Talk to me about WHY you had 4 (or more) children?

[Rocketfox]

DC3 is not really a baby anymore and I am broody like you wouldn't believe. I ache to be pregnant, I ache to hold a teeny one and I feel sad that the baby days are over. I would love DC3 to have a sibling (DC1 and DC2 were very close together and are a little team)and I have always known that I would love a big family.

BUT if I am very very very honest with myself I do quite often find the noise and chaos overwhelming and get tired and snappy, I do long for a slightly less grubby and messy house and a wardrobe with some non-machine-washable clothes and financially and house-wise we are comfortable now but would be stretched with another. And I'm "old" (37).

So I need to be brutal with myself about this and examine why we would want to "twist" rather than "stick". I wonder if some of my longing is about proving myself in another way (career is in the deep freeze currently), or because I always said I would have 4, or because it would be nice to have the attention on me again (that you get when pregnant but no other time!). It might mean admitting that I don't want to do this for the "right" reasons.

So, name change if you need to, but WHY did you go on to have 4 (or more) children and , in retrospect, do you regard those as having been "good" reasons?

I said I wanted to be pregnant 3 times, no idea why bit it backfired anyway as had 2 lots of twins so went from 1 to 3 to 5 kids (in 4 years)

The first wasnt planned but we just changed life, the next was planned but not the twins part then the boys was a total unplanned pregnancy (failed contraception) both unplanned times. Would I change it? Somedays yes quite easily but we are getting more good days than bad - the eldest turned 5 this week and the youngest twins will be 1 next month.

The house is never tidy and it drives me mad. I wouldn't have chosen to have 5 but that's what I've ended up with so can't mope about it.

am a bit pants with birth control. Suppose that's deffo not a good reason!

We planned on having two children, but had two extra babies. We got twins and then had an accidental pregnancy. I wouldn't change a thing. It is my eldest that has always been the most needy and I think after three we got quite competent at parenting.

Four kids are difficult, there is no doubt about that. There are four demands on your attention at any one time, and bedtimes runs from tea to almost your bedtime.

I have made my peace with a messy house. But I wouldn't say that it was much messier than when we just had three. The baby stuff clutters everything up but after that there isn't much extra mess one child can make.

Forget the baby stage and try to imagine yourself with your hypothetical fourth child as a five year old. Does it still seem as perfect as when you are pregnant again, or with a baby?

Also, will you manage being pregnant with three children? That was the hardest part for me.

Because birth control failed. Not that I'm complaining and neither is DH now we have dc4. Number three was also contraception failure of a different kind. DH has had the snip now but as we seem to be ultra fertile...

I always wanted a big family, DP wanted just 1 boy. We had a girl so tried again and had a boy. He was quite happy with that then 9 years later after being told to stay away from hormonal contraception I got pregnant with dd2. 2 years later dd3 was born, pill failed.
We are quite fertile, never had to endure months of trying, but dp won't have the snip so I am back on ther implant and hoping it works
DD3 is 19m and I am missing that baby stage, probably because she is in the 'getting into everything and whining' stage.
I want to start a new career as well so can't leave it too late. Plus my last pregnancy was harder, GD baby not gaining weight so a rushed induction at 36weeks. I would only want another if I could have an all natural birth with no intervention but it doesn't look likely

Cos my last three came in one go. :D

I'm jealous Madlizzy tell us more please

Coz I got drunk ..helpful huh?

"forget the baby stage and imagine your youngest as a 5 year".

Once they are 5 you are over the main hurdle, I would happily have 11! It's the older baby/toddler stage that I find tough.

My youngest is nearly 2 and I would love a third but can't cope with the two I already have so it is not going to happen.

Find myself lurking on the large family threads because I always wanted 4...

DH always wanted 4. I wanted 2. Compromised on 3 and then an unplanned pregnancy with dc4. I am currently 28 weeks and finding it v v hard and tiring with 3 others.

I went from wanting none to 4. I don't like odd numbers - always worry someone will be left out - so here I am at 15 weeks with No.4.

I would actually have 6 if I could afford it and a nanny! But I can't so I won't.

Interesting thread op!
I find myself in a similar position to you- I have 3, dh has given green light to one more, I've always wanted 4, and yet I am not sure.
I've recently gone back to work and am really enjoying it. I'd quite like to advance my career but would have to wait if we had another. I'll be 34 this year and I'm feeling a bit old too. If we are going to do it I would want to conceive in next 6 months or so, but not sure what is holding me back.... Fear of something going wrong, pushing my luck, or tipping the balance in terms of happy controlled parenting to chaos???
Reading with interest...

Ive always wanted a big family thats my reason really. It can be chaotic at times but worth it for the love, cuddles and joy it brings me to wake up to four smiling little faces. I have four girls and i wouldnt change it for the world. They are 9, 6, 3, 19months , i love being a mum and would have more if my H allowed me to lol. We have decided wen youngest has started school we may try for atleast one more but to be honest i would love to have six and my family would be complete. Im in my late twenties but i cant c whats wrong in having a late baby

Well, I'm no clearer on what to do but really interested to hear how you are all doing! Does anyone "regret" their decision ( not that you could ever wish a child away - just that you my feel you have just tipped yourselves over the edge of what you personally can cope with IYSWIM).

We have four, all planned. They are 7, 6, 3 and almost 2.

Why did we have four?

DD3 was 3 months old and DP said She's so lovely let's have one more

DD1 & 2 are 18 months apart they are my big two, then there's 2 1/2 years between DD2 & 3 which seems like a huge gap, there's 22 months between DD3 & DS they are my wee two.

Four seems complete, nice and even.

For us being a family of 6 just feels right, I have horrendous pregnancies and being pregnant with SPD a school age DC, a nursery age DC and a toddler is bloody hard.

We did not have number four to try for a boy no matter how many times we are tick it, we assumed if would be DD3 still in shock we have a boy, but he is an utter joy and would never not have him. He completes our family.

It's bloody hard work and there is a difference between 3 and 4. I do feel at saturation point now though.

Tell me more sweetkit.. what exactly is the saturating thing? This is the nitty gritty reality check I need. And if its not too bloody cheeky - can I please ask you how old you are (or at least - are you anywhere near as old as me?!)

Dc1 is an IVF baby after many years of trying. We really wanted a sibling so this time IVF twins (not going into the failed and successful attempts, but there was many!)

Then an accidential pregnacy! Which resulted in miscarriage. The longing for the 4th child after a miracle conception then tragic loss was overwhelming, so we decided to see if we could conceive naturally again.

We did and dc4 arrived.

Hence how we got to 4. I have name changed to my 'IVF' name for this explanation!!!!

I was almost 35 when DS arrived, I decided that 35 was my cut off point I wanted to finish having babies by then but I did have 4 in less than 6 years.

I mean saturation point as in what I can deal with physically and more importantly emotionally. You feel pulled in 4 different directions there's always someone wanting you for something, 4 little people who need you. It's things like trying to get homework done for two whilst DS is kicking off or having to drag the wee ones out to gymnastics, dancing etc. the house is never tidy they mess up constantly. And I won't go into the housework or endless washing.

Imagine yourself in 10 years time will you really regret having a fourth? If the answers yes then you need to have another.

i always wanted 4, ihave no idea why! dp was quite happy with the idea of 4, and then when we got to 4 we thought we would have one more, well we got a bit lax with contraception and voila now we have 5, i love it and wouldnt change it, tho it can be a bit manic at times! tbh if we won the lottery and could have a huge house and a cleaner i would have another. i am 33 so still time but i do feel done for now i think, i cant see how another child would fit into our family dynamic, but dp doesnt want the snip, we are both happy with 5 but dont want to make it a 'fina' decision just yet :)

Well that's what we did. I was happy with 3 DC and about to go back to work full time and we had 3 more DC after a gap of 7 years.

From the start I always wanted 4 (2 boys and 2 girls!) but Dh really only wanted 2.

Anyway there we were with 3 DC when both my parents and another close relative died very suddenly and something else very unforseen happened which knocked me for six. I won't say exactly what happened because it would out me in RL. I was ill for over a year ended up very depressed and then physically ill and Dh had to give up work for a while. He was self employed so this added to our problems.

Managed to get through this stange and things improved. Don't quite know why but Dh said out of the blue 'Would another baby make you happy again'.

Well to save me waffling on it did and I had DS3 less than a year later. I really wanted a sib close in age to give him a similar childhood to our eldest 3. So DS 4 was born. I was nearly 39 by then and more than happy with 5 healthy DC. DH had already made an appointment to go for the snip when I found DC6 was on the way. 5 to 6 really isn't a big jump!

loopsy i was the same after ds4 and i did get better, it was awful, but he is just 4 now and we have no 5! and its all a dim and distant memory, i too was admitted, it was awful but i and the children are all fine, i promise you you will get better, always happy for you to pm to offload anytime xx

wentfrom3to6 having no 6 for us would mean we would need a bigger car and house, so quite a jump from that perspective, tho practically in terms of dealing with the children i am sure it would be fine, it just isnt financiall possible :(

We have 6, dd is one in 2 wks, and absolutely adorable. I would have another tomorrow but dh is not keen and I am very old, 45, still breast feeding so probably not gonna happen anyway.

I asked my mum once why she had four children. She said, 'I was trying to get it right'. I would say that is not a good reason to have babies. I have no idea what she meant but I suspect either she loved pregnancy and the attention and the baby stage or she was simply trying for a boy (4 girls). Don't have another baby because you want a baby. Do it because you want another child in your family.

Could she have been joking?