Are you able to discuss your situation with someone from there or a helpline who knows the process or something? Perhaps other posters can suggest such resources?

Please look after yourself and your DD in the middle of all of this. It sounds horrific for you to go through after all that you have dealt with.

I have no support whatsoever. My sister is on the end of a phone but she is dealing with helping her friend who is bereaved. I don't know who to call. I know that it is all about my child's rights, it has been pointed out to me many times and I totally agree with this.

Sending CustardCream1. It sounds horrible.

I find The Samaritans great when I have exhausted all other sources of support, but not everybody does, and they cannot do anything. They can listen though, and so can we, here.

Is there no way that Tuesday can be postponed to give you breathing space? I do not know the process, so I have no idea about this.

CAFCASS has an excellent website, as do Gingerbread. There are 24/7 helplines for victims of DV.

But, the support they can offer will be constrained by the fact that the OP has left it so late in the day. From what the OP says there has been previous legal involvement - she says that she believes that her exs allegations about her own mental health are in retaliation for concens she has raised about him in the past. She says she has been advised not to refer to his mental health again. I may be wrong, but I've assumed that means the OP and her ex have involved legal advisors before.

With that in mind, I'm fairly confident that the OP would have been made aware that her ex had the right to apply for a Prohibited Steps Order and that this is something she hoped he wouldn't do.

Thank you erin that's really kind. I am going to ring the samaritans now.

I hope you find them helpful. They get me through when I am in a state.

Time, in the gentlest way I can possibly express it, the OP is still here, and it is quite strange that you talk about her as if she is not here. Abuse does all sorts of things to people, and being talked about as if I am not there is one of the most difficult things for me to experience, which is why I feel moved to mention this. When mental health services and social services were involved in my care, I was a case, and I was talked about, and I am sensitive to when victims of abuse are talked about as if they are not there.

the OP is still here, and it is quite strange that you talk about her as if she is not here.

Apologies - OP - you had indicated that you intended to leave the thread, hence I did not direct my comments to you personally. I now see that you haven't.
I was responding to a question asked by another poster, not one you had asked yourself.

Erin the man I spoke to at the Samaritans was lovely. I'm grieving for my Nan at the moment who was like a mum to me and I talked to him about that too.

Thank you Time. Your apology means a lot to me. Your post was informative as well. Systems like CAFCASS can feel threatening even though they try not to be threatening.

I am glad you found the Samaritans helpful Custard. I felt hesitant to suggest them because some people do not find them helpful, but for me, they really are a lifeline when my emotions overwhelm me and I do not feel able to turn to anyone else.

I am sorry for the loss of your Nan. You do have a lot on your plate, which is why I suggested, pull in support.

Custard, I have no useful insights, but I am thinking of you.

Thank you GreenAndYellow, your words mean a lot to me.

I think you're doing the right thing by seeking professional advice. I would ask the solicitor how many miles is a reasonable distance to move? 25? 50? It sounds like you need to move to a cheaper area so that you and your daughter can enjoy a better quality of life.
When I split up with ex he moved 3 hours away at first and it was a nightmare for the kids. My sons refused to go after a couple of times and my daughter looked exhausted when she'd get out of his car. (They are all prone to car sickness on trips longer than 90 minutes ish) Ex now lives a 45 minute drive away which I think the is much more reasonable and allows for regular contact.

I would ask the solicitor how many miles is a reasonable distance to move? 25? 50?

A solicitor won't be able to answer that.
A court will base its decision on many things - in particular, how much time the OPs DC currently spends with her dad and what involvement he has had in her life so far.
The fact that he's on the birth certificate and was willing to go to court to secure PR will be part of that consideration.

OP, it was a mistake to assume you could just move that far away without legal challenge.

It won't do you any favours to get angry about your ex or challenging your plans legally; your views about "the system"; or about the problems the delay will cause, which is one of the consequences of your mistake.

It'd be better to work very hard on your case, using info online and legal advice to understand what kinds of things the court will look at, and gather information and evidence to address those things.

It isn't just about moving to a cheaper area. It is mostly about me being able to have support as have none where I live. This is an important point. Ok sobo made a mistake thinking my ex could not stop me move. That has already been made clear to me and doesn't need to be laboured. I haven't committed a crime I am trying to obtain a better life for my child. And yes the prevention of moving is very significant as we would need to move to a bed sit or shared house which is all I could afford in this area.

But you may well not be prevented from moving and it may be possible: focus on preparing your case.

Eg job options where you want to move to; support for you and DD from family and friends; cheaper and better housing; how regular contact can happen and be paid for; how much contact he has at present and has said (in writing eg email/texts if you have it) in the past he'd like.