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Original poster

Told h we were divorcing last night, he's taken car keys and I need help re what are my rights

73 replies

Netcurtainstwitching · 27/08/2012 13:35

Long story short...

He has threatened to hit me once
Burned mine and the childrens possesions on two occasions
Spoken to me in a way that made me feel threatened/not safe a number of times over past few months.

I'm not whiter than white, he doesn't like the lack of housework, the tea not being on the table when he comes in, my pets, lack of disapline with the children (his opinion). Hes a real catch!

So asked to separate on 21 june...he refused to move out. I told him I was sorry last night but we were going to get a divorce.

Today he has taken the car keys. Slight problem as we live in a village. School is by car to next village. I did ring and check with him (incase they had dropped somewhere or were in his pocket) he has taken them as he cannot afford for me to run the car in the future so I may as well get used to not having one. And he needs to talk to me tonight about other things too.

Now I have seen a solicitor a couple of weeks ago, she doesn't do legal aid. I am not on benefits yet, he earns a lot of money (which he keeps in a savings acct only he has access too). I get housekeeping once a month for all bills and food etc just not the car.

We own the house.

There is nothing I can do is there? Just wait for the outcome of the financial side of the divorce?

Worried he will empty his account of savings. I do have photocopies of current bank statements of our savings. Anything else I can do to protect financial assets?

Any help appriciated

TIA

OP posts:
DontstepontheMomeRaths · 27/08/2012 14:13

I would be calling Womensaid for their advice, they hear these sorts of situations everyday and will advise you best.

Taking the car is another way to punish you right now and control you.

Original poster
Netcurtainstwitching · 27/08/2012 14:13

Jannie. I did not ask him to move out, he suggested separation, I agreed, he then offered to move out. Then a week later refused. This made it difficult for me to think in a clear way about the relationship issues with him being in the house and us acting like a happy family.

We have two children. To uproot them would be extremely unfair to them. Yes not fair on h either to have to move from our home. But the better option of two evils, no?

He works all day, 8 til 5. How will he look after two children?

Yes I am 'out for cash'. I have two children to bring up. One still at pre school. Im not a vulture, just want to live a free person with me and children having a bit of distance from abusive and financially controlling h.

Problem with all that?

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 27/08/2012 14:14

Sorry, should have added.... alert your bank that you have split up and ask them to freeze your savings account. They will make it impossible to use the contents without two signatures.

Original poster
Netcurtainstwitching · 27/08/2012 14:16

Am I allowed to say Jannie lives under a bridge?...

OP posts:
BlackberryIce · 27/08/2012 14:18

Regarding the bus to school, as pre school isn't compulsory,maybe just not go for a while til you sort something out. One less worry. School obviously, is vital you get to and from.

DontstepontheMomeRaths · 27/08/2012 14:20

Maybe he's yet another chap over from the arrse website. Men do get an unfair deal in divorce sometimes, but this man is an abusive controlling man and the OP is here looking for advice on how to provide for her children, keep a roof over their head and get them to school Jannie. If you're still lurking Angry

Arion · 27/08/2012 14:20

You can but you'll prob be deleted! More likely F4J!

Original poster
Netcurtainstwitching · 27/08/2012 14:20

Kids asking for attention...

quickly

Savings acct in his name only.
House in both names
not going to change locks or change car lock thingy
good idea re solcitors emailing them all, will do
he just talks in a serious way that feel scary. Its boarderline, not enough to get a court non mol at the moment
I told him about divorce as i felt it rude (?!!) to start without telling him first. Believe me...I've finally been convinced enough is enough and I'm going to get a divorce. Just got to work out which solictors to go with.

Be back in half hour to spend time with kids!

OP posts:
Original poster
Netcurtainstwitching · 27/08/2012 14:21

cool...not been deleted before...badge of honor!

OP posts:
OneMoreChap · 27/08/2012 14:22

SoupDragon Mon 27-Aug-12 14:09:14
He can't just empty the account as he will have to provide bank statements and these will show the withdrawals. He will have to account for where the money went.

it might be impractical to track down the money unless you get an order against it fast. XW magically disappeared £25k while we wer mediating/going through solicitors. I couldn't afford what it would have cost to find where it had gone

JannieDavis · 27/08/2012 14:23

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Original poster
Netcurtainstwitching · 27/08/2012 14:25

children occupied again...worried there will be nail varnish everywhere...

anyhow...yes, re savings. It takes time though to get a court order to stop the acct? Would be an idea though...he says his mother would keep what she could from me.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 27/08/2012 14:27

JannieDavis... the OP is not the one with the 'red mist'. The 'kids dad' is a threatening, violent, abusive bully. If anyone's messing up anyone's life, it's clearly him

'Harpys' (sic)?.... can't have done that well in the GCSEs.

JannieDavis · 27/08/2012 14:28

This reply has been deleted

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DontstepontheMomeRaths · 27/08/2012 14:30

I usually recommend a solicitor who is part of Resolution. But if you do require legal aid, sadly it maybe which solicitor who can take on you on their books right now. There was only one in my area who could take me on when I divorced and I think legal aid has changed again since I divorced in 2010.

Take your time though and meet with a few solicitors and make use of those free sessions, to find one that is right for you though.

JannieDavis · 27/08/2012 14:30

Sorry for not agreeing with your point of view on a public forum, obviously I must be from somewhere because I look at things in my head with a Devils Advocate point of view.

SoupDragon · 27/08/2012 14:32

JannieDavis, you are not being devil's advocate, you are simply being unhelpful and inaccurate.

Flossiechops · 27/08/2012 14:33

janniedavis nobody is interested in your opinion. Do one you nutter.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 27/08/2012 14:34

OP.... if you have the statements from the bank accounts and show them to your solicitor when you start the divorce then, if he does clean out the account, you will be able to argue at a future date that the marital assets included them. Your share of what remains would be higher

If you feel threatened, you are being threatened. Burning possessions and taking car-keys etc., are not the actions of a calm, rational man. Only this week a 'nice' man was jailed on Jersey for murdering his entire family, seemingly prompted by a marriage break-up. Your situation may not be that extreme but this is not the time to give anyone with a history of violence or aggression the benefit of the doubt.

dequoisagitil · 27/08/2012 14:37

Hopefully he'll be less of an arse about the car once he's cooled down. But he's doing it to trying to make you back down and exert control.

Is there anyone you know who can give the dc lift to school until you get something else sorted? Talk to the school, they may be able to suggest someone/something if you don't know anybody.

If it's the nearest school to you, the council should provide transport if it's over a certain distance.

You need to get your solicitor on to the financials, as it looks like your h is going to be difficult, so you need to get ahead of him.

Xenia · 27/08/2012 14:57

Your solicitor can freeze his bank accounts immediately IF you think he will clear them out. Have you got the account numbers? I know someone who did this last year. It is a rather nasty thing to do as it can stop them paying them mortgage and sometimes even doing their job.

A nicer way is to out earn him as many of we women do and work much harder and never rely on men for money. May be you do earn more than him in which case you will be payign money to him on the divorce and also perhaps he will want the children to live with him and you move out. We must never be sexist and assume women get chidlren on divorce and men pay to women, not in 2012. Which of you earns the most and if you don't earn much why is that?

ilovemydogandMrObama · 27/08/2012 15:00

xenia, think if she says that a solicitor doesn't do legal aid, and isn't on benefits yet, it's safe to assume she isn't a big earner. I don't think this is the time or place to discuss why she doesn't earn as much as he does.

BlackberryIce · 27/08/2012 15:00

Dont think op works xenia

mumblechum1 · 27/08/2012 15:01

You can apply for a Section 37 Avoidance of Disposition Order. He won't know anything about it until the court has made a temporary order (for obvious reasons). The court needs full details of the bank account.

You can find a local family lawyer on www.resolution.org.uk. You may be entitled to public funding as it sounds as though no money is in your name except for the equity, and your half of that is less than £100k.

mumblechum1 · 27/08/2012 15:02

btw this thread should really be in Legal, there are a few of us over there who are qualified lawyers and have seen this situ many times.