Is having 2 kids harder than you anticipated?

[ellecf21]

Not sure if we are 100% up for another, we will let our instinct decide! Our DD 7mo is amazing, and so far it's been pretty smooth sailing and it feels manageable to have one. There is a lot of familial and societal pressure to have another (it wouldn't be any time soon) and I just wondered how people really felt about going from 1-2?

No, I found going from 1 to 2 absolutely fine. It helped that DC2 was a dream, fed easily, slept brilliantly - even sleeping though the night as a b/f baby from 7 weeks - and was generally chilled.

There were 2 years between them.

Now my 3rd - oh God. I thought I was going to be committed. It probably wasn't that bad. But I'd a 4 yo, 2 yo & newborn & awful H. My 3rd DC just wanted to do what his siblings did, and so never slept or lay down on a playmat or could be put in a pram, at any stage in the day.

The reality is you just can't tell!

Mine are 24 months apart.
First three years, very hard compared to one.
After that, somewhat easier compared to one. When they’re not squabbling they’re great company for each other.
And they’re both wonderful people I would never give up.

2 years 4 months between ours and having a second was a breeze compared to having the first and become in parents for the first time.

we have 2 boys and they’re fabulous (now 14 and 17).

🤣🤣🤣 me too! Two years to the day between mine, and with hindsight I think its among the worst life decisions I've ever made. DC2 is not a sleeper and honestly it (the juggle, the guilt, the screaming) has nearly killed me. But it's different for everyone. HTH OP

YES!

I was not prepared 😂 although I think it depends on the kids too especially the second one. Our first born was a great sleeper, feeder, always happy and hardly ever cried!

The second born was a terrible sleeper, terrible feeder and was not always happy, def cried more but not all the time. She's still Hardwork at 3, she's very my way or the highway whereas my first was just so chilled.

U get so much less time to urself and often we both have a kid on top of us. It turned our house into a bit of a madhouse 😂 the noise, the fights, the mess all so much more! Although, love them both to bits and wouldn't change it and they both so cute together (when not fighting!) 😆

It makes me wonder why wld anyone want 3!

Living through it now - 2nd one is 8 weeks. Oldest is 3. People say that one is a pet and two is a zoo.

But honestly it varies between “this is piss easy” to “ this is crazy”.

the newborn is actually quite easy- she breastfeeds easily unlike my first did and she is sleeping fairly well. Yes it’s constant feeding and full on but I already knew that and I also know it would pass.

but the toddler is really stressful - she is taking time to adjust and not sleeping. So baby would sleep at 3am and then toddler would wake up at 3.30am and come into our room and wake us up!

so we are getting used to it

but in all honesty I do feel really blessed and lucky and there are many moments that I feel so happy

people also say: once the chaos goes away so does the magic, so I’m actually going to try and enjoy the craziness

anyway on that note I need to feed my baby and also cuddle my toddler who has just woken up…. Good luck!

I'm sure going from 1 to 2 is fine for most, if you actually want to do it.
For me, it'd be my idea of hell. Perhaps when my DD is much older (she's 3 currently) I might consider it, but by that point I think I'll be well over it all and want my life and career back.

I think even based on these replies it's clear, there is no way to tell how it will be for anyone! You could have a very easy going second and a first child who adapts brilliantly whatever the age gap, you could find it difficult personally, you could have a very easygoing second child but the first takes it terribly whatever their age or you could have a second child who is not at all easygoing and completely changes the family dynamic as it is. My own are 3yrs apart as I planned and I had 2 great babies but my second was a nightmare toddler and is still far more difficult as a 6yr old.

Have a two and a half year age gap with second being a lockdown baby. That was the hard hit two generally ok definitely points here it is crazy but I love watching them as siblings

It's the arguing and winding each other up as they get older that I find difficult. We also had a small age gap, which was hard; I look at friends with a 4/5 year age gap and the siblings appear to have a good relationship. We did add a third (3 DC in 4 years). Hardest was 1-2 for me, DC3 is pretty chilled.

I found the jump from one to two kids harder than going from none to one. Mine are 3.5 years and 5 months old. I wouldn't change it for the world though!

Sorry, but …. why have you posted this in the ‘larger families’ forum?

I truly do not think those of us with just two kids could ever qualify as a ‘larger family’.

OP - if you’re feeling unsure about a second, then maybe it’s not for you. It was never a doubt in my mind, so while it was tough while they were little (18 month age gap), it has long since come into its own.

It was fine for me. Dc2 was more chilled out than dc1. 2 yrs between them and they adored each other. They liked the same things, watched tv and played well with each other. They shared a room and I'd usually find them in the same bed in the morning. So cute.

2 means that they have each other and will play as they get older

at first, no.
now the 2nd is 2yo and a firey toddler life can’t be a bit tough. But I can see glimmers of hope in how they treat each other.

I found 0 to 1 hard. 1 to 2 was much easier. I had a girl first then a boy two years later. They are 11 and 9 now and still best friends! They shared a bed every night (through choice) until DD was 10 and wanted some privacy - my DS was heartbroken.

They never really argue or fight. I’ve always encouraged a strong bond and the importance of caring for each other as well as not tolerating any unkind words or physical actions - so far it seems to have paid off.

Im glad they will have each other (hopefully!) in the future was as support.

So hard!! Almost three year gap taken ages to find my groove with having them both- youngest 18 months

Yes I really really wasn't prepared for it to be this hard 😢

Introducing the second child to our family has nearly broken us! There are definitely the 'insta' moments where life looks great- if they have a hug, or are both sleeping or something!

Ours are 2 boys and just under 2 years apart.

95% of the behaviour issues we deal with daily from the 4 year old are due to his younger sibling. From the minute DC2 was born, DC1 was demanding attendion when I was breastfeeding or otherwise busy with baby - throwing, hitting, etc. DC1 is an absolute dream on his own, but put him with his younger brother and it's a nightmare.

Now dc2 is 2, he's turning into a demon as well!

We can not have 1 of anything or they fight over it. And I don't even mean just toys, I'm taking cutlery, blankets, empty boxes, anything! They will not share.

At one point, DH and I seriously suggested we'd be much happier splitting up and having each child 50/50 one at a time!

They are JUST staring to seem to be getting slightly better at ages 2 and 4.

I'm still happy we have two so close, mainly because I'm holding onto the hope that someday soon they will play together. The one thing that genuinely makes me feel a bit sad though is that it's very very rare I can do anything engaging with DC1 (4 year old) like get out crafts, drawing or play a game, because DC2 (2 year old) will come along and just destroy everything. We try to make as much time as we can, but again, it means planning ahead to split them up so that one of us can do engaging activities with the eldest, rather than spending the time all together as a family

I found 0 to 1 such a life-changing event. I really struggled with constant anxiety and second-guessed myself a lot. 1 to 2 has been SO much easier - I find I am so much more confident and really enjoying the newborn stage so much more! I have "2 under 2" so it's a big chaotic, but overall nothing I can't manage on my own (DH works long hours and is gone for business often).

We got 3 twins are 1 boy is almost 2 and loving it you just end up in this muddly routine but it works 😅

I've found 1-2 a breeze so far, there's only a 14 month age gap and my youngest is currently 13 weeks. I have been super lucky with them both sleeping through the night though so think that defo helps

Imo it gets harder once the second starts teething and moving around. My second is very vocal about any discomfort (teething, illness) so the overlapping noise when he's whinging and the eldest is talking to me drives me mental. Also the eldest will be playing nicely and the youngest just likes to trash or snatch whatever it is he's playing with.

It was so much easier when the youngest was a proper baby, and will get easier again I'm sure. Just now at 1 and 5 they're difficult together.

1 to 2 was fine. 2 to 3 was fine. 3 to 4 created logistical issues but that was fine too. Just needed a bigger car and holidays required a couple of rooms.

1-2 was harder than I expected (2 year age gap), but it can’t have been that bad as we had a third and are considering a fourth!