Prohibited steps order hearing

[CustardCream1]

I have been asked to attend a court hearing as my ex wants a prohibited steps order to prevent me moving 150 miles away, and in fact to prevent me from moving out of the area at all. I got the letter about this today and the hearing is on Tuesday which is hardly any time to prepare. I am really confused and finding it hard to deal with as I'm so upset over it all. Does anyone if I can oppose the prohibited steps order? I've been told that Cafcass will have to do background checks on us both which could take around two months. I am meant to be moving house at the end of August and if I am prevented from moving, I will be homeless as I have already given notice on my current house and I would lose the house I was due to move into. I also have been asked to provide a report from my GP on my mental health (I raised my concerns about my ex's mental health and his ongoing emotional abuse towards me and I guess he wants to get back at me). I am going to try to find a solicitor tomorrow, but in the meantime, can anyone advise me? I am sick with worry. Thank you.

NN, this family court thing is so hard, isn't it? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you on any way

I think the fact that you have been made redundant and are in financial crisis is really important here, perhaps more important than than a support network.

In my opinion 150 miles isn't prohibitive BUT I think you should get your thinking cap on about facilitating contact more. Does your ex have a car, will he be able to meet you half way? It isn't the same as being in his own home, it will be winter in no time how do they fill the contact time if your DD still needs to nap and meals?

Op have you sorted out a solicitor yet? I can highly recommend one who deals with these cases in London. Pm if you want their details.

I am going to propose my daughter stays with her dad on alternate weekends. We can meet half way on Saturday morning for him to pick her up and again for him to bring her back on a Sunday late afternoon. I will propose that the other weekend, we meet half way again early sat or sun morning, and my ex has our daughter for most the day and then brings her back to a specific meeting point half way. I propose that when our daughter reaches the age of two, then he can have her to stay for a week, every 3 months. He will need to use up all his annual leave for this, but surely it is worth it. I will also propose that she spends alternate christmases with her dad, and that she can spend this xmas with him. I will say that once she starts school he can have her to stay 50% of the time during school holidays. I cannot see how a court can say that this is unreasonable. I am having to go completely against my instinct as a mother, to protect my child, because I do not think it is in her best interests to spend weekends or weeks with my ex, given his distrurbing behaviour, drink problems, not to mention his dangerous driving. However I know now that my rights as a mother don't count one bit in the eyes of the law.

The judge probably won't make a decision until cafcass have made a report for the court. I would prepare yourself for not moving at end of Aug even if the judgement goes in your favour eventually, these things are long winded and drawn out. The judge generally follows the cafcass officer so make sure all your evidence and background is given fully and clearly to them, they look at everything through the child's eyes and what is in child's best interests.

Custard I was given a piece of advice by my solicitor at one point, he said ' remember parents have no rights over their children only responsabilities'. From your last post you clearly are thinking about your responsabilities, but it makes life a lot easier if you forget having rights.

Time will pass before you know it and your DD will make her own choices.

But if i can't move end of August then I have nowhere to live! I have given notice on my house and have to be out the end of the month. It is further complicated by the fact I am unemployed and most letting agencies will not take me on. In terms of caf cass if my ex and I agreed on contact arrangements then why do i need to wait for their report before I can move? This makes no sense.

Have you seen a solicitor at all? I think you probably should.

You don't have "rights as a mother" as such. The focus is on the child's rights.
If you genuinely believe your child is at risk then you need to say so.

You may find that you are told to do all of the driving, so you'd need to factor that cost into moving. Also, your proposal means a lot of time in the car, which isn't great.

I think talking things through with a solicitor would help your case.

I'm seeing a solicitor Monday.

In terms of caf cass if my ex and I agreed on contact arrangements then why do i need to wait for their report before I can move? This makes no sense.

Once an application has been made to court it cannot be withdrawn unless the court allows it to be.

If you and your ex can agree, it may mean that the court discharges the case and doesn't require a CAFCASS report but that is not always the case.

Okay well I wouldn't put any proposal to your ex until you've seen a solicitor then. Your post with your latest proposal seems a little confused so hopefully your solicitor can present things to the court in a clearer way.

This is absurd. A total waste of time and money. Basically I am fucked.

When did you give notice to the landlord? If it was recent, could you withdraw it at least until after the court date?
You say you haven't signed a lease yet for a new place so that's one less thing to worry about.
You're understandably upset, angry and frustrated. The court is not the place to unleash your fury against your ex - that won't get you what you want. Try to be cool, clear and rational. Keep how you feel about him out of this, although I know it's really hard. You've had some really good food for thought from posters above. Do you have a friend or family member, someone outside the situation, who can sit down with you and work out what's relevant to you from all the advice above and work out a plan?
How you deal with this now has the potential to have a big impact on your and DD' s lives for a while so gather your own strength and resources from outside, and prepare yourself. Yes, it is crap that you're having to justify your decisions, but the advice you've had above gives you a head start.

I won't try to move. I can see this is wrong. I hope u can find a decent and affordable place to live but I strongly doubt it.

Very proud mum your post is nasty. You don't know my situation and what I have gone through so how dare you judge me in this way.

proud is right in as much as you ex is following the advice given to dads by MN - that they should go to court and fight to remain a part of their DCs lives.

If your ex has been abusive and violent then that evidence can be put to the court in order to ensure your DD remains safe.
CAFCASS have access to police reports, and social services records - all of which will help your case.

As I have said I will stay in the area and not move. It is in the best interests of our child. My key concern is finding decent place for us to live as I can't afford the rent where we live now. I'm worried we won't find anywhere by 1 Sept and we have to be out by 31 Aug but maybe the council can find a bed and breakfast or hostel to house us temporarily. Thank you all for your help.

No I'm not angry I am totally worn down.

Irrespective of what you have decided, OP, the court case will still go ahead on Tuesday.
Depending on what has been written and seen by the court, the judge may decide that your DD would benefit from further hearings - the level of conflict between you and your ex is clearly high. Many parents are court ordered to attend the Separated Parenting Course run by CAFCASS, for instance.

Go to see the solicitor tomorrow and take it from there.

I can imagine that.
Look, chances are, you'll be allowed to take your daughter when you move. You're her primary carer and you've got some good reasons for moving.
Your posts have got some conflicting statements in though and that needs to be straightened out before you go into court to ensure the best result for your daughter.

Talk it through with your solicitor. They'll know how to argue the case, what contact to offer etc.