Prohibited steps order hearing

[CustardCream1]

I have been asked to attend a court hearing as my ex wants a prohibited steps order to prevent me moving 150 miles away, and in fact to prevent me from moving out of the area at all. I got the letter about this today and the hearing is on Tuesday which is hardly any time to prepare. I am really confused and finding it hard to deal with as I'm so upset over it all. Does anyone if I can oppose the prohibited steps order? I've been told that Cafcass will have to do background checks on us both which could take around two months. I am meant to be moving house at the end of August and if I am prevented from moving, I will be homeless as I have already given notice on my current house and I would lose the house I was due to move into. I also have been asked to provide a report from my GP on my mental health (I raised my concerns about my ex's mental health and his ongoing emotional abuse towards me and I guess he wants to get back at me). I am going to try to find a solicitor tomorrow, but in the meantime, can anyone advise me? I am sick with worry. Thank you.

It isn't a case of a contrived happy mum happy child argument. I feel that as our child is with me most of the time that my happiness is important as she will be affected by my unhappiness. I am doing my best to hide it but if i am kept here against my will I cannot reasonably expect to be able to hide it from my daughter for another 3 or 4 years or however long I might be forced by the court to live here. This is not fair and not reasonable. Also my daughter's Dad made the decision to leave me at 3 months pregnant yet I feel I am being penalised and even made to feel a criminal to want to move to a better area for my daughter and I.

Personally you have not got the court order so move

I never understand why someone your not with can decided we're you live tbh how dose he even know your moving I wouldn't of told anyone until I have exchanged

I don't care what anyone says of your. Able to get a better job or a bigger house from moveing then unless the person who is trying to prevent you from moving is going to give to the extra were ypu are then they can get lost

however since you are moving it should be down to you to make sure dd sees her dad that means you doing the long drive both ways

I wish i had never told him. I thought i was doing the right thing. What a bloody idiot I was. I don't think I can move yet as the house isn't available plus I haven't started packing. This whole situation is destroying me.

my daughter's Dad made the decision to leave me at 3 months pregnant yet I feel I am being penalised

Is he on the birth certificate? Does he have PR?

I am going to offer to meet half way every week so my ex has her the day then every other week to meet half way so my ex has her the whole weekend. I cannot afford to make the entire journey myself as i am out of work. My ex left me I did not leave him so why should I have to make the whole journey. He has been terribly abusive to me so why should I be penalised for this?

Yes he is on the birth cert he bullied me to ensure this and threatened me with court action so I had little choice.

What a nightmare. I nearly had something similar where xh was being an arse about potential move.

In the end it was my current dh who was more rational than me. In our circumstances he pointed out that moving away would be detrimental in the following ways:

Too much time spent in the car eow - hours and hours
Absolutely no chance of their dad attending school stuff/meetings
As they get older they'd likely REALLY begrudge being packed off to see him in favour of their hobbies here and their friends.
Very difficult to have decent relationship with cousins and grandparents on his side.

My dcs are older and my circumstances are different. BUT we would have been mortgage free if we moved, so I'm still cross about that.

Wishing you all the best!

Your reasons are strong and even if you were claiming HB it would cover the full cost in London.

Look I can see from all the responses which I am truly grateful for that I do not have leg to stand on. I can see that the prohibited steps order is going to be granted to prevent me moving my daughter from the area and that we are stuck here even though I know and all my family and friends know it is not in the best interests of my child. I admit defeat and have to accept I am stuck for the next few years at least in a city where I know hardly anyone and that due to exceptionally high rental costs and given I am unemployed we will have no choice but to live in a bed sit which is the most I can afford in this area. Yeah that really is in the best interests of the child isn't it.

My ex left me I did not leave him so why should I have to make the whole journey. He has been terribly abusive to me so why should I be penalised for this?

As far as the courts are concerned this is nothing to do with you or him. This is to do with your DDs right to have both parents involved in her life.

You chose to create a child together. He chose to remain in her life despite the failure of your relationship. The court will make a decision as to whether your desire to move away and limit his involvement in her life is best for her.

If he is a "good enough" parent, then he is considered a positive in her life.

I am absolutely not trying to limit his involvement in her life whatsoever. As I have said very strongly is that I am planning to move for a much better life for my child and to maintain contact with her dad and am prepared to make the effort for this.

I am absolutely not trying to limit his involvement in her life whatsoever.

And if you can show that in court, you will be fine.

But in court, overcoming issues such as not discussing the idea with your DDs dad before signing a lease for a home 150 miles away is going to be a challenge - from an objective perspective, it will look as if you have decided on your own what is best for your DD, rather than involving her Dad in that decision.

It is quite right that any parent has the opportunity to seek legal intervention if they cannot agree with the the other parent - unfortunately, it is a process that can be abused - which makes is critical that anyone considering this ensures they involve their DCs other parent as soon as possible.

I did not sign a lease. I only paid 100 pounds for the application fee. I have tried to discuss moving on numerous occasions with my ex but each time he could not cope. The most recent time I mentioned it he took an overdose. I did not hide my plans to move from my ex. He just could not cope with it. I have done absolutely nothing wrong.

He has no more right to prevent his DD from moving away than you do to take her.

This is why family court exists; to decide what is best for the DC objectively.

Your DD should not stay living close to her Dad just because he can't cope without her. But neither should she move 150 miles away just because that is best for you.

But living 150 miles away means she will have a nicer house than she does now, a bigger bedroom, a much bigger garden, she will be with her aunt uncle and cousins which she does not have now.

But living 150 miles away means she will have a nicer house than she does now, a bigger bedroom, a much bigger garden, she will be with her aunt uncle and cousins which she does not have now.^

And the court will weigh that up against the impact a move is likely to have on the relationship with her Dad.

It's less likely that he will be present on her first day at school. Or see her in her first nativity play. She won't have "two homes" that she can have sleepovers at, invite friends to, can pop back to pick up clothes/shoes from.

All these things will be considered and the court will decide based on their view of what is best for your DD.

Yes I agree and if it is that important for her dad to be there on her first day of school etc then he can move up north to be closer to her. He made the decisision to treat me like shit and to leave me at 3 month pregnant and so In the sense of moral justice I should not be paying the price.

OP this is MN not the Courts, don't be disheartened. Given the circs the Courts may well find in your favour.
Either way, they won't be swung by the presiding opinion on MN so don't let it make you feel worse.

Thank you so much how not to some of the opinions on mumsnet have been worrying me sick but your post has given me some hope that I may have a fighting chance of getting a better life for my daughter and I.

He made the decisision to treat me like shit and to leave me at 3 month pregnant and so In the sense of moral justice I should not be paying the price.

I understand how you feel, and only wish that way how family court worked.

But, when family court makes a decision about a child, the moral issues between the parents don't come into it. How a parent conducts themselves in a relationship,or former relationship is, as far a family court is concerned, irrelevant to their capability as a parent.

My life would be so different if that wasn't the case.

Op, I agree with you!

Three cousins and a supportive family is better than contact with an abusive dad who threatens suicide when things don't go his way.

I'm sorry you have been delayed, but all is not lost. Please consult a solicitor who specialises in domestic violence. I'm not a legal person, but have read enough (because of my own situation) to know that Sturge and Glaiser and Practice Directions 12J might help you here (?)

I do hope you get something sorted soon.

Ok so if I have this correct, you have been made redundant, can not afford to remain in your current home or another home in the same area, have no family support in the area other than alcoholic abusive ex who rather than discuss with you properly ways in which you could make life more secure for your child in another area decided to attempt suicide in order to prevent you moving to a home you can afford with support and the prospect of work?
I think you have a leg to stand on. Is he proposing that he pays your current rent or the equivalent of to ensure your child has a home close to him? Or is he proposing that he seek urgent treatment for his alcohol issues in order for him to care for her himself? I would be expecting him to set out clearly exactly how he plans to help solve the issues you are facing. If he wants you to stay then he should put forward some solutions instead of stamping his foot. If he wants to deprive you and your DD of wider family support then he needs to be a support to enable you to stay.
I'd bet my left arse cheek he has none of the above in his head. No judge will look kindly upon a parent who would see their child homeless rather than in a secure, supported and employed household.
Stay calm. Don't panic and set out clearly why you cannot manage where you are and exactly how you will be better off living nearby your family.

(NN, I have been lurking on these boards under other names for months, and am so impressed with your knowledge, but am thinking that your sad experience with the family court process was not typical - I hope not anyway!) I'm glad your partner got what he deserved in the end, but I sometimes feel that you are in danger of generalising. I understand this, and please don't think I am being critical - it's just that I hope family courts are more willing to look at child welfare and more fair than you portray them. )

I once (when very upset and vulnerable to being swayed by others opinions) let the opinions offered on here (although not this board) sway me to take a course of action that was not in mine or the DC's best interests as it left me feeling that I was completely in the wrong. Had I approached and taken advice from actual professionals the outcome would have been very different.
Get yourself to a solicitor, it's definitely something worth fighting for.
Hope it works out for you and your DD, fingers crossed for some good news

I'm glad your partner got what he deserved in the end, but I sometimes feel that you are in danger of generalising. I understand this, and please don't think I am being critical - it's just that I hope family courts are more willing to look at child welfare and more fair than you portray them.

No, my DH did not get what he deserved, and that is why, Even though my own DDs Dad is an addict, gambler and not the person I would have chosen to be my DDs dad had I known, I have avoided court at the expense of my own career and what I would want for DD.