Terrified of termination please help! 3rd pregnancy

[Bessieart]

I am 31 and have two children already, DD has just turned 9 and DS has just turned 6. We feel complete as a family and life is lovely just as it is however I found out 2 weeks ago I’m pregnant and I am terrified of either scenario. I am a sensitive person and a born worrier. I found my self unexpectedly pregnant with my daughter 10 years ago and i decided in the end I couldn’t have a termination. I fear I am not strong enough to handle going through it and worry that I will he heart broken and regret it however thinking about going back to the beginning and how it would change the balanced dynamics of the family also scares me. I have a termination booked in 2days and I’m panicking. Any advise of similar situations would be greatly appreciated.

@Bessieart - you will be fine, whatever you decide will be the right thing!

Thank you for your replies, I cancelled my app and decided to give my self some more time, I’m having counseling with Marie stopes and they are incredible. Just hope I can be at peace with a decision soon x

I hope you come to a decision that you feel ok with OP. I was in this situation a year ago (less of an age gap though with my other 2 dc) and I ended up terminating at 8 weeks. Initially I felt ok about it and forged on determined that I would ‘get over it’, however I’ve really struggled since around the time the due date would have been. I’m having counselling now. Not just about that but it’s definitely sparked a bit of an identity crisis for me. I don’t know who I am anymore. However I don’t totally regret it, it would have been hard to add another child and my marriage isn’t great. But I feel very sad about it and have pangs of guilt and feeling like a bit of a fraud as I have this secret that no one knows, and what would they think if they did know. This is just my experience though and it’s good that you are having counselling now to explore your feelings. I didn’t do that and now I’m paying for it.

Thank you for sharing your story with me, I am sorry to hear you are strugglinh, please be kind to your self. I know it’s easier said than done but I am glad you are getting some help. I have had counseling in the past as well for different reasons and found it so helpful so I think you are doing the right thing. If it helps I now know that you won’t feel like this forever and when you come out the other side you will be much stronger. Remember you made the choice you did at the time that was best for you and others should respect your decision and not be judgmental. It’s more common than we think and since talking to some of my friends I have learned they have had terminations after their children so don’t beat your self up. You did your best. I feel that if I keep the pregnancy people will think what on earth is she doing? And if we struggle they may say “we told you so...” however I have to keep reminding my self I need to do this for myself and not think about what others think as it’s my life and it’s what’s right for me. I wish you all the best for the future I know everything will be ok xx

I may be wrong, but I’m getting the feeling from you that you are very concerned what other people do / will think. I know it’s hard, but you really have to forget about everyone else and think about you and how you feel. I think once you move away from all the noise of other people and their opinions, you’ll knew what to do. Ignore me if I’m wrong though.

I’m trying to work out what I really want and there are so many things that scare me if I was to continue the pregnancy and the only one thing that scares me about a termination is regret and not being able to come to terms with that decision, if my husband was really happy about it then I think I would feel less pressure, he’s not forcing me however i would like to consider his feelings too and I know what he would have done if he was the one in control of the situation. It’s such a tough decision to make. I also feel that life would be harder for the first few years and set us back but I’m sure once they are here even though you have tough days you wouldn’t send them back. I’m trying to imagine what life would be like with an extra person and it would complicate things like holidays etc and when my older two are teenagers we will still have a young one at home giving us less freedom. Not that you ever stop being a parent but they need you more as youngsters. However having a 30 year old 27 year old and 20 year old doesn’t seem bad. But having a 15, 12 and 5 year old and having to do school all over again etc feels like a long period of time and the youngest would be on their own through school but I guess it’s only like my self as I’m an only child. My son and daughter only have another 18 months at the same school before they will be in different schools so might not be too bad... just don’t want anyone to feel left out 😔 I feel like I’d love to do it all over again at times as I really enjoyed pregnancy and baby phase however it just doesn’t seem sensible to go backwards yet that upsets me... so confusing... I’ve thought about how exciting it would be to tell my children they have a sibling on the way and think they would be a great help but then I can’t seem to allow my self to just go with it... I’m such a deep thinker... not helpful at times!

Turns out I’m having a silent miscarriage 💔 heartbroken but I’m so glad I made the decision to keep baby as I would never have known it was going to end up like this and would have always wondered what if. I do feel guilty but have been assured it’s not my fault. Hoping my story helps somebody xx

Oh op, so sorry to hear that
Hope you take care of yourself, and take the time to recover

Really sorry OP. It has been a difficult time for you. Please be kind to yourself .

Thank you for your kindness xxx