My ex owes me £10k

[HeOwesMoney]

I've name changed for this due to the humiliation of being totally taken in by someone. I lent my boyfriend £10,000 in the summer. At the time all was good between us and we were planning on moving in together. I had no doubt that he was honest and trustworthy at the time.

Since then I have discovered some lies that he has told and denied. Big lies, about his mum dying when she was alive, about his child injuring herself and being taken to hospital when she was fine, and about the fact that he wasn't actually separated from his ex when we started seeing each other. It's taken a long time to process everything because he is very manipulative and actually made me feel like I was going mad. Now that I've finished with him I feel better than ever.

All I want is my money back, I don't want any nastiness and there is no point confronting him about lies that he will just deny.

I paid HMRC £10,000 on two separate credit cards in June 2010. I've ordered copies of the statements which shows this. But I have no written agreement that the money was a loan and not a gift, this was agreed verbally. I also have proof that he spent £3000 on a van in December 2010 so he has money, just doesn't want to repay it.

He wants to meet me, I have refused because of how manipulative he is and also because I can be strong via text message and come across business like without letting my emotions get in the way. Also with texts I have proof of what is said. I have said I will meet him if he can confirm that he will definitely give me some of the money at the meeting but he will not confirm this. I don't want to talk about the relationship, which he clearly does, as far as I'm concerned there isn't one.

I just want to know where I go from here, I have told him I am happy to accept payment in installments. He has told me that I won't get a penny from him unless I sue him. I've told him it would be better to avoid the extra stress and expense of court and try to arrange things amicably. He refuses.

Please don't tell me how stupid I've been, I already know that.

GO for it. The man's a shameless con artist and an abuser as well. People like this rely on their victims being ashamed and embarrassed at having been taken in and therefore not wanting to take legal proceedings. He will have done this to a string of women before you, I'm afraid, but well done on having had the guts to take action against him.

SGB: That's exactly my thinking. If he's done it to me he will do it to someone else given the chance.

As he has confirmed that I paid the money, it basically comes down to whether the judge believes me that it was a loan or him that it was a gift.

I haven't been to the police and my solicitor hasn't suggested it.

I'm updating this. The court case is this week. I'm so nervous already, would really like some words of encouragement to get through this week.

I've never been to a court before so a lot of it is fear of the unknown, as well as having to face him for the first time in months.

Oh you poor thing. Good luck - try not to make eye contact with him if you can. Is there anyone who can come with you for moral support?

Good luck!

Thanks.

Yes I have my sister and a friend coming, as support as also as witnesses. I also have a barrister who my solicitor has instructed for me.

As far as I know, he will be representing himself. He has not used a solicitor for any of the process. I don't know if this will work in his favour, perhaps the judge will take pity on him for representing himself.

I just wanted to wish you luck for this week.

Thank you :)

Try not to worry (I know that is easier said than done). Hopefully your barrister will do a good job and will do all the talking for you, except when you give your evidence.

I expect the barrister may tell you this, but don't worry if when you are giving your evidence the Judge asks you lots of hard questions and it makes you think the judge has taken against you. If your ex is in person and is not represented there is every chance he will be rubbish at asking you questions (as he is entitled to do when you are giving your evidence). Often the Judge takes the role of a defence lawyer, but that does not mean that he believes the defendant, he is just making sure that he has all the answers he needs to make his decision (which I hope is in your favour).

HTH and good luck

That's very helpful. Thanks so much, I will bear that in mind.

Thanks LadyGrace.

I'm all set for court tomorrow. Very nervous.

If the judge doesn't find in my favour then I'll just have to put it behind me and move on. I'm proud of myself for having the courage to take it this far. I just wish I could calm my nerves down.

Good luck I hope it goes your way

good luck

Didn't want to read and run!!
Good Luck, keep your head up, you're doing the right thing!! Let us know what happens.

Good luck HOM

You are right to be very proud of yourself for having the courage to stand up to him and take him to court. I'll be thinking of you.

Back from court now. The judge ruled in my favour and awarded me all my costs plus some interest (16000 in total).

I'm so happy right now. Thanks so much to everyone who responded to this thread. When I first posted I didn't feel strong enough to fight.

That's fab news (I've been lurking until now)! Congratulations

Just wanted to add one more thing. When a partner totally has you believing you are wrong throughout a relationship, for someone impartial to look at all the evidence and say that you are right feels so amazing.

Well done that is amazing news

Just caught up on this thread - Congratulations on the outcome! Sorry you had to go through all this rubbish to get here but I bet you feel fab now! Atleast you can move on and get on with your life, congrats!

That's fantastic news

Fantastic news, well done for having such courage. Thank you for posting your update.

brilliant! really pleased for you.

thats great news