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Original poster

Can anyone help?

68 replies

WrappedInABlankie · 04/01/2015 23:02

When i was ill in '13 my sister was signed off from her GP under some kind of carers notes to look after my son as I was in hospital for 3 weeks.

I'm going to be having a C-Section in June, can my partner get signed off for my recovery period to look after my son as I won't be able to lift, etc. Do you also know what it's called?

TIA

OP posts:
Inthedarkaboutfashion · 05/01/2015 07:04

I don't understand why your don can't just stay at home until you are fit to drive. Saying you can't afford to pay to keep the place open is nonsense because you will be paying the money if he attends those weeks so keeping him at home won't cost you any extra.
Doctors can't just sign people off to do caring duties (I know because I am a carer). If your sisters GP signed her off for caring duties then he should be reported. In any case employers do not have to pay anything above sSP for sick leave and SSP is a pittance. If your DH needs more than his 2 weeks paternity he should use annual leave or unpaid parental leave. Life isn't a freebie for all.

MinceSpy · 05/01/2015 07:27

OP I suspect your sister had a,sympathetic GP who signed het off with stress or similar. Having a sister so poorly she's been left with neurological issues and baby that needed caring for must have been very stressful.
You've been given some good tips on coping with your situation and you have six months to organise yourselves but there is no government funding to allow postnatal caring of mothers.

Speaking as a c section mum my second section was easier and because I had a child already I just had to cope and natures a funny thing because cope I did. I had to get my child to reception so not going wasn't an option. Also worth remembering you feel stronger each day and most mums can drive after four weeks.

Speak to the nursery provider, there is no reason they should withdraw a funded place for a family issue.

Amummyatlast · 05/01/2015 07:51

Sorry, this is a hurried post and I've only scanned the thread, but shared parental leave will be available from April, which might fit your situation. www.gov.uk/shared-parental-leave-and-pay/overview

CaroleLJ · 05/01/2015 08:04

I think your sister might have worked for an employer who offered "Special Leave". A company (very large organisation) I worked for offered this as unpaid time off for exactly this kind of situation. I think some banks also offer paid special leave - one of my friends got paid time off when her DP was diagnosed with a terminal illness.

It is specific to some employers and sadly not very widespread as a benefit. A sympathetic employer might allow a bit of flexibility but there is no requirement for them to do so. No harm in asking though.

WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat · 05/01/2015 08:09

Here in Australia, there is such a thing as a medical note for carers, but in my experience (dh has had one three times now), a dependant child, or spouse has to actually be in hospital at the time for one to be issued (the first time, ds3 was in hospital in isolation, and as ds4 was still bf, he had to stay too, but the 15mth age gap, and the seriousness of ds3s condition meant that it would have been almost impossible for only one parent to stay, so dh was given a note for that, and the subsequent two, possibly three actually, times, I have been in hospital, and dh is our only other childcare (youngest dcs not in daycare, and no family in the country).

Anyway, sorry to ramble on, but is it a possibility that it was a similar thing your sister was given, because you were actually in hospital? These notes were issued to my dh by the attending consultant (each time he was asked if he required one).

Bugsylugs · 05/01/2015 08:21

Sorry op there is not a carers note from a GP. Either your sister made it up to reassure you or as someone else said sympathetic GP put something that would enable her to be off sick as such.

MinceSpy · 05/01/2015 08:29

For shared parental leave you both have to have been working but if OP works that might help.

YoullLikeItNotaLot · 05/01/2015 08:37

I think your sister has either been signed off sick herself OR she has a very good employer who has granted her some kind of special paid leave to care for you on the basis of what the doctor wrote. I am not aware of any statutory right to the kind of (paid) leave you're describing.

Patilla · 05/01/2015 08:46

I worked hard at my recovery second time around, getting up and doing a bit more each day and thankfully managed to be driving around 5 weeks.

Have you even spoken to the nursery about whether he would lose his space? If not, you do have a bit of time to try to rope in friends to help with drop offs/save cash for a taxi etc?

Original poster
WrappedInABlankie · 05/01/2015 08:54

To the people who have been helpful thank you.

She wasn't signed off sick for stew, the note wasn't a lie. It Stated to care for my son as I was I hospital. She got paid for her time off and it's no major employer it's Costa Hmm it was honoured by her employer and shank it got SSP instead of her usual wage.

As I said we know he legally has to take his PL but his employer REFUSED until we argued for it. They will REFUSES any AL/CL etc they make it difficult already to get him for scans if they fall within his second job so everything has to try and be booked during his first job who are now starting to get pissed they've already said so and he can't afford to lose his job! He's not my DH he's my dP don't know where people have got that idea from.

My gp WONT sign me off to drive as my consultant has to sign my off as well and he can't till I've been checked, it's not a case of going yes you can emergency stop its a case of visual fields, eye test, blind spot test, reaction test and more. So I can't just jump in a car at 4 weeks and risk killing ourselves because I think I'm fine Hmm

I don't expect a freebie Hmm if it was a simple c-section fine but tie in a neurological condition that nearly paralysed me leaving me for weeks lifting nothing heavier than a cup of water till I recovered it gets a little more complicated than the standard joe blogs c-section

OP posts:
Original poster
WrappedInABlankie · 05/01/2015 08:58

Patilla yeah we spoke to the nursery they say he needs to be their if not he will loose his place which is a PITA

As I said we moved to a new town so everyone else we know is in the town with a nursery nobody will drive to my town to pick him, take him, bring him home etc we've asked.

This wouldn't be such an issue if I was allowed a VBAC but I can't as I'm not allowed to push which would of make everything so much easier

OP posts:
YoullLikeItNotaLot · 05/01/2015 08:59

Then I think your sister's employer made a mistake. You can't be signed off sick to care for for someone else who is sick - that's not what SSP is for. Unless your sister was signed off sick due to the stress of the situation (and therefore not specifically to look after you) her employer has made an error.

Original poster
WrappedInABlankie · 05/01/2015 09:10

You'll

Read my last post. It was NOT stress. The note stated what I said "to care for my son/ her DN as I was in hospital" was signed by off by her GP for three weeks and was told if she was still needed to care for him to come back. Their was a name for it in brackets but I can't remember it and I would remember stress and it wasn't imaginary letter either

OP posts:
YoullLikeItNotaLot · 05/01/2015 09:13

Well someone has messed up - either the gp or the employer as that is not what ssp is for.

Original poster
WrappedInABlankie · 05/01/2015 09:18

I'm waiting for her to reply to my message hoping she can tell me once does I'll report back with what it was called.

I'd be surprised if her gp messed up so maybe her work Hmm

So how is AL/CL done? If his employer was refusing his PL how does he get them to accept he's only been there since October and they said he hasn't qualified for AL yet Confused

OP posts:
TheOnlyWayThrough · 05/01/2015 09:25

Sounds like a difficult situation as the leave your sister took probably won't be available again for your DP.

Given that you have some time to plan this, could you do something drastic like rent your house out for 6 months and rent near to your son's nursery. It would just be a temporary option until you were properly back on your feet, and your house would be waiting for you.

Or is there someone that could come and stay with you to help out (or a few people who could share the helping)?

TheOnlyWayThrough · 05/01/2015 09:28

This might help in terms of leave entitlement (or at least with knowing your rights):

www.gov.uk/holiday-entitlement-rights/entitlement

Inthedarkaboutfashion · 05/01/2015 09:32

SSP is a maximum of £87.55 per week so if you can't afford to forfeit nursery fees for 4 weeks how can you afford to manage on SSP? Surely it is cheaper to forfeit the nursery fees as you will be paying that whether he attends or not but your DP going on SSP means nursery fees AND a reduced income.

Original poster
WrappedInABlankie · 05/01/2015 09:34

We could look into that. Thank you

This is turning into such a mess! Confused Someone's just said he should be able to take his PL from one job at a different time to his other job meaning he could get 4 weeks PL if he takes it right. Is that right? Then we'll only have to struggle for two weeks..

I feel I'm gonna have to move his nursery and times Sad

OP posts:
flowery · 05/01/2015 09:36

There's no such thing. Statutory Sick Pay is just that, pay the individual gets if they are off sick. Not if someone else in the family needs a hand.

Your DP accrues holiday from day one but that doesn't mean his employer is obliged to let him take it.

You have time to make plans to deal with this, but your DP's employer isn't going to pay "sick pay" for your DP to stay at home for 6 weeks.

Original poster
WrappedInABlankie · 05/01/2015 09:37

If he doesn't go to nursery they said they're going to take his place that's our dilemma. She is really good and he loves her but she's got lists of people waiting to take his place. Confused If he can stagger his PL we be slightly better I think. Confused

OP posts:
TheOnlyWayThrough · 05/01/2015 09:38

I'm pretty sure you couldn't get 4 wks pat leave... entitlement is 2 wks only regardless of employer so don't get your hopes up!

Check out the paternity leave regulations too:

www.gov.uk/paternity-pay-leave

NorwaySpruce · 05/01/2015 09:39

Unless your partner's employers offer an enhanced package, SSP will end up costing you money, it's hardly worth anything at all, so getting signed off sick will do no good ( and anyway, it's all 'fit to work' certs now).

It will probably come down to taking unpaid parental leave, which needs to be approved in advance.

As far as I know there is no option available to you which will cover a normal wage. Your sister was probably trying to spare your feelings, hence her reticence about the details.

dazedandconfusedagain · 05/01/2015 09:43

OP I think you are coming across as rather rude on this thread. Although I appreciate you probably don't mean to and are just worried and stressed.

People are trying to help but can't come up with a easy simple solution if there isn't one.

Can you not find the money for a "Mothers help" for a few weeks? You've got 6 months to save, budget more etc or if it's that's desperate a situation then perhaps get a small overdraft or bank loan to help you through such a difficult time. A Mothers help isn't a qualified nanny so would be far les expensive and can help you around the house with various things including housework, helping with the children and maybe even driving (you go too!) to nursery and back.

What about "Homestart" you could ask your health visitor or midwife about this. They are a group who train and provide volunteers to go into peoples homes who have children under 5 and help. This is either because the parent is isolated and benefits from a friendly face, multiple births or a number of very young children and needs a hand or medical problems either short or long term. All sorts of reasons. I worked with them previously and the help they provide is amazing! It's all free f course.

Personally I would take the 6 months to move his nursery. It will make those weeks after birth so much easier and also mean that he gets to know local children at his local nursery that are likely to go to the local primary school for when he starts in Sept 16.

I would also be urging DP to look for a new job. His employer sounds awful! They can't refuse him taking annual leave you start accruing it from day 1!

Inthedarkaboutfashion · 05/01/2015 09:43

Why would the nursery take his place if he doesn't attend? As long as you continue to pay then they should keep the place open. All the nurseries I know state that you pay for the place not for the attendance. Waiting list or not they are a business and money is the main requirement.
What if your child was sick for several weeks? They couldn't just take the child's place and give it to somebody else as long as you had kept up with paying for the place.