Am I wrong

[melza84]

I would like to make a formal complaint regarding this incident. I myself telephoned the police on Friday 24th September evening to report that my partner/ex partner was trying to throw me out onto the streets with 4 children the youngest one being his biological daughter age 7 who suffers severe autism and global learning delay. My son aged 15 is also under CAMHS due to historical sexual abuse whilst under the care of social services after a series of lies from his father against me , social services have never taken any responsibility for this leading to my son having mental health issues and anxiety and has not been out for 2 years. His father has now been classed as a danger to the children and has no contact he servered 5 years in prison due to dangerous driving and the death of his sister and fleeing the scene. I phoned the police for help as I have previously been in a woman’s aid refuge about 5 years ago due to the perpetrator. The police officer said he was going upstairs to do a welfare check on the children female aged 18 son 15 and daughter 14 I requested they did not due to the situation with my son and I would call the children Down he spoke in a very nasty tone and replied no I’m going up. My children could have been changing or anything and my son is still in shock and upset and so is my 14 year old daughter who is very shy and has anxiety issues also , they had all gone upstairs so they wouldn’t have to speak to officers and I wanted them kept out of it and so did they . However he ignored my request. I was facing homeless being on the streets with my children one who as I mentioned is autistic. The police said they would take me to my parents my parents refused as my partner has done this so many times. I explained when my partner was last acting like this he took an overdose, and became violent and women’s aid helped me find a place in refuge . We spent 4 years apart went to court over our youngest daughter I got a residency order for our daughter my ex partner got supervised contact due to the fact the court questioned his mental capacity to safeguard such a severely disabled child. The police who attended last night I wanted them to help me resolve the problem instead they threatened to arrest me for breech of peace meaning social services would have had to be called as an emergency because my ex partner is unable and not allowed to care for our autistic daughter. I have given up my house a year and a half ago to move in with my partner on the condition I was also named on the tenancy so my children would have a secure home apparently although we claimed together I was never placed on the tenancy . I told the police they had been unhelpful they never took the fact I have mental health conditions and sometimes struggle to concentrate my depression and anxiety has worsened over the past few months due to living like a prisoner and having to care for extra people because my partner is out all day. The police told my ex partner to leave for half an hour so me and my youngest daughter could go to sleep and told me I had to find alternative accommodation today I’m trying it’s impossible with 4 children especially when my youngest is autistic and it’s Saturday I have phoned the police again this morning and been advised ‘ I said I had said I would find new accommodation today’ this wasn’t the case they told me I had to. I’m in the process of trying to find accommodation but as it’s the weekend most places are closed and I have rung emergency shelter 3 times and I keep getting a message saying they have very high calls and can’t answer the phone. Where does this leave me? The officer I spoke to this morning said if I rang again I would be arrested for breech of peace and as my ex partner does not have the mental capacity to care for my autistic daughter she would be placed into the care of social services which they also threatened me with last night. My daughter has attachment issues with myself she has never been away from me for more than 4 hours at a time. I have fought for 4 years to get her a special placement and she is to start on the 4th October, as I said my son is currently having treatment with CAMHS due to historical sexual abuse under the care of social services, my 2 daughters attend high school and have settled well. The police wanted to take me back to my parents knowing full well I would lose all the hard work I’d put in and causing severe upheaval to the children’s lives . They then said I had the choice to go to my brothers house with 2 bedrooms, a newborn baby and 3 large dogs they refused to accept this would not be unsuitable due to my daughters behaviours in any case they said they had given me two options when my parents and brother had both declined anyway so the only other option was to arrest me for breech of the peace even though I was merely speaking with them. I told them my ex partner is supposed to be medicated with apixabam due to blood clots and previous stroke, lethyroxine for under active thyroid and 150mg of sertraline due to mental health and previous overdose he suffers from paranoia. They didn’t listen to a word I said I was happier talking down to me and discussing the fuel crisis with my ex partner. This has added to my stress and anxiety and I believe they discriminated against me and my daughter on mental health grounds making disabled people homeless. Now to continue living in my ex partners house I have to live like a prisoner and follow all his rules or I will be homeless or arrested and do not know what will become of my children the police also said they will be reporting me ( not my ex partner) to social services to say I’m neglecting the children because the house is untidy ( two children are his as well he does not work but spends all day out of the house leaving me and expecting me to do all chores whilst he is out and I’m at home caring for our autistic daughter) I have already emailed the council to inform them this situation is making me ill and I need my own home for me and my children and am awaiting a response I have been to numberous meetings regarding the welfare and education of my children and the 2 officers who attended were an absolute disgrace and discriminatory against me and my daughters mental health.
This is my official complaint

The police are not Social Workers op.

You called them, they insisted on seeing the children (correctly). You're not on the tenancy hence they offered to take you and the dc somewhere else. You don't want to leave, and didn't.

Contact womens aid and your social worker for help in finding accommodation in your name for you and your children.

And for goodness sake put your dc first this time and stay bloody single.

The police aren't there to do what you tell them to, they obviously needed to ensure everyone was safe. If you aren't on the tenancy then they can't stop your partner wanting you to leave. I don't understand what you think they should have done.

I’m not sure what the police have done wrong here?

Your life sounds utterly chaotic. I agree that you need to contact Social Services / Women’s Aid and work with them to get your own tenancy.

And leave your abusive partner.

The police have to act on the information they have and they can’t analyse everyone’s backstory or history of mental health. It’s absolutely right in assessing this type of situation that they went upstairs to see dc away from you to check on them and assess how you live in general and whether it’s appropriate for your dc. I understand you’re sensitive and having a tough time. I kindly suggest you take a step back and use your energy to focus on your dc and what is best for them otherwise it sounds like you could lose them. While there are some elements that are out of your control, some of this is and you need to take some of the responsibility for the situation and the impact it’s had on your dc rather than blaming everyone else around you. Wishing you all the best for the future.

Poor kids sounds like a very drama filled and unstable life.
I hope you can get help from refuge in finding somewhere to stay.
It sounds like for the best for all of you if you could get support and counselling as a family after all you have each been through.
Projects like the freedom project may help, and making a commitment to spend a few years single to concentrate on the kids well being.

Does anyone know the effects of autism? Yes I was silly to think we could work out again he rents the house and I was told I was on the tenancy agreement I have been looking for alternative accommodation, my support worker from the area I lived in when I was single has sent all the paperwork already to social services in my new area to protect me and the children if this happened again saying they had no concerns for my children in the 4 years they were there , the police only offered my parents and my brothers house and both had already said no ! Where was I supposed to go?

So I'm assuming you would have all left with 4 kids to wander the streets and leave all your worldly possessions behind I will be contacting ss tomorrow for help as I was supposed to have been assigned a disability social worker for my daughter to help with housing but they can't be bothered to get back to me. When you face homelessness with your kids in the future it could happen to anyone I will have as much sympathy for you!

I never demanded the police do anything except ask my partner to calm down and let me stay at the house until I can find somewhere else. What sort of father puts his disabled daughter out on the streets?

@MellowBird85

Your life sounds utterly chaotic. I agree that you need to contact Social Services / Women’s Aid and work with them to get your own tenancy.

And leave your abusive partner.

I know, I was bloody exhausted just reading that. Poor kids.

The police can't do anymore than they have done.

Do you see that as it’s only his name on the tenancy if he wants you and your children to leave the police can’t make him change his mind or make him leave instead?

It’s a tragedy you gave you a house of your own to become reliant on another abusive man and put your vulnerable through more chaos and instability.

What do you think the police could or should have done? What do you want them to do now that you believe is in their power?

What sort of father puts his disabled daughter out on the streets?

An extremely poor one. Obviously. No one is defending him.

As their only responsible parent you need to put them first and getting aggressive with the police isn’t going to help.

Your problem isn’t the police it’s your dysfunctional relationships that have led to this , there must be some reason why none of your family will put you up temporarily . I feel sorry for your children .

I contacted citizens advice and they told me under the circumstances with children under 18 and children with disability I had the right to stay in the property and he be removed under the circumstances until I could access accommodation. I claim the housing benefits for the house how can I do this if I'm not on the tenancy?

Yes there is a reason none of my family will put me up they live in a different area if I go to them my children will suffer upheaval, new schools, new CAMHS, my daughter who has only managed to attend school for 3 hours a day is autistic she is up and down all day has sensory processing disorder she bites herself and others when she can't communicate what she wants, I have had so many meetings with professionals to get where I am and settle the children and I'm expected to move to another area and start all over again?

Do any of you have experience with autism I'm pretty sure I should have posted this somewhere else, when I made the complaint the officer totally agreed with me and told me to do the written complaint?

The police were doing the job there paid to do!

Op, you have not made wise choices here.

You're expecting the police to sort out a problem that you created by going back to an abusive partner and nit ensuring that the accommodation or situation is secure for your children.

The police aren't there to make moral judgements, they are there to uphold the law, and legally the house is his.

You need to contact SS ASAP, they need to do an assessment of the situation and find the best way to help your children as neither you, nor your partner, seem to be acting in their best interests at all.

And yes I have a severely autistic son who's stability comes before anyone else!
You need to sort out your life not start blaming others ffs

@melza84

Yes there is a reason none of my family will put me up they live in a different area if I go to them my children will suffer upheaval, new schools, new CAMHS, my daughter who has only managed to attend school for 3 hours a day is autistic she is up and down all day has sensory processing disorder she bites herself and others when she can't communicate what she wants, I have had so many meetings with professionals to get where I am and settle the children and I'm expected to move to another area and start all over again?

That’s totally different from what you’ve said in your post which is that your parents and brother have both said no . Your children aren’t settled , they are living in a dysfunctional household where the police are being called .

I never demanded the police do anything except ask my partner to calm down and let me stay at the house until I can find somewhere else. What sort of father puts his disabled daughter out on the streets?

The thing about this is sure, anyone can ask your partner to calm down and let you stay, but legally no one, not even the police, can make him. This is because the house is solely in his name, he has sole legal to rights to it. It was very foolish for you to give up another home and move in with him having only 'thought' your name was on the tenancy.

Of course it makes him a terrible father, no ones denying that. But the police aren't moral advocates, they're there to uphold the law.

So if they asked, any your partner said no, what exactly Else do you want from them?

This is awful for you, I'm so sorry.

I would forget the police complaint. It's a broken system and you need to focus on getting a solution for your kids. It's great that you have secured a placement got your DD! You're right to prioritise it.

Is your partner dangerous? Do you have a social worker? What would happen if you just turned up at a women's refuge?

I'm a little confused so was there a history of domestic violence from the person you live with now? The one that's kicking you and the kids out ?

Why did your parents/brother refuse to have you abd the children there. Its extremely odd for grandparents to see children on the street.

Have you called womans aid to ask them to find you a refuge ? Where did you and the children end up staying last night? If there is domestic violence going on then you can phone the council and they (have) to put you into emgency accommodation whilst they access your case .

I feel like your complicating everything. Yes there is a past history but you can't change that now you can only move on. The relationship seems toxic for you and the children. So get into a refuge or temporary and concentrate on your children.

Thank you Tillysfad , he isn't dangerous just controlling and very jealous and puts me down all the time someone reported him for working while claiming benefits I don't know if this is true he does have a boat but he's changed since this happened and he demands attention constantly , I failed to mention I also look after his 14 year old son who is slightly autistic I have and always will see him as one of my own, he doesn't want us to leave because if I do his mother will fight for residency because she knows father is not up to looking after him, we get on very well he gives me a kiss and tells me he loves me every night before bed the same as my own. All my ex partner needs to do is take the medication prescribed to him and he's normal and happy but he just says I don't need them . I don't actually think I can turn up to refuge my son is 15 and a lot of women's refuges won't allow boys over 13 or 14 . I would gladly go to a refuge if I could without distributing my children's schools x

I have explained the reason why my family can not take on a family of 5 ?