Thoughts on some of the negative comments on here and in real life

[Dontcryformeallegra]

I must admit, I haven't really had many negative comments about having 4 children in real life but I often read stuff on Mumsnet!
What do you think about the following and do you have any to ad?

Snap! I wouldn't comment on my thoughts about delibratley having an only, so fair point.

Go on OP, as someone with 4 kids what exactly are your thoughts on deliberately having an only? And why?

@goawaystormy

Snap! I wouldn't comment on my thoughts about delibratley having an only, so fair point.

Go on OP, as someone with 4 kids what exactly are your thoughts on deliberately having an only? And why?

Please don’t, I feel insecure enough about having an only child as it is.

Couples who have their first child in their 40s are unlikely to have large families though.

I assume the parents on here who have stated they have 10 or 11 children would have started their family much earlier

They’re more likely to have multiples due to IVF.

This.

Personally (taking the environment perspective out of the equation for a minute) I don’t think there is anything wrong with having a large family per se and I would never say anything to someone but I do think you need to know your limits before you start (multiplier births aside obviously) - so can you afford them? Do you have the emotional and psychological strength to parent that many etc?

I have 3 and on the one hand I would love more babies BUT I also know that I would probably go completely crazy and be an absolutely terrible mother if I had lots of children. I would struggle with the mess and the lack of time to get everyone organised / spend one-on-one time / have any time to myself. It is already difficult enough with 3!

Also, I found pregnancy and birth a mind-blowing and overwhelming experience. I take my hat off to people who can do that more than 3 times!

Whats this for? Its ok to have thoughts on large familes but not onlies? Double standards much

Sorry you feel that way

@Pinkspecs

"I don't really believe most of the criticism comes from a genuine place of environmental concern, even if that is the reason ostensibly given.

I tend to agree with this. I think a lot of the people who say oh I had none/one/two because of the planet are just latching onto something that they were doing anyway to make themselves feel better about all the things they aren't doing."

I agree with this.

Maybe?!?

@Dontcryformeallegra

Whats this for? Its ok to have thoughts on large familes but not onlies? Double standards much

Well if you'd noticed I haven't actually made any comments on your (or anyone else's larger family).

But as you alluded to a negative opinion but then got defensive and said 'I didn't actually say that' when someone asked you about it later in the thread I'd be interested to know exactly what your opinion is on 'deliberately' having an only (versus, presumably, wanting more but not being able to?)

Wow how goady. As I have been asked by a poster above not too I won’t. I wasnt defensive btw, I actually didnt say anything about one child familes.🤏

A lot of it depends on the family itself. If you both work and look after your children well, then it's nobody elses business. If you live on UC but keep having kids then obviously you'll be judged.

The decision to have children is very personal and I don't think anyone should be judged for building their family in a way that feels right for them.

I have 3 DC and no negative comments to my face. 3 is a common number of DC in my area, so it's quite the norm. I had a deep down in my soul yearning for a third child. It felt like someone was missing from our family and no matter how hard I tried to push it away, I thought about it every minute of every day. It consumed me until we decided to try for one more. When number 3 was born our family instantly felt complete and I knew immediately that we would have no more.

@Dontcryformeallegra

Wow how goady. As I have been asked by a poster above not too I won’t. I wasnt defensive btw, I actually didnt say anything about one child familes.🤏

You literally said

"Snap! I wouldn't comment on my thoughts about delibratley having an only, so fair point."

So you have alluded to some kind of negative opinion on one child families.

And as someone who is an only and has an only Ive specifically asked and would like to hear this negative opinion and have the chance to counter it.

It's no more goady than you starting this thread.

This thread had the usual environmental doom and gloom regarding our children’s lives, so when I saw this news article, with its good news about the Thames river, thought I’d share it.

For those of you who don’t know, the Thames was declared biologically “dead” in 1957 due to how toxic and polluted it was. Today, it is full of life and much recovered. Although, watch out for sharks...
www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-london-59222372

In real life I've never had bad comments about having 6.
What people may say under their breath is not my problem, I honestly couldn't give a flying fuck what they think of my family size.

Nah, this thread is posted in large familes so presumed that us with large families could discuss negative comments. Wtf are you on here, apart from to try and be goady.
I couldn't giving a flying wotsit about your one child, besides I have been asked by another poster not to comment.

I was on here because I was genuinely interested in what you and others had to say.

Until you threw in an underhand insult towards only child families and then refused to elaborate and lied when asked about it. There's nothing goady about asking you to elaborate on a comment to made on your own thread.

@goawaystormy

I was on here because I was genuinely interested in what you and others had to say.

Until you threw in an underhand insult towards only child families and then refused to elaborate and lied when asked about it. There's nothing goady about asking you to elaborate on a comment to made on your own thread.

I didn't lie, you can see exactly what I wrote. I think you have too much time on your hands, dear.

I haven’t seen anything on this thread to change my opinion on larger families. The usual bluster about pensions and “I want to so sod off I really don’t give a fuck” attitude. Depressing.

@Dontcryformeallegra

Nah, this thread is posted in large familes so presumed that us with large families could discuss negative comments. Wtf are you on here, apart from to try and be goady. I couldn't giving a flying wotsit about your one child, besides I have been asked by another poster not to comment.

No you were asked not to comment negatively on onlies. And you refrained from commenting at all which means you do think negatively about us.

And this popped up in Active. No one searched for it.

Frankly you can think what you like. But the PP was accurate not goady IMO.

@Chelyanne

In real life I've never had bad comments about having 6. What people may say under their breath is not my problem, I honestly couldn't give a flying fuck what they think of my family size.

Fine but do you acknowledge overpopulation will actually destroy the planet for your descendants?

@MsTSwift

I haven’t seen anything on this thread to change my opinion on larger families. The usual bluster about pensions and “I want to so sod off I really don’t give a fuck” attitude. Depressing.

You’re ignoring all the posts that addressed your outdated world view.

I noted you are stuck in 1798 as you mentioned the debunked Malthus population study as correct and that it had “scared you” as an A level student. You repeated some Malthus thought that the world is overpopulated and that demographically, each new generation is larger than the one before it as if it were fact. This is simply not true in reality.

Did you know that in 2018, for the first time in history, persons aged 65 years or over worldwide outnumbered children under age five? That UN Projections indicate that by 2050 there will be more than twice as many persons above 65 as children under five? And by 2050, the number of persons aged 65 years or over globally will also surpass the number of adolescents and youth aged 15 to 24 years?

That two-thirds of the projected growth of the global population through 2050 will be driven by current age structures and would occur even if childbearing in high-fertility countries today were to fall immediately to around two births per woman over a lifetime? (Replacement rate: Globally we have already dropped to 2.4 birth rate the lowest in 70yrs and replacement rate in low mortality rich countries is 2.1.)

A few people having large families is not a big environmental concern. I personally think that war, murder, rape, poverty, starvation as is happening in places like Afghanistan is “depressing” not a few people having a large family.

@Glassofshloer
overpopulation will actually destroy the planet for your descendants?

Overpopulation would destroy the planet for descendants, but we are not overpopulated now and projections by the UN indicate we won’t reach the point of overpopulation at least between now and 2100. There is even a 27% chance that world population will have started to decline by then if the current 70yr trend of slowing birth rates persist.

Regarding the environmental criticism. I think people overlook the obvious problems to only 2 children per woman. We operate a free choice system in the UK regarding family size. Contraception is free and so is abortion. When woman have a choice birthrate is low as in the UK. Much below replacement levels even with the Radfords and their 22 children. If women could have no more than two there would be a serious population decline. We could import people from abroad but that is just taking their young people away which isn’t fair when they’ve brought them up and educated them. Concentrate on universal free contraceptives rather than unfairly targeting large families in order to virtue signal.