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Larger families

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Original poster

Why do people think it's acceptable being negative about wanting lots of children?

101 replies

MrsVidic · 25/07/2011 15:44

Hi, I am 39 weeks with dd 2 and I'm 28. Dp and I have had the number of children discussion the other night and have decided to try for a 3rd after we get married and 4th a few years later.
Anyway since chatting with my parents/ family etc about this I'm getting really pissed off. To start with I only mentioned number of children as we will be looking to move to a bigger house ( only have a 4 bed ATM) to accommodate.
My parents only had 2 dc and it seems everyone trying to dissuade us has no more than 2 dc.
Our close friends with 4 have been really supportive etc.
It seems to be people think they have a right to be negative about your plans if you want more than 2, that it's ok to remark on what is not really their business.
I've had comments regarding we'd be mad to move just to have more children, it will be too expensive- I work pt and dp has a good safe job.
Maybe I'm hormonal but I think if your a grand parent you should be happy at the prospect of more grand children?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Ivortheengine8 · 30/07/2011 22:16

I would love to have 3 (maybe even 4) but DH will never agree to it :(
Our second is due in October and I find it sad that it will be the last one.
I think its always nice to see larger families out together, its a rare sight nowdays especially here in London.

My mum had 5 of us as did her mum.

Ivortheengine8 · 30/07/2011 22:17

FWIW I think the norm 2 kids is boring !

falasportugues · 30/07/2011 22:21

koolaidkid what a sensible comment. thanks for reminding us.

LauraIngallsWilder · 30/07/2011 22:23

Surely a 4 bed is fine for a family with 4 kids?
Perhaps Im missing something!

I thought the 'joy' of being a kid in a bigger family was being together and arguing over who gets top bunk?
If you are already in a 4 bed and you are now about to have your second it sounds like you might need a mansion/castle to accomodate 4!! :o

moonferret · 30/07/2011 22:25

thermosflask is absolutely correct, it is grossly irresponsible and selfish to have large families, which I would also consider to be no more than 2 children. There are loads of articles explaining how the population boom is going to end in serious catastrophe. Everyone thinks the responsibility lies with others to do something about it though, as ever. There was a theorist in the 1800s who essentially said that the human race will continue to breed until it destroys itself..he's being proved correct!

And no, I didn't come to this board specifically to point this out, as I'm sure thermosflask didn't...it just happened to be on the "active" discussion list.

Abra1d · 30/07/2011 22:26

'if you think you are so well up on your facts can you answer why certain european countries like france are encouraging people to have bigger families to combat declining populations! get your facts straight before you start saying people are irresponsible for having more than 2, what a joke!'

The global population is too high. That's a fact. Whether or not individual countries feel that their own populations are too low is another matter.

moonferret · 30/07/2011 22:29

Absolutely correct Abra1d
And yes, more than 2 is very irresponsible.

lollystix · 30/07/2011 22:31

Im pregs with 4th boy. Eldest will just be 5. I do feel like a freak to be honest walking to work heavily pregnant with one in a buggy and two on their scooters. At work people I know are shocked by the fact I'm on my fourth and I still choose to work - in getting all this 'surely you're not coming back?' shit just now. The women in my work (banking) either don't have kids or only have 2 max. I have found a friend in the Finance department though with 5 and she's been supportive. To be honest re thermos's point I rationalise it that I'm just having the two that alot of the women I work with choose not to have. People can be so rude though. I'm currently getting all that crap about my telly being broken, am I mad etc. I just say 'no technically I'm not as this one wasn't planned and yes it's another boy!' like it's any of their business. My dad was so negative about ds4 too - all this 'oh my god, how will you cope, you have to move, how will you afford it etc!!' Thanks dad - what happened to congratulations

moonferret · 30/07/2011 22:38

Nooo...when people say that any more than 2 is selfish, the issue of those who can't or don't want children is already factored in! You cannot excuse selfish behaviour by thinking you're "compensating" for others.

lia66 · 30/07/2011 22:39

haha, I have just had dc 6 and would happily have #7 if I wasn't too old, (am 44).

It's a very personal choice but people always want to have a say. I just tell them I'm evening it up for all those who don't have any children at all. :)

And yes why do people always expect children from large families to be badly behaved.? I am always being told how nicely mine are behaving when we are out eating etc.

Op I hope it all works out for you.. And for what it's worth, we have a 4/5 bed house and manage fine.

lollystix · 30/07/2011 22:41

Note to self - in future try to be less selfish

MirandaGoshawk · 30/07/2011 22:41

I came on here to answer the OP's question, and I see that Thermos and Moonferret have got here before me. It's because of overpopulation that people disapprove of large families. If you think about it, virtually every global problem we have - cutting down the rainforest, overfishing, exhaust emissions etc - could be made solved by having a smaller population.

DH showed me a graph showing population growth. It is pretty stable from prehistory to the time of Julius Ceasar, then starts to slope up very slightly. But when you get to Victorian times it rises, and now, the line goes up vertical. It's scary.

CreepyWeeBracketsUser · 30/07/2011 22:52

well one of my friends is the oldest of 9 his mums just had the 9th and another friends mum is pregnant with her 7th so stick that in your grumping pipe and smoke it! i hate when ppl judge how many kids is 'normal' or 'proper' im pregnant with DC2 and would like 1 more 2 at at a very very big push by OH and its nobodys business but our own same to every family that sticks with 1 or 2 or has 12 or 20 its their decision.

OP, my mum is scared witless at having her 4th GC as there will only be 10 months between my DC and my baby niece my OH and i have told her i may well be pregnant again by our wedding next may she nearly fainted but loves being a granny i think it may be shock on your mums side when she said what she did :)

Kendodd · 30/07/2011 22:57

Completely agree with the comments about how irresponsible and selfish it is to have more than two, even given the fact that I myself have three, all planned. I would love another but feel that I have more than my fair share as it is.

Thing is, it's very easy to not fly on holiday or have low energy light bulbs or whatever, but to give up the dream of a longed for extra child is a lot harder and much bigger a sacrifice. Even though I know that that 'extra' child is a lot more damaging for the environment than going to Australia on holiday every year.

I had a brother, but he died without having any children, DHs brother and his wife can't have children so my children have no cousins. I tell myself that I'm just making up for them not having any children and that I want to make a bit of a family for my own children (which is true), given that they have no cousins. I know that this is just an excuse though and if it wasn't that I would find some other reason.

For all of you jumping down the throat of posters mentioning the environmental impact of all these children, did you not consider this yourself? Do you not believe it, or just not care?

moonferret · 30/07/2011 22:58

Yeah sure..if you want to wreck the planet (ironically creating strife for your too numerous offspring and their offspring), it's your right...no-one else's business!
Hahahahaha!

Kendodd · 30/07/2011 23:03

Other excuses I give myself is the fact that I had my children late, reducing the number of generations per century, and that both mine and DHs families are reducing in number over the last four generations. As I said though if I didn't have these excuses I'm sure I'd fine others.

CreepyWeeBracketsUser · 30/07/2011 23:03

well when the 'enviromental police' get onto china, japan america, india for their pollution and waste then they can try and chap my door down for having children and populating the earth.

moonferret · 30/07/2011 23:06

Another excuse...other countries are knocking plenty out, so that means we can too! So if anyone does something I shouldn't, does that give me an excuse to do it?!
Hahahahaha...keep it coming CreepyWeeBracketsUser

CreepyWeeBracketsUser · 30/07/2011 23:12

nothing to keep coming, im not an expert in enviromental issues nor do i proclaim to be but as far as i can see unless the con dems start introducing china style laws about how large a family should be why is it anybody elses business? what about ppl who chose not to have kids, cant have kids? surely the ppl having larger families arent doing anything wrong? if everybody on the planet coupled up and had 2 kids surely there would be more to worry about then?

moonferret · 30/07/2011 23:21

Creepy..you're not getting this are you? Whether the ConDems do or don't is immaterial. It's everyone's business, because it's our country and world that is being screwed, along with that of the reasonable children who will inherit it! As an aside, I fail to see why anyone would want to have more than 2, even putting all other issues (including finance) aside...
Why would you..can someone answer that?

Northernlurker · 30/07/2011 23:22

Kendodd - no I didn't consider environmental impact at all when ttc my third child. So shoot me

BuckBuckMcFate · 30/07/2011 23:28

I think what the posters who are arguing against large families are missing is the fact that for a lot of us here, our large families already exist and it feels like a personal attack against our dc beyond number two.

I have 4 dc. The last 2 were due to contraception failure. Not an ideal situation the first time round and a definite wtf the second time it happened. But it happened and DP and I saw it as taking responsibility for what we had created. We can afford our family without any benefits and doing our best to raise them to be people who will contribute to society.

I am feeling quite at the direction this thread had taken.

BuckBuckMcFate · 30/07/2011 23:30

Moonferret, reasonable children?

lia66 · 30/07/2011 23:31

northern nor did I tbh

moon i have always wanted a big family, I was one of 2, my sister and I never got on, still don't really, my mum died when i was 11 and my stepfather, (who had raised me since i was 11 mths old) has spent the last 33 yrs grieving. my sister and I were caught up in his grief and left to it.

I wanted a family of my own, always did, never wanted to be the big career gril although I have always worked ( i am a doula now but was a trained children't nanny before having my own).

i love having my children around, yes they drive me mental at times but so does my friend's ONE child, and so do my friend's 2. I enjoy them, we laugh, cuddle, have plenty of quality time and I wouldn't be without them for the world. I have lenty of love, they have plenty of love for each other. It's that simple really

WinkyWinkola · 30/07/2011 23:34

Would it not be better to have zero offspring if one is at all concerned about over population?

Are we not all irresponsible for breeding in the first place never mind degrees of breeding?

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