Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Legal matters

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Can anyone help?

68 replies

WrappedInABlankie · 04/01/2015 23:02

When i was ill in '13 my sister was signed off from her GP under some kind of carers notes to look after my son as I was in hospital for 3 weeks.

I'm going to be having a C-Section in June, can my partner get signed off for my recovery period to look after my son as I won't be able to lift, etc. Do you also know what it's called?

TIA

OP posts:

Mabelface · 04/01/2015 23:13

He'll be entitled to 2 weeks paternity leave, won't be?

Original poster

WrappedInABlankie · 04/01/2015 23:21

A recovery is at least 6 weeks from a c-section, so 2 weeks paternity leave wouldn't be enough

I couldn't lift anything for 5 weeks with my son and after that I got an infection meaning my recovery took 10 weeks in total.

OP posts:

Flibbertyjibbet · 04/01/2015 23:27

I had a section and had a 9lb baby and 16m old ds1 to look after alone during the day when Dp went back to work.
You just manage.

I didnt lift anything only carried the baby about in a sling and ds1 walked if we went out.
I can just imagine the effect on the economy if the father of every child born by cesarean got weeks and weeks of signed off leave to look after the mother.

Original poster

WrappedInABlankie · 04/01/2015 23:35

That's wonderful but I don't think walking my son the 6 miles to nursery having to walk the 6 miles back twice a day 4 times a week is really going to happen and seeing as I won't be able to drive I can't send him on his own

OP posts:

Original poster

WrappedInABlankie · 04/01/2015 23:36

And before you ask there is no family to help and my dp works 8am - 11pm 5 nights a week leaving for work at 7:30 so he can't take him

OP posts:

Medoc · 04/01/2015 23:45

hire someone to take your son to nursery
have your son miss a few weeks of nursery
ask other parents at nursery if they can help take your son
arrange a taxi to take you to/from nursery for those few weeks

FWIW, I've had 2 sections, and could drive safely after 4 weeks with each, so there may only 2 weeks when your partner is back at work when you'd have this issue.

Original poster

WrappedInABlankie · 04/01/2015 23:53

we don't have the funds to hire someone/take a taxi 4 times a day for at least 4 weeks. I personally also wouldn't let a stranger take my son to nursery in their car/taxi on his own, he'll be 3.2. Nobody in my town sends their child to his nursery (we used to live in the same town but since moved and he loves it there and I can drive so it's usually not an issue)

If he misses weeks he'll lose his place and we can't afford to pay for it to keep it open whilst he sits at home and with how ill I was with him and now I have neurological issues since having him unless he sits watching TV 24/7 not expecting to sit/climb on me need to climb onto the toilet etc it's not going to happen.

However what I originally asked for was what the sick note my sister got signed off to look after him previously was called...

OP posts:

Medoc · 05/01/2015 00:04

I've never heard of it, however, you have 6 months to resolve this. If you advertised now for someone to take him, they'd not be a stranger come June.

Or change his nursery now for one closer, as he has 6 months to get used to the change.

Presumably if he loses his place it wouldn't matter too much, as he'll be starting school nursery come September?

Original poster

WrappedInABlankie · 05/01/2015 00:07

No he'll be 3 in April meaning he won't start till September 2016 and not all of our schools have nurseries attached to their schools.

And as I said We can't afford to hire someone to take him to and from nursery even if I was comfortable letting a stranger take him so it doesn't matter as the nearest nursery is still 4 miles away making it an 8 mile trip so doesn't solve the issue.

OP posts:

MairyHoles · 05/01/2015 00:11

I don't think there is a carers sick note. Either your sister got signed off with a medical ailment herself or arranged time off. A doctor can only write a sick note based on her illness, not based on her family situation. Your partner may be entitled to parental leave if there is enough time to apply for it before the baby's due.

I'm sympathetic. I had a c section with my 3rd child. My 3 year old had to get to nursery and I had a 15 month old. I lived 7 miles from nursery in the country and I had only moved there 1 week beforehand. The health visitor offered to get a local retired nurse who helped out to take my daughter to nursery but I declined as I was able to drive by the time my partner went back to work after 2 weeks. It was quite uncomfortable pulling the double buggy from the boot though so if you can get a lightweight buggy that will help a lot.

MistletoeBUTNOwine · 05/01/2015 00:15

Your OH could take a few weeks annual leave for when his 2 weeks have finished?

Mbear · 05/01/2015 00:17

But your dh wouldn't get paid? Why can't he book holiday?

Mbear · 05/01/2015 00:18

Cross post!

LeftyLoony · 05/01/2015 00:18

DH took 2 weeks' paternity plus 3 weeks AL. That was the advantage with a section, we could book it.

Original poster

WrappedInABlankie · 05/01/2015 00:19

It was nothing to do with her being sick. On the note it stated due to my son needing 24/7 care and obviously I was In hospitals I'll have to ask her if I see her but she keeps forgetting to tell me. I know she saw her doctor explained the issue she was the only one able to look after him and she was signed off 'sick' as a carer for my son till I was discharged from hospital

He walks everywhere so no issue with the buggy, but due to my neurological condition I have to been signed off fit from my neurologist and my gp who both can't do it before 6 weeks as the pregnancy messes with my brain pressure which messes up my eyes causes headaches double vision etc so they need to wait to everything is completely settled and there's nothing i can do to change that

OP posts:

Original poster

WrappedInABlankie · 05/01/2015 00:21

He works two jobs

we've already had to kick up a fuss as they were refusing to let him have his paternity leave they've already refused to let him come to one scan already they've already said he can't take any holiday or annual leave as he's been in his second job since October so he doesn't qualify and if he does they'd fire him.

Hence me asking

OP posts:

nulgirl · 05/01/2015 00:22

Agree with mbear. Carers leave wouldn't be paid and if you can't afford to get taxis etc then how can you afford for your dh to be off work unpaid for many weeks? If you really think that you'll be incapable of looking after your ds then you'll need to make child care arrangements or try to get your dh to take unpaid leave. I seriously doubt that his employer would pay him for the time off.

Poppytoffee · 05/01/2015 00:22

Can't DH be signed off work on compassionate leave? My DH was able to do that when our dc was ill.

Original poster

WrappedInABlankie · 05/01/2015 00:25

Nulgirl it was paid otherwise my sister wouldn't of been able to take the time of to look after my son it was paid as her standard sick pay.

That's fine but his childcare is his nursery that's what we're trying to get him too

They weren't letting him take his PL so we highly doubt he'll be able to take CL.

OP posts:

magpieginglebells · 05/01/2015 05:16

A carers sick note doesn't exist so he must have worded a normal sick note 'stress due to caring' or something similar I imagine.

I very much doubt your husband will get one due to a c section and you'll have to figure something out like everyone else. My husband took 2 weeks paternity leave, 1 week annual leave and a week unpaid.

pullthecracker · 05/01/2015 05:32

The advice has eased slightly recently, as long as you aren't lugging heavy boxes around, normal everyday lifting is fine to do. There is no set time for driving, but you can get the all clear from your GP. I was driving after both sections at 3 weeks, I had the daily school run to do after DH went back to work at two weeks. Your dos would then only need to miss a week.
I doubt the GP would give your dh any note, as its planned surgery, and very routine and common.

mcdog · 05/01/2015 06:20

I don't understand how working 2 jobs means he can't take annual leave. He is entitled to AL from all employment, this is calculated from the day he started working.

I agree with above posters about a GP not giving a "sick note", and actually I don't think he should be given one. It's a planned operation in 6months time, that's ample time for other arrangements to be made.

Chocolateporridge · 05/01/2015 06:36

Try contacting your Health Visitor and explaining the situation. When I had dd I then unexpectedly to go have major surgery which meant I couldn't do anything around the house, or even lift my dd. I had no family nearby and dh is self employed so my HV said they can sometimes arrange emergency assistance but luckily my friends rallied round and helped me instead. There may be help available that your HV will.know of.

PowderMum · 05/01/2015 06:53

As others have said you have 6 months to work through this, by then you DH should have accrued around 16 days holiday so could possibly take longer. I can't see why the nursery won't hold open your son's place, yes you will have to pay they are running a business, but you would have been paying anyway. I can't see the issue with looking after your son - thousands of other new mothers cope with elder siblings after a section every year.

You also have 6 months to save up to cover any loss of earnings, you can work too or of course you could expect the taxpayer to contribute towards your care as you are such a special case

HappyAsASandboy · 05/01/2015 06:57

If your DH is entitled to Paternity Leave then his employer can't deny it. Check of he's entitled by reading the guidence in the family section on Direct.gov

Your DH will also be entitled to accrued annual leave, though his employer has discretion over when he can take it. They should be AE to be accommodating given the 6 months notice.

Parental Leave, which is unpaid, is worth looking into through direct.gov, though I don't think you could apply for it until baby is born. But it might be helpful if you need your DH to have further time off a bit after the birth.

This really is a routine parenting situation, which we all get through using friends/family/taxis/lots of TV time. If you have significant medical needs that will make your recovery different to most people, then I would talk to the medical teams who care for you and ask whether they know of any additional support you might access.

If your DH can get the two weeks paternity leave, then I think it is entirely possible to look after an older child after a normal section. You should minimise lifting, but that's possible in the home. It will probably just mean more TV and sandwiches, leaving the park and cooking a roast to DH at the weekend!

Good luck with it :)

Flip

1 2 3