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Original poster

If you grew up in a big family.....

269 replies

DuggarMother · 29/12/2014 16:57

Did you like it?

How do you feel about it now? Would you recommend it? Smile

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Pagwatch · 29/12/2014 17:54

I was one of eight. Good and shit. More shit than good. IMHO, even with attentive loving parents it is impossible to get enough of your parents time.

Pagwatch · 29/12/2014 17:56

The base line I suppose is that I would never ever have 8 myself. I wouldn't have more than 3 or 4. It's just fire fighting.

OrionsAccessory · 29/12/2014 17:57

I am one of 4 and lived it as a kid and love it even more now Smile We are all really close although we certainly had our fall outs as teens!

I know two people that come from properly big families (one with 10 siblings and one with 14 siblings) one friend loved being from a big family and the other hated it so it depends I suppose.

bananas123 · 29/12/2014 17:57

Some of these are surely just related to not having a lot of money as opposed to family size. We have 3 so far but wouls like more and I class activities and annual holidays abroad as essentials for us.

BrightestAndBest · 29/12/2014 17:57

I'm the eldest of four and hated it.

IfNotNowThenWhen · 29/12/2014 18:05

The thing is though, my parents didn't have six in the way parents would have six now iyswkm. There was no "parenting" .
Not as much was expected of parents, from the school in terms of support and money, and from us. I don't think you can compare lots of kids now, to then (70 s and 80s).
We would dissappear for hours on end. There was no structured "family time" other than one main meal a day. There was nothing on telly and no gadgets, so we were out all the time. We had not much of anything to fight over. In lots of ways my childhood was not much different to a childhood of someone in the 1950 s. We didn't expect to have have experiences, foreign travel etc. That was for when you grew up, and actually we all have travelled a lot, and most of us have lived abroad and speak other languages. In some ways having nowt was good but I do think we all lack a certain confidence thru lack of the kind of care and attention children get now. Lots went under the radar; bullying, dyslexia, anxiety. I am quite torn about the question actually!

Pagwatch · 29/12/2014 18:06

Nope bananas123

I could afford it but would never have more thAn 3 or 4.

TheWoollybacksWife · 29/12/2014 18:08

One of 7. Very close in age to my only younger sibling but quite a lot younger than my older siblings so I probably had both a big family and small family experience. The older ones were working and engaged/married/starting their own families before I was out of infant school.

All very loved, well fed and had great birthdays and Christmases although there wasn't a lot of spare cash.

bananas123 · 29/12/2014 18:09

Sorry that was more to Tennis. If you would have 4 pagwatch that is bigger than most modern uk families.

LuckyCharms · 29/12/2014 18:10

A mixture of good and bad. I think I would have preferred fewer siblings and more parental attention if I'd had a choice.

LadyPenny · 29/12/2014 18:10

I'm watching this thread with interest. I have 7 dc although only one is mine by birth. The others are either adopted or long term fostered. I sometimes worry that birth DC will resent growing up with so many siblings. When asked they always say they don't mind at all.
We are lucky that money isn't an issue. We go abroad every year and all the dc have their own bedrooms. My biggest worry is having time for them all. Dh and I do try to spend quality time with each of them and will often take two out to the cinema or for a meal.
I was one of 4, we were close growing up. Mum was a single working parent and money was very short. We are still close and will always have each others backs.

HoHoHappyHolidays · 29/12/2014 18:11

I'm 1 of 3:

DS1
DD1 (me)
DD2

I loved having a sister but hated having a brother!

plummyjam · 29/12/2014 18:13

I am one of five. I did enjoy it growing up, but we never had any money and there was about 3-4 years at least between us all so I don't think we were close as children. When I was aged 4-8 I played with my older brother but tbh I didn't enjoy it as he was a bit of a bully and my mum was too busy sorting other kids out to intervene. By the time I was 8 he was becoming a teenager and after that we barely spoke. Ditto for my two older siblings who were already in that stage by the time I was 4.

I preferred to play on my own really. We weren't really allowed friends around because my parents were too proud to let other people know we had no money and there was no spare food to give them tea etc.

Getting a job when I was 16 then leaving home to go to uni was really the making of me and when I feel my life began. I had money and independence. The first night in halls was weird - it was the first night I'd ever been completely on my own and the first time I'd had my own bedroom.

As adults we're not especially close now. We help each other out but wouldn't go out of the way to socialize. I am close to my sister who's the oldest but we live a long way from each other so rarely meet up.

I have friends from 2-4 children sized families who are all very close, I'm not sure if it's size so much as personality and family dynamics that affects how well you get on.

So I might recommend it for a child. Not sure if I'd recommend it for parents though. My folks rarely did anything together, never had any money and never went on holiday. They were happy in their relationship though. It's not the life I'd want for myself - so much to see and do!

Pagwatch · 29/12/2014 18:13

I know . But op was talking about minimum 4 and I didn't see your comment was addressed to those who were one of 4 or less.
3 is hard enough to parent effectively. I still feel I have missed things. It gets more complicated as they get older.

LadyPenny · 29/12/2014 18:16

Sorry I went wrong there, I have two birth dc but one is much older and had already left home before we started our "second family". She doesn't mind all her adopted/fostered siblings . She never actually lived with them. DS was 4 when the first one came to live with us and has grown up with a large family.

OneStepCloser · 29/12/2014 18:17

I have two now and a step son, but no I wouldnt go any larger than that even though we could afford it. I cant quite put my finger on why but I guess it might be something to do with my own childhood, it wasnt unhappy per se, but chaotic perhaps in our house.

Funnily enough, the same as someone else said upthread I was actually very lonely as a child, my two older brothers had each other and then the younger three were a little gang, I was left out of both groups, bit sad really. Affected me for a long time as I think I just presumed that I wasnt likable. Luckily with age Ive decided Im not actually that bad Smile

Pagwatch · 29/12/2014 18:17

You can't judge a childhood by asking children. I would have been incredibly positive, almost fanatical about coming from a big family until I hit my 40s and let go of feeling defensive/protective.
My parents were wonderful, amazing. But 8 children is impossible to parent properly. I don't criticise them but I am too aware of the pitfalls to ever say honestly that it's a good idea. I honestly believe it isn't.

PoppySausage · 29/12/2014 18:18

One of 3 and there was a lot of resentment between us, parents compared us etc. I think my issues were more down to patenting styles though and not helping us manage ourselves and relationships.

My mum just didn't have time

insanityscratching · 29/12/2014 18:21

I was one of six, I wouldn't say I hated it but I think I'd have been happier as an only child as I never had anything in common with my siblings. Dm was always rushed off her feet although she had a lot of help from dgm and df pulled his weight too.
I have five dc of my own, I have lower standards than dm I think as I have far more time to spend with the dc and the dc all get on well where there was a lot of fighting when I was a child.
I suspect none of my dc will have children of their own though so maybe they don't like being part of a big family either.

Meplusyouequals4 · 29/12/2014 18:25

I'm the second oldest of 16 and I HATE HATE HATE it.

I have a terrible relationship with my mum, I moved out of her house aged 13 cos I couldn't take it anymore and moved in with my grandparents (dad's parents) the older ones were expected to look after the younger ones too much and were treated terrible if we didn't. I was beaten on a daily basis for not making my younger siblings beds.

I had a great relationship with my dad(he died a few years ago). he split with my mum not long after I was born cos she wanted to get pregnant again, there is only almost 12 months to the day between me and my brother(2days to be exact) but he always had regular contact with me and my older brother.

I only see my family at Christmas and big events(weddings, funerals etc).
I wouldn't have a big family no way.

My DH is the oldest of 3 and both he and I have a fabulous relationship with his mum dad and brothers. I don't think I would have more than 3

Btw I'm 28 and my youngest sister is 1. I have a brother and sister YOUNGER than my oldest child.

NoLongerJustAShopGirl · 29/12/2014 18:25

The eldest - therefore the skivvy... hated it.

BrightestAndBest · 29/12/2014 18:38

I think the age gap between siblings makes a difference. I'm 2.5 years older than Sib1, 7.5 years older than Sib2 and 12.5 years older than Sib3. The only one I'm regularly in touch with these days is Sib1. I hardly know Sib3 (I left home when they were 6).

I hated having small children around the house as a teenager. It was amazing to go to university and get away from it all. I haven't been home for more than 3 consecutive nights ever since (I went to uni 20 years ago).

I'm definitely sticking to two DC. Every time I feel remotely broody I think back to my childhood. Always does the trick!

GoodZingWenceslass · 29/12/2014 18:46

reading with interest. we have 7 kids!Smile

BuzzardBirdRoast · 29/12/2014 18:48

Squashing 8 people into a 2 1/2 bedroomed house with not enough money to feed them (plenty for fags though) and not enough love to share amongst them was a very selfish act IMO. Getting food donations from neighbours and learning how to hide from the bailiffs was a great laugh...not to mention the gross neglect Hmm

MarjorieMelon · 29/12/2014 18:49

Youngest of 4 and a huge extended family. I loved and thought I would go onto have a large family but we only have 2 children, I think it's a lot harder to have a big family these days.