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Legal matters

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Original poster

My partner moved in 2 months ago and now refuses to leave

144 replies

LilacwineGirl · 26/04/2012 13:14

Hi, my partner moved in to my house 2 months ago. We are not getting on at all. On top of this, he is refusing to look for a job, so he hangs around my home doing absolutely nothing and complaining about life. I have asked him to move out as he has huge temper rages and shouts at me and my 3 children. He is not paying any money towards the bills, food, mortgage etc I have asked him/ told him to go but he is refusing, saying that he gave up his council home to move in with me. The actual truth is that the council were evicting him for non payment of rent. He is saying that my house is now his home and I will have to pay him to go. Can I just change the locks and refuse him entry? I know I am really stupid and scared. I just work really hard to support my children and myself and I am scared that this is now turning into a money battle. When he moved in we agreed it was a temporary situation. I don't know what to do as stupid as it sounds I really don't want him sharing my bed and bedroom and I dont have a spare bedroom. I really don't want him around upsetting my children. I have had to call the police on previous occasions because of his mad temper. Please help the stupid idiot that I am.

OP posts:

Xenia · 27/04/2012 13:39

So she is choosing to let him in? Really why on earth? Get the windows boarded up with board so he cannot smash in again.

The point is she let him in so she consented to him going into what is currently his home so i am not surprised the police kept out of it. If you don't let him in , perhaps write and email him a formal letter saying the relationship is over and putting his possessions somewhere not your place but somewhere safe such as his mother's where he can collect them from then it is all over and done with.

Original poster

LilacwineGirl · 27/04/2012 14:01

Thankyou for update . I am meeting with (senior?) police . I don't know- anyway this eve at my local station.

OP posts:

TanteRose · 27/04/2012 14:08

Lilac, are you OK? are you safe until this evening?

msrisotto · 27/04/2012 15:57

Lilac, well done for arranging that. If it would help, make a list of the important points such as, it is your house, he's been there for 2 months, he's not paid rent, the relationship is over, he's been aggressive, he's broken this that and the other, you feel threatened because of this and that etc and most importantly that you wasn't him gone.

msrisotto · 27/04/2012 15:58

Want, not wasn't

UphillBothWays · 27/04/2012 20:15

Hope it goes well Lilac, thinking of you

Original poster

LilacwineGirl · 28/04/2012 10:41

Hi . I met the police last night. I left the house as he was getting nasty and went to my local police station. They met me and followed me home. He had gone out . I locked the door. He came back and started kicking the door in. The police opened the door and arrested him. They put him in a cell and are questioning him or trying to charge him now. I feel really numb and sick and can't believe I have been so stupid. Don't think I can have any relationships with men cause I just get it all so wrong. Thankyou so much for helping me. I am so ashamed of myself. I am going to go and read all your comments carefully and calmly when I feel better because I don't know how I have got to such a stupid place. Thankyou for your kindness.

OP posts:

Xenia · 28/04/2012 10:45

Good for you. The important thing is not to let him back in and find some way to get his property back to him through a third party which does not involve you. As someone said about it would do no harm to type a note setting out what has happened for the record, you own the house, how long he lived there etc etc.

Collaborate · 28/04/2012 10:47

Well done! And a big cheer for the police officers who took you seriously and helped you out (which is what the first lot should have done).

You must follow this through, by giving the police a full statement and following the charges through. He'll most likely be released on bail conditions that he stays away from you and doesn't contact you. If he tries to contact you you must tell the police immediately.

Assuming he's convicted you might be able to ask the court for a restraining order to keep him away from you afterwards. The court can make these last for up to 5 years.

Don't feel ashamed of yourself. You're not alone. You should rightly feel empowered.

RoxyRobin · 28/04/2012 10:50

You should be proud, not ashamed, of yourself for being so brave.

It is very good news that the police witnessed his behaviour and arrested him. You're bound to feel shakey, but it must be a relief to know that he will now be prevented from harassing you.

Original poster

LilacwineGirl · 28/04/2012 11:03

Yes Thankyou. The police said they will arrange collection of his stuff. Thank goodness. It sounds stupid but I feel really humble at all the kind help that I have received.

OP posts:

FannyPriceless · 28/04/2012 11:08

You should be so proud of yourself. You have done something very brave and strong for the good of yourself and your children. Well done! I am so pleased that the police witnessed that and looked after you properly at last.

You are so right about equipping yourself so that you can avoid situations like this again. Keep looking to MN for support. A new, brave, strong future awaits!

FruitSaladIsNotPudding · 28/04/2012 11:09

The only person who should be ashamed is him.

Hope this gives you the confidence to never let a man take the piss again.

Original poster

LilacwineGirl · 28/04/2012 11:11

Yep I have got to get some common sense as well as a little confidence

OP posts:

tribpot · 28/04/2012 11:18

I'm so pleased the police have taken action against him, Lilac, it sounds absolutely terrifying.

I hope the police will advise you on what to do if he comes back again. Is there anyone who can stay with you for a few days?

Original poster

LilacwineGirl · 28/04/2012 11:25

I don't have any family only my children. But my eldest is 18 and we are keeping the house locked. The police are going to let me know what s happening. Finally feel I can breathe in my own home again!

OP posts:

Figgygal · 28/04/2012 11:31

Glad things have moved on positively and i hope he absolutely shit himself when he found the police on the other side of the door.

Jux · 28/04/2012 11:34

Fantastic! Well done, it took some courage to do that.

I don't know how relevant this may be to you as I don't know your history, but have you heard of the Freedom Programme? It may be worth your while checking it out. If it's not for you, then seeing a counsellor would be helpful, I think. You say you make bad choices wrt men; it's certainly worth trying to sort that out so you can make better choices in the future.

Good luck.

Original poster

LilacwineGirl · 28/04/2012 11:34

Trying not to giggle Figgy, but that is Exactly what he said. The whole thing was grim though!

OP posts:

Original poster

LilacwineGirl · 28/04/2012 11:37

Yes someone said this . This sounds amazing , I have got to get some help as I realise I was endangering my children. I don't trust myself now to have the ability to have a relationship.

OP posts:

savoycabbage · 28/04/2012 11:48

Well done. You have been very strong. This man has manipulated and controlled you. It doesn't mean you can't 'do' relationships.

Jux · 28/04/2012 11:53

You don't need to have a relationship right now, though do you? Get yourself sorted, and worry about that another time. You'll be fine, have faith in yourself.

Original poster

LilacwineGirl · 28/04/2012 12:01

No, I don't need any relationship at mo, just need to gather myself up again!

OP posts:

UphillBothWays · 28/04/2012 12:03

You should be so proud of yourself Lilac. Don't blame yourself, it's his fault. You were in a really difficult situation and have dealt with it admirably!

It's really good that you're thinking about moving on - I can definitely recommend the Freedom Programme that someone talked about above. It will help you recognise the signs in any future relationships.

You might like to ask about "sanctuary schemes" in your area. They are schemes to enable people at risk of violence to stay in their own home by installing safety measures (reinforced doors that can't be kicked down etc). Funding is very limited and you can't get them in all areas but it might be worth asking.

UphillBothWays · 28/04/2012 12:05

oops x-posted about future rels and freedom programme

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