Why are three so much harder than 2?

[Newsenmum]

mostly curious as not sure I can convince dh just yet, but why is 3 so much harder than 2? For us 0-1 was very difficult. Lots of reasons there, probably not helped by ds having additional needs. Due to that, the jump from 1-2 has been incredibly easy in comparison! Age gap is 4 years. With another 4 year gap, is 3 still so much harder?

Also what car do you get? That’s what I can’t work out!

@Newsenmum my youngest isn't particularly difficult but I find 3 hard going, it could be because of the age gap being small but I often think if only I'd have stopped at 2 😂

Same here.

I am the middle one - I was certainly never left out growing up.
DH is one of 3 (albeit the oldest) and never found an issue about been left out - nor did his sister (the middle one).
I have 3
I have 3 sets of nieces / nephews who are sets of 3.

My 3 all believe they are the favourite one too.

Practical issues do occur, things are set up for families of 4, modern children's car seats are huge and used for far longer, university is very expensive, no allowance for having two at once

I've only got 2. I'd go to 3 if it wasn't for age and health reasons but I'd worry one would get left out in a 3 kid family the same way one gets left out in a tripod friendship, but like I said, we won't go there so I suppose it doesn't matter

I found going from Dc2-dc3 very hard. Partly because it was a rough time to start with her being tiny, NICU, developed PNA which was awful. I struggled with it, finally got into the swing when she was about 8 months. Like Dc2 she was a chilled, easy baby & toddler and is the sibling that gets on amazingly with all her siblings whether it’s sport, cars or dolls, never left out. Going from Dc1-2 was a breeze, 12 month gap and 18 months between Dc 2-3 so busy. I have a Dc4 too that was a breeze from dc3. All get cuddles, and time. We had a Transit Custom and now have a 5008. Vehicles have been one of the biggest issues we’ve had so far.

Same! Having one was so easy.

Having a third baby 24 years ago was the best decision we ever made. He is so different ,personality wise from his siblings and an absolute asset.
All three are considerate,caring adults.As a Mum I enjoy spending time with all three . Just a mutual love there.

This. Also money...plus you only have two hands.

Expecting my third have a 2 and a 3 year old. We have a discovery 5 ( 7 seats) so a few options of variations to play with both still RF and plan to for good few years

In the beginning 3 isn't that much work but now it's three different schools, have to find different activities for them all as we have an 8 year age gap between oldest and youngest. One afternoon a week we do 5 hours of activities with different start and end times and three locations!

In comparison when youngest was born it was much calmer.

It depends on your set up.

If you are already a sahm with a big enough house & car they will 'slot' in.

I saw friends really struggle with a third and a work colleague told me she deeply regretted having a third, she loved him to bits but dealing with a third really pushed her family to their limit financially and emotionally. This really stuck with me and we did stop at two.
Mine are now grown up now and I’ve never regretted stopping at two.

The car and car seats thing isn't a real problem, you just have to buy thinner car seats and not use isofix, which is fine.
I love having 3 . It was hard when the eldest started school and I had to do a school run with a stroppy 3 year old and a baby but it is lovely now they are teens. Eldest has a disability so the younger two are really close.

I found 0-1 really hard, 0-2 a breeze and 2-3 in the middle. However I have small age gaps (3 under 4) and DC1 is ASD so I think without those challenges I would have found going from 2-3 easier. DC3 is almost 6 months and it's definitely easing up. We had a swap our car to fit the seats in, but it's not the end of the world. We will keep the one we have now for a long time. I'm not worried about cost, I think you cut your cloak to your cloth. I'm from a big family and loved growing up with 3 siblings so I'm happy to have had 3DC myself.

My MIL would say the same thing, and what a happy idyllic childhood they had…however all three of her adult children say it was awful being one of three and they’ve all chosen to have two or one kids!

@Justbecause19 I'm due with 3rd and will have 3 , 4 and under , I'm nervous it wasn't planned, or atleast wasn't meant to be for a couple of years . Hopefully it will be ok x

@mrssunshinexxx aww congratulations! My 3rd wasn't planned either and I freaked out when I found out. It's hard but no harder than I thought it would be. I just try and stay calm and deal with one thing at a time, when they all need me. make sure you have a good sling for the baby and your older kids are in solid routines would be my tips.

Same! The newborn stage with baby 2 was the hardest couple of months in my life, not because of DD2 specifically but just trying to split my time and attention, lack of sleep, mum guilt. I would worry a 3rd would be even worse. I found the 1st time really easy and lovely

Thank you @Justbecause19 I didn't find 1-2 difficult and only 15 months between them so hoping this will be ok. Yes I love a routine and eldest will start school in sep so that's good timing

I think that's more to do with personalities and family dynamics than how many kids there are though. There will be lots of 2 child families where the kids don't get along/aren't close as adults whatever.

OP, I'm one of three and we are all close as adults and remain close to our DPs too, we never had any issues with being 'left out' just because there were three of us. My DPs definitely tried really hard to make sure we all felt loved for who we were and all had opportunities to do things we wanted to do and so on. Of course there is more compromise the larger the family, I do think that's inevitable, even more so where a family is not wealthy, as we were not. But I don't think that was/is a bad thing as we learnt good negotiation skills and patience and tolerance and so on. Before anyone says, I'm not suggesting you can't learn those things in other forums but for us we didn't have any local cousins or extended family for example so didn't have those opportunities so much as some other children might.

Not hard at all. Adding a third was a piece of piss. I'd have liked to have gone to 4, but it's an awkward number. I wouldn't worry about it, I was so used to the constant "Mumming" by then. That said, I was young and had 3 by 31, so plenty of energy. I often think back to what I used to do - like walking 20 miles a day and going to the gym as well - I was like the Duracell bunny, wish I had that energy now at 42.

Ah needed to hear this ! @Franticbutterfly I'll be 32 when number 3 comes along but I already feel in a state of constant exhaustion of small children

It is hard but I think you adapt and crack on with it. Also DD3 was so different to my other two and really made my experience of parenting, I think I was more relaxed and able to enjoy her more.

Me too.

Im so on the fence about a third. I think mainly due to health issues and feeling stretching it to a third may be a bit of a risk. Obviously even more aware of how risky things are once you have two kids at home to be worrying about so trying to tell myself I don’t ‘need’ a third that badly that it’s worth risking my life for 🙈

The added costs of having three kids to pay for for life would be hard. I currently have a boy and a girl and love that they are both my only boy and only girl, weirdly. By having a third would that maybe then make one of them feel left out if it’s two boys and a girl or two girls and a boy? Especially as they got older, what if I wasn’t as close to my son and was closer with the two girls or something 🙈 again, a silly thought. The car situation is an issue too but the earliest possible age gap I’d have would be 6, 4 and a baby so car seats less of a problem. I also find just the physical ‘man marking’ as someone called it quite hard at the moment. I’d say that and the toddler tantrums have been the worst part of going from 1-2. It’s not possible to run fast enough after a toddler on a bike to stop him beside a road while pushing a pram and walking the dog. Someone always loses out and it usually means my toddler just can’t take the bike, resulting in a huge tantrum in the driveway 🙄

By waiting til my ‘middle’ child would be 4 would at least by-pass all of that hopefully so it would just be a baby and two more manageable kids that hopefully listen better than he does now 😂

I’m so on the fence about it and I think for me the greatest selling point is purely so that my youngest isn’t my last baby. At some point I think you do have to sit back and realise they all get big and it happens really quickly so having another just for the baby phase is pointless and you just have to grieve your lack of a baby after that one gets bigger anyway! It’s a minefield and I think whether you do or don’t you just need to make the decision and whatever one you make will be the right one for your family