FINANCIAL ORDER - I'M SELF REPPING - WILL NEED SOME HELP!!

[MrsC1969HJ]

Hello all, I am really hoping for some help with this and would be so grateful for any input. Nasty separation following affair. H moved straight in with OW, wealthy, new widow. Immediately withdrew financial support, sacked me from his company, removed name from utilities and took credit balances, cancelled everything, even burglar alarm contract, house insurance everything. Left me on income support and MIR. I have been a SAHM for 5 years save doing admin for his company which I was paid a monthly salary for. Claimed he was up to neck in debt and couldn't support us. Financial disclosure has revealed a very different story. Living the most ostentatious lifestyle, gifts, holidays and fabulous social life lavished on OW and her child. Platinum credit card and Amex I didn't know about, all on a salary of £7K or so he claims. Has paid himself huge dividends but put them in my name (!), has no debt that has been disclosed. Has twice cancelled car insurance at 8 am in the morning meaning I couldn't take kids to school/nursery. Have a 15 yo DD (his step daughter) and we have a 3 year old DS who is currently undergoing assessment for ASD. Have got decree nisi on grounds of adultery. Oh and he also had a HUGE company turnover last year despite hardly appearing to work (£125K) but won't disclose business statements (only profit and loss account) and has refused to disclose credit cards. 4 months of mediation have failed, he just lies and talks rubbish. Am now applying to court. Have downloaded Form A and informed his solicitor, awaiting contact from her. I can't afford legal rep, family have been great and supported and paid for initial legal advice but can't expect them to fund this. Any advice? Thank you so much!

Hi

Just want to say i'm in the same position, having to self-rep due to lack of funds, up to now my ex has used solicitors. We're in the family courts in a couple of weeks, so ploughing through advice on preparation of paperwork.

Have done first hearing and fdr, if you've any questions please ask. Also had to issue a Schedule of Deficiencies as my ex was hiding assets. His response was to issue me with one over such trivial issues as my figures were less then 5 out. Both Schedule of Deficiencies went in the last court bundle, will make sure they are both in for the full hearing.

Seems the ex's with the most straight forward cases, are the ones who make it as difficult as possible. My ex's solicitor is refusing to take phone calls from me, supposed to have exchanged paperwork today, so don't know if its 'tactics', or my ex has decided to self-rep too. If he has wouldn't like to be in his shoes, when i start cross-examining in the full hearing, feels so good know that i've only told the truth, i've hidden nothing, so not fearing cross examination by the other side.

If i can help with anything i've learnt so far, i'm happy to share what i know :)

Joy5, thank you so much for posting and so sorry for late reply! I have been run off feet trying to sort out paperwork, write letters, fill forms etc...!

I will be in touch with you if that's OK, have had so much help and advice and I am so grateful. How did you get on with the exchange, has he done it yet? Indeed, you're right, it's good to know that you are honest and frank, but so frustrating when they are not!

Hi
Totally understand being run off your feet with paperwork etc can't move at the moment for piles of papers.

Still not had a response, i submitted mine on the day set by the court. Seems my ex thinks he doesn't have to follow the same rules. So been totally frustrating up to now, but at the Final Hearing both sides have to cross-examine, as i'm self-repping i get to question my ex. As i know all of his lies, am looking forward to it ( but wish it was all over if i'm honest, least i'll know whats happening and can deal with it).

So many people have sent me messages to help in the past few months, just want to do the same for others just starting out. Happy to answer any questions if i can :)

Joy5, it's awful isn't it? Paper everywhere! It is funny isn't it how they seem to think they can work to their own rules...and do with alarming regularity! Have you any news yet? I have decided that I will need a barrister for the cross examination, I think that will be too much for me. I will decide nearer the time. Form A going off today along with a recorded letter to husband, very long and comprehensive, inviting him to disclose everything that I know is missing from his Form E. Not anticipating a response, but illustrates I have given him the opportunity. Will now be compiling a very long list of questions. I am so grateful for your help and will no doubt be PM'ing along the way. Keep me posted with your situation so that hopefully this thread will also help others!

Usually Judges get very annoyed with people who won't stick to the court timetable, so make sure you keep a very careful note of all the times that the other side have not complied. It is rare to get costs orders in these proceedings BUT if the other side keeps on not co-operating, you might find a judge is prepared to award you something in costs.

I think getting someone to help you if you need to cross examine is a really good idea, have a look at the Bar Council website and their public access barrister directory.

MrsC do you think he's silly enough to respond if you send him an email that misses out all the legal stuff etc and is very short and basically says 'I know that you're delaying things just because OW doesn't want to admit that the affair started when her husband was still alive' or words to that effect?

Spero, I think this is going to be an ongoing battle for me, I don't think he will take any of this seriously given he said "well I'll just turn up and if they ask me any questions, I'll answer them"....doesn't bode well!! I have been given a couple of recommendations for public access barristers and am looking into that now.

Mistlethrush...I don't think he will respond to anything, I am apparently "blocked" on "everything" now so I send everything via recorded delivery to OW's house and check every receipt to ensure signed for (and print out the Royal Mail page showing the signature - usually hers). I imagine they will be wishing they had just settled this as I had asked at the beginning rather than creating this monster! All totally avoidable.

He is an idiot then. The 'head in the sand' tactic will 'work' for a while in that it will wind you up and get you frustrated - but he will find he comes up against a brick wall in court and will do himself no favours at all.

My advice to anyone who is faced with a non co-operative ex is to get it into court proceedings asap, which will mean the imposition of a clear timetable with which they will be expected to comply and if they don't, you can make it VERY clear to the Judge how dissatisfied you are and how any queries should be resolved in your favour as you are the co-operative and open one.

Spero, I really have come to the conclusion that I would be better off having no expectations whatsoever. I can't imagine for one minute that he will do anything that is asked of him and it will most certainly take a court timetable for him to do anything at all. I am praying that he seeks some legal advice otherwise, it will be a complete car crash. I have checked that my invite to disclose letter has been delivered, it has and signed for by the OW...she will be boiling I should imagine.

Anyway, I suspect his next move will be to move out or wind down the company or something else ridiculous. I just hope that any sort of behaviour like that will be obvious avoidance in the eyes of the judge. I just have to wait now to hear if fee remission is granted and we're ready to go. Thank you so much for posting!

As expected, I have had an email from H to tell me that my post has been torn up and binned, unread. He is such a prick, excuse my language. So, I will just print out that email, receipts of the registered post that OW has signed for and add it to bundle. Spero, any advice with this one? Thank you :-)

The court is hardly going to look on that in a favourable frame of mind MrsC!

I would hope not mistlethrush...he clearly has read it just by the contents of the email, but I think he thinks this is some sort of joke. Little does he know...!

Are you still a shareholder? If he has issued dividends and not paid you you need to report him to companies house - that's the sort of behaviour that could get him barred from being a director. And then you sue him for the dividends too.

Plus as a shareholder if he winds up the company you will be due your share of any assets.

Oh PetraArkanian I didn't know that! I am indeed still a shareholder. He has issued thousands in dividends to himself but in my name...I wrote to his accountant about it who got very stroppy. I was very concerned as I am currently benefit dependent due to his sudden withdrawal of financial support...he did actually sack me from the company totally illegally but I do still own shares as I refused to sign them over when asked to do so. Thank you for that tip! I shall investigate further! :-)

I would think that HMRC would be interested too - and how on earth did he manage to 'pay in' anything that was meant to be paid to you? I would think that's a police matter.

Mistlethrush...it appears that he has paid dividends into his personal bank account but put the reference as dividends to me. This is why he refuses to disclose business bank statements, only profit & loss summaries. His last accountant (who he immediately sacked on leaving to prevent me having any access to business information) has kindly agreed to raise a tax return to ensure that the situation is present and correct. His current accountant was very prickly when asked...but then he submitted a return to the revenue stating equal dividend payments to both of us. I haven't seen a penny of it and can prove that. He really has created a hole that is going to be difficult to climb out of!

I would have thought that would be a case for the police frankly - he has stolen that money.

Mistlethrush...I need to look further into it, it also means that he has avoided a tax liability for putting half of the dividends in my name when actually all the funds have gone to him! So a bit of fraud there too! Mind you, that won't be the first time he has gone that either...but that's another story...:-/

Sorry my typing is terrible this evening, it won't be the first time he has "done" that...!

Exactly - its fraud and he's stolen from you too.

Ok, not trying to blow the boat out of the water before you start but here are some things to consider:

1. what do you want to get out of this process?
2. how much will it cost you to get it (include emotional costs and damage in the calculation)
3. Can you afford a forensic accountant? You will need one to prove you are right but if he is refusing to disclose company accounts it will be pointless. (He can't be forced to provide them, the court can ask him to disclose but he can't be forced to do it) 4)would it be more cost effective to let go?

I'm afraid that when it comes to company ownership you are facing a big battle, they can easily fake a low salary by putting down all assets and expenses as company property. With regards of the assets of the OW, for exh was enough to claim, on the day of the final hearing, that the relationship ended the week before.

My ex is living the life of Riley on a net income that he claims is less than mine once my tax credits are considered. Obviously I should be bloody disorganised not to be able to afford a £700,000 house in the countryside, lavish holidays, wonderful car, when I do qualify for tax credits.

So my point is this, you are right and it is fair that you try to get what you consider is fair, fight for it. But, if at some point the cost of getting what you want is changing how you see life and who you are, it may be better to walk away with your heart in one piece, still trusting, with no crippling bitterness, ready to rebuild your life.

Best of luck!

MeMyselfAnd1..thank you so much for posting. You really are not blowing the boat out of the water at all. I am grateful for all contributions to this. I simply want a financial order, that is it. Four months of failed mediation has taken its' toll and there is no point in continuing. My needs are simple and this should have been easily resolved months and months ago. I have sustained enough emotional damage to never trust anybody again in my entire life. I have no financial back up and have to do this myself. My STBXH is as thick and two short planks and has given me enough rope to hang himself and the rest of the population. He has totally faked a low salary, but luckily I can prove all of this because due to being thick he hasn't covered his tracks very well at all. I don't doubt for a minute that this relationship will "end" all of a sudden...all I am asking for is an 80/20 split on the equity in the house, a £5K lump sum and a life insurance policy to cover the mortgage and DS's maintenance to the age of 18. He refused. He has put himself in this position, and it is all to cover the length of this affair, but is too thick to realise that actually, he could have avoided all that from the word go. Without taking legal channels to resolve this, I can't get my divorce. It is a bloody nightmare and I wish I didn't have to go down this route, he is five solicitors down and still won't sit down and discuss it. I feel caught between a rock and a hard place and have to take some decisive action so that I can get on with my life and put this behind me. I feel so crap for you when you describe your situation as you do, have seen it so often and it stinks, it really does. Thank you so so much, I wish you nothing but happiness in your life, because you deserve nothing less.

Been there, done that. It took 3 years. In paper I got the main part of the assets (those he couldn't hide), in reality, he walked off with 95% of them.

I am not same person I was when the process started. Along the way I lost myself and many beliefs. I don't believe in karma, I don't believe in justice, the court system, police, or even the GP. I am slowly starting to believe in God again. That's the real damage. I think I have lost myself there.

With time, I have learned not to care about him, it is really bad but I have come to the conclusion that if he flopped dead tomorrow, I wouldn't give a sh*t. The fact that I can say this is evidence that sometimes it is better to walk out in time than destroy yourself seeking what is fair.

Yep, I am expecting the long haul with this. We are only talking about a pot of about £120K, not hundreds of thousands. I am also not the same person, but have to do something, what else can I do? In my view, I would love to go for "fair" but actually I am looking for far short of that...I just need to get it down on paper so that I can get my divorce. I don't actually know what else to do. He won't co-operate in any other way and actually won't even co-operate with this process. Where do I go otherwise, do I just sit back and be blackmailed each month with maintenance? Do I just sit tight in my house not knowing what is round the corner? I am beyond giving a shit about him, he clearly doesn't give a shit about us. I am just looking for some sort of closure on this. So, do I walk? Do I just leave it? My son is my biggest issue, he is autistic and that changes everything....I hate this, I don't want to go down this path but can see no other option. :-(