Having a second child harder than the first?

[Bella8]

Hi, I currently have an 8 month old and I'm interested to hear if having a second child is a lot harder? I do think I'd like a second child if I'm lucky enough to but I'm still a little undecided on when to start trying or do I just stay with one? Me and DH have no family support so it literally is just us. I'm 32 so my clock is ticking and I also had a very difficult time with DS; he wasn't an easy baby and I think what would it be like to have a newborn and then another child to look after as well. Things have only just begun to get a little easier as DS is getting older and we're only just getting a little extra sleep. Which age gaps do you find best; both little together or a bigger age gap? Just interested in getting some opinions and thoughts on the subject. A big part of me wants a second baby but another part of me is worried I wouldn't cope.

As your baby is only 8 months old, and you struggled for the first 6 months, I think this is perhaps making you focus too much on those early months. Yes, they are hard work - no-one likes being sleep deprived, lets be honest - but they are a tiny, tiny, tiny fraction of your child's life. Indeed, of your life as well. You will have children - or 'a' child - until you die//// probably for another 50 years or so. Although it doesn't feel like it at the time, the first few months are such a small part of that.
Having one child becomes a lot more work than having two children, IMO, once they get beyond toddler years, for they entertain each other. Don't forget they really are only babies for a very small part of both their, and your lives.

Hi, thanks backforgood you're right, I guess it's difficult to think of it as a fraction of time when you're in the thick of it. Sometimes it feels like it will never pass 😬. It anybody reads my thread who only had one child by choice I'd be interested to hear your reasons. Or if anybody knows of anybody I'd like to hear some insight from the other side to help form my decision.

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I think you worry too much!! I only had one DC at 32. I am 40 now & have 6. I work but am a breastfeeding, baby-wearing, co-sleeping, baby-led-weaning, attachment practising parent...the older kids go to swimming, scouts & football every week. Yes it's busy & you have to be adept at keeping a lot of balls in the air (not to mention a financial wizard!!) BUT I love it. Watching them together, their different relationships develop & the dynamics of the group is just fab. I couldn't imagine not having a big, loud, chaotic family. For me, the positives FAR outweigh the negatives. You'll have to divide your time, for sure. But your love? It doesn't divide...it multiplies.

Oh, there's a year between 1&2 by the way... which as crazy as it seemed (to everyone else!!) at the time, actually wasn't a bad age gap. A bit like twins - bloody hard work (!!) but no.1 wasn't walking when no.2 came along. There was no jealousy as he had no memory of it just being him. Going from 2 to 3 was actually even easier as then 1 & 2 could play & amuse each other while I was feeding the baby. I really think it gets easier the more you have (within reason!!!)...but maybe it also has something to do with the lowering of standards! Lower...lower...yup, there you go!

Thank you euanthesheepiloveyou, I absolutely applause you for doing so well with six! Wow I don't know how you do it, You're a stronger woman than me! I used to always think I would have 3 when I was younger but now the reality of having 1 has made me change my mind! Me and DH have decided if we have a second we'll prob stop there. We have a three bedroomed house and want them to have a room each and for us that will be ideal and financially we would be okay with 2 maybe bit 3 would really be stretching things. I'm not good being pregnant and feel one more time if that is personally enough for me! God here's me worrying abit whether I should have a second and you have 6, congrats on your beautiful family!

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Thanks Bella - it's a mad house at times but a lot of fun. Good luck with no. 2. You won't regret it & it'll actually be easier in the long run as your DC will have a playmate/confidante/someone to fight with! 😉

There’s pros and cons, have you any brothers and sisters?

Yes it may be hard work.

My mum was an only child and always wished she has had a sibling.

A play mate for your other child.

Nobody can give you the right or wrong answer, so the decision is entirely yours and your partners, if your not sure then take your time and decide and don’t rush into anything, you’ve got loads of time left!

All the best x

Hey. Interesting post. I have one child (3 months) and my OH and I regularly debate whether or not to have another.
Tbh at the moment I can imagine having another. I'm like you, still in the early days, still sleep deprived, still breast feeding, still adapting to the huge life change... I want to give everything to this child. I want to have time for my first love (my OH). I want to have time to be me, not just a mother. I don't know that I could survive the newborn time a second time while keeping my first child alive. I don't want my child to be lonely, but I don't want to have a second child just to give my first born a sibling.

Sorry that should say *cant imagine