Can’t shake off broodiness 3rd child or not!?

[Yorkshirebelle123]

Hi, I have just turned 36. I have 2 lovely girls age 5 and 10. I thought that was us done but for the past year I’m so broody for another baby. My head says I’m been stupid as we have just got our lives back on track and I’m back working more. My heard on the other hand would like another baby. We have plenty of savings and iv took a back seat with work and see if for what it is having tried to progress but been knocked back. I feel my parents will go mad if I have anymore and baby would need to nursery rather than them. Should I listen to my head or heart?

What does your husband/partner think?

He said he would quiet like another(eldest child isn’t his and she still sees her dad often) but said if I would like another we can have one but if not he’s happy with the children we have.

Would your parents go mad because they'd be worried you'd expect them to help look after another? Are you using them too much at the moment for example to save on nursery fees etc

No they only have mine one or 2 days a week and they are at school. They do however have my sisters 2 children and help with them also.

I am one of two and they say two is enough 🤦‍♀️

If you rely on your parents for childcare, then you need to go into it with knowing you can't expect them to do any of the childcare. It's not fair on them if they've had enough.

If you can't afford nursery fees then don't do it. Simple.

One or two days a week is quite a lot.

One or two days a week is an epic amount of work for grandparents who also look after other dgc. I have three and I think it's a brilliant set up but you can't expect your parents to absorb any more work and so you'll need to assess if you have the time, money and energy to do this without their labour.

Yes I do realise that, I’d expect to put the new child into nursery, they only do pick ups 2 days they so have them for literally 2 hours the other day they go to after school club. My eldest will be in high school by the time I would return from work so would be just letter her self in after school.

I'd just go for it then. If you have been thinking about it for a whole year then it's hardly a passing phase. And, if you have everything you need to do it comfortably, having three is amazing. I certainly would let the approval of your parents put you off.

teen years, for me, have been far, far harder than the primary/early secondary years. Wouldn’t want a baby in the mix and doubt it would benefit the eldest DC.

Just for balance, I've found the teenage years to be a breeze.

I haven’t really thought about the teen years but as there is 5 years between my two and potentially a new baby at least they all won’t be there at the same time. 😬

Do you want a baby again ? Or do you want a child that grows up? Some people are only baby broody. If you genuinely want another child for life , then you could make it work .

Yes I would like a baby but I do like them as they grow too. My youngest is at a lovely age and I just have her every other weekend as my eldest goes to her dads

Hi OP! I'm in the exact same position. I have a 5yo and 8yo and have always wanted three. However, after terrible pregnancies, I thought we had decided to stop at 2. So then a year ago we got a dog and I feel that's my 3rd child and she is amazing. However, I have still been broody, and so has my husband. I have spent so many evenings scrolling and finding threads on here with similar posts in the past. And I said to my husband,'I don't think we we ever regret having a 3rd, but there nay be a point where we may regret not having a 3rd'. So that was like a light bulb moment for us, and we have decided to give it a go. However, as my pregnancies are awful we have decided to wait until Sept/Oct to ttc as that will give me some more time to save money. This is because once I become pregnant the likelihood of me not being able to work is very high so want some money saved up for that time. :)

Thanks that’s one good way of thinking about it. I didn’t have a great time with my first daughters dad and part of my maternity with the youngest was in lockdown(she’s not quiet 5 yet but will be when we ttc), so missed out on all the nice bits of maternity leave. When I was in the homeschooling with a baby phase I thought it was never going to end. But kind of feel at a loss now without a little one next to me all the time. We have a 4 bed house and I have ad hoc work that I can do from home alongside my usual job and other half has got a better paid job since we had the youngest so are in a lot better position financially. I just know people will be a little surprised and possibly judge us as 2 is seemed as the norm x

Unless you can do it as a single mum I wouldn’t. Think about future proofing your life for the ones you have.

Are you a similar age to me @Whathappensnow11? I have been pretty lucky with my previous pregancies in that they have been straightforward and so have the briths. I do think you never have enough money saved and could always do with more but you manage with what you do have :). One downside is iv got rid of more or less all of the baby gear.

I very much doubt I would end up a single mum, and if worst comes to worst my partner is an excellent dad already so would definitely do his fair share.

Don't worry about others. We are similar. Have a big enough house, so the 3rd will have their own room. Finances are absolutely fine. And we can manage just on DH salary if needed. We have discussed how having a 3rd child will impact expenses, etc, so we haven't jumped into the decision, and it's been ongoing for the last 3 years! Luckily, I have kept all major baby things, so I wouldn't need to buy anything besides a cot. My DH is 1 of 4. I'm 1 of 2. And we both always wanted 3.

Goodness that’s a lot of help you get!

The only people I know who have 3 or more have lots of family help so maybe you’d be ok as long as you’re upfront about what you expect and they’re able to tell you If it’s too much.

I personally wouldn’t have more kids unless I knew I could care for them myself; you can’t expect grandparents to do it or to be around forever (or at least be strong / energetic enough to handle it) but if you’re lucky enough to have family that is very happy to help then maybe that changes things

No it's too late. You'll always be dragging someone somewhere they don't want to be because of the age gap. Holidays will be a pig and far more expensive. If the new baby was a boy do you have enough bedrooms?

Just had my 3rd. I'm 36 and my second is 5yo.. so similar situation! Wasn't planned.. but we have a 4 bed house and jobs so we decided to continue with the pregnancy.
I'm so happy we did. She's honestly wonderful! And I'm so much more chilled and able to enjoy every moment.. the pregnancy was a bit more tiring at 36 but it was OK.
We are a bit more skint now as obviously hadn't saved to cover another child as it was unplanned.. but we manage OK.

Similar here- couldn’t shake off the broodiness and now have 18/16 and 9 year old! Age gap is no issue and the older 2 absolutely dote on the little one. Holidays to suit all needs some thought though!