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What makes total strangers ask.....

40 replies

emy72 · 27/05/2010 08:26

......."are you going to have n.5?"

I never got this when I had 2 children or 3 - so I don't understand why every single stranger I meet feels free to ask such a personal question.

I would never dream of asking someone who I have just met and who has a newborn baby..."is this is it? ready for another yet?" (They might not have the money/have been sterilised/had a traumatic birth etc...why would they have to explain this to me?)

I feel this is exceptionally rude and a little sarcastic at the best of times.

Anyone else had this and felt irritated by it? Any good retorts?

)))))

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slushy06 · 27/05/2010 12:42

Yep me after dc2 'You are going to stop now' My reply is 'no we believe in only natural contraceptives so we will just have to see how lucky we are, I love children and don't mind devoting all my time to them' works a treat

Imarriedafrog · 27/05/2010 12:48

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Meglet · 27/05/2010 12:58

agree with Imarriedafrog. I had to stick at 2 dc's but get very over exicted and impressed by people that have a large family. Hence the fact I often have a peek at 'larger families' threads .

emy72 · 27/05/2010 12:59

lol imarriedafrog I think it's a good positive way of looking at it!!!

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Imarriedafrog · 27/05/2010 13:15

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helpneededplease · 27/05/2010 21:10

I am pg with dd3, due on the 5th of Aug and am fed up of people asking if we are going to have four to try for a boy. I am very very happy that we will have three girls and just wanted another baby!

People should keep their noses out!

MrsWobbleTheWaitress · 27/05/2010 21:13

I get a bit fed up of hearing people moaning about interested people asking questions. No conversations or friendships would ever be struck up if no one asked questions ffs!

Yes, the same questions over and over can be tiresome, and I think it's a bit sad that people think that if you have all one sex, you're bound to want one of the other, but I take all questions about my large, all female family as a compliment that someone is interested in me and/or my family.

People should be less grumpy!

helpneededplease · 27/05/2010 21:42

It's the hormones!!!

sweetkitty · 27/05/2010 22:01

Oh you SO could be me, I had DC4, our first DS 3 weeks ago and EVERYONE and I mean everyone who I meet asks "is that you finished now?"

Never got it when I had two but apparently I am "finished" as I now have the precious boy!

I am also very annoyed with all the "oh you finally got your boy" "your DH must be SOOOO pleased" like he was so disappointed with DD3's birth. So angry when they say it in front of the DDs too.

Apparently I hvae to get used to it

Imarriedafrog · 27/05/2010 22:54

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sweetkitty · 28/05/2010 07:40

Imarriedafrog - if you have name changed and are who I think you are then yes it was you no I meant you are completely right about having to get used to it. Just annoys me when people say it in front of the girls. I actually wanted 4 girls and nearly fell off the table when they said boy but I have gotten over the shock now and he is rather nice.

helpneededplease · 28/05/2010 20:49

I would love to have 4 children but think I might have a bigger gap. There is 2 years between dd1 and dd2 and will be 14mths between dd2 and dd3. What are the gaps between your 4 sweet kitty? Will you have anymore?

MathsMadMummy · 28/05/2010 20:58

I'm butting in as I only have 2 but I get annoyed with comments too - everyone asks if we're having any more and I say no, and everyone says "oh I've heard that before"
grr.

sweetkitty · 29/05/2010 20:11

I have 18 months between DD1 and DD2

2 1/2 years between DD2 and DD3 (had a mc inbetween as well)

22 months between DD3 and DS

Someone asked today if I were finished and if DS had been DD4 would we have kept going? Erm no we wanted 4 DC and thought DS was DD4 until a scan at 25 weeks.

No I am most definitely done I think 4 is more than enough, have hard SPD pregnancies.

Imarriedafrog · 29/05/2010 20:21

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Chrysanthamum · 30/05/2010 23:31

I have 3 but find myself checking this thread out a lot as i'm so impressed by people coping happily with 4 kids + I'd love another but dh is not keen. I hope i don't seem nosy but i do ask people at toddler groups about big families as i am curious..

hmc · 30/05/2010 23:34

I think you should get a life. Seriously - why are people so easily offended????

hangonasec · 31/05/2010 08:44

I get asked a lot if I'm going to have one final go for a girl (have three sons), this irritates me as it implies that I am not satifsied to have three lovely healthy boys, and people can imply that my life is not quite right without a girl in the mix (like we get a choice what we have!).

I am not so irritated when people ask if I'm going to have another, and are not 'gender specific!'. I think as someone has mentioned that people are just interestd, curious, nosey even - but I can live with that!! For some mums it is just a means of conversation.

I think if I'm honest I get annoyed when people ask if I'm going to try for a girl because deep down I know I would have loved a girl. Sometimes we think about going for no 4, both of us would be happy with another boy, but admittedly we would both love a girl and then I think I the comments about bet you're hoping for a boy, and if it is a boy 'ah, never mind, four boys, what a handful blah bloody blah!!' would really annoy me.

Random mums at toddler groups seem to be quite negative about boys (one said to me 'oh poor you!' when I had my youngest son, took a lot of restraint not to punch her on the nose! Am curious, do mums with three girls get the 'going to try again for a boy' question, and is it said in a negative slant to your girls, or am I hijacking this thread??!!

As for retorts, I work as a teacher in a school for children with profund and multiple disabilities, and I tend to say 'well, when you work where I do, I realise I am so lucky to have three happy healthy children and am thankful for what I have'. This works well with the gender question, and then people usually drop the subject. I do actually mean this as well, working where I work does make you feel thankful and blessed for what I have (and it also stops me feeling too sorry for myself when I think about not having a girl, we really are lucky to have healthy children whatever their gender)

Cor that turned into a long post!! x

hmc · 31/05/2010 11:30

"Random mums at toddler groups seem to be quite negative about boys" - that's mad isn't it? I totally lurve my son, he is adorable and actually I tend to feel a bit sad for the mum of just girls making that sort of comment; they will never know the joys of parenting a son! (I also have a dd too who is equally delectable).

hmc · 31/05/2010 11:31

Agree - children whatever their gender - we are lucky to have them

verycherry · 31/05/2010 12:21

I have 4 ds and get 'no.5?' and 'will you try for a girl?/are you sad not to have a girl?' all the time.

I actually don't mind it at all, the girl thing annoys me sometimes when people really believe I have had 4 in a quest to have a girl but on the whole people are just interested in the fact that I have all boys and that I have 4. My impression is that people seem to think if you have 4 you are quite keen on having a larger family (which is prob true) and that going to 5 would not be too much of a stretch.

My ds are two teens, toddler and baby, oh and ds3 has mild cerebral palsy too so quite an interesting family (I think) and am always flattered when people are interested in us too!

To echo hangonasec having ds3 has reinforced how lucky I am (and cuts out all that gender crap I am just grateful he is healthy and well).

I would loooove to have no5 and poss no6 but dp is not so keen....

chipmonkey · 31/05/2010 13:02

I would be surprised if a mum of 4 girls was treated with the same shock and horror as I am tbh ( have 4 boys) A lot of the time, I am treated as though I have admitted to having 4 pit bull terriers rather than 4 reasonably well behaved boys.

Imarriedafrog · 31/05/2010 13:28

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chipmonkey · 31/05/2010 15:11

So do I, IMAF! I remember entering the lift in IKEA with a family of four girls! The Mum and I said we would come to an arrangement!

emy72 · 31/05/2010 16:10

"I think you should get a life".

I think that's quite offensive actually. You don't know my circumstances at all, and neither do the people that keep asking me about n.5.

There are some very personal reasons why I can't have another child. I think I have a right not to have to be reminded/explain/justify this every time I meet someone new, including total strangers on the street. Same as anyone who doesn't have children and maybe can't have them/hasn't met the right man, whatever. They are just such personal reason for reproductive choices.

I think actually that people should be a little more sensitive about things like that. Sorry that gave you the impression I don't have a life....crikey.....

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