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Larger families

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Original poster

is 3 almost always a mistake?

59 replies

sulalovesbing · 14/04/2016 19:45

Crap title sorry.

I know 3 families whose third child was a surprise. I know of one who had 2 girls and wanted to try for a boy. Someone also asked me, not the first time either, whether I'd try for a third to get a boy.

I figure that if people want a large family they would opt for four kids rather than an odd number?

Thoughts?

OP posts:

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Susiesue61 · 14/04/2016 21:05

I have 3 and they were totally planned!! And it works just fine for us

zoemaguire · 14/04/2016 21:10

I figure that if people want a large family they would opt for four kids rather than an odd number?

You figure wrong. I didn't want 'a large family'. I wanted, and had, 3. The narrowness of thought here is quite breathtaking.

tilder · 14/04/2016 21:18

I have three and love it. All totally planned.

Some people don't understand (but you had one of each why do you need another )

We have three because we wanted three and are lucky enough to have them.

I have a number of friends who have two but tried for years unsuccessfully for fhe third.

SchnitzelVonKrumm · 14/04/2016 21:21

I've got three, they were all planned and they are very close.

SweetPeaPods · 14/04/2016 21:30

I have 2. We are hoping to have a third. I'm one of 4 but I want 3. We could never afford 4. I won't be having a third because we want a girl, but because we want to grow our family.

SueTrinder · 14/04/2016 21:40

DH is one of 3, I'm one of 4, we wanted 3, we have 3. For us 3 is perfect, we really didn't want just 2, it just seems so.... intense a sibling relationship. I liked being one of 4 and get on well with all my siblings but believe me it's still possible for one child to be excluded in a larger group. So 3 it was and it's great.

dedicatedfollowerofyellow · 14/04/2016 21:50

Surprise babies can happen at any time though? I know a couple who totally and utterly planned to stop at 1DC, pg number 2 was a complete shock at the time. I also know of a surprise number 4, the couple had originally wanted 3. I also know a surprise number 5...
Fortunately it has been a few decades since I have heard the expression 'he/she was a mistake' used in RL.

ChoccyLabsAreFab · 14/04/2016 21:55

I have three boys, all planned and wouldn't change it for the world! Two was not enough and four would be too many. Three is the perfect number for us!

TheWoodenSpoonOfMischief · 14/04/2016 21:59

I have 3. All planned too.
Two seemed two quiet for me but four seems more than I can handle so three was very much what we wanted.

LastGirlOnTheLeft · 14/04/2016 22:00

Err....NO! My third is one lovely, polite, special, beautiful little girl! Honestly she lights up my days! She's wonderful. Everyone who meets her is just so taken with her. DH and I had thought about stopping at two, but we are SO happy we didn't.

GooseberryRoolz · 14/04/2016 22:06

I'm starting to feel a bit sorry for OP

I'm sure she's learnt a lesson about wording things carefully.

3 is lovely.

WakeUpFast · 14/04/2016 22:07

1 was a mistake. 2 and 3 were planned. If 2 are in my eyesight, 1 will always be missing. It's ok if it's one of the elder two. When the 2 year old goes missing I'm constantly shouting out for her. Then I think how much easier 2 would have been , but then there's no fun in that is there?(!)

SchnitzelVonKrumm · 14/04/2016 22:11

I think there's a perception that two is 'normal' in this country and so people pretend number 3 was a surprise...

LadyB49 · 14/04/2016 22:12

I had one. Circumstances!!

RandomMess · 14/04/2016 22:16

#1 a miracle due to being underweight and using 2 types of contraception
#2 not planned
#3 planned
#4 planned as #3 had undiagnosed reflux and it was absolutely horrific and I wanted another to help wipe out the experience!!!

foragogo · 14/04/2016 22:18

that's a bit offensive. I actively set out, planned and always visualised having three children and that's what I deliberately had.

Lweji · 14/04/2016 22:20

I am one of three and always thought it was great that it was an odd number. No ties when making decisions. And almost always a majority vote.
Sister and I were always close and little bro was our baby.

ayesar · 15/04/2016 03:29

I think what OP means is that was your 3rd planned or unplanned? From my observation I also noticed that people who have 3 often have the 3rd as a surprise. Not always, but A LOT of the time. I hardly ever meet anyone who says they actually planned their third. Maybe that's just because where I live people mostly have 2 kids. I posted a thread on another forum once, asking women how they decided to take the leap and have a third, and the majority of them said it was not planned so they just dealt with it.

Anyway, no offense meant towards anyone, it's just something I've observed.

Lweji · 15/04/2016 06:25

I thought she meant it was a bad idea to have three. That only 2 or 4 was acceptable.

jalopyjane · 15/04/2016 06:32

Three here, all planned and nothing to do with trying for a boy -just as well as we have 3 DDs I grew up as one of three and dh was one of 4. 3 just felt right.

To be honest I don't think this question belongs on the larger family board - most of them have faaaar more children!

Original poster

sulalovesbing · 15/04/2016 07:17

Ayesar explained it impeccably. I said in my post that the title was a bit slap dash. Do people only read what they want to read to get offended?

OP posts:

HeteronormativeHaybales · 15/04/2016 07:25

Girl after 2 boys and a big gap here. The number of people who have assumed I was after a girl I haven't yet met anyone rude enough to suggest she was unplanned. (She was a surprise, but less the conception than the lack of mc after 6 of them inc 3 in a row).

The older two adore her. And are beyond jealousy issues age-wise and have each other.

I don't think 3's a 'larger' family really? (That might be because I know I've hit my limit and there'll be no more for us...)

Cyrli · 15/04/2016 07:27

I have three, all planned. I'm on of three children - all planned. I do know of third children who were "mistakes" as you say, but I know of more number fours who were not planned!

thisagain · 15/04/2016 07:35

I often find the third is unplanned - though I think there is no logic in the "if you planned a 3rd then you would want a 4th argument". I have a 3rd unplanned child - as does my best friend. In fact, of the families with 4 children I know, the 3rd was still unplanned and then they though "we can manage 3 so let's have another 1"!

Lweji · 15/04/2016 07:51

Quite frankly, OP, if you don't write what you mean you can't get upset that people don't understand what you mean. The onus is firmly on you to explain what you mean properly, not on the readers.

But your OP says two things. One comments about whether a third is an accident or people actually go for a third.
Your actual question in the OP says that you don't agree with an odd number.

And if you thought your title wasn't good, why didn't you change it?
The people who didn't like it have every reason to not like it. What you meant is not relevant.
You'd been better off gracefully apologising than criticising the people who responded.

I gave you the benefit of the doubt, actually, but really didn't like the way you responded to those who were offended by your post.

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